THE VIEW AHEAD

Take a long look at the century that lies ahead of us. You are in a watershed period where all things are changing so don’t labor along with ideas about gayness that will no longer be pertinent in a very few years. Here are some things to think about:

The family is re-shaping. It’s really here but we just haven’t considered it. In the future we will, define the family in six different ways:

1.      Male and female with children who stay together over a long period of time.
2.      Male and male or female and female, with or without children who stay together for a long period of time.
3.      Single male or single female with child/children.
4.      Couple in any kind of combination who stays together as long as their relationship seems meaningful. They then change partners. These are relatively short-term relationships, usually without children. They could be called “affairs.” They could be called “Serial Monogamy.” This is the kind of relationship many people prefer.
5.      A family made up of a number of friends who share a living space. There are generally no sexual relationships among those friends and no children.
6.      The one-person family unit. This person lives alone. May or may not have romantic relationships. May have a child or children at some point. Prefers to live this way.

Since all of these lifestyles will be perfectly viable in years ahead, parents will accept any of these as being all right for their child. Therefore the pressure to have a heterosexual long-term marriage will be gone.

Once this pressure is gone, there will be many other more pertinent decisions for gay people to make, the very same ones non-gays have to handle.

1.      Do I really want to be rich?
2.      Do I really want to be famous?
3.      Are the goals the American culture holds up for us spurious?
4.      Do we really care what the neighbors think?
5.      What should I do to really have a meaningful and happy life, now it’s okay for me to be happy?

Gay men have even more specific questions to ask themselves if they are truly looking for fulfillment. What gay men must remember is that they are after all men, which means:

1.      You are competitive.
2.      You care very much about how things look, rather than how it feels. Particularly regarding sex.
3.      You tend to ignore what you may think of yourself. You prefer to concentrate on what you think of others.
4.      You are looking for a caring love but find it difficult to express this kind of care yourself.

All of these things have to be dealt with. Which may mean drawing closer to being like a woman. As women begin to be more like men. The big difference will diminish greatly in this century.

YOU WILL NOT BE LIVING A PROTOTYPICAL LIFE.

In the 20th century it was all about leading a life that was supposed to work for everybody. Mom, Dad and the Kids. In this century lives will be individualized. Each person will try to create a life suitable for themselves. This requires knowing who you are. This is not easy.

So as you advance into the 21st century, be sure you are deploying your energies correctly. Do not waste time worrying about what other people are thinking about you. They aren’t. Do not get hung up on fantasies about beautiful men. Work on having a relationship with a real person. But if fantasies are your thing, don’t worry about it. You are entitled to be interested in what interests you. Just don’t expect your fantasies to overlap with anyone else’s reality.

Perhaps the major point of this whole book is that the life that you will have in the future will be very much like everyone else’s, gay or not gay. More and more countries are recognizing gay marriages. In more and more countries the traditional marriage and family are falling apart. We are all in this thing together now. Being gay will not be your essential problem. Having a life that suits you will be the solution you are seeking. Just like everyone else. The very best of luck.