Levi smiled when Jane just stared at him. The air seemed charged with something he hadn’t felt in a long time. And given the suddenly wary look on her face, she felt the same.
All around them were the sounds of people talking and laughing, silverware against dishes, music . . . The table between them was small.
Intimate.
“Pretend,” Jane said, pointing at him. “This is pretend.”
“Are you reminding me or yourself?”
“Both.” She shoved his hand off her iPad and read the next question. “Is a hot dog a sandwich—and why.”
He grinned. “Once again, in the bedroom or out?”
She shook her head. “I walked right into that one.”
He flipped the case closed on her iPad.
“But—”
He crooked his finger.
She narrowed her eyes, but leaned in. “What?”
Their faces were close. Not as close as they’d been the night of the blizzard, when she’d shown him the depths of her courage. Or when she’d shown up at the store and climbed the wall, revealing she also had determination, a sense of adventure, and a willingness to laugh at herself.
“Hello,” she said. “Earth to Tarzan.”
“You’ve got pretty eyes. They’ve got a ring of gold around the irises. When you’re irritated, it turns to fire. I like it.”
She snorted, and he grinned, but let it fade. “You do know that for this to work, we need to know more about each other than how we categorize a hot dog. So ask me a real question, Jane.”
“Okay . . .” She studied him thoughtfully. “You’re clearly smart as hell, successful, and some women might find you attractive . . .”
It was his turn to snort. “I don’t hear a question.”
“Why do you need a pretend girlfriend?”
He was the one to break eye contact this time, turning to look out the windows at the lake. “I spend my whole day at work selling people on the idea that I’m the solution to all their problems. When I get home, I don’t want to have to be that guy. I just want to be me. And I guess I haven’t met a woman who’s okay with me as is. I’m a simple guy with simple needs.”
“I get that,” she said, and nodded. “And same.”
Easy acceptance. A surprise because no one had ever understood this about him. He shook his head.
“What?”
“I’m just sitting here thinking you’re one of the most fascinating, amazing women I’ve ever met. I guess I’m just stunned that you’re . . . available.”
Her lips quirked. “Are you asking me why I’m single?”
“If you’re willing to answer, then yes,” he said. “Why are you single?”
“You mean other than most men suck?”
He smiled. “It’s true, but I suspect you’ve always known that. So . . . ?”
“So . . .” She lifted a shoulder. “I spend nine months of the year in other parts of the world dealing with real people with real problems, and at the end of the day, it makes dating seem . . .” She searched for a word. “Frivolous, I guess.”
This made sense, but it gave him a pang deep in his chest for her. She reached for the iPad, but he gently pushed it away. “I want to get to know the real you, Jane, not how you would answer an impersonal website survey.”
She leaned back, picked up one of the shots of beer, took a sip, put it down. Straightened her silverware.
“You’re nervous,” he realized.
“Am not.”
He put his hand over hers. “I was nervous tonight too. Until I saw you.”
She gave a small smile. “It’s actually the opposite for me. I wasn’t nervous until I saw you. Good thing this is only pretend, right?”
He gave her fingers a squeeze. “We’ll start easy, okay? Tell me something about your day.”
“About my day? I don’t know . . . it was pretty ordinary.” She thought about it. “I did meet someone new at lunch. I usually try to eat alone because it’s nice to get a minute of downtime between the rush of patients. But today this woman asked if she could sit with me. At first I was irritated.”
“Not you . . .”
She snorted. “But she was really nice. We actually exchanged numbers. She loves martinis, which I’ve never had, so we’re going to go for martinis soon. She’s a single mom, getting a divorce, loves skiing . . . Tess something or another.”
Levi froze. No. No, it couldn’t possibly be . . . “Tess,” he repeated, trying to hide his sheer disbelief.
“Yeah. Her daughter’s school and after-school program is across the street from the hospital. She was very chatty. Her daughter thinks she’s a fairy princess. Oh, and she has a totally annoying brother.”
“Really,” he said dryly. “That must suck for her.” He really should’ve seen this coming, but his sister, and undoubtedly his mom as well, had clearly been cyberstalking Jane. He shouldn’t be so stunned at the level of duplicity and lengths they’d gone to in order to butt their noses into his business, but he was.
