I am not that happy, but it's not from any lack of trying. But when things begin to get out of hand and I start to get down, I decide to try again. So I read---How To Improve Your Life In 10 Days. When that doesn't work, I go to the small bookstore in town and buy---How To Cope Better Through Exercise. Among other things, the book says to let go of all my unhappy thoughts and watch them flow into the air. It tells me to visualize them as they float away. Especially if are on a treadmill or are jogging. The net effect of the whole thing, though, is to cause me to become more nervous. It's just more pressure to do something, and I never have liked doing exercise anyway.
I have a long history of searching for ways to become happy and failing at it.
Books I have borrowed from the library:
Toward A Better Life Through Belief
Happiness Lies Within
When You Get Out Of Bed On The Wrong Side, Get Back In And Start All Over
Toward A Healthy Self Concept
The Difference Between A Frown And A Smile Is Less Than An Inch
A Pictorial Guide To Happiness
Be Kind To Yourself, You're The Only Friend You Have
You Have A Lot And Don't Even Know It
Inner Peace Through Mathematics
It is Saturday and the mailman knocks on my door. He is delivering a book I ordered a month ago. It is called---The Disciplined Life, and is written by a former general who left the army to form a company that manufactures collapsible toy soldiers. The book has been on the bestseller list for seven months. It tells me that only inner control can lead to happiness. For to control your life is to control your fate.
The first four chapters talk about discipline and how to practice it. It says to make a list each day of the things to be accomplished. It says to make a list for each hour of the things to be accomplished that hour. But I am not able to stick to the schedule I write down, and I start biting my nails, and start to sweat more than I usually do like on the bus or during coming attractions in the movies when things get too noisy or on the express line in the supermarket when the line is moving too slowly and I realize I would have done better on the regular line.
So I place the book on the shelve alongside:
God Shows The Way
How To Be A Better Person
Life Is For Living
You Have The Answer
Hobbies For The Anxious
Improve Your Outlook Through Proper Food
The Economic Way Is The Happier Way
Now Is The Time
We Have Only Us
Our Friend Within
We Have A Lot And Don't Even Know It
Choosing The Proper Pet For Your Happiness
Your Own Worse Enemy Is Looking At You In The Mirror
If I Did It, Anybody Can---An Autobiography
On the next weekend I am feeling tired, but go to a bookstore in another town. A larger bookstore that has advertised---The Illustrated Handbook Of Contentment. It is a new book written by a well-known psychiatrist and his wife, who is a former actress. They have just opened a clinic in California.
The book consists of the presentation of difficult situations that people find themselves in. There is page after page of color illustrations. In one, a man is shown playing tennis. The second part of the drawing shows him on a stretcher. Behind him are the pieces of the car he was driving. The last picture shows the man in a wheelchair. The book tells the reader to write a story with a positive ending about each illustration. The book emphasizes that thinking positively can be practiced, and that if you write it down, it helps you focus in coming up with the positive response needed. And if you write enough positive responses to negative situations, they will become part of the way you view things. That even the worse situation can end well if viewed positively. But I can't think of happy endings, so I drop the book on the floor with the others.
An old friend comes by carrying the---Complete Works On Ways To Live Better, Be More Youthful, and Enjoy Small Things. When he leaves, I begin to read it. The book lists steps to follow. It says to feel good about every small thing you do. Things I would ordinarily take for granted. Things I wouldn't even think about. Some of the things the book says are---
Did you do a good job tying your shoes?
On your drive to work, did you like any songs on the radio?
Did anyone at work give you a friendly greeting?
Did you like any of the foods you ate at dinner?
The book says to then write the good things that happened that day.
My first day's list is---
Someone said hello.
My shoelaces are fine.
I ate a bologna and cheese sandwich for lunch.
Someone called me on the phone and was friendly.
I bought a special notebook and wrote out the things that made me happy during my day.
I end up keeping the log for three months. My log of small accomplishments:
I enjoyed wiping the dust off my dresser.
I locked my front door.
I pet my dog.
I had enough money to pay for my groceries.
My neighbor said hello.
I found a parking spot.
The sky looked nice.
I pressed the correct button in the elevator.
I wound my watch.
My pillow was soft.
The rain felt good.
At first the book is a wonder. I feel I have finally found something that is helping. I finally am beginning to feel better. My outlook is improving, and I am starting to think about all the good things going on in my life. I am happier for a little over a week. That first week stretches out into the middle part of the second, and then a feeling goes off from somewhere deep inside, and I don't understand why. Especially when I lose it.