Fifteen minutes later, Jane walked into the hospital cafeteria. This was a bad idea. Like, a really bad idea, mostly because while she could say she wasn’t interested in starting anything with Levi, she seemed to conveniently forget that when looking in his eyes.
Stupid, sexy eyes.
Sandra, a fellow traveling nurse, caught her at the entrance. “Jane! Hi, what’s new?”
“Not much,” she said neutrally.
“You sure? ’Cause there’s a really hot guy waiting for you.” Sandra tilted her head in the direction of a table off to the right and waggled her eyebrows.
“And?” Jane asked.
“And . . . there’s a really hot guy waiting for you.” The unspoken question was clearly Where did you find him?
The medical network here in Tahoe was impressive, but behind the scenes, it was like high school. High school with really smart kids who practically lived the job, so they were all far too tangled up in one another’s lives.
And Jane didn’t plan to be the latest watercooler story. A quick peek over her shoulder revealed Levi leaning back in his chair, scrolling through his phone. And damn, Sandra was right. He was sexy as hell, maybe even more so now with that new scar line through his right eyebrow.
“Are you really going to give me nothing?” Sandra asked. “Come on, my day’s sucked so far.”
Jane laughed but shook her head. “Did you really come all the way down from Labor and Delivery to get gossip?”
“No, actually I came looking for you. I was wondering how long you’re staying at Charlotte’s this year. The hospital offered to extend my contract by another couple of months, but there’s no available housing. And you’re always saying you’re going to be gone soon, so I guess I’m wondering if that’s true?”
Jane had spent the first part of her life being asked to move along. It was always done in a roundabout way, starting from when her grandpa hadn’t been able to take care of her on his own. She’d been handed off from one distant relative to the next. Jane, wouldn’t you like to go stay with cousin so-and-so for a while . . . ?
But this wasn’t that, she reminded herself. “Have you spoken to Charlotte?” she asked Sandra.
“Not yet. Thought I’d check in with you first.”
The thing was, Charlotte was such a bleeding heart, Jane knew the woman would sleep on her own couch to make sure Sandra had a place to stay.
And then there was the fact that Charlotte would make more money off Sandra, a lot more, because she never took enough money from Jane to begin with.
But the real truth was that Jane wasn’t sure she could handle Charlotte asking. She’d rather leave on her own than face that ever again. “I’m contracted for work until the season is over, but maybe we could work out a shared-room situation. See what Charlotte wants to do and let me know.”
Sandra squeezed her hand. “Thanks, hon.”
When Sandra walked away, Jane drew a deep breath and headed toward Levi’s table. He looked up, smiled in a way that pushed the lingering bad memories away, and stood. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
He pushed a tray loaded with food to the center of the table. “I know you’re short on time, so I got one of everything.”
It was ridiculous how much this charmed her, and she laughed as she grabbed a grilled cheese and a cup of soup, and then on second thought, also the French fries.
Looking pleased, Levi took the burger and small salad. “I really enjoyed watching you handle the big guy today.”
“Nick?” She smiled. “He’s okay. He’s really just a gentle giant.”
Levi laughed. “Whatever you say.”
They were eating their food when Levi leaned in. “We’ve got an audience. Your three o’clock.”
She turned and looked and found Sandra, along with a few other nurses, watching them with avid interest. She gave them the shoo gesture and they scattered. “Sorry,” she said. “It’s like they’ve never seen me with someone before.” She paused. Grimaced. “Okay, so they’ve never seen me with someone before. They have no idea this is just a lunch between two people who nearly bought the farm together.” She laughed.
Levi didn’t.
She paused with a French fry halfway to her mouth. “It is just a lunch between two people who nearly bought the farm together, right?” she asked.
“It’s whatever we want it to be.”
For some reason, this kicked her heart into gear.
He pushed a white box across the table. It had a pretty red bow on it, and she stared at it like it was a coiled snake. “What is it?”
“It’s a Thanks-for-Not-Letting-Me-Die present.”
“No. I don’t do presents.”
“Would it change your mind to know it’s a cookies ’n’ cream cupcake from Cake Walk?”
She gasped. “Don’t you tease me.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
She practically tore off the bow, making him laugh, but she didn’t care. Calk Walk’s cupcakes were the gold bar of cupcakes. They were better than a day off. They were better than sex—at least she was pretty sure. It’d been a while. “You actually remembered,” she said as she sat staring down at the huge perfect cupcake, lunch forgotten, mouth watering.
“Yeah. You moaned a little when you were talking about it.”
Well, that was embarrassing. And true. “So you wanted to hear me moan again?”
