THE CHEAP BASTARD’S® GUIDE TO Los Angeles

Entertainment runs Tinseltown. It’s what simultaneously drives everyone crazy and makes people love it or hate it. It’s also what makes Los Angeles special. Seeing a live television taping is a unique experience not to be missed, whether you’re native or not. Seeing your favorite comedy stars, talk show hosts, or game shows is a fun and interactive experience. In general, tapings can last up to 4 hours or more; most shows don’t admit children under 10, sometimes no one under 18; tickets are often, but not always, limited to 2 and distributed on a first-come, first-serve basis; and the more popular shows fill up quickly. The fun part is that the studio audience is a very intimate experience; you sit much closer to the action than you would think, and you are likely to walk away with a new appreciation for all that goes into a live taping.

TALK SHOWS

It’s Los Angeles, so there’s a lot to talk over, argue over, and maybe even file for divorce over. Read on to see how you can be part of the action.

A late night pioneer, being the sexy, smart, and sassy female blonde bombshell that Chelsea Handler is, she will make you laugh as she flirts with her guests and comments on the latest in entertainment news and pop culture. Her show is a half hour format, as opposed to an hour. Chelsea tapes in the afternoon. Visit On-Camera Audiences at www.ocatv.com and click on “Chelsea Lately” on the far left for ticket information.

Fair-skinned, redheaded, super tall Conan left New York City and rafted across the Los Angeles River (all 5 inches or so of it) to head up The Tonight Show when Jay Leno left. That bombed, Jay threw a tantrum and got his show back, and Conan was out of a job. The country mourned and he came back, this time to TBS. You must be 16 years of age or older and submit your request online. You can ask for up to 4 tickets. Selections are lottery based, with a limited number placed on standby at 10 a.m. each day there is a live taping.

Judge Toler is an alumnus of both of my alma maters, so I can’t say a single bad thing about her. You can’t get tickets to see Divorce Court (the audience is comprised of “paid actors,” though the judge herself is very real and a woman of the law), but you can always apply to be on the show . . . if you are getting divorced and at least 18 years of age (but, really, should you have gotten married if you’re that young?!) and looking for a cheap way to do it. After all, California can be one of the costliest states to get divorced in; property gets divided up 50/50 here. Fill out the online form and let Judge Toler decide.

Paramount Studios
860 N. Gower St. (between Willoughby and Gregory), Hollywood
(323) 461-7445
www.drphil.com

"Get real" with Dr. Phil and let him help you get your life back on track. Dr. Phil rose to fame on the tails of Oprah before launching his own solo career as a talk show host. He does have a Ph.D. in psychology, so at least his insistence that we all “get real” comes from a legitimate place, which is saying a lot . . . in Hollywood. Dr. Phil, when in season August through December and January through May, tapes two shows per day on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. You will arrive between 8 and 8:15 a.m., and finish at approximately 1 p.m. Go to his website to request reservations. A member of the audience department will contact you to confirm the date you requested. You can also phone the above number and leave your information, and someone will get back to you. Tickets limited to 4 per person. Must be 18 years of age or older. If the show topic relates to those who are 16 or 17, you can attend with a legal parent or guardian and valid copy of your birth certificate. Street parking only—check signs!

She dances to music and gets her audience on their feet, she dances away from talk of politics, and she dances her way into your heart as she charms celebrities and personalities in her quirky manner. Go to this Emmy winner’s website and click on “tickets” to submit a request, and you will be contacted directly by a representative from the audience booking department. Must be 14 years of age or older and can only attend one taping per season. You can also call (818) 954-5929 to check the availability of the limited number of last-minute day-of tickets being released.

6838 Hollywood Blvd. (just past Highland Ave.), Los Angeles
(866) JiMMY-TiX (Mon through Fri, 1 to 4 p.m. PsT)

Funny man and Emmy winner Jimmy Kimmel tapes his show live at 7:45 p.m., straight from Hollywood Boulevard in the heart of LA’s Walk of Fame. Watch Jimmy cozy up to the Hollywood elite in his signature quick-wit style and hear some of the hottest bands today live. Visit www.1iota.com for tickets. Call the number above if you have trouble requesting tickets online. Must be 18 years of age or older.

