EMPOWERMENT

The final preparation for your journey is learning about, and, where needed, transforming those beliefs that make up your core belief system. Much like a computer’s operating system, which programs what it can do, your core beliefs program how you think and behave. For most people these core beliefs are unconscious and unexamined. To be in charge of your life, you must understand the core beliefs that are making you act the way you do and change those that are not enhancing your well-being.

Much of this basic mental programming comes in our childhood. We are most influenced by the beliefs our parents hold and communicate to us through their words and actions. Our beliefs are also shaped by our siblings, teachers, classmates, religion, community, life experiences, and the media.

As children, we have not developed filters that allow us to discriminate between helpful and unhelpful beliefs. Those early direct and indirect statements about ourselves and about the world penetrate deeply into our psyche. As children we uncritically accept what we are told and shown as fundamental truths, and we rarely question these “truths” in later life. Most of our actions today are determined by the beliefs we adopted at a young age.

Although this early mental programming has the most pervasive influence on our actions, our core belief structure is continuously being reshaped by coworkers, family, the media, authority figures, our particular subcultures, and more. And, unfortunately, given our culture, many of these beliefs tend to be negative and pathology-oriented.

So how do we uncover our core beliefs? A core belief is one that is so basic to the way we orient ourselves in life that we never stop to think about it. We simply take this belief for granted and operate automatically based on its tenets. We are so sure that “This is just who we are and the way we think” that we never stop to consider that there is a deeply held belief causing us to think the way we do. These beliefs may not directly influence the details of every decision we make during any given day, but they certainly influence the context of these decisions and impact the overall direction in which they lead us. They are fundamental to the way we conduct our life.

Working with many people has led us to identify five core beliefs that fundamentally affect our attitudes and behaviors. The major personal growth issues that people face stem from these five categories of beliefs. Because they are so much a part of our lives, all of us have a relationship to these beliefs, albeit in most cases unconsciously.

These core beliefs are like the soil in a garden. If the soil is fertile, you can plant seeds in it and they will grow. But if the soil is not fertile, you can have the very best seeds and they still won’t germinate. As we’ve said, your visions for your life, embodied in the form of affirmations and visualizations, are the mental seeds you will be planting on this journey. The work ahead of you in this chapter is enriching your mental soil—your core belief system—so that it is fertile for growth.

We’ll begin by describing the five categories of core beliefs and then invite you to perform an “inner soil test” to determine where you need to fertilize your mental soil. As we describe these beliefs, you may find yourself being self-critical. If this happens, remember that these beliefs are so basic to the human experience that they can be considered our core curriculum. That is, they are so fundamental to living on this planet that all of us will always be addressing them at some level.

When something doesn’t work out the way you want it to, what do you say to yourself? When a misfortune occurs in your life, how do you respond? When someone does something that you don’t like, what do you think to yourself?

One internal dialogue might run like this: “Why does this always happen to me? I seem to have the worst luck. He screwed me. I wish my life were like so-and-so’s, then things would be so much better,” and endless variations on this theme.

Taking this stance makes us victims of a life experience and, to a greater or lesser degree, powerless. We are unwilling to take responsibility for the experience. We attempt to place blame on something or someone outside ourselves. We become a victim.

Another internal dialogue might be: “I feel terrible, and it hurts. What can I learn from this experience? Let me pick up the pieces, learn what I can, and I’ll become a better person as a result of this.” There are many variations on this theme, too.

When we take this stance, we make a different choice. We accept what has happened. We don’t deny the pain, sadness, or misfortune, yet at the same time we attempt to learn, grow, and profit from the experience. We take responsibility for our experience. One stance is life-negating, the other life-affirming. We always have a choice as to how we are going to respond to any life experience.

Looking at this category of core beliefs from a broader point of view, imagine life as a big classroom where we each come to learn different lessons that help us evolve as human beings. Some of the classes are fun and joyous; some are extremely challenging and downright painful.

If we have a class in our life, it’s for a reason. We need to take responsibility to attend it and learn the lesson it has to teach us. As soon as we learn it, we get to graduate. If and when we find ourselves in a similar situation, we now know what to do and handle it with ease and grace.

Do you feel confident in your abilities? Do you believe you have what it takes to be successful in life? Do you feel that you are a lovable person? Do you believe you are worthy of all life has to offer?

Most of us grow up with people criticizing us, and this negatively affects how we feel about ourselves. Grades, physical appearance, intelligence, athletic prowess, and social skills are some of the more common barometers on which we are negatively judged. These criticisms often damage our young and fragile egos. If we are not affirmed, loved, accepted for who we are, and taught how to develop our abilities, we are going to have self-esteem issues to sort out as adults. Since many of us have not had consistently positive upbringings, we often find areas in our life where we have a negative self-image when we look honestly at ourselves.

