CRIME SCENES
Bang Kwang Central Prison: The prison has tightened up in recent years. If you want to visit a foreign inmate, it’s best to dress up a little and pretend you’re a friend or a relative. Some embassies have lists of their nationals imprisoned in Thailand.
The maximum-security jail is located near the last stop on the river taxi line at Nonthaburi, just north of Bangkok. Take the first left and the prison is on your right. From the pier it’s a 10-minute walk. To fill in the form you must go to the Visitor Information Centre across the street from the prison.
For the morning sessions from 9.30–11.30am, you need to register by 9am. The afternoon visits run from 1.30–2.30pm. Once again, you have to register half an hour before the start time. Bring a photocopy of your passport and know the name and building number of the prisoner. Visiting days are subject to change and cancelled on national holidays.
One of the best sources of information about prison visits is a website run by an Englishman sentenced to 30 years in jail for possessing 250 speed pills: http://scottsbangkwangtime.net/25.html. He has now been sent back to England to finish his sentence but his website lists other nationals to visit.
The Corrections Museum is on Mahachai Road, on the ground of the Rommaninart Park, down the street from the Golden Mount, heading towards Chinatown. The guard towers and some of the cells from the old prison where author Warren Fellows was once interred are still there. Inside the museum are displays of ancient torture instruments replete with life-size mannequins, as well as old photos, homemade syringes and the original machine-gun from Bang Kwang. This penal hall of Kafka-esque horrors raises gooseflesh from Mon–Fri, 8.30am–4.30pm.
Museum of the Macabre: The Siriraj Medical Museum 6 is located on the west bank of the Chao Phraya River, across from Thammasat University, at 2 Phra Nok Road, on the grounds of Siriraj Hospital. Take the river taxi or cross-river ferry. From the pier near the hospital it’s easy to get directions to the building housing all six museums. Admission is 40 baht. Visiting hours are Mon–Sat from 9am–4pm.
MISADVENTURE TRAVELS
A Bizarre Expat Odyssey: The Museum of Siam is located on Sanam Chai Road, not far from Wat Pho. Featuring interactive exhibits on everything from the foreign populace of ancient Ayuthaya to rock ‘n’ roll culture in Bangkok of the ‘50s, this is one of the country’s most high-tech museums. It’s open from 10am–6pm, Tues–Sun. Admission is 300 baht.
Military Tourism: Of all the military bases open for tourists, the most accessible is the Chulachomklao Royal Military Academy in Nakhon Nayok province. Equipped with a shooting range, golf course and other programmes, the academy has produced many generals. Thai speakers can call 037-393-3634-9.
One of the oddest military attractions in the country, not mentioned in the story, is ‘Friendship Village No. 1’, some 15 kilometres outside Betong, near the border with Malaysia. This former encampment of Malay communist soldiers, who laid down their weapons in 1989, has a 1.6-km tunnel dug by hand, battle photos and redder-than-Mao souvenirs. Some of the old guerrillas are on hand to recount their experiences and share their secrets for waging jungle warfare.
Siamese Twins: The sporadically open and sometimes shut museum for the twins’ old photos and sideshow posters is situated in the Lat Yai subdistrict of Samut Songkhram city, which is about four kilometres from the City Hall. Outside the museum is a life-size replica of their floating home and a statue of the twins with engravings depicting highlights from their conjoined lives and a plaster cast of their autopsy.
The province, only 90 minutes from Bangkok, is famous for its ancient canals, home-stays, floating markets and nocturnal boat journeys to see fireflies mating.
Cowboy Ranch: Pensuk Great Western is about 230 kilometres northeast of Bangkok in Nakhon Ratchasima province. It’s located at 111 Moo 2 Nong Takai in Amphur Soungnoen. Many hotel sites handle online bookings. The best time to get your duds and spurs on is Saturday when they have the big cowboys and Indians show and a barbecue at night.
THE SEX FILES
Empower: The head office is located at 57/60 Tivanond Road in Nonthaburi province, just outside Bangkok. Call 02-526-8311 for details in English about the Patpong office in Bangkok, the Can Do Bar in Chiang Mai, and their other centres and projects. Email them at: badgirls@empowerfoundation.org.
The Third Gender: All of the major tourist destinations like Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket and Koh Samui have nightly ladyboy cabarets. Now in its 13th year, the Miss Tiffany Universe Competition is held at Tiffany’s Theatre in Pattaya over the course of four days every May.
Fertility Shrine: The shrine is located behind the Swissotel Nai Lert Park Hotel at 2 Wireless Road. To get there you have to walk through the hotel and into the garden and pool area in the back. The shrine is off to the north, close to the canal.