Hollywood Center studios
1040 N. Las Palmas St. (between Melrose and Santa Monica Blvd.),Hollywood
www.judgejoebrown.com

Why do they do these shows? Because they are cheap to produce. All you need is one dynamic judge, and Judge Joe Brown always delivers. Snag a ticket to a taping via www.hollywoodtickets.com, or submit an application online to see if he’ll deliver a verdict on air for your case. Maybe you’ll get lucky and get someone like the judge I was once assigned for a speeding ticket. He took one look at me, banged his gavel, bellowed, "Merry Christmas!", and then dismissed the ticket.

How One Abbreviation (TV) Ended Up in Another (La)

"Hollywood," the name, is only a little over 120 years old. Nestled against green hills baking in the California sun, the famous white lettered sign has become a symbol of the entertainment industry and the stars themselves that stud our movies, television, and tabloid magazine covers. When originally erected in 1923, the sign read "Hol-lywoodland," to advertise a new housing development in the hills, and was wired with tiny incandescents that were later sold for scrap during the Depression. Except for a few brief temporary lightings during sign rehabs in 1973 and 1978, the Olympics in 1984, and for one night to shoo in Y2K, the sign remains dark so as not to attract nighttime tourists. From 1923 on, the sign was subjected to deterioration, and in 1949 the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce stepped in and offered to remove the last four letters and repair the rest. it did so, and promptly trademarked the shape of those letters that we now see on T-shirts and souvenirs around the world.

In the early 20th century, New York and New Jersey motion picture production companies headed west for the reliable, sunny weather that works better with film. Of course, electricity and the light bulb were already invented ("Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" I ask), but the electric lights that existed at the time were not powerful enough to expose film, so the best solution was sunlight, something southern California had in abundance. Additionally, California had a lot of natural, wide open spaces and scenery that would serve as great filming locations. Plus, in addition to being coined the inventor of the modern light bulb, Thomas Edison had also invented the motion picture camera and was pretty darn strict about his patents. Thankfully, the combination of travel between the coasts not being at the speed it is today and Edison being based in New Jersey left folks in the filmmaking business better able to escape patent enforcement and do their own thing.

D.W. Griffith is credited with shooting the first movie ever shot in Hollywood, In Old California, a melodrama about Latino/Mexican-occupied California in the 1800s. (And you thought the immigration debate was something new.) Griffith went on to make several more films in Hollywood, unencumbered by bad weather. Word spread, and the entire motion picture industry flocked west. The first studio was built in 1909, and soon Cecil B. DeMille in 1913 and Charlie Chaplin in 1917 had their own studios as well.

The years 1927 to 1948 were considered the "Golden Age" of the Hollywood studio system, which ended when the United states supreme Court decided movie studios could not own theaters and play only movies produced by their studios with their stars. (Thank you, United states supreme Court and your ruling to prevent Hollywood monopolization.) Television, to which Groucho Marx once remarked, "I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go to the other room and read a book," and David Frost quipped, "Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn’t have in your home," became the dominant form of entertainment in America by the late 1950s.

Hollywood Center studios
1040 N. Las Palmas St. (between Melrose and santa Monica Blvd.), Hollywood
(888) 800-JUDY (5839)
www.judgejudy.com

Judge Judy has 52 taping days a year. If you have a bone to pick and want her to solve it for you (and not mince any words), fill out the online form.

Los Angeles Center studios
1201 W. 5th St. (at S. Bixel street), Downtown Los Angeles
www.judgekarenscourttv.com

"Stay in your lane," says Judge Karen, repeating her favorite motto time and again to those unfortunate enough to pass in front of her bench. No, she’s not referring to your driving on the freeway; she’s using traffic metaphors as life lessons. She tells it like it is and wants you to clean up your act. She’s a big advocate for family issues, women, and children. Information on the release of tickets for Judge Karen morning and afternoon tapings can be found by calling the audience hotline or e-mailing JKCAudience@gmail.com.

