THE CHEAP BASTARD’S® GUIDE TO Los Angeles

Absolutely anybody can dance, no matter how old you are, or how little rhythm you feel you have. It’s all about having no fear of what you look like. Dance classes can help with that, and shaking your booty in public every once in a while is good for your body and your soul. Los Angeles is a mecca for dancers everywhere, who flock there to train, to study, and to be the next backup dancer for Britney Spears or the Black Eyed Peas. Whether you want to boogie, watch others boogie, or learn how to boogie, and whether you’re a beginning lover or advanced lover, your bases are covered in Los Angeles.

BOOGIE DOWN AT STUDIOS, CLUBS & RESTAURANTS

$12 for a 1-hour class in belly dancing, flamenco, Hawaiian, Tahitian, hip-hop, jazz, Pilates, tap, yoga, or zumba. Prices get even cheaper if you sign up and pay by the month. Plenty of classes for the little tikes, too.

4878 Eagle Rock Blvd. (at Yosemite Dr. in Glendale), Los Angeles
(323) 258-0029
www.ballroomblitz.org

Sign up for 6 Latin Workout or Ballroom Workout classes for just $50. And those 6 classes don’t have to be consecutive. Hello! Does that flexibility not suit your lifestyle just perfectly? I thought so. They also have a buy 1 pair, get another pair free coupon for dance shoes at Very Fine Shoes in El Monte, CA, on their website.

Cha-cha-cha for small change. All ages and levels can be found strictly ballroom dancing by the bay for $12 every Wed from 7 to 11 p.m.; $10 for students and USA Dance or Dance Buddies with ID. The price of the dance lesson from 7 to 7:40 p.m. is included in your admission. No partner required, so what’s your excuse for not going?

Bootie is dedicated solely to the "mashup," or bootleg song that is, well, mashed up, and subscribes to the theory that one song is simply not enough. Using audio editing software, "DJs and mashup artists combine different artists and musical genres to create new and unique songs that are often greater than the sum of their parts." Technically, none of this music is legally cleared by the artists, so they host underground mashup parties in various locations throughout Los Angeles. Visit the website to sign up for their e-mail list to receive news on the location of the next Bootie LA. Cover charges range from $5 to $10, depending on your arrival time, and free CDs are usually given out to first arrivals.

5219 E. Beverly Blvd. (at S. Atlantic Blvd.), Los Angeles
(323) 888-8899
www.cancunole.net

Club music on the third Fri of each month starting at 8 p.m. Nightly salsa and club events as well. $5 cover charge if you slide in prior to 10 p.m., $10 after. $3 domestic beers. This is where the real Latinos go, which means this is not a tourist trap.

1038 S. Hill St. (between 11th St. and Olympic Blvd.), Los Angeles
www.clubmayan.com

Live salsa orchestra every Saturday night. DJs spin salsa, meringue, etc., on the main floor. Check website for the most current information. $12 cover if you enter before 10:30 p.m., $20 after. (So get there early!) Required formal evening attire, for those of you who like looking all fancy.

2947 Lincoln Blvd. (near Wilson Place and Pier Ave.), Santa Monica
(310) 399-9696
www.cocknbullbritishpub.com

Learn to salsa in the $10 beginner classes at 7:30 p.m. and intermediate at 8:30 p.m. on Tuesday nights at this British pub. Take a break, whip out that laptop, and enjoy the free Internet access as well. (It is not recommended that you surf the Internet and salsa at the same time, unless you are already at an advanced level.) Food starts at $4.25 and up.

Salsa social the first Sun of every month starting at 5 p.m., where you can learn how to salsa for free at the largest coffee house in the country. Then come back for more on Mon at 7 p.m. to squeeze in your free swing dancing lesson.

Latin Dance on the first and third Fri of each month for $7, starting at 8:30 p.m., with a free beginner’s lesson. The Dance Family Studio will be moving locations soon, so check website for up to date information.

A small, under-the-radar, underestimated, no-frills dive bar with a laid-back vibe, cheap drinks ($3 beers, $4 well drinks, $5 and up for mixed drinks), great atmosphere, and awesome DJ with a tune for everyone at no cover charge. Party starts at 7 p.m. Get there early to avoid the wait!