“You already did.” He smiled a bit wickedly, and . . . damn. It was a good smile. The kind that could give a girl some seriously dirty thoughts, which she also hadn’t had in a while. Uncharacteristically ruffled, she grabbed a knife, carefully cut the cupcake in two, and handed him half.
“You absolutely positive they’re even?” he asked.
She eyeballed them again. “Yes,” she finally said and caught his grin. “You’re still teasing me. But you should know, I take these cupcakes very seriously.”
“Then I’m seriously touched that you’d share.” He held up his portion in a cheers. “To not dying.”
“To not dying.” She took a big bite and moaned again. “I can’t help it!” she said when he grinned at her.
“Not complaining.” He took a bite as well and . . . let out a very male moan himself.
Laughing, she pointed at him. “See? Better than sex, right?”
His smoky eyes heated. “I’ll admit, the cupcake is amazing, but nothing’s better than sex. Not if it’s done right.”
Well, you walked right into that one. Determined to get out of the danger zone, she concentrated on her next bite, not even realizing that her free hand had gone to her necklace, back around her neck where it belonged.
Levi’s gaze went there too. “Looks good on you.”
Earlier when he’d dropped her grandma’s necklace into her palm, she’d had to fight tears. He’d noticed, she knew he had, but he hadn’t pushed her to talk. Instead he’d remained quiet, letting her recover. “Thank you again,” she said softly.
“The way you touched it when you got on the gondola, I figured it was important to you.”
It took her a minute to be able to speak. “Very. It was my grandma’s.” She opened the locket and looked at the picture of herself, the happiest she’d ever been in her life up to that point because they’d just gone to see The Nutcracker. “It’s the only thing I have of her.” She paused. “Actually, it’s the only thing I have of my childhood.”
“I’m glad you’ve got it back.” Reaching out, he gently touched the fading bruise on her jaw. “You’re really okay?”
“Yes.” She looked at the healing cut slicing through his eyebrow. “I should have asked you before how you are feeling.”
“Same as you, I imagine.”
She drew in a deep breath. She hadn’t wanted to discuss what had happened up there on the gondola with Charlotte when she’d asked, saying she couldn’t go there yet. She hadn’t wanted to have to admit she’d pulled herself off the North Diamond’s clinic rotation schedule, how she’d had more than one nightmare about that night, how ever since then she’d felt . . . she wasn’t even sure. Lost? Until now, anyway. With her necklace back, she could face anything. “I’m a master at shoving my hot-mess-ness deep.”
A rough laugh rumbled up from Levi’s chest. “Same.”
Their eyes met and locked. Maybe she hadn’t been able to talk to anyone else about what happened, not wanting to relive it. But Levi had been right there with her, so he already knew. She didn’t have to tell him any of it. There was an odd comfort in that, and she went back to her cupcake, trying not to inhale hers, trying to savor it. “I’m sort of regretting giving you half,” she said around the next mouthful.
He hadn’t devoured his. He was taking his damn time, and while he was doing so, he casually sucked a dollop of frosting from his thumb.
Jane looked at her thumb, hoping for her own dollop to lick, but no go. She took her last bite and eyed the baking paper, wondering if she could lick that without embarrassing herself.
“You ever going to tell me why you disappeared on me that night?” Levi asked.
“I didn’t disappear.”
He gave her a look.
“All right, fine. I took off because I knew you were in good hands and that you’d be okay. There was nothing left for me to do.” Plus, the longer she sat at his bedside, the longer she’d wanted to stay. She played with the cupcake paper until she felt his hand on hers.
“Hey,” he said quietly, waiting until she looked at him. “Just so you know, it’s normal after a situation like that to bond with the person you survived it with. I never knew how true that was until a week ago. We’re the only two who know what we went through. After you left, in the days after, I was just . . . worried, I guess, thinking about you out there, maybe going through a bad time because of it and not having anyone who’d understand.”
She didn’t want to be touched, but she was. She was also unwilling to admit she’d been indeed having a hard time. “I face life-or-death situations all the time for a living. If I formed an attachment to every patient, I wouldn’t last long.”
He looked at her for a long moment. “You and I both know that what happened up there that night was far more than a patient/practitioner relationship.”
She looked into the cupcake box, but a second cupcake did not appear.
“And you face life-and-death situations every day at work?” he asked.
