THE CHEAP BASTARD’S® GUIDE TO Los Angeles

FITNESS, FUN & GAMES:
HAVE FUN WHILE LOOKING GOOD

"I don’t jog. If I die, I want to be sick."

—ABE LEMONS

Los Angeles, with nearly 150 brilliantly sunny days per year, generally pleasant humidity (not counting the September day that reached 112 degrees in 2010), and average monthly temperatures ranging between 57 and 70 degrees, is an outdoor lover and fitness fanatic’s paradise. So whether you want to hike it, beach it, or throw it, get started. Get healthy or stay healthy, maybe make and meet some new friends, become one with nature, and hey, at least you’ll look good and be able to keep up with the rest of our image-obsessed culture. Botox, anyone?

TAKE A HIKE

At Echo Mountain and Inspiration Point, you can hike 10.4 miles of mostly upward trail and take in well-preserved historical ruins of a turn-of-the-20th-century hotel along the way. Sort of like Titanic. But not a ship. And not on water. The Cobb Estate at the beginning of the trail has equestrian trails and a small botanical garden. As you reach the top, nearly 5 hours later (depending on your speed), shout through the ground-mounted megaphone to hear that echo bounce back to you. Follow signs on your descent for Castle Canyon so you can stop at the Inspiration Point pavilion. This hike is mildly strenuous, so if you’re at all an exercise-phobe, you’d best build up your tolerance before attempting this one.

Turn onto Franklin Canyon Drive from Beverly Drive. You will drive for a mile until you hit Franklin Lake, a giant man-made lake. Check out the many migratory birds that pass through the 605 acres and over 5 miles of hiking trails in Franklin Canyon Park and enjoy a picnic beneath the oak and sycamore trees. Breathe deeply. You can now forget any vacuous thoughts the inhabitants of Beverly Hills below might have.

With the Autry National Center, Los Angeles Zoo, Griffith Observatory, the LA Equestrian Center, bike rentals, golf, swimming, tennis, pony rides, merry-go rounds, invigorating walking (beware rattlesnakes on unmarked paths), and extraordinary views of the LA Basin, San Fernando Valley, and San Gabriel Mountains to be ingested, there’s virtually nothing this park doesn’t have going for it. Except your presence. So remedy that and head there now. Bronson Caves, located in the southwest corner of the park, have been featured as Batman’s hideout in the TV series, and in such classics as Bonanza, Gunsmoke, Star Trek: Voyager, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, and more. What’s a cheaper outing than the park? Come on! Don’t act like a Borg and be a party-pooper of the galaxy! Get moving. Open year-round 5 a.m. to 10:30 p.m.

These 32 acres of park adjacent to Chinatown are an urban oasis in the middle of downtown Los Angeles. Enjoy the view of a skyline from the serenity of nature that surrounds you. Plenty of biking, running, walking, picnicking, and general park-ing pleasure. On-leash dogs are welcome. Open 8 a.m. to sunset.

Park in the second parking lot near the backcountry trailhead. If the peaks of Goat Buttes Summit look familiar and the theme of M*A*S*H is running through your head, it’s because you recognize those peaks from the opening credits of the television show. The road will become a dirt road after you cross the bridge. When it forks, stay to the right, and then try, just try, not to gasp at the breathtaking beauty that will surround you. The Visitors Center is rarely open, but the trail to your right just before the bridge that crosses to it can take you to massive granite monoliths that served as the backdrop to the original Planet of the Apes (1968). Are you enjoying your entertainment history lesson in this chapter? I should hope so. Great camping site with fishing, horseback riding, and bird watching. Located 25 miles from downtown Los Angeles, Malibu Creek State Park also features Century Lake, a man-made lake. Day trippers can avoid the $12 parking fee altogether by parking on Mulholland for free. Open dawn to dusk.

Just off the 101 Freeway, Runyon Canyon Park offers you 130 acres of urban wilderness. Hollywood runs and walks here, taking in views of the Hollywood sign and Griffith Observatory, Downtown LA, La Brea and Wilshire, the Pacific Ocean, Catalina Island, the Sunset Strip, Hollywood Boulevard, and Baldwin Hills along the way; listen for buzz on the latest deals as you drift by the workout-focused designer sweats-clad power mongers of Tinseltown. You can enter at the south or north entrance. If you enter from the south, you can choose to go clockwise or counterclockwise. The latter is more of a workout. Off-leash dogs love them some Runyon Canyon.