Git Your Free Dancin’ Online

BallroomDancers.com has a dance directory, classified ads, shopping, message board, and, best of all, free dance videos where all the steps of the major dances for each partner are broken down for you and shown from every angle imaginable. In other words, the videos Fred and Ginger would be making if they were alive today. Check out http://ballroomdancers.com.

Dance Resource Center of Greater Los Angeles is southern California’s "source for everything dance." News, performance calendar, classes, workshops, and auditions. Visit www.drc-la.org.

Eye Spy LA lists all the creative, unique, alternative, and fun things to do in Los Angeles on a weekly basis. This includes entertainment, arts and culture, kid stuff, and other free events. They have a dance calendar (click on "dance" under hot topics on the far left), so you’re sure not to miss a thing. sign up to receive their weekly e-news alerts. Visit http://eyespyla.com.

iDance.net offers nearly 1,400 dance lessons online. Is there not a website for everything? Learn salsa, hip-hop, West Coast swing, tap, jitterbug, and more by purchasing online video dance lessons. Single lessons will run you $1.99, 6 lessons just over $10, 13 lessons just over $21, or for your inner dancing fiend, you can purchase all 65-plus lessons for anywhere between $110 and $130, depending on your instructor. slow-quick-quick-slow your way over to www.idance.net.

Lafreebee will tell you everything you need to know about free things to do and free stuff in Los Angeles, including those involving your two left feet, or other people’s two left feet. At http://lafreebee.com. Make it your homepage.

LearntoDance.com has the goal "to make learning to dance as easy as possible." They have a dance studio locator and free online lessons. Their clips are not embedded, so you have to download them and need Quicktime to view them. Maybe I’m in the wrong line of work writing books and I should do how-to videos for the lawnmower and the sprinkler. Genius! Don’t steal my idea. More at www.learntodance.com.

Salsa & Merengue Society will teach you the history of salsa and merengue and also offers online videos to teach you the fancy footwork involved in each dance. The quality of the videos is a bit prison confessional-like (read: a bit grainy and fuzzy), but the steps are still pretty clear. Visit www.salsa-merengue.co.uk.

1253 N. Vine St., (and Fountain Ave.), Hollywood
(323) 871-8612
www.elfloridita.com

This is a restaurant and a club, but you don’t have to do one in order to have the other. Yay! El Floridita delivers on the Cuban experience all the way. Free salsa dance lessons to restaurant customers on Mon and Fri at 8 p.m. ($15 for non-diners), and $5 mojitos on Mon from 7 to 9 p.m. (Because those muscles will feel a little looser and those hips will shake a little better with some mojitos fueling them.)

3141 Glendale Blvd. (at Madera in Atwater Village), Los Angeles
(323) 669-2821
www.heartbeathouse.net

The slogan is "It’s what you won’t experience at the gym." Community Argentine Tango and yoga classes are just $7. Still-moving seniors over 60 can pay just $5 for a community class. "Hold the ball, paint the wall," as my Tai-chi instructor used to say—those classes are $10. Heartbeat House has an extensive curriculum. It’s like sweating to the oldies, but still looking hot in LA in the 21st century.

119 E. Colorado Blvd. (and Arroyo Pkwy.), Pasadena
(626) 304-1000
www.cantinaixtapa.com

Free salsa lessons followed by even more bailando on Tues and Sun after 8 p.m. at this Mexican restaurant in Old Pasadena. Affordable appetizers range in price from $4.50 to $12. Que perfecto way to work off that burrito!

Smooth Chicago Style Stepping Sundays, Ballroom Mondays, Salsa Thursdays (2 classes for $15 that night), Ballroom Social Fridays, Line Dancing Saturdays—all for $10 a pop. Ballroom Social Fridays are just $5 if you enter before 9 p.m. Watch out, Gene Kelly.

Live salsa band every Wed and Sat night, with a beginner salsa lesson at 7:30 p.m., and an intermediate salsa lesson at 8:30 p.m. $12 cover charge.

420 W. Avenue 33, #10 (near Lacy and Artesian Streets), Downtown Los Angeles
(310) 486-7716
http://odorudancestudio.com

A new dance studio in the downtown Loft district, Odoru Dance Studio offers dance and exercise classes in the styles of ballet, modern, belly dance, house dance, yoga, and hip-house cardio. Dance your heart out in a no-pressure environment for just $12 per class.