You may discover that you have high self-esteem in your work, but in relationships you feel like a flop. You may feel wonderful about your spirituality, but lousy about your body. You may take pleasure in yourself as a lover, but put yourself down because you can’t earn enough money. If you have any of these self-negating attitudes and you don’t change them, they will undermine you in those areas of your life. By the way, welcome to the human condition!

Do you believe you are part of a larger universe that is supportive and benevolent? Do you believe that there is a higher intelligence in the universe that cares for your well-being and to which you can turn in times of need? How you answer these questions has a powerful influence on how you orient your life.

People who trust the universe feel supported in life and act with a sense of security. They are willing to take more risks because they feel part of the very breath of life. They know that if they fall they will be caught. They are not gripped by fear, and this gives them a feeling of inner peace. This larger context creates buoyancy in their lives.

For those who don’t trust the universe, the picture is quite different. They’re in life totally by themselves. Because they consider the universe untrustworthy, they must continually protect themselves against those who might take advantage of them. They move through life with caution, fear, and inner loneliness. They don’t feel supported.

Some of us have this trust, some of us don’t. It has nothing to do with whether we’ve read spiritual books or are loving people. It transcends ideas and even the kindest heart. It is out of the domain of religious teaching. We can’t be told to trust and expect that this sense of trust will somehow magically appear. Trust comes from a place deep inside. We can, however, cultivate or deepen this attitude of trust if we desire, for it is like any other belief—available to everyone.

Do you look at a half-filled glass of water and see it as being half-full or half-empty? Do you see life as a problem to be overcome or as an opportunity to be experienced? When something difficult happens to you, is your first response to look for the positive or the negative in that situation?

A positive attitude is not about putting your head in the sand and attempting to say that everything is great when it isn’t. It has nothing to do with having a Pollyanna attitude and refusing to face reality. Instead, a positive attitude means looking reality straight in the eye and seeing what can be constructively created from each situation you encounter. It requires courage and strength of mind to unflinchingly face the truth and, amid the many paradoxes of life, find the good, the valuable, the noble.

Unfortunately, many people find it difficult to hold a positive charge as they encounter challenges in their life and in the world around them. They find it much easier to give in and give up on their life and people in general. Even more sad, in the name of being sophisticated, many people fall victim to cynicism. For them nothing ever has to work. They affirm the least developed aspects of people and institutions. They have bought a house that’s at the bottom of the mountain.

Perhaps the best argument for having a positive attitude is a very practical one. Writer Richard Keiniger writes

To have a positive mental attitude gives rise to undaunted living. To fear calamity brings one to see only the gloomy aspects of everything, and lo and behold, calamity dogs at one’s heels. Bargain with life for a penny and no more than a penny will be acquired. If you unwaveringly believe and expect life to bring you love, health, and prosperity, then these blessings shall become manifest in your life; for such is the power of mental energy over the physical plane of existence. A positive attitude when one consciously uses it becomes a practical tool.

Many of us attempt to create security in our life by trying to keep things the same. This is a natural human tendency, but when change occurs—as it inevitably does—this approach to security causes us distress. The nature of the universe is change, so expecting our lives to stay the same is misguided at best. And those who can’t adapt to change are at risk of falling ill with stress-related diseases from the constant tension of trying to hold on to the past.

Life is a moving river and we must each, in our own way, learn to flow with it. For some, those ways are spiritual; for others, they are physical or emotional. And for some people the change process is so exhilarating they seek out white water for greater challenge and excitement. Whatever your approach, it is smart to become comfortable with change, because we are heading for more of it, not less.

The following exercise will help you get a better understanding of your core beliefs. Bringing them into the light of day is the first step in being able to change those that are not serving your well-being. Check off any statements from the lists below that represent limiting beliefs you hold. Then, using these examples to prime your thinking, answer the questions that follow. For your answers to be most useful to you, think of responses for each of the relevant life areas. Just to remind you, they are:

EXERCISE |SELF-RESPONSIBILITY: LIMITING BELIEFS

I’m a victim of forces beyond my control.

I don’t have the power to change my situation.

I am helpless.

I don’t know how to deal with difficult situations.

I am confused and don’t know what to do.

I can’t change my life; I’ve got bad karma.

It’s my parents’ fault that my life is messed up.

I’m always the one who gets the raw end of the deal.

If I buck the status quo, something bad will happen to me.

Now ask yourself: How willing am I to take responsibility for the experiences, both easy and difficult, that I have in my life? Explain how this plays out in daily life. What can I do to take more responsibility for my life?