STRANGE CELEBRITIES
Bizarre Architecture: Sumet Jumsai’s most monumental creations are in Bangkok. The Robot Building is the main office of the United Overseas Bank at 191 South Sathorn Road. On the outskirts of Bangkok, right beside the boundary line for Samut Prakan province, on Bang-na Trat Kilometre 4, are the Nation buildings. In the city’s mid-section is the ship-shaped Delta Grand Pacific Hotel on the corner of Sukhumvit Soi 19.
The Scorpion Queen: Kanchana and her husband, the Centipede King, still perform their capers with creepy-crawlies twice daily at 11am and 2pm at the Samui Snake Farm on the island of Koh Samui. The website can be found at: www.samuisnakefarm.com.
The Angel and She-Devil of Bang Kwang: Susan’s website is
http://onelifesusan.homestead.com/onelife.html.
Email her or subscribe to her regular e-newsletters at: onelifesusan@hotmail.com.
CREATURE FEATURES
Monkey Hospital: The world’s first and only such facility is located on the grounds of the Lop Buri Zoo in the provincial capital, around three hours north of Bangkok, served by regular buses and trains. The zoo is behind the Army Theatre near the Sa Kaew Circle and the hospital is open every day from 9am–4pm. To catch the high-wire shenanigans in the simian street circus, head for the Khmer-style shrines in the city’s historic downtown core. Every November, the city holds a special buffet and free-for-all food fight for the town’s mascots and miscreants at the main shrine.
Buffalo Bonanza: Wat Hua Krabeu (The Buffalo Head Temple) is on the fringes of Bangkok near Samut Sakhon province on Bangkhuntien-Chai Taley Road, Soi Tientalay 19. On weekends they sometimes have a flea market and an exhibition of vintage cars.
The Buffalo Villages is outside the capital of Suphanburi province, about 2.5 hours from Bangkok. During the week they have buffalo shows in Thai at 11am and 3pm. Over the weekend there are shows at 11am, 2.30pm and 4pm. The show, admission to the grounds and a buffalo cart ride costs 300 baht for foreigners.
The Buffalo Racing Festival is held annually in the capital of Chon Buri province near the City Hall. Along with the races there are processions and—feminists take note—beauty contests for both buffalo and local women.
Reptilian Threesome: From the centre of Khon Kaen, it’s a 50-kilometre slither to the Cobra Village of Ban Khok Sa-nga. Take Highway 2 and hang right at Kilometre 33 to Highway 2039. At the temple of Wat Sri Thamma is where they stage the daily snake shows and python dances.
From there it’s only a short ride to the Turtle Village (Mu Bahn Tao). The hamlet is two kilometres from Amphoe Mancha Khiri, accessed by the same turn in the road as the village of Ban Khok Sa-nga. Opposite the temple of Wat Sri Samang, it’s easy to spot the two models of giant tortoises beside the entrance to the village.
The Phu Wiang Dinosaur Museum is a bag of primordial bones in the national park of the same name. It’s open from 9am–5pm daily.
In the capital of Khon Kaen province, the Tourism Authority of Thailand’s office at 15/5 Prachasamosorn Rd (043-236-634) has free maps and brochures on all the province’s attractions. If you leave the capital by mid-morning, you can see all of the reptilian sights in a day. The city of Khon Kaen is an eight-hour drive north of Bangkok. Near the city, the province’s airport has daily flights from Bangkok.
THE SUPERNATURAL
Vegetarian Festival: In Phuket, Taoist Lent is celebrated with grisly abandon over the course of nine days every October. The piercing rituals, bloodletting and main processions of ‘spirit warriors’ only take place on the last three days.
Shock Airwaves and Restaurant: Shock FM 102 broadcasts (in Thai) every Saturday and Sunday night from midnight to 3am. The Shock Khao Tom Phi Restaurant and Pub is not easy to find in the north of Bangkok, off Lad Phrao Road. Even their Thai-only website lists the restaurant as being ‘two bus stops past the Tesco-Lotus beside the Ramintra Expressway’. The menus are in Thai. In the back of the restaurant and pub is the Shock Gallery decked with ghostly images sent in by their listeners and horror memorabilia. Ask a Thai friend to take you there.
Nang Nak: The shrine for the mother of all Thai phantoms is on the grounds of Wat Mahabut (sometimes referred to as Wat Mae Nak) on Soi 7 off Sukhumvit Soi 77. It’s open daily from early morning until 6pm.