I first met the Holleran family in the summer of 2014, six months after Madison’s death. We sat at their kitchen table and I told them I hoped to be able to earn their trust and promised to do justice to Maddy’s story. I hope I have fulfilled that promise. Even while dealing with the greatest pain imaginable, the Holleran family opened their home, and their hearts, to me so that we could tell this story: first as a piece for espnW and ESPN The Magazine, and now in this book. They answered my calls and e-mails, passed along the cell phone number of every one of Maddy’s friends, and even granted me access to Maddy’s computer, including her documents, e-mails, and iMessages. A higher purpose drove their transparency: they didn’t want Maddy’s death to be an isolated tragedy, but rather a catalyst for change. The Madison Holleran Foundation is already doing work to assist those in crisis, placing a special emphasis on preparing high school seniors for the transition to college, which can often be more challenging than expected. In 2016, New Jersey signed into law the Madison Holleran Prevention Act, requiring that New Jersey colleges provide students with around-the-clock access to mental health services.
The content of every document, e-mail, and text reproduced in this book is real, though I have occasionally changed or abbreviated the name of the sender when I thought it appropriate. Madison’s death has already created much heartache, and I took extra precautions so as not to create more.
No premeditated reason exists for why I alternately refer to Madison by both her full name and as Maddy, though it is true to say I felt that, by writing this book, I came to know her—at least in some small way.