Self-Esteem: Limiting Beliefs

I’m not good enough.

I’m not lovable.

I’m not worthy.

I’m not capable.

I’m not confident.

I’m not smart enough.

I’m not attractive enough.

I don’t have what it takes to be successful.

I don’t deserve prosperity, a loving relationship, etc.

Ask yourself: How much do I believe in myself? How does this manifest in my daily life? What can I do to believe in myself more?

Trusting the Universe: Limiting Beliefs

I don’t believe that there is a benevolent universe.

I don’t believe there is a God or higher intelligence.

There is no safety net in life to catch me if I fall.

The world is not a safe place.

I am not willing to give up control to something larger than myself.

If I trust, I will be let down.

If I trust, I will be hurt.

People will rip me off if I don’t constantly protect myself.

I don’t know how to let go and trust.

Ask yourself: How much do I believe the universe (God, universal intelligence, or whatever concept you choose) supports me? How does this affect my daily life? What can I do to develop more trust in a supportive universe?

Positive Attitude: Limiting Beliefs

Life is a struggle.

My fate in life is to suffer.

Something bad always happens to me.

It’ll never work.

It can’t be done.

I will never succeed in life.

I am a failure.

I am just a drop in the bucket, so why bother to change anything?

The world is a hopeless mess; nothing I do will make a difference.

Ask yourself: Is my mental attitude toward life predominantly positive or negative? How does this manifest in my daily life? How can I cultivate a more positive mental attitude?

Flowing with Change: Limiting Beliefs

Change will overwhelm me.

Change is unsafe.

Change will hurt me.

Change is difficult.

I won’t be able to cope with change.

Unexpected change will be disruptive.

I need to be in constant control in my life to feel secure.

What I can’t control won’t turn out right.

It is better to stay with the known, even though it is bad, than risk something new, which could be even worse.

Ask yourself: In what areas of my life do I find it difficult to flow with change? What can I do to flow with change more easily?

The information you gained from the Inner Soil Test should give you insight into the current state of your core beliefs. Here are reflections from two participants in our workshop who went through this exercise.

“Sometimes I am utterly without trust in the universe. I am empty. Other times, I am absolutely in touch with being in God and of God.

“When I’m in one of these places, I can’t believe the other one exists, and I think, ‘Oh, that other one’s never going to come back.’ When I’m in the presence of God, I think, ‘You’ve finally got it. You’re never going to be in doubt again.’ But then I get empty again, and when I’m empty, I’m empty like a washed-out rag. Sometimes these two feelings come within moments of each other.”

“I’m learning to be fully in each of them when they are there. That’s the challenge for me, to just say, ‘This is the way I am right now’ and accept that.”

Greg discovered the following attitudes about change: “In the past year I’ve been very much embracing and flowing with changes that life has been presenting to me. This is the result of a transformation I experienced a year ago when my thirteen-year-old nephew died. It was difficult to accept that no matter how good we were, no matter how loving we were, he was still going to die. But although for him there was no future, he did have his thirteen years and he lived life fully in his way.

“I learned from him. I realized that if I don’t live my life today, fully, day by day, I’m not living it at all. I will die with it undone. This has made me willing to take risks, to just be out there experiencing what comes.”

Now it’s time to add the nutrients necessary to nourish your mental soil. This involves using the Inner Soil Test to identify your growing edges and then translating this self-awareness into affirmations and visualizations for the core beliefs you wish to address. To assist you in this process, look over the following skeleton affirmations, which, with some personalizing, can serve as a foundation for your own affirmations. Put a check next to the ones that speak to you.

The infinite power of the [universe, God, universal intelligence] flows through me, helping me create my life.

As you delve into your core beliefs, you may be tempted to create an affirmation and visualization for a specific life area, such as relationships or money. To provide a solid foundation for the work you will do later in this book, for now focus on the more general core belief level. In later chapters you will have ample opportunity to work with the specific core belief issues that pertain to the seven life areas.

To help you in crafting an affirmation and visualization for each of your core beliefs, we will share with you several examples from the Empowerment Workshop of people getting on to their growing edge. In the workshop, we ask individuals to come in front of the group, share some background on their growing-edge issue, and then state their affirmation and visualization. We then help them refine or deepen it.

LARRY: I chose flowing with change. Instead of being open when a new person or situation comes into my life, I close down and shut myself off. This happens a lot in my work and at home as well. My visualization is me panning for gold and getting very excited as I look in the pan, even though I don’t know for sure what I will get. This gives me a feeling of being open and accepting of the unexpected. My affirmation is “The unexpected are gold nuggets of opportunity.”