Clearly, the sugar high had loosened her tongue, and he was too damn smart because he’d caught the one little tidbit she hadn’t meant to let loose. “I told you I’m only in Tahoe for the ski season. The rest of the year I’m out working for Doctors Without Borders and other organizations like them.” She genuinely loved helping others, loved helping to make people feel safe—ironic since she’d never felt particularly safe growing up, or . . . ever. But mostly she loved the temporary nature of the contracts she took. Loved knowing she got to leave on her own terms. That the end date was decided going in. No one had to ask her to leave because she’d become inconvenient. She couldn’t be returned.
And yeah, that was her deep, dark, sad, secret truth . . . she was terrified of staying past her usefulness.
Levi was looking at her like she’d surprised him, but he didn’t comment, for which she was grateful. She never knew what to say when people responded with wow, or that’s amazing, or thank you for giving back . . .
She realized he still had his hand on hers, and he was rubbing his thumb back and forth over her palm, a look of fascination on his face. “You keep surprising me, Jane.”
“Yeah.” She pulled her hand free. “I get that a lot.”
“I meant in a good way.”
She took in the seriousness behind the playful light in his eyes, behind the several-days-old stubble on his jaw, at his slow smile because she was still just staring at him. “Oh,” she said brilliantly.
“Oh,” he repeated with a small smile, and slid the rest of his cupcake back toward her. He’d taken only two small bites.
“You’re giving it back?”
“I like watching you eat.”
“You’re a strange guy.”
“No doubt,” he said agreeably.
Not willing to look a gift horse in the mouth, she took the half cupcake. Bit. Chewed. Swallowed. And then stilled at the realization. “You want something.”
“It’s a small thing.”
Damn. She knew it. She stopped eating. “What?”
“You disappeared before my parents could meet my . . . girlfriend.”
Her tummy quivered, and not necessarily in a bad way, which made her need the clarification. “You mean your pretend girlfriend.”
“My mom wants to meet the woman willing to put up with me. She wants her to come to their fortieth anniversary dinner.”
“Again, not seeing how this is my problem.” Just thinking about it had licks of panic racing through her, even while being fascinated by this family of his.
“It’d be just one family dinner.”
“Oh no,” she said, snorting to hide her rising horror. “No, no, no.”
“Okay, great. So you’ll think about it.”
She had to laugh. “So your Male Selective Hearing is intact.”
“Well, I am a male, so . . .” With a smile, he stood. “Take your time, the dinner’s not for three weeks.” And then he took his sexy ass—yes, it was indeed very sexy—and walked off. He passed the table of gawking nurses and winked at them. “She’s thinking about it,” he said conspiratorially.
In unison the whole table swiveled their heads and stared at Jane.
“No,” she said. “I’m not.”
“Can we then?” Sandra asked.
Jane thunked her head on the table.
THE NEXT MORNING when Jane’s alarm went off at four forty-five, she was still doing nothing but thinking about it. She didn’t have to be at work until eight, but she still got up, showered, and hit the Stovetop Diner by five.
The early bird always gets the worm.
That’s what her grandpa used to say. Which was why she was really here. Not just the diner, but Lake Tahoe in general.
Last year she’d been here for the ski season as usual, and she’d caught sight of her grandpa in this very diner. At the time, she’d been too shocked to talk to him. She wasn’t proud of it, but she’d ducked out before he could see her.
She hadn’t been ready to make contact. Hurt and resentment and her ever-present fear of rejection had ensured that. Complicating things was that her grandpa also inspired some of the best memories of her childhood.
This year, she still felt the same roller coaster of emotions, so she was no closer to making a decision about talking to him.
But none of that stopped her from wanting a peek at him. So she parked at the diner, because if she knew one thing about her grandpa, it was that he was a creature of habit.
The building had been constructed just after the Prohibition era, standing tall as a distillery for decades. In the 1950s, it’d been bought and turned into the first diner on all of the North Shore, complete with black-and-white-checkered floor tiles, red vinyl booths, and jukeboxes. The look had since lost some of its luster, but the food was amazing, ensuring that the place remained a mainstay for the area.
The alcohol license didn’t hurt.
She eyed the table across the room, where indeed her grandpa sat with his cronies drinking their morning espresso and telling stories about growing up here in Tahoe before it’d become a popular tourist destination. “Back in the day . . .” one of them was saying, “you could jump off the cliff at Hidden Falls and not get in trouble.”
Her grandpa chuckled. “Back in the day, Secret Cove was still a nudie beach that no one had ever heard of except for us locals. Watch out for the geese, though—they like to nibble at the frank and beans.”
Jane watched him, heart torn between love and hurt as she sipped her coffee in disguise; her ski hat pulled low, scarf wrapped around her neck, and coat still on to hide her scrubs. She was in an out-of-the-way booth, not easily seen, sitting with a spare to-go coffee to take to Charlotte at work—unless she ended up drinking both out of sheer nerves.