Described as late night’s "best monologue," Emmy-nominated Ferguson does boast a lilting Scottish accent that no other unscripted late night talk show host can lay claim to. Go to www.1iota.com or dial the above number to get tickets.

Warner Bros. Studios
4000 Warner Blvd. (at W. Olive Ave.), Burbank
(818) 954-4101
www.lopeztonight.com

Visit the website above and click on "tickets" to submit a request for the month and date you would like to attend. Allow 2 to 3 weeks lead time. A representative from the audience department will contact you. Standby tickets can be obtained by calling the number above for day-of tickets. Be sure to call before noon PST. Must be 18 years of age or older.

Attend a dress rehearsal of Real Time with Bill Maher and watch him work his jokes and hone their delivery to perfection in the perfect blend of cutting edge cynicism fused with current events and politics. A proponent of "New Rules," Bill’s dress rehearsal typically lasts about 1.5 hours. Obtain tickets by visiting www.tvtix.com or www.hollywoodtickets.com. Must be 18 or older.

See one of the late night heavyweights entertain America, sweet talk the biggest stars, and showcase musical giants. Go to the website above to fill out an online form with your preferred attendance date and three alternatives. Give yourself a 4- to 6-week lead time. Must be 16 years of age or older. If you’re feeling particularly lucky, you can go to the box office for day-of taping tickets. Box office opens at 8 a.m., and the line starts earlier than that. Tickets limited to 2 per person.

GAME SHOWS

Sony Pictures Studios
10202 W. Washington Blvd. (near Madison Ave.), Culver City
www.5thgradertvshow.com

Hopefully the answer to the question posed by the title of this show is a resounding "yes," but if you go to a live taping, you may be newly humbled into appreciating America’s prepubescent youth. Favorite redneck Jeff Foxworthy hosts, as one adult is pitted against five 10-year-olds, in a battle of knowledge over subjects said adult has already been taught, ranging from music to social studies. Get tickets by going to www.ocatv.com. Groups of 20 or more can attend the show as a fund-raiser and earn money for your group by e-mailing groups@ocatv.com.

Before there was life on earth, there was Alex Trebek. To catch the show that popularized responses with an upward inflection, visit www.tvtix.com to get free tickets. Must be 10 years of age or older. You can also write to the PO Box address above, but getting them online will be much faster. If you are brilliantly brainy, you can visit the official website and take the test to find out if you have what it takes to become a contestant.

Drew Carey’s old Whose Line Is It Anyway? improv partner-in-crime, Wayne Brady, hosts this iconic classic television game show from the 1960s and ’70s. The show has been revamped for modern times, and all studio audience members, who have a 1 in 18 chance of also being a contestant, wear costumes. Visit the website and click on "tickets" for information on the show and ticketing. You will be directed to On Camera Audiences at www.ocatv.com. Groups of 20 or more should e-mail groupbooking@ocatv.com.

Drew Carey gave this longest-running game show a face-lift into the 21st century when Bob Barker retired, and the daytime game show sensation continues to thrill contestants and audiences of all ages. When in season, The Price Is Right tapes two shows per afternoon. Visit the official website and click on "Tickets" for more information on the taping schedule, how to get tickets online, via mail, or at the ticket booth. Must be 18 or older. The Price Is Right tapes on the CBS Lot, but you’ll have to pay to park at The Grove Shopping Center down the block. Groups should call Guest Relations at (323) 575-2448 Mon through Fri 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. for tickets.