Take the Mishe Mokwa Trail for a stunning, 6-mile round trip hike. When you summit at Sandstone Peak, you’ll catch your breath and Kodak views of the San Gabriel Mountains, Los Padres National Forest, Pacific Ocean, and Channel Islands.

Hop across streams and hear the rush of the 55-foot Sturtevant Falls, feeling like an animated character in a Disney movie all the while. Pretend one of the 80 cabins, built some 70 years ago and counting, belongs to you. Then remember you’re not ready to give up your iPhone and modern conveniences, though this hike is a pretty rad way to spend the afternoon. Wear appropriate gear to protect yourself from poison oak and lyme disease. Rattlesnakes, mountain lions, and bear reside in the Santa Anita Canyon, but are not likely to bother you. Over 40 miles of trails to choose from. Parking is free or $5, depending on whether the free lot is full and you have to head to the Pack Station/General Store and use their lot.

Alder and sycamore trees line Solstice Canyon Park in the Santa Monica Mountains, along with waterfalls and creeks. You’re ready for your Cover Girl supermodel shoot in a bikini in nature. Or not. You could just go, fully clothed, and enjoy yourself without the pressure of a modeling shoot. You don’t have to be super buff in order to handle this pleasant hike. (I can hear your sigh of relief through the pages of this book.)

One mile north of the PCH at the intersection of Temescal Canyon and Sunset Boulevard is this beautiful park, once a meeting place for early-20th-century church groups and spiritual communities. (It’s okay, today it doesn’t matter which way you swing.) Take in all 141 acres of oak and sycamore canyons. If you take the Temescal Canyon Trail, stay to the right, it’s the best! To check out the creek, take a right past the red cabin, a quick left, and then stay straight. Temescal Gateway Park abuts the entrance to the 36 miles of hiking trails in Topanga State Park. So, it’s 2 free parks for the price of one.

In the 1930s, Will Rogers was the highest paid actor in Hollywood. There’s even a musical called The Will Rogers Follies. A vaudeville star, radio personality, philosopher, and columnist, he could do wonders with his rope tricks. His ranch of 186 acres overlooking the Pacific Ocean was turned into a state park in 1944. You can tour his ranch house Thursday through Sunday, watch the Will Rogers Polo Club every April through October weekend, and take trail rides by horse or hike. If you take your laptop within 150 feet of the Ranger Station in the park, you’ll be able to surf the Internet and learn that Will Rogers used to play polo here with his friends Clark Gable and Gary Cooper. Inspiration Point has the most stunning views, so don’t leave without making it up there!

YOGA

It’s Los Angeles, so whether you love it or you’ve never tried it, at some point in your Los Angeles sojourn, be it the year you live there after college or the moment you realized you were a lifer, you have to give yoga a whirl. It’s one of those rare physical activities you can do your whole life (like walking, swimming, tennis, and golf), and its benefits have been documented for centuries. A good yoga class does wonders for any back, shoulder, or neck pain I experience as a result of my relationship with my computer. It could do the same for you, and there are a number of cheap deals you should be taking advantage of, so get ready to give your best downward dog. Om . . .

Memorial Branch Library
4625 W. Olympic Blvd. (at S. Mullen Ave. in Mid-Wilshire/Hancock Park), Los Angeles
www.lapl.org

Take a free basic hatha yoga class at the Memorial Branch Library on Saturday for 1 hour and 15 minutes and be sure to check out http://artistssurvivalguide.blogspot.com for more information on free Los Angeles fitness and yoga classes. I love pigeon pose. Really works on those hips that can get tight from all that sitting in traffic!

One week of unlimited yoga for just $20. If you purchase a package within your introductory period, they’ll give you 15 percent off. Offer good for firsttime students who are residents of the greater Los Angeles area. They also have cash-only donations classes for charity, with a minimum suggested donation of $10.

4454 Van Nuys Blvd. (near Moorpark St.), Sherman Oaks
(818) 380-0331
www.blackdogyoga.net

Black Dog Yoga offers classes of all levels in hatha yoga, based mostly on the Anusara and Ashtanga Vinyasa systems. Hatha yoga joins the masculine, active energy of the sun with the feminine, receptive energy of the moon to create a more balanced and powerful individual, you, if you take advantage of their 2 weeks of unlimited yoga at $30 for Los Angeles residents only. Mid-day power hours at Black Dog Yoga are a steal at $5, and community classes are just $10.