This is a gay-friendly country western club where you can two-step, line dance, and sometimes karaoke to your heart’s content. Doors open to a $3 cover on Tues and Thurs at 7:30 p.m.; no cover on Fri at 9 p.m. Lessons offered first thing. All domestic beer and margaritas are $2.

Beginning at 8 p.m. six nights a week (dark on Tuesday), you can dance the meringue, bachata, salsa, or just shake that booty and feel goooood listening to that live Latino music. $10 cover charge.

Swing dances every Saturday night with a live swing band. Starts with a free East Coast swing dance lesson at 7:30 p.m., and then the music revs up at 8 p.m. for 3 hours. Free snacks and refreshments to quench your thirst. No partner necessary. $15 admission.

Super Salsa at Sevilla! No cover on Tues. $10 for Thurs and Sun (lessons 7:30 to 9:30 p.m.), $8 and $10 on Wed (lessons 8 to 9:30 p.m.). Prices go up as the week goes on. Minors welcome, so long as you sign the Zero Tolerance Drinking Policy. A second location is in Riverside at 3252 Mission Inn Ave., (951-778-0611).

3327 W. Sunset Blvd. (at Micheltorena St.), Silverlake
(323) 953-8089
www.thesweatspotla.com

For $10 in my white tank top and pajama pants with the purple hearts on them, I took Ryan Heffington’s Sweaty Sundays class, which was sort of a yoga/jazz/hip-hop fashion show all in one, run by a Caucasian Euro-trashed RuPaul, if RuPaul had a mustache. Ryan Heffington, part performer/choreographer/artist/teacher, teaches this class, and his unbridled enthusiasm and occasional commands of "Look sexy, look hot!" while the sweat pours down your face make you smile, even if you do feel like an idiot. I’m a dancer and I’m in shape, but I hurt for days afterward and loved every minute of my more-than-worth-it $10 workout. The studio offers other dance classes as well. Once in a while they have free events, too.

8558 W. 3rd St. (near S. san Vicente Blvd.), Los Angeles
(310) 275-4683
www.3rdstreetdance.com

Boy do I love . . . let’s call them Kara and Henry . . . dear friends of mine who got married, and then danced their first dance at their wedding in one very small, continuous, interminable circle for all to watch. Had they studied at the very popular and fun 3rd Street Dance Studio, they might have mastered their wedding preparation, as well as ballroom, swing, salsa, the Argentine tango, and the Lindy Hop. Alas, they did not. Their loss, and the wedding guests’ silent horror and laughter unfolded. $15 (cash only) for single lessons, $96 for an 8-week class (a steal!); private and couples lessons also offered.

Test out your first dance class with Walk In . . . Dance Out before you pay a cent. Six-week courses include 12 hours of practice lessons, averaging $4 to $6 per hour. Major discount if you pay in advance! Break it down in the bolero, hustle, disco, Lindy, 2-step, or Latin style. Locations in Redondo Beach, Playa Del Rey, and Palos Verdes.

$5 salsa lessons on Tues at 8 p.m. Intermediates start at 9 p.m., after which all are encouraged to take their dancing feelings onto the outside patio. Don’t swivel those hips on an empty stomach—fuel your dancing feet early on with the Mon through Fri 4:30 to 7 p.m. happy hour featuring $3 drink specials and yummy sushi, appetizers, and entrees ranging from $3 to $7. Check website for other Los Angeles locations, including Burbank, Long Beach, and Valencia.

Zanzibar offers the best in salsa, rumba, cha cha, bachata, and vintage Latin Jazz. Tumbao Salsa Dura on Monday with lessons at 8 p.m., and intermediate at 9 p.m., taught by world champion Christian Oviedo and featuring DJ Charley. Tu quieres salsa? Si, senor! $5 for all the dancing your feet can take; $10 on the first Monday of the month when they have a live band.

WATCH OTHERS BOOGIE DOWN

As you strut down Hollywood Boulevard to soak up the stars on the Walk of Fame, be sure to take the time to stop and appreciate the lively street life bustling around you, which often includes incredible breakdancing and hip-hop dancers preening their dancing prowess for your free enjoyment.