Plain Old Boob Tube Tapings

Um, this is a guidebook. By its very nature it contains the most up-to-date information possible on what to see, what to do, and where to go in Los Angeles. With regards to television show tapings, well, the fact of the matter is that not every sitcom is Cheers or Friends, meaning they don’t all stay on the air forever and ever, and sometimes only for the blink of an eye. Tried and true, seasoned talk shows, game shows, or cheaply produced reality/competition shows that have been around for a while are more likely to stick around. Television shows? I could list them all here and then get hate mail when this book is published that I led you astray. While I consider my character pretty strong, I don’t want to risk pissing you off—I mean, we’re still at the beginning of this book and I’ve got a lot of great topics to cover. So if you’re looking at these lists and you’re whining out loud, "But I wanted to see a sitcom!", I’ve included a few handy tips and general guiding principles just for you.

Best websites to get free tickets:

Audience Associates is, you guessed it, great free TV taping fun! Visit www.tvtix.com.

Audiences Unlimited offers free tickets to tapings at a wide variety of shows, including those on ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox. Visit www.audiencesunlimited.com or www.tvtickets.com. Both links point to the same website.

Hollywood Tickets lets you select the show you want to see from the drop-down list on their homepage. Visit www.hollywoodtickets.com.

On Camera Audiences lets you select the show you want to see from their menu on the left. Visit www.ocatv.com.

A great way to search for which television shows tape where and how to get tickets to see them:

Seeing Stars, "the ultimate guide to celebrities and Hollywood," provides detailed information on how to get tickets to tapings at the various television studios, such as CBS, Paramount, and NBC. it is also chock-full of fun facts and figures on everything under the stars. (Get it?!) Visit www.seeing-stars.com.

Sony Pictures Studios
10202 W. Washington Blvd. (near Madison Ave.), Culver City www.wheeloffortuneinfo.com

This 25-plus-year-old institution of spinning the wheel in a game of word search meets big puzzle board features Pat Sajak as the host and Vanna White as the letter-turning spokesmodel. (Though now, since it’s 2011, she doesn’t turn the letters, she simply points at them and they magically "zap" on.) Tickets and information on how to audition to become a contestant (18 or older) can be found on their website. Because, let’s face it—you want to win big so you no longer have to be a cheap bastard, and then maybe you’ll be able to afford a more expensive guidebook about how to live large in Los Angeles. If you do win it big, since you learned all about how to be a contestant from me, maybe you can treat me to a nice dinner? I also like gift certificates for massages.

REALITY & TALENT SHOWS

Redondo Beach Performing Arts Center
1935 Manhattan Beach Blvd. (at N. Aviation Blvd.), Redondo Beach
www.nbc.com/americas-got-talent

Gosh, let’s hope (America’s got talent). Join host Nick Cannon (the dude married to Mariah Carey), and celebrity judges as they watch competitors showcase their dancing, singing, magic, comedy, and more. The show tapes in Redondo Beach, so it’s a bit farther out than the other selections. Drive there in a VW van and you can feel like you’re reenacting a scene from Little Miss Sunshine. The British version of this competition brought the world Susan Boyle. What the American version brings the world is yet to be seen. Check it out live and judge for yourself. A search for tickets will direct you to www.hollywoodtickets.com.

Ha! Are you kidding? Not so easy to get tickets. The show is very popular, but they do love their fans. Put your name on that online waiting list at www.ocatv.com. American Idol is standing room only.

DWTS is also a popular show! Head on over to that online waiting list at www.ocatv.com. If you do score tickets and happen to have an extra one, please let me know. My mom would love to join you. You’ll enjoy her company. She’s very sweet.

CBS Television City
7800 Beverly Blvd. (at N. Fairfax Ave.), Los Angeles
www.fox.com/dance

Cat Deeley hosts hip-hop, salsa, quickstep, jive, and all sorts of other dancers as they compete for the title of "America’s Favorite Dancer." As this is a very popular show, you must put your name on an online waiting list at www.ocatv.com.

TELEVISION: WHAT RUNS TINSELTOWN

TALK SHOWS

GAME SHOWS

REALITY & TALENT SHOWS

TELEVISION:
WHAT RUNS TINSELTOWN