Power Yoga Studio—West: 1410 2nd St., 1st floor, Santa Monica
Power Yoga Studio—East: 522 Santa Monica Blvd., Santa Monica
(310) 458-9510
www.poweryoga.com

Bryan Kest’s Power Yoga offers donation-based classes, with the suggested donation at $12, but they want you to give what you can.

409 W. Olympic Blvd., #304 (between S. Olive St. and S. Grand Ave.), Los Angeles
(213) 488-0820
www.304poweryoga.com

Take Mark Blanchard’s power hour class at 6:30 a.m. or noon for just $11, and increase your strength, flexibility, mental clarity, and awareness, as well as the firmness of your butt. (Hey, it’s LA, don’t think no one is checking you out.) Ten percent off single sessions for active SAG members, LA City workers, or students with valid photo ID. New students can pay $60 for 1 month of unlimited yoga. This deal must be purchased with your first class. Voted LA Weekly Best of 2010.

Daily free outdoor yoga classes given to yoga enthusiasts of all shapes, sizes, and walks of life in the grassy area of Runyon Canyon Park near the Fuller entrance. Bring a mat or towel and a donation if you please. Commune and become one with nature before you venture out into the world and become one with traffic. Stay up to date with "Runyon Canyon YOGA" on Facebook.

2809 W. Sunset Blvd. (near Silverlake Blvd.), Los Angeles
(213) 483-YOGA (9642)
www.urthyoga.com

Urth Yoga is an eco-friendly hatha yoga studio in the heart of Silverlake. Take advantage of their $20 offer of unlimited yoga for 10 days, or $49 for 1 month. Mat rental is free in your introductory period, and you’ll receive a 15 percent discount if you purchase any packages in that time. Payment plans and discounted programs offered to those in need, because money should not stand in the way of you and your "Namaste."

The Yoga Collective runs great deals such as $30 for unlimited yoga in your first month, or 10 classes for just $100. Located on the entertainment-friendly 3rd Street Promenade, you can pair your yoga with a walk out to the Santa Monica Pier or beach to meet a friend, and you’ve packed your day with budget-friendly escapades!

12408 Ventura Blvd. (at Rhodes Ave.), Studio City
(818) 691-3000
www.yogashelter.com

Yoga Shelter offers what they call Sanga Yoga. "Sanga" means community, and Yoga Shelter wants yoga to be affordable and accessible to all, so you can invite harmony and balance into your body and life. All classes are open to all strength and experience levels. They offer 1 free week of yoga to first-time yoga students who are also LA County residents, 10 percent off a 36-class pass, 60 days (that’s 2 months!) of unlimited yoga for $120, and more. Deals are constantly changing, so check their website for the latest.

YogaWorks runs specials all the time to get you to join. For example, does 2 weeks of unlimited yoga for $30 plus a free subscription to Yoga Journal sound like a good deal? You bet. Your deal might be something different, but it’s guaranteed to be just as awesome. Check their website for information about their many locations in Los Angeles and Orange County.

Yogi’s Anonymous offers free classes from time to time, and streams classes live on their website. You can also have access to their entire yoga library for just $15/month. Then maybe you, too, can do yoga naked in the privacy of your own apartment. (That one was for my boyfriend. Oh, yeah, I’m talking to you. Now everyone knows. Woops!)

TRADITIONAL SPORTS

Dribble that ball by foot on the soccer field or by hand on the basketball court. When you’re completely tuckered out, take a break to hike over to the Korean Bell of Friendship and Bell Pavilion for a deep breath and views of the Los Angeles Harbor, Catalina Channel, and sea terraces of San Pedro Hill. Even better if you do all of this after a scenic car trip down Palos Verdes Drive on your way there.

This page will tell you how to get on the listserve for everything you ever needed to know about volleyball in Southern California, from classes and clinics to tournaments, leagues, open gyms, and pickup games, to beach and grass volleyball resources. That’s right, you heard me. Volleyball resources. For the best beach volleyball viewing, check out Manhattan and Hermosa Beaches.

Playa Vista Sports Park, located in Los Angeles on the west side, is a 7-acre park boasting a Little League baseball field, soccer field, two half basketball courts, two tennis courts, and a playground. Use of the park is totally free. Visit their website for more information.

Tennis Los Angeles can connect you to tennis players on the courts throughout Westwide Beaches, West LA, Downtown, the San Fernando Valley, and San Gabriel Valley. For nominal fees, you can join a league, find partners, and play doubles in any season. For a list of free tennis courts in Los Angeles, see Appendix B on p. 297.

