THE CHEAP BASTARD’S® GUIDE TO Los Angeles

COMEDY:
BELLY LAUGHS

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."

—MEL BROOKS

Jokes, comedy—it’s a tough business. Props to the guy or gal who can deliver, ’cuz it ain’t easy. Ever been at a party when someone says, "I heard you’re funny. Say something funny!"? Uh-huh. You get up there and give it a try. What’s that? That’s right, I didn’t think so. Los Angeles has got some of the best comedy in the country, and a lot of it is free or cheap! Woo-hoo! Amateur and pro comedians usually flock to Los Angeles at some point to tour or test out their material, so take advantage peoples!

COMEDY CLUBS

On Friday nights you can see 10 Comics for $10. I don’t know about you, but that is 2.2 comics per the price of a load of laundry for me. Jay Leno on Sun at 7 p.m. is the big show for $30, but he has to charge so much in order to afford his classic car collection hobby. Because Jay Leno lends his name to this club, you get some of the best in the business, and their tickets usually average $15.

The Catch: In general, the shows are free, but there’s a 2-drink minimum, with drinks ranging from $6 to $10. Hey, you’re on Sunset Boulevard, so they’re going to charge you rent just to stand there. However, you’ve got some of the best comics in the business performing here, so it’s worth it.

When you pictured yourself watching comedy in LA, you pictured it here on the Sunset Strip. People like David Letterman and Jim Carrey honed their craft at The Comedy Store. Twenty-one and over, raw, uncut, and unfiltered, but polished. The 7 p.m. Monday night Comedy Store Potluck Show is free up until 9 p.m. Check website for details and call to make reservations. Famous comedians have been known to pop in and take the stage.

$2 Tuesday shows at 7:30 p.m. in the Burbank location. $10 shows in the Yoo Hoo Room (seating capacity 50) twice a night Wed through Sat, plus cheap dinner and drinks. Call ahead and see if they’ll swing you 2 shows for the price of just one. Enjoy half-price drinks and appetizers with your comedy while watching the Happy Hour Auditions of local comedians from 5 to 7 p.m. on Wed and Fri. Appetizers range in price from $6 to $10, while entrees will run you $10 to $18, unless you order the filet mignon. Main Showroom seats 225 in Burbank, 100 at the Claremont location (532 W. First St.), which is BYOB with a $5 corkage fee.

6366 Hollywood Blvd. (near N. Cahuenga Blvd.), Los Angeles
(323) 962-7560
http://west.ioimprov.com

iO West has three main theaters—The Del Close Black Box Theatre (Andy Dick’s Theatre), The Loft, and Mainstage. Monday’s "Cage Match Omega" and Thursday’s "Cage Match" at 11:30 p.m. on the Mainstage are free. In these shows, two teams compete against one another in an improv competition. Winner returns the following week to battle a new opposing team. All other shows range in price from $5 to $10 seven nights a week. Check the website or call. The Del Close Black Box Theatre has "DCT Fridays" at 11:30 p.m., where you can catch different Harold (improv) teams, "The One Hour Improv Festival" on Tues at 10:30 p.m., and "Comedy Lab Live" on Sun at 8:30 p.m., all free. iO West has an open mic on Sun at 10:30 p.m. and "Mystic Mondays" at 10:30 p.m., both free. $3 drink specials. All other Del Close shows are a whopping $5. All shows at The Loft are free. Did you just guffaw and pee in your pants?

The Catch: No free shows. General admission (first come, first served seating) is as high as $20. Valet is $7. Okay, so it’s not cheap and it probably shouldn’t be in this book, but they are one of the best places for comedy in LA, so I feel I should mention them on the off chance you get a big bonus at work and go on a little splurge; now you have some options! Just keeping you on your toes to make sure you’re reading everything.

Come on, you know you’ve heard of The Laugh Factory before. What?! You haven’t? Are you living in a bubble? Time to get up, get out of the house, and get some comedy into your life. Check the website for details on upcoming shows, and if you can’t spring the cash, check out the online comedy videos because then you can laugh for free from the comfort of your own home and in your underwear, and not spend a dime. A second location is in Long Beach at 151 S. Pine St. (562-495-2844 ext. 1).

12215 Ventura Blvd. (at Laurel Canyon Blvd.), Suite 209, Studio City
(323) 377-5550
www.spotlightcomedyclub.com

Laughs in the Valley! Like, totally awesome! The Spotlight Comedy Club features hot, established comedians, as well as up-and-comers, and prides itself on being a throwback to the glory days of comedy with great service, food, and funny. Founder/showroom manager/comedian TK Matteson can be found behind the bar, greeting people at the door, and cracking people up onstage. $10 shows at 7:30 p.m. on Fri and Sat, 1 item minimum, free parking in the underground garage. Check website for details.