And they wondered why he’d chosen to live in San Francisco.
“Yeah, I guess he’s home for a bit,” Jane said, “and he acts like he’s still a teenager, leaving his clothes everywhere and dirty dishes in the sink. I never had any siblings, so it must be really hard to have to deal with that.”
Oh, goody. They were still talking about him. “Must be,” he managed.
Her smile faded a bit. “How big is your family again?”
“There’s five of us,” he said. “Though sometimes it seems like triple that.”
She didn’t smile, his first clue something was wrong.
“And they’re . . . nice?” she asked.
She was anxious about meeting them. “They’re going to be really nice to you, and very busy trying to figure out why you’re with me.”
She did give him a small smile at that, and he paused before bringing up her family again. “You’ve not said much about growing up, other than you were passed around a lot. You’re not close to your family, I take it.”
“No.” She pushed around the empty glass. “My mom was a teenager when she got pregnant and my dad didn’t stick around, so it’s an understatement to say she wasn’t ready to take care of a baby. It was tough for her to keep up with school and have a life, so we bounced around for a while, stayed with friends or family friends.”
“Not family?”
“Not then,” she said. “She’d burned some bridges.”
“And you? What happened to you?”
“I don’t remember much of this, but apparently when I was two, my mom got an opportunity to go away to college. I was sent to my mom’s older sister, Aunt Viv. But she had five kids of her own and worked all the time, so I ended up at my grandma’s sister’s daughter’s. I stayed there a bit, until she got married and wanted to start a family of her own.”
“What was wrong with keeping you too?”
“I was a needy thing.” She shrugged. “Got sick a lot.”
Levi shook his head. “I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you.”
“I was fine, I don’t really even remember much of it,” she said quickly, as if she didn’t want him to feel angry on her behalf, or worse, sorry for her. “And anyway, that’s when my grandparents took me in. And that was . . .” She smiled a little, as some of the fond memories appeared to beat back her bad ones. “The best. They lived here in Sunrise Cove in a tiny cabin. I loved everything about that time.”
“Here?” he asked, surprised. “They’re here in Tahoe?”
“Just my grandpa now. My grandma . . .” She paused, her liquid jade eyes revealing pain. “She died when I was eight.”
“Aw, Jane. I’m so sorry. Did you get to stay with your grandpa?”
“Her death was . . . hard on him. They’d been together since they were kids. They had an amazing relationship. He’d hide things for her to find. Food, cheap little knickknacks, seriously expensive jewelry, it didn’t matter. It was a game between them. He’d give her hints and she’d run around looking. She was just as happy to get a box of cookies as a diamond bracelet. He’d just sit there and laugh the entire time she was hunting for whatever it was.”
“They sound amazing.”
She nodded. “My time with them holds my favorite childhood memories.”
“What happened after your grandma died?” he asked softly.
“My grandpa had problems. Grief, and some health issues. My aunt Viv took me back in so I wouldn’t bother him or put any burden on him.”
“Damn. You couldn’t catch a break.”
“Maybe if I’d been an easier kid—”
“Jane, you were just a kid. Someone should have given you the choice and made you feel wanted. Someone should have asked you to stay.”
She shook her head. “Real life’s not like that. Memories stay. People go.”
He hated that this was the lesson she’d gotten out of her childhood, and put his hand over hers. “What happened next?”
“I bounced around, and when I turned sixteen, I emancipated myself.”
Yeah, brave as hell, and he had a whole new appreciation for what she’d done with her life. But damn, he hated that she’d never really had a home to call her own. “Do you see your grandpa when you’re here?”
“No. Thinking about it, though. Maybe.” She met his gaze, caught the look on his face, and shook her head. “Don’t feel sorry for me. It wasn’t all bad.”
She’d been through hell and she was comforting him. His heart tightened at that. “Your family failed you.”
“They did the best they could. And I never had to go into the system.” She shuddered. “I know people who are still scarred from that life.”
He squeezed her hand. “Still, it couldn’t have been easy.”
“Yeah, but when is life ever easy?”