If you’re serious about basketball, you’ll want to shoot hoops with all men who can jump, at one of the 3 full courts at this outdoor basketball institution. Of course, the form played here is a bit more streetball, so the rules are a bit more lax and the show a bit more theatrical, complete with slam dunks and fake-outs.

Swimming, cycling, Pilates, volleyball, dancing, and more for some of the cheapest rates around at one of the nearly 25 YMCA locations in metropolitan Los Angeles. Classes are cheapest for members, but still quite reasonable for nonmembers. The Stuart M. Ketchum Downtown YMCA location offers free health classes featuring health officials from organizations such as the American Cancer Society, American Heart Association, and the USC Stroke Center speaking about topical health issues we face individually, in our family, and in our community. See the website for the YMCA location closest to you and for the current schedule of classes.

City of Los Angeles Department of Recreation and Parks

Whether it’s swimming, baseball, basketball, flag football, golf, soccer, softball, tennis, or volleyball that gets the blood pumping and your endorphins climbing, the City of Los Angeles Department of Recreation and Parks has a league for you. Fees are usually on a per-team basis, but go a long way toward covering everything you’ll need to participate in your chosen sport. You’ll sweat, have fun, make new friends, and feel like a kid all over again. Visit www.laparks.org for more details.

SKATEBOARDING, SWIMMING & OTHER SPORTS

11671 National Blvd. (at Barrington), West Los Angeles
(310) 795-AMMS (2667)
http://mma-losangeles.com

One Sunday of every month, the Academy of Mixed Martial Science hosts a free 90-minute self-defense workshop as a service to the community. Learn basic and easy-to-use control techniques to hold and subdue an attacker quickly and safely without injuring the opponent, as well as vital area-striking to stop an attack in 5 moves or less. Visit the website to sign up. AMMS also welcomes new students to try a free introductory class in Muay Thai Kickboxing, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Kick-Fit, or Self-Defense. The South Bay location is at 13040 Hawthorne Blvd. and can be reached using the phone number listed above. HI-YA!

In Ultimate Frisbee, you pass a Frisbee among players on two opposing teams, with each team trying to score a goal in the "end zone." Like football or hockey, minus the full-body contact and helmet. LAOUT has teamed up with www.PickUpUltimate.com, which lists all the pickup games, not just in Los Angeles but the world. Joining a league will cost you some money; pickup games are free.

Venice Beach Recreation and Parks Office
1800 Ocean Front Walk, Venice
(310) 399-2775
www.musclebeach.net

Eat your heart out, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Pre-CA Governor/Terminator Arnold, the one who won bodybuilding competitions in Austria Arnold, that is. Muscle Beach claims it pioneered the concept of the "outdoor gym" and was the "original birthplace of the physical fitness movement of the 20th century." Catch buff men in their skivvies lifting heavy stuff in full view of your visual pleasure. If you’re not into pumping iron, you can watch others do so in many a competition. Buy a 1-day workout pass for $10, and you can start lifting, too. If things get too steamy, you can head into the ocean to cool off following.

The Golden Rule of Gyms

Many a gym will pole vault for the opportunity to gain your business and would just l-o-v-e to sign you up for that yearly membership. Many of them offer discounts and deals to entice you, particularly right around New Year’s, in anticipation of your new physical fitness goals in the year ahead. sometimes they are also willing to work out a payment or billing plan that will work for your budget and system. Most importantly, many gyms will let you try out their facilities for free for a day, a few days, or even a week. so be sure to test drive that baby before you buy it. For a comprehensive list of over 330 health clubs, fitness centers, and gyms in Los Angeles, along with all of their amenities, visit www.healthclubdirectory.com.

All ages can triple salchow to their heart’s content at this ice rink for just $8. Skate rentals are $3. They also offer free practice time and guest passes if you purchase one of their reasonably priced ice skating lessons packages. Follow them on Twitter @skBattle for further discounts.

Do the wooden stairs, concrete stairs, or the loop, and your toned gluteus maximus will thank you. I don’t care how in shape you are. Stairs are tough, and they are a great workout. Take it from the girl who has lived in a 5th-floor walk-up for over 7 years. I know. For you roving eye types, there’s some decent eye candy here as well.

Opened in 2009, this is a 16,000-square-foot park that features two bowls, a snake run, and a street section with steps, rails, and platforms. Admission is free. Open 9 a.m. to sunset daily, it is the only skatepark located on a beach. For professionals and amateurs, Venice Skate Park hosts a number of skateboarding events as well. Dude.