Her grandpa tipped back his head and laughed heartily at something one of the men said, and it both hurt and felt good to hear it. She’d spent a lot of years suppressing her emotions, so the waves of nostalgia, heartbreak, and guilt hit hard.
When someone unexpectedly sat at her table, Jane nearly jumped right out of her skin.
“Some PI you are,” Charlotte said, stealing Jane’s coffee. She was in her usual scrubs and her ridiculous pink down jacket. “You didn’t even see me coming.”
“You need a bell around your neck. And hey, the one in the to-go cup is yours.”
Charlotte took both, looking pleased with herself. “I’m stealth, baby. Ask me how stealth.”
Jane eyed her warily. “How stealth?”
“Stealth enough to know that a hot guy brought you a cupcake to work yesterday, and that you had lunch with him.”
Jane gaped.
“And that he asked you something and you’re thinking about it.”
“How in the world . . . ?”
Charlotte grinned. “Heard it from an intern, who heard it from a lab tech, who heard it from Radiology, who heard it from a nurse who was at the table with Sandra.”
“Wow.” Jane shook her head. “And you’re missing a whole bunch of details. Your sources are slipping.”
“Actually, their exact words were that you were caught sharing a postcoital lunch with Sexy Gondola Guy.” She leaned in, hands on the table. “Let’s discuss.”
“Sure,” Jane said. “We’ll discuss as soon as you discuss our very handsome next-door neighbor—also your coworker—and why you pretended to not like him this whole time when you secretly do.”
CHARLOTTE CHOKED ON her sip of coffee and nearly snorted it out of her nose. But that wasn’t what had her heart pounding. Pretending she hadn’t just burned her windpipe, she leaned casually back as she studied her best friend. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Then neither do I,” Jane said with a smirk. She saw right through Charlotte.
She was Charlotte’s own personal miracle. No one saw past her walls. Not at work, where she was practically a dictator. Not with her circle of friends, who were amused but not bothered by her almost OCD need to control . . . well, everything. No one. She was that good at hiding in plain sight.
But Jane. Jane had seen right through her from the start, to the real Charlotte. Terrifying at first, but now comforting. Even more so was the fact that she gave the same sense of security to Jane.
They were two peas in a pod, which allowed Charlotte to relax with Jane like she could with no one else.
But right now, staring at each other, with Jane clearly hiding burgeoning feelings for a man for the first time since Charlotte had known her, and with Charlotte doing almost the exact same thing . . . Well, it would have been funny if it hadn’t been so scary.
They stared at each other. Charlotte broke first. She always did. She’d never met a silence she could endure, and she knew that about herself. It was irritating as hell so she did what she did best, she went on the defensive. “I also know you sat at Sexy Gondola Guy’s hospital bedside for several hours before coming home.”
Jane went from smirk to . . . unsure? And Charlotte’s heart kicked for another reason altogether. She was a worrier, always had been, but with Jane, she was also somehow a warrior. She leaned in. “What does he need from you? Do I have to kick his ass?”
“No!” Jane let out a small laugh. “Ohmigod, we’re both out of our minds. But no ass-kicking necessary! Stand down, Dr. Dixon.”
“You sure? Because you know I’d do it.” She flexed. “I’m tiny but mighty.”
This won her another rough laugh, which coming from Jane was the equivalent of a belly laugh. “I never doubt you,” Jane said. “But what Levi wants, it’s, um . . .” She squirmed.
Fascinating. Jane never squirmed. Jane never gave herself away like that. At least not to anyone except Charlotte, which was a huge source of pride for her. Jane had been a tough nut to crack, but Charlotte didn’t know how to take no for an answer. It’d taken her six years, but she was fairly confident Jane finally considered her family. “It’s what?” she pressed.
“Personal.”
Charlotte’s eyes widened.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Jane said on another low laugh. “But it’s not that. When Levi and I were on that gondola and we thought we were going to die, he called his mother to say goodbye.”
Charlotte gasped, a hand to her chest. “Oh my God,” she whispered, trying to imagine calling her mom to say goodbye. She couldn’t imagine it, not without her throat tightening and her eyes burning with unshed emotion.
“Yeah.” Jane let out a breath.
“I really can’t fathom making that call,” she said softly, reaching for Jane’s hand. “Oh, honey.”
“The thing was, he couldn’t actually do it. He told her he was happy and in a relationship.”
“Sweet. But I can’t help but notice I didn’t get a call.”