IMPROV & SKETCH

(in the Student Union building on USC’s campus)
615 Child’s Way (near Figueroa), Los Angeles
(213) 821-1484
www.usc.edu/gz

Part of the University of Southern California, Second Nature, an improv group, presents free improv every Friday at the Ground Zero Performance Cafe. Beverages will run you $1 a drink. Stick to free street parking down around Figueroa Road in order to keep your whole evening a cheap bastard’s delight.

Open Mic on Tuesday at 5 p.m. is free. Sign-up for the comedians is from 4:30 to 4:40 p.m., and each comic gets 3 minutes. All other shows range in price from $7 to $28, with an average of $15. Two-drink minimum. Call and ask about shows, exercising all the phone manners you were taught as a child and explaining you are new in town, and you may score a place on the nonpaying guest list.

"I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them."

6560 Hollywood Blvd. (between Whitley Ave. and Schrader Blvd.), Los Angeles
(323) 464-8542
www.secondcity.com

Chris Farley, Steve Carrell, and Tina Fey are among some of Hollywood’s funniest who got their start with the original Second City in Chicago. In LA, you can catch improv, sketch comedy, and more for $5 to $10, or visit www.goldstar.com to purchase even cheaper tickets.

5919 Franklin Ave. (near N. Bronson Ave.), Hollywood
(323) 908-8702
www.ucbtheatre.com

Amy Poehler, Ian Roberts, Matt Besser, and Matt Walsh took their award-winning comedy sketch show, The Upright Citizens Brigade, from Chicago to NYC to perform in 1996. From their success, the UCB comedy training school and theater were born on both coasts. UCB offers some of the best stand-up, sketch, and improv shows 7 nights a week, ranging in price from free to $5 or $10. Check website for details. You can also see a slew of their free comedy videos at www.ucbcomedy.com.

OTHER VENUES

This is not your typical hostel—it’s cute, trendy, and very 21st century with a billiard room, Tiki lounge, and bold-colored private and dorm-type rooms, depending on your needs. The Hollywood location is next door to the Palms Thai Restaurant, which features $5 lunches and $10 dinners. Call ahead to see which night you can catch the funny. The staff also offers great tips on other Los Angeles places to laugh yourself silly. Pros like Marlon Wayans and amateurs alike will tickle your funnybone. An additional location is in West Hollywood at 603 N. Fairfax Ave. (323-655-2002).

7702 Santa Monica Blvd. (near N. Stanley and N. Spaulding), West Hollywood
(323) 654-1234

Every Thurs at 8:30 p.m., Josh Haness and Josh Weinstein host "The Josh and Josh Show: Stand-up Comedy for Mankind Free of Charge," which presents an eclectic mix of comedians doing their best to make you crack a smile. How can you not love a title that tells you exactly what you are going to get? Twenty-one and over only. Free. Street parking.

"Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn’t even the star of his own Halloween special."

Comedy every Tuesday at 9:30 p.m. for those 21 and over! You will see anywhere between 20 and 25 comedians per night. They also have live music and karaoke, but that’s not what I’m supposed to talk about here. This is the comedy chapter. Big Fish Bar & Grill is a casual neighborhood bar.

2013 W. Burbank Blvd. (several blocks east of Buena Vista), Burbank
(818) 845-0692

Free music and comedy on the first and third Wednesday of every month at 7:30 p.m. Musicians perform first, comedians after 9 p.m. This is a sports bar with English pub food as well, so if fish and chips or roast beef with Yorkshire pudding are your thing, then pip, pip cheerio! "Please sir, may I have some more?" (Ten points if you guessed that last one was from the musical Oliver!)

"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ’you know, we’re all right. We’re dang near royalty.’"

6547 Santa Monica Blvd. (between Las Palmas and Wilcox Avenues), Hollywood
(323) 464-6873
www.cafemusela.com

Open mic night is on Wed at 8:30 p.m. If you’re the comedian doing the open mic, show up early to sign up. Located in the heart of Hollywood’s Theatre Row, this is a cafe and a coffeehouse started by two theater artists. It’s hip and mod, with lots of windows and a casual vibe. They specialize in vegetarian and vegan food, but never fear, they do have a variety of options for everyone. They also have free Wi-Fi. Oh, and free live entertainment every night of the week with a $5 minimum purchase, along with bottomless coffee for $2.50 to $3.50. If you visit their website, you will learn about the 9 muses, so that’s like, educational, too. Just call me Thalia, the "blossoming one, the muse of comedy and bucolic poetry."

Every Mon at 8 p.m., you can hear professional and amateur comics. Sign up at 7:30 p.m. if you’re the one bringing the funny. Save $2 on already cheap mixed drinks, $1 on beer and wine. With a neverending happy hour discount like that, it’s almost like you’re getting paid to laugh. Casey’s is an Irish bar, dark wood bar counter and all, with lots of Irish whiskey, Guinness, and other beers from which to choose.