At $2 for residents and $3 for nonresidents, you can’t get a better deal for cooling off. Especially since you don’t own that house in the hills with the pool just yet. Seniors and the disabled swim for free, children are just $1, $1.75 if not WeHo residents. Check website for lap and recreational swim times.

"I love the nightlife!" you’ll scream as you whip around the rink on your roller skates. Hopefully your high school boyfriend won’t come up behind you suddenly, send you sprawling on the floor and splitting open your chin, thus ending your night in the ER. (Can’t even see the scar anymore.) In general, skating will run you $6 to $12, depending on the night, whether you’re a student, and whether you have your own skates. Check website for hours and prices. If you’re really into roller skating and can’t get enough, check out the Los Angeles Derby Dolls (http://derbydolls.com)—tickets start at $18 for the spectacle.

REI—Pick a Class, Any Class

Recreational Equipment, Inc. (REI), the one-stop shopping store for your outdoor gear, equipment, and clothing needs, offers a number of classes through the REI Outdoor school Greater Los Angeles Area. Choose from climbing, cycling, hiking and camping, navigation, outdoor photography, paddling, and snowsports. Classes for members are $20 less than for nonmembers. A lifetime membership will cost you just $20 (so long as you spend at least $10 per year), and it will earn you the annual REI member refund, typically 10 percent back on eligible purchases, special members-only offers on gears and clothing at REI, as well as savings on adventure travel with REI Adventures. Two locations are at 1800 Rosencrans Ave., Suite E, Manhattan Beach (310-727-0728); and 402 Santa Monica Blvd., Santa Monica (310458-4370). Visit www.rei.com for more information.

SURF’S UP

Beach it, boardwalk it, bike it, and more on Balboa Island, just a $1 ferry ride ($2 if you bring your car) from Newport Beach. Stroll around, hit the beach, spend $2 to $3 for the carousel and Ferris wheel, where you’ll catch glimpses of the majestic Pacific. You won’t be surfing here—small sandy beaches are perfect for vessel voyeurism or catching up on that novel you’ve been meaning to finish.

Rockin’ waves for great surfing and fun volleyball to be had by all. No dogs. Rent bikes or skates at the snack bar. Restrooms with showers so you can look spiffy following your prance in the saltwater. Free residential parking or metered lot parking.

Swim, jog, walk, and tan at Hermosa Beach. Take in the league games of beach flag football. Bike nearby. Check out the unique annual Grunion Run during the summer months. Grunion is a species of fish that flops onto the beaches of Southern California each year in a primitive ritual of spawning. If you have a fishing license, you can try catching the slippery little suckers with your hands, which is a feat requiring great sportsmanship and dexterity. Grunions are yummy, and catching them, or trying to, or watching others trying to catch them, is fun and funny. Metered or lot parking will cost you a bit. All main parking is located on 11th Street, 13th Street, or Hermosa Avenue.

It is here that you will find famous surfing events, as well as the Surfing Walk of Fame, Hall of Fame, and International Surf Museum. Dog Beach, the dog park here along these 8.5 uninterrupted miles of beautiful coast, features dog bakeries, specialty shops, and parks. It is one of the few dog-friendly beaches where dogs can play in the water. Keep walking and you’ll catch the volleyball courts as well.

Seven miles of Pacific Ocean in Orange County, made most famous by too many reality television shows to count in the past decade. Tide pools with great marine life viewing off Wave Street and the PCH, along with plenty of diving, surfing, and skimboarding. Weekends feature many artists and street musicians on the boardwalk. So romantic! Plenty of free residential parking if you go out of your way just a tad.

Peaceful waters safe for kids, as well as lifeguards and volleyball courts. To rent a kayak on these calm waters for just $9 an hour, visit www.kayakrentals.net, or go there in person at 5411 E. Ocean Blvd., Long Beach.

Manhattan Beach is where beach volleyball was born. And you thought Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer invented it in Top Gun. No entrance fee to plant your towel in the sand; feed the meters on the street or in the lots. Restrooms and showers, but no pets allowed. Particularly busy in August, when Manhattan Beach hosts the Manhattan Beach Open Volleyball Championships, Sand Castle Contest, and Surf Festival. Fish from the pier. Stroll to a nearby cafe or restaurant for a bite to eat at the end of the day. Star sightings always possible, as many live nearby or work at the Manhattan Beach Studios. Park near the pier or underground near The Shade hotel.