For months after the news of Gem’s death Keziah moved through her life like an actress trapped on stage in a play which was only revealed to her one page at a time. She fought hard to concentrate on the needs of her little family and her schoolchildren but at night she fell asleep exhausted by the effort to appear cheerful and normal.
Jake had called regularly to check on her during Daniel’s prolonged absence in Bolthole Valley where Gilbert Evans had engaged him to build a Sunday school hall. But when Jake needed to head off he arranged for Dr Ross to check that she wanted for nothing. From the professional way Dr Ross observed her, Keziah knew he was concerned that she was suffering from melancholia.
How could she explain to the good doctor that she was mourning the death of a famous bushranger who had been her first husband? She had to keep up her public face as Saranna Browne. In Jake’s absence, only Nerida was aware of the true cause of her sorrow.
Her memories of Gem were locked deep inside her, but as autumn passed without breaking the drought, the birth of spring and then summer gradually brought her a renewed surge of energy. Finally the day arrived when Keziah felt she had reached a mountain top and could see what lay on the other side. The future.
She set the black metal iron to heat on top of the stove as she re-read Daniel’s recent letter.
I promise to make it back home in time for Joseph Bloom’s celebration. Oh by the way, Julian Jonstone’s offered to pay my fees to study art in Sydney Town. Most generous of him, but of course I’d never leave you and Gabriel high and dry.
But between every line Keziah sensed his longing to take up the offer, his golden opportunity.
On his return she knew what she must tell him. She said the words out loud to be sure they held the ring of truth. ‘It’s time for you to be faithful to your mistress, Daniel.’ Yes, it was true.
She was relieved when the iron was finally hot enough to press the new gown she had been sewing frantically all week. The thought of Joseph Bloom’s banquet tonight brought a wave of anticipation, a flutter of nerves.
She dragged the heavy iron across a white rag to check it would leave no sooty marks on the silk water-veined taffeta. She had bought the entire bolt of fabric from Sunny Ah Wei to ensure that no other woman in Ironbark would appear in the same material. Tonight she must look her very best. Jake had promised Joseph Bloom he’d return to Ironbark in time for the celebration – and everyone knew Jake Andersen’s word was his bond.
Although she had not seen Jake for weeks Keziah had the strong conviction Jenny would soon return from New Zealand. In her dreams she was haunted by the face in Daniel’s drawing that Jake carried around with him. How she hated that small, delicate blonde temptress – the woman was everything that she was not. No doubt Jake’s obsession would draw him back into his wife’s arms if Jenny chose to crook her finger at him. Keziah had to act fast.
After washing her hair in rosemary oil she sat in the sun to dry it. She re-read last week’s newspaper account of how Caleb Morgan, the sole survivor of his ill-fated expedition, was being lionised by society in South Australia.
Despite Caleb’s heroic failure the Morgan name was now being heaped with the glory she had predicted years ago reading his palm. No doubt people would take up a handsome public subscription for him. I’ll bet the native guide who carried him across the desert and saved his life will never be rewarded one penny. The newspapers don’t even say his true name, just some gaujo nickname.
Keziah glanced at the drawer where she kept the precious document drawn up by Joseph Bloom, the proof she had legally adopted the babe abandoned in Ironbark. She was ready to meet Caleb’s fight for custody, armed with this adoption paper, a legal husband who would stand by her in court and above all her best mate. At the thought of Jake she told herself to remain calm, but she was so distracted when she tried to push the image of his face from her mind that he would not go.
As she dressed in the layers of petticoats needed to bell out the skirt of her new gown, she felt cheered that her long ago prophecy for Joseph Bloom had come true. Before his departure he had confided in her the reasons for his journey.
‘I am going to Sydney Town to be married. No doubt you’ve heard the wild claims by Ironbark gossips. That it is an arranged marriage, my bride speaks no English and brings me a dowry of gold bullion.’ He gave a tolerant shrug. ‘The truth is Rivka is my cousin and far from wealthy. Her dowry consists solely of her beloved pianoforte. We were childhood sweethearts in Frankfurt am Main.’