Anywhere from 2 to 8 dancers of Keith Glassman’s troupe present modern and nontraditional works in unique settings, such as coffee shops, for free. The online calendar has the most up-to-date events.

The LA Contemporary Dance Company calendar boasts a host of performances, open rehearsals, showcases, and classes that are either free or cheap ($10 or $15). Hot, sexy, and smoldering, they present a diverse repertoire of modern dance, ballet, and jazz.

The Lula Washington Dance Theatre is an African-American dance company that seeks to explore and express our social and humanitarian plights in the world today. Many of their shows are free. Check the online calendar for the latest and greatest.

Admission-free performances on select Saturdays at 11 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. at the W.M. Keck Foundation Children’s Amphitheatre at Walt Disney Concert Hall. Tickets for the first show are distributed one hour prior; the second show, 1.5 hours prior. Free Dance Downtown on Friday runs from 6:30 to 10 p.m. in the summer months downtown at the Music Center Plaza. Free dance lessons start at 6:30 p.m. and last throughout the evening; each Friday has a different theme, whether it’s ballroom, line dancing, Bollywood, or disco. Donations are encouraged, but not mandatory. The website also has other dance events listed through the Music Center, so click and explore away!

SPECIAL DANCE EVENTS

The Westfield Century City Shopping Mall has free dance lessons and live music Thursdays on the Level 2 Dining Terrace. Sometimes you get a little swing, sometimes a little Spanish Harlem, sometimes even a little Bollywood, but always a good time. Dancing starts at 6:30 p.m., and parking is free for the first 3 hours. Who knew that your shopping experience could be combined with so much culture?

This would be the United Colors of Benetton if United Colors of Benetton put on dance shows. Every February, you can see dance from around the world at the Pasadena Dance Festival, for free. Following the performance, the dancers will teach you a few of the moves, so you can join in on the fun and celebrate multiculturalism through dance. Sign up for free workshops throughout the day as well.

Free outdoor music and dancing May through October off the 405 at The Getty Center. Bring a picnic and enjoy the DJ and the outdoor setting under the stars (if you can see them through the smog). The night kicks off at 7:30p.m.

Free concerts every Thurs at 7 p.m. from early July through Labor Day every year. Check the online calendar for the impressive lineup of music from around the world. Bee-bop to the tunes on the boardwalk on your way back to the car. Bike valet service (only in Los Angeles!) starts at 6:30 p.m. on event nights.

BOOGIE DOWN YOUR COST OF BECOMING A DANCER

Call to inquire about work-study scholarships at this professional dance training center for working dancers. Classes are taught by working performers and choreographers. The Pussycat Dolls, Britney Spears, Justin Timber-lake, and Michael Jackson have all spent many an hour in this studio. Ballet, hip-hop, jazz, and funk.

Retter’s Academy of Dance offers 2 scholarships and up to 13 work-study internships to qualified dancers 18 and over. Scholarship includes classes, assistant teaching, office work, performing live, learning how to run a dance studio, assisting on-camera and in choreography, master classes, specialty classes, and live professional performances. Apply via headshot, bio, essays, video dance audition, and 2 letters of recommendation. Work-study interns do co-teaching, assisting, admin/office work, and facilities cleaning.

Sheila Kelley’s S Factor has 2 scholarship programs in striptease and pole dancing. Yes! That is correct! Awaken and empower the beauty of the wonderful woman you are on the inside and outside. Work-Study women assist team ambassadors in running the studios, and in exchange, half the cost of your Original Series tuition is covered. You will have to commit to the same dates and times every week, and office or retail skills are a plus. Since 2005, the S Fund contributes $110 or $220 toward the cost of your Original Series session for those facing financial difficulties. Get application information online or call the above number. Additional locations are in Costa Mesa at 2790 Harbor Blvd., Suite 210 (714-434-4991), and Encino at 17253 Ventura Blvd. (818-817-4585).

DANCE: SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THANG

BOOGIE DOWN AT STUDIOS, CLUBS & RESTAURANTS

WATCH OTHERS BOOGIE DOWN

SPECIAL DANCE EVENTS

BOOGIE DOWN YOUR COST OF BECOMING A DANCER

DANCE:
SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THANG