Jane shook her head. “I couldn’t do it, not to you.”
Charlotte took a moment to just breathe past the image of losing her. “Next time I want a call.” She squeezed their fingers together. “But let’s not have a next time, okay?”
“Agreed.” Jane took a breath. “Anyway, now Levi needs a pretend girlfriend for some big family dinner in three weeks.”
Charlotte took this in. Jane was . . . blushing a little. And not making eye contact. Fascinating. “You going to do it?”
“He brought me my locket back.”
Charlotte felt a smile crease her face. “You’re going to do it.”
“I don’t know. Wait— How do you know I sat by his bedside? You were in surgery.”
“Someone told me.”
Jane stared at her. “Dammit. Now I’m going to have to kill Mateo.”
Mateo. The only man who could make her feel like she didn’t know what she was doing. At any given moment of any day, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to wrap her fingers around his neck and squeeze or climb him like a tree. Not that she would admit either under threat of death. Nope. Her ridiculous little crush on the man who was sexier than the legal limit was going to stay her own personal secret. For a whole bunch of reasons, not that she could name one at the moment.
“I knew it!” Jane pointed at her. “See, you don’t want him dead.”
“Well, I never said I wanted him dead, did I? I said I wanted him to stop flirting with me.” A total lie.
“Admit it,” Jane said. “You have no idea how to deal with a good man trying to get your attention. I mean, you’re not quite as screwed up as I am, but you’re close enough.”
True story. Charlotte’d had a good childhood, but she’d also had her share of trauma, which had left her just as awkward and uneasy at romantic entanglements as Jane.
“He wants to go out with you.”
Charlotte ignored the butterflies in her belly at that thought and shook her head. “He’s a flirt. That’s what he does. He flirts with everyone.”
“Wrong,” Jane said. “Mateo’s one of the rare good ones. Yeah, he’s nice to everyone on the floor, from surgeons to nurses to the cleaning crews. But there’s only one person he flirts with, stares at, moons over, brings coffee to. And that’s you. And—Ohmigod.”
“What?”
Jane squeaked and ducked low, beneath the table.
Charlotte stuck her head under the table. “You drop something?”
“Yes, my marbles! I think my grandpa saw me— Oh my God, don’t look!”
But Charlotte was already looking, feeling her heart harden on the spot. “I want to see the man who deserted you when you were eight.”
“He didn’t desert me.”
“Bullshit,” Charlotte said.
“He wasn’t well.”
“And you were eight.”
“Yeah,” Jane muttered. “Hence me being under the table like I’m still eight.”
Charlotte stuck her head under the table, softening when she saw Jane’s genuine panic. “Honey, what have I always told you?”
“Um . . . Men suck?”
“Okay, and what else?”
“Always make the time for lip gloss because we’re not animals.”
“Aw! You were listening.” Charlotte felt so proud. “And . . . ?”
“And . . . family is earned, not inherited.”
Charlotte nodded. “So you have to decide. Are you ready to go there? Open up some old wounds?”
The look on Jane’s face said she was undecided.
Fair, given what she’d been through. “Whatever you decide,” Charlotte said softly, “you know you have people who love and support you.”
Jane hesitated, then nodded. “I’m still getting used to that. I let you barge in past all my walls.”
Accurate.
“And Mateo too,” Jane said. “And now maybe Levi? It feels like too much. It’s like . . . the quintessential nightmare of going to school naked. I’m out there hanging out in the breeze, vulnerable, just waiting for someone to say it’s time for me to move on.”
“I’ll never say that,” Charlotte said fiercely. “And you know that no matter what happens with your grandpa—or doesn’t happen—you’re going to be okay because . . . why?”
Jane gave a reluctant smile. “Because I’ve got you at my back.”
“Aw. You’ve grown up so fast—” Charlotte caught a glimpse of the tall man in scrubs who strode into the diner. She gave an unladylike squeak and slid all the way out of her chair and under the table too.
Jane stared at her. “What the—”
“Mateo’s here,” Charlotte hissed.
Jane blinked. “And?”
“And this is not a drill! Congratulations, you’ve taught me how to be ridiculous. Hope you’re proud. Now scoot the hell over and make some room!”
Jane snorted, but scooted, just as Mateo spoke from above them. “Morning, ladies. Did you drop something?”
Jane smirked at Charlotte.
“Don’t you dare leave—” But she was talking to air because Jane was gone as if she had the hounds of hell on her heels.
Not Charlotte. It wasn’t the hounds of hell chasing her. It was her past.
Which felt just as scary.