‘How romantic!’ Keziah exclaimed.
‘Not in the eyes of my uncle. He claimed that New South Wales is the Sodom and Gomorrah of the South Pacific and refused permission, quoting our proverb, ‘Away from Frankfurt, gone is the soul’. In his eyes, Mrs Browne, I am a dangerous radical. Me?’
‘What made him change his mind?’ Keziah asked.
Joseph Bloom’s eyes twinkled. ‘He did not. Rivka’s mother paid for her passage and bundled her onto a ship bound for Port Jackson. I go to meet her now.’
Keziah smiled at the memory of their shared laughter. But next moment she was sobered by the thought of Joseph’s plans to open his own legal practice in Sydney Town.
Her vision instantly reverted to the frightening flash of a courtroom and Joseph in a barrister’s wig. Criminal law. Murder! She sensed the reality of this premonition was drawing closer and that Jake was right at the heart of it. She tried to push the vision aside, determined to seize and enjoy the moment. Tonight was Joseph’s celebration to introduce Rivka to their Ironbark friends. Keziah knew in her heart that when Daniel accompanied her it would be their final public appearance.
Her world was changing so fast it made her dizzy. In the goondie she kissed Gabriel goodnight. Then she hurried down the track, trying to rein in her hair while fighting to prevent the wind ballooning out her skirt. She felt a wild surge of elation. Weddings are famous for kindling new love affairs. The timing is perfect.
• • •
Jake scanned the guests for a sign of Keziah. Everyone and his dog had been invited to meet Joseph’s Hebrew bride.
Jake saw Rivka Bloom through a break in the crowd of guests milling on the lawn behind the Bloom homestead. She looked a bit overcome in a sea of strangers who all spoke English so Jake gave her a broad wink to reassure her. At first glance Jake had thought Rivka a bit on the dumpy side but now as she smiled back at him her luminous dark eyes and gentle smile transformed her into a beauty. Jake was forced to admit it – good women in love were a race apart.
He was startled to find Daniel standing beside him looking serious.
‘Could we have a quiet drink later, Jake? I’m off to Sydney Town and I’ve got a favour to ask you about Keziah.’
Jake hesitated. Neither of them had ever referred to their drunken brawl at Scotty’s hut. Long gone, it was too confusing to think about. Jake had heard no further rumours of Daniel’s philandering and their friendship had been resumed, although with a guarded undercurrent.
‘Righto, Dan. I reckon I’ll still be here drinking Joseph’s grog by breakfast.’
Jake watched Daniel circle the edge of the crowd in a clockwise direction, clearly unaware that Keziah’s bobbing head could be seen circling anticlockwise. Finally husband and wife came face to face. They stood stock-still for a moment. Jake couldn’t hear their words but it was clear they were engaged in an amiable battle of wills. Each time Daniel shook his head in denial, Keziah adamantly nodded her head to oppose him. Until finally Daniel threw back his head laughing and bent to kiss her forehead. When they turned away from each other, both were smiling. Daniel crossed to chat to Leslie Ross who had donned his kilt in honour of meeting the bride.
Jake stiffened when he realised Keziah was heading his way. She stopped in front of him, her head tilted to one side. Her innocent smile encompassed him and the two men standing nearby. George Hobson eyed her like a concerned father. Gilbert Evans wore his usual air of suspicion. Keziah seemed blithely unaware of them both.
‘Excuse me, gentlemen, while I borrow your mate for a few minutes.’
Jake had little choice. Reluctantly towed away to join the dancers, he was jolted by the painful memory of his first meeting with Jenny when she taught him to dance. He was struck by the thought that these musicians were playing the very same waltz. The two dances fused into one.