The Coffee Gallery hosts open mic nights at 8 p.m. several nights a month. They also have weekend shows where you can bring a can of food to donate as your ticket to see the show. Check the website or call for details. Hello?! Doing an easy good deed to hear some jokes? Yes, this counts as free and wins you good karma points. Free parking on Lake Avenue and free Wi-Fi inside. If you are a comedian interested in performing, visit www.comedy-train.net. And this is a coffee house, people. This means your comedy is to be taken with a cup of joe.

1160 N. Vermont Ave. (at Lexington Ave.), Hollywood
(323) 315-1800
www.hollywoodhotel.net

The Hollywood Hotel hosts comedy every Mon and Thurs at 8 p.m. An intimate space, the lounge in the Hollywood Hotel only seats 37 people, so arrive early to grab your seat. Comedy is free, and there is no drink minimum. Are you laughing yet?

16904 Devonshire St. (just past Balboa), Granada Hills
(818) 366-6888
www.lapizzaco.com

With inexpensive yummy eats of pizza, pasta, and sandwiches, over 20 different beers on tap, and accessible free parking in the Ralph’s shopping center at Balboa and Devonshire, you can show up for the Tuesday night show at 8 p.m. for great free comedy. All comedians get 7 minutes in heaven. The website often has additional deals and coupons. Want to perform at LA Pizza Co? Visit www.socalstandup.com. Want to eat, drink, watch, and laugh? If you’re over 18, what are you waiting for? I just gave you all the information you need. Is it Tuesday already? Go. Go!

The Catch: That whole 2-drink minimum thing again. However, those 2 drinks are very cheap.

This is a dive karaoke bar that has a free comedy open mic on Wed at 8:30 p.m. Some might find the establishment shady; others might say it has character. Most beers are $4.50, so really, the 2-drink minimum is no biggie. Parking options are solid. Bring cash, as they charge you $2 for credit cards.

Comedians determine the price of your ticket here, so you’re going to fork over anywhere between $5 or $20, plus a minimum of $10 for food. The M Bar does not have a sign either, just to put some pizzazz in your journey to find it. It has a small entrance located on the southwest corner of Fountain and Vine, right next door to El Floridita.

"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, ’the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."

Free comedy on Tuesday at 10 p.m. Gotta be 21 or over. Comedy can get down and dirty, which means it’s not always G or even PG-13. Dive bar with darts, billiards (free all day Sunday), and rock-bottom drink prices. When I say "dive," I mean "dive." There’s nothing fancy going on here, and it may look like a rough crowd (but it’s not) if you’re a high-maintenance type. Michael’s Pub has clean bathrooms, a TV screen with sports blaring, and oh, yeah, you can smoke.

6714 Hollywood Blvd. (between McCadden Place and Las Palmas in Hollywood), Los Angeles
(323) 463-0000
www.sunseteg.com

Open mic every Wed at 8 p.m. Sign-up starts at 7:30 p.m. $2 cover charge, 21 and over only. Street parking is your best option, as they’ll charge you $10 to park behind the bar. Dinner’s not super cheap, but it’s a Los Angeles landmark located next door to the Egyptian Theatre. Note: When something is considered a landmark, the establishment usually knows it, and as such charges you for it. But, hey—comedy for $2 ain’t bad.

The Rainbow Bar and Grill is known for being a huge musician hangout for the likes of Lemmy, Guns N’ Roses, and other assorted hair bands from back in the day. They also have a comedy open mic night on Mon at 8 p.m. Sign-up starts at 7:30 p.m. A super casual atmosphere with cheap appetizers, pizza, and burgers, the Rainbow Bar and Grill is stuck in the 1980s in decor (note the Ms. Pacman game) and, thankfully, food prices. Shows are upstairs. Park your hiney on a red bar stool and prepare to bust a gut laughing. FYI, they have a sister location in Las Vegas (hello, road trip!).

1739 N. Vermont Ave. (at Kingswell in Los Feliz), Los Angeles
(323) 663-1739
www.1739publichouse.com

Free comedy on Mon nights at 10:30 p.m., and all meals are $7 or less. There are 64 beers on tap, because comedy is even funnier when slightly lubricated. Free pizza daily during happy hour from 3 to 7 p.m.

"Never tell. Not if you love your wife . . . In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she’ll believe it: ’I’m telling ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck, LAY ON TOP OF ME OR I’LL DIE. I didn’t know what I was gonna do’. . . "

COMEDY WORKSHOPS

So if you’re reading this and still think you are the funniest person alive and that you can tell a joke that gets a room rolling, check out Greg Dean’s free 1.5 hour stand-up comedy workshop held every Mon in Santa Monica at 7 p.m. Learn how to write a joke in 5 minutes. Then, if you really love it, sign up for one of Greg Dean’s moderately priced full-blown stand-up comedy classes.

COMEDY: BELLY LAUGHS

COMEDY CLUBS

IMPROV & SKETCH

OTHER VENUES

COMEDY WORKSHOPS

COMEDY:
BELLY LAUGHS