Self-Destruction Sequence

Regarding falling asleep

waiting for my group to be called 

to enter the tunnel

that would have taken me

to 26D—

I nodded off, the plane left

without me

in my neck pillow

like someone in a hospital bed

completely unaware, waiting to be fixed,

indifferent to everything.

And perhaps what makes us miss things

is that once in a while

we want to stop getting what we’re paying for,

a small Dostoyevskian mutiny

like buying a clear plastic box of salad

that tastes old and poisonous

then throwing the whole thing in the trash.

Our lives are a series of

debts and payoffs that feel barely

tolerable. And anyway

whenever I walk across the sky

to stand in line for the bathroom

I think, finally,

I am just like a ghost

walking over the world

trying to distract myself

from boredom

and hysteria. It’s a kind of

holy moment

that unfills

anger.