Conscious of holding Keziah in his arms in public for the very first time, Jake didn’t hear a word she said. He could think of only one thing. Her deep neckline gave him a generous reminder of her naked bosom that night she had held his head and given him her body heat. Jake felt a strong desire to go there again. He reminded himself she was Daniel’s wife and that he must watch his step.
Playfully Keziah tucked his long hair behind his ears. Jake avoided looking into her eyes, but was distracted by her equally dangerous mouth.
‘Hey! What are you up to, Kez?’
‘I’ve something important to tell you, Jake. About Daniel.’
When the waltz came to an end they crossed to rejoin the other guests, but Jake saw his reprieve was short-lived.
In an inspired act of magic Joseph had brought a trio of roving klezmer musicians from Sydney Town and hired one of Scotty the Shepherd’s fiddle-playing mates. Their music was a joyous blend of cultures – German, Yiddish, Italian, Hungarian and wild Celtic Irish.
Joseph and his bride stood nearby but Jake saw that his host was intently watching Keziah. One of the klezmer musicians began to sing a haunting melody in some foreign lingo Jake didn’t recognise. The response from Keziah was instantaneous.
She gave a heartfelt cry. ‘Joseph! That’s a Romani love song. My father’s favourite!’ Keziah clapped her hands like a delighted child.
Jake rolled his eyes. Her Romani father! Jesus, she’s forgotten who she is.
Her black taffeta gown with its lace collar was, at first glance, demure enough to be the Sunday best Saranna Plews might have worn, but when Keziah picked up the hem of her skirts, Jake glimpsed a flash of red petticoats and black silk stockings as she began to race towards the musicians.
He grabbed her arm and spun her around. ‘This is not your music, Saranna!’
Keziah’s eyes widened, remembering her role. She gave a stifled cry of frustration and headed for the barn. Jake sauntered off in pursuit of her. Jesus wept, I hope Daniel isn’t on the prowl.
Closing the barn door behind him he leaned back against it, stunned by the sight of Keziah. He was glad his face was hidden in the shadows.
Moonlight fell in a pool in the centre of the barn. Transfixed by the magical sound of her Romani music and oblivious to the world, Keziah was dancing. Jake had never seen a dance like it. She shook her hair free, her heels beat out a rapid tattoo, her back arched proudly. One arm curved above her head, the other flicked the hem of her skirts, her scarlet petticoats. She tossed her hair to one side in a gesture of joyous abandon, her eyes a passionate response to the music that dictated the rhythm of her body.
So this was Romani dancing! Jake saw her dress slip from one shoulder but he knew that her movements were not deliberately seductive. The way Keziah danced transformed the demure black dress of Saranna the schoolteacher into a vision of an untamed Romani.
Jake felt his pulse racing, confused by the unwanted thought of Keziah in Daniel’s bed. Jesus wept. Just look at her. What man could resist her?
Outside the music built to a wild crescendo then died. Keziah seemed rooted to the spot, but she slowly returned to the reality of the barn and Jake’s presence. She threw her arms wide, laughing like a naughty, runaway child who has returned home to find her absence undetected.
‘So now you know. That’s how we dance. It’s in our blood!’
‘Sorry you have to hide it from the rest of the world, Kez, but you can dance like that for Daniel anytime you want.’
Her words tumbled out. ‘No. Daniel’s been invited by Julian Jonstone to study art in Sydney Town. All fees paid. It’s Daniel’s dream. I want him to go. He won’t be coming back to me.’
Jake felt a rush of confusion. ‘Kez, be sensible. You can work it out together. You have to. He’s your husband. You’re married for life.’
When she shook her head emphatically, Jake grabbed her by the shoulders.
‘Go with him, God damn you!’
‘No! This is what Daniel wants. What I want. Our marriage is a farce.’
‘Bull! He told me you’re the only woman he’s ever loved.’
‘Yes. Like brother and sister, but I need my own man, Jake. Don’t you see?’
Keziah stood on her toes like a little girl and held tight to the lapels of his coat. Then she kissed him full on the mouth like a very hungry woman. This time there was no trace of wine on her breath. Just the sweet taste of apples.