She was amazing and resilient, and he wanted to hold her. He wanted to do other things too. She was beautiful, and he was extremely attracted to her, but more than anything, he wanted to make her smile. Make her feel as special as she made him feel.
Kendra came by and gathered up their plates. “Your s’mores platter is ready when you are.”
Levi stood and took Jane’s hand, pulling her up. “Come on. They’ll serve it by the fire pit.”
There were six fire pits spread out on a snow-covered patio. The sitting arrangements were low benches. They claimed a spot by themselves and Kendra brought a platter that held three bowls filled with marshmallows, chocolate bars, and graham crackers.
“I’ve never done this before,” Jane said.
Levi smiled and handed her a spear. “You just load a marshmallow—” He broke off as she loaded not one, not two, but three marshmallows on her spear and held it over the fire, looking so excited that he laughed as he loaded his own spear. He held his marshmallow over the fire too and gently tapped it to hers.
She looked up at him from where she’d been deep in concentration on her marshmallow.
“Thanks for tonight,” he said.
“I haven’t been out in a long time,” she admitted.
“How long is long?”
She thought about it. “Maybe over a year. My last relationship was a long-distance one, and it didn’t work out.”
“What happened?”
“Long distance.” She lifted a shoulder. “I got a new assignment, and we weren’t serious enough to make it work.” She pulled her marshmallows back from the fire and beamed with pride. Perfectly golden. She carefully sandwiched them with chocolate and then graham crackers.
“Thought you’d never done this before.”
“Haven’t,” she said. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t always want to try.” She took a big bite, and he became enthralled with the dollop of melted marshmallow at the corner of her mouth.
“What happened between you and Amy?” she asked.
The question surprised him, but he supposed it shouldn’t have. He’d hesitated to tell her before, but he didn’t like the idea of hiding Amy. She deserved more than being a secret.
Jane narrowed her eyes at his long pause. “Did you cheat on her?”
“No.”
“Just checking. You don’t seem to have a lot of obvious faults, so I had to ask. Did you know your marshmallow’s on fire?”
“Shit.” He yanked his spear from over the pit and blew out the fire, eyeing the black lump that used to be a marshmallow.
Jane laughed.
He looked at her clearly enjoying his discomfort and had to shake his head. “See? Plenty of faults.”
“Uh-huh, and one of them is being good at coming up with distractions when you’re asked uncomfortable questions. You make crap s’mores. And you don’t have a poker face.”
She was still smiling, and damn if it didn’t bring out one of his own. “I have faults,” he said. “Lots of them.”
“Yeah? I’m all ears.”
“Okay . . .” He thought about it, not wanting to give away the farm, but wanting to be honest. “I hyperfocus on work and lose track of everything else. And when I’m in that headspace, I can apparently be . . .” He thought about the biggest complaint Amy and his few other shorter relationships had always had. “Distant.”
“Me too,” she said and bit into her s’more. Her moan cut through him. As did her next question. “So. Amy. What happened? You’ve known her since you were a kid, she told you that you were in a relationship, you went to college together, and then . . . ?”
“We got engaged.” The year after college, they’d played house and they’d been happy. Or so he thought. But then she started pressing for that wedding she’d been dreaming of since seventh grade. He made some agreeable noises and she’d been so happy, but he’d stalled on setting a date.
And then she’d died—without the wedding, which had been all she’d ever wanted.
These days he never made promises. Ever. He looked at Jane and felt a pang, because if he was the promising type, she’d be the woman he’d want to make promises to.
“Levi?”
Shit. Why had he pushed for deep tonight? He was allergic to deep. Maybe when he’d hit his head, he’d been more injured than he’d originally thought. Although it wasn’t his head aching now, it was his chest.
Something to think about.
But for now, there was no getting around this. “She passed away unexpectedly a year after we were engaged,” he said. “An aneurysm.”
“Oh my God.” She set down her s’more. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed—”
“No, it’s okay. And what was it you said? It sucks. Life sucks. But then you learn to live with it. You don’t necessarily forget, but you move on.”
Her eyes were warm. Regretful, but also understanding. She didn’t offer empty platitudes, for which he was grateful. She simply nodded and then went about toasting another perfect marshmallow. Then she created a s’more with it and handed it to him.