Jake had a sudden urge to continue to drink her in. A wave of anger washed over him. What rotten timing. Daniel was leaving her. Keziah was more than willing. Jake felt a sudden wild need to go down on her. Bury his face in her breasts. Kiss her all night long. Drown in her. But it was too late. He could never be more than her friend. Curse me for a prize fool. I promised I’d never lie to her.
He held her at arm’s length and forced himself to say the words. ‘I got word from the Yankee. Jenny’s arrived back from New Zealand. I’m gunna leave for Melbourne Town right after this shindig.’
Keziah caught her breath and stepped back. She gave him a tremulous smile. ‘Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. Jenny and little Pearl. That’s what you want, isn’t it?’
Jake didn’t quite know how to answer. Whatever he said would be half a lie. There was an awkward pause.
‘You’re a good man, Jake. Don’t let pride ruin your life.’
Jake escorted her back in silence to rejoin the other guests. Joseph Bloom tapped a wineglass for attention, ready to make a speech.
• • •
Keziah felt Jake standing behind her but she couldn’t look at him. Joseph’s speech was a blend of piety, earthy wisdom and humour, yet she found it difficult to concentrate on his words. Waves of humiliation made her cheeks burn, then she turned her anger on herself. How many times must I fail before I face the truth? Jake simply doesn’t want me as a woman!
She was suddenly caught by the words of Joseph’s speech. His description of how he and Rivka had witnessed the spectacular climax of Her Majesty’s birthday celebrations.
‘The crowd cheered when the gaslights were turned on to illuminate the streets of Sydney Town for the first time. Clear proof of our colony’s progress in keeping pace with England.’ Joseph’s eyes smiled down at his diminutive bride. ‘But for me this historic moment had great personal significance. I ask you to raise your glasses to my Rivka, who from childhood has illuminated my whole life!’
Drunk or sober the wedding guests broke into spontaneous cheering.
‘And some people think Germans aren’t romantic!’ Keziah said. She turned to check Jake’s response.
He was gone.
Keziah sat alone watching the dancers. All energy was drained from her. She looked up to see Daniel offering her his hand. They walked home together in silence, each locked in their own thoughts.
Inside the front door she was surprised to see Daniel’s bag packed and waiting.
‘I’ve decided to leave tonight. No point in delaying it. May I borrow the brumby?’
‘First time you’ve ever asked my permission,’ she said wryly.
‘I’ll leave him at the livery stables in Bolthole Valley and take the morning coach to Sydney Town. I’ve left a present for Gabriel at the foot of his bed. He’ll find it when he wakes.’
Keziah felt a lump in her throat. ‘He’ll miss you. He really loves you.’
‘I know, but I’m not the father he needs. I’m sorry I failed you.’
She straightened his collar the way a mother sends her small son off to school.
‘There’s a Romani saying. “Never buy a handkerchief nor choose a wife by candlelight.” You chose me by candlelight.’
‘I regret many things I’ve done. You are not one of them.’ His kiss was tender. ‘Be a good girl, Keziah. You’ll manage all right for money? Jonstone’s paying my tuition but I’ll be short of cash till I gain a commission. You know where to find me. Remember, your husband is ready to fight by your side in court if Caleb Morgan decides to play rough.’
They clung to each other for a moment, then Daniel was gone.
Keziah knew that sleep was out of the question. She stoked up the fire and sat staring into the flames, dejected by her mistake about Jake. She almost laughed at the sad irony. How strange life was. Both the men in her life were leaving her on the same night. Daniel to race off to his ‘mistress’. Jake to pursue the only woman he had ever loved. Jenny.
‘What a fool I was to think Jake could ever love me as a woman.’ Her words sounded hollow in the cottage. She had never felt more alone in her life.
But surely Jake couldn’t toss their mateship aside. Could he?
In the heart of the fire she saw the image of what awaited Jake at journey’s end.