That was when he realized that the more he got to know her, the more real he wanted this to be.
“This was a very unusual date,” she said, eyes dark by the fire’s glow, mouth utterly kissable.
He smiled. “You said date.”
“Pretend date,” she corrected. “You promised me, remember?”
Right. He’d also promised not to fall for her. Guess he did make promises after all. Really bad ones. “I remember.”
She nodded. Stared at his mouth. “A very unusual pretend date.”
“Do you go on a lot of pretend dates, then?”
She shook her head. Nibbled on her lip, which was what he wanted to do too. He should be pulling away rather than wanting to extend the evening for as long as possible, but he didn’t want to go anywhere. What he wanted was to see her again. And again.
“I’m going to be gone soon,” she reminded him as if she could read his mind. “So are you too, right?”
“I thought so.” He nodded at her surprise. Then he voiced the thought that had been in his head for days now. “Yeah, it caught me off guard too, but I’m actually thinking of moving back. I’ve missed connections, and I have a lot of them here. More than I wanted to remember.”
She looked across the outdoor patio to the lake just beyond, dark and beautiful. “I can see why you’d want to stay here.”
“And you?” he asked.
She slowly shook her head. “I’m not really a one place sort of girl.”
Then right now would have to do. Assuming, of course, she was feeling the same. And though he could tell by her body language that at least a part of her was, he knew she hadn’t even come close to deciding on him as something she couldn’t be without.
Real or otherwise.
It began to snow, lightly at first, but by the time they laughingly gobbled up the last of their s’mores and walked out front, it was coming down pretty good.
Jane stepped out from the protective cover of the awning and tipped her face up to the falling flakes. “I never get tired of snow. It’s got such potential to do serious damage, and yet it’s so beautiful.”
He thought maybe that could describe Jane too. “Where’s your car?”
“Oh, I walked.”
“Let me drive you home,” he said, reaching for her hand.
“I’m okay. I like to walk.”
But she held on to his hand and he smiled. “Then let me walk you home.”
She met his gaze, her head dusted with powdery snowflakes, a few more on her lashes and her cheeks, making them rosy. “Then you’d just have to walk back here to get your car.”
“I don’t mind.”
“There you go hiding your faults again, seeming too good to be true.”
“Jane,” he said on a rough laugh, “I can promise you I’m not too good to be true.”
She studied him for a long beat, while he did his damnedest to look like something she couldn’t live without. “A ride home would be nice, thank you,” she finally said softly.
He followed her directions to an older neighborhood about four blocks up on the hill from the lake. Homes here had been built decades ago, were close together, and were mostly not renovated. He stopped before two old Victorians that shared a driveway.
“We’re on the left,” Jane said.
Levi had never been to Mateo’s. Mateo had bought this house after Levi had moved to San Francisco, but it suited him. The front yard was good sized, with two huge pine trees, all of it covered with snow. Levi turned off the engine and started to get out of the car.
Hand on the door handle, Jane looked over at him, startled. “What are you doing?”
“Walking you to your door.”
“That’s hardly necessary.”
He got out of the car anyway and met her at the front of the car. “Cute place.”
“It’s a full house this season.” She was silent on the way to the door, then turned to him on the porch. She looked at his mouth. “You should know, pretend first dates don’t come with a kiss.”
This had him smiling. “But you’re thinking about it.”
She laughed. It was a good laugh. “I’m not inviting you in, Levi.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Because we’re pretending for your family. The people in my life don’t need to know about you.”
“Ouch. And I thought you told me you didn’t have anyone in your life.”
“Fine. I have my landlord and aforementioned roommate.”
The front door swung open. A pretty blond smiled out at him. “Charlotte,” she said. “Landlord and aforementioned friend, though I’m amending what she said to add I’m also her best friend. And her family.”
Levi recognized the protectiveness and appreciated it. “Nice to meet you.” He slid Jane a smile. “Seems we have plenty of reasons for a second date.” Then he started to walk back to his car.
“Hey,” she called.
He turned back to find her standing there on the porch, lit by the glow of a single-bulb light. “What’s the first reason?” she asked.
He smiled. “That kiss you want.”
And when she didn’t deny this, he smiled all the way home.