US: This is a wonderful image. How can you put you, Larry, in the affirmation and make the idea of “unexpected” more specific?

LARRY: I’d probably do it by seeing myself prospecting, seeking out, and finding gold nuggets. These are opportunities for me, instead of feeling that I have to duck everybody who’s coming at me. I’m welcoming these golden nuggets into my life. This would be like my visualization of going and panning for gold.

LARRY: Every day I pan for and welcome golden nuggets of opportunity into my life.

US: Do you sense what a creative step you have made? You are now the adventurer in life, rather than one who tries to push away changes.

KAREN: What I want to work on is self-esteem. I have this big judge who says I’m never good enough. That in order to grow I have to be self-critical. As I began developing my affirmation, I saw myself opening a lid on a bubbling spring. It was a wellspring of goodness and love. In its bigness and depth, it could accept all my mistakes and failures. I felt really good about this, but I also felt it wasn’t big enough, considering how many mistakes and failures it had to accept. Out of this, my affirmation became “There is so much bigness in me, I am the biggest of oceans and I accept all of me.” My visualization was me sitting by the ocean with my eyes closed and listening to the sound of the waves. I felt the sound and rhythm going through me, with the washing waves and softness healing my heart.

US: Very colorful and vivid. You could get an audiotape of ocean sounds and play it as you are stating this affirmation and seeing your visualization. Do you need the words “There is so much bigness in me”? It seems like the phrase right after that says the same thing. The former phrase is what we call a “buffer,” a little safety zone before we leap in. Why don’t you try your affirmation without that phrase and see how it feels to you?

KAREN: I realized it was a little long. “I am as big as the ocean and accept all of me as I am.” That is much more powerful to me.

US: Take some deep breaths and feel that you are as big as the ocean. Take that into you. Breathe it in. How do you feel?

US: Now, Karen, what would be a gesture of acceptance? Create a physical gesture of self-acceptance and self-love.

US: You’ve chosen one of the most powerful symbols of healing. It would be wonderful to visit the ocean and say your affirmation at the shoreline. And do your rocking gesture while hearing the sound of the waves. It would help you imprint the new belief you are creating even more deeply into your psyche. Thanks!

RITA: My core belief issue is positive attitude. Too many times I look at things as problems. So I’ve decided that in all weather I’m the sun and it doesn’t matter because I can shine on everything.

US: Very powerful image. Again, as in the last example, nature oftentimes gives us the most powerful images for growth and change. When you state the affirmation, is there latitude for the days when there are a lot of clouds? We don’t want the affirmation to be a setup for a very harsh judgment when you go through the normal ups and downs of life as a human being. What causes you not to have a positive attitude?

RITA: Hmm, I don’t know. I think the main thing is that I don’t feel that I look the way I should look. As a result of that, about ten years ago I had some cosmetic surgery. But there are scars and different things that leave me feeling weird. I can hide them and maybe that makes it easier for me to pretend, but I know they’re there every day. It’s something that I have to try to fight against. And I did learn that the physical isn’t as important as deeper things.

RITA: I still feel I’m inadequate and don’t feel that I look the way I should. I wonder what people will think when they know what I did. I ask myself why I did this thing to myself.

US: You are working with many things here, which means you may need more than one affirmation.

US: Yes, the whole chart. We’re all working the whole chart, and it’s a credit to your commitment to growing that you’re willing to face all these issues. For the moment, let’s choose one. During the day, what is the issue that comes into your mind most often and causes you to feel most negative? There may be a link between several, but choose one.

RITA: I would have to say it’s forgiving myself for what I have done to myself.

US: Then this is a major classroom in your life. If you can shift from concentrating on the negative to the positive here, there’s a good chance you can do it in other parts of your life. What would be the words that would say that to you?

RITA: I accept my mistake in this experience I’ve created that many don’t have a chance to learn.

US: Rather than mistake, why don’t you try learning and keep it succinct and focused on yourself instead of others?

US: This is an act of forgiveness and beyond. It is saying that you take responsibility for the way you’ve created your life and this is a special way that you’ve learned and are learning. So will this affirmation assist you during the day when you hear that negative voice in your mind?

RITA: It’s a good first step. Now that I’ve accepted my learning, I need to deal with feeling inadequate.

US: And that’s yet another level. For now let us affirm what you’ve come up with, seeing it as the next step in your healing process. You are looking at a deep issue and you will be able to come at it from different perspectives throughout this journey. So read your affirmation again as you have it and give us your visualization.

RITA: I accept the special learning I’ve created for myself. And my visualization is me as the sun shining on myself. As I shine on myself, I feel positive about myself. I have an inner glow and feel confident and whole.

US: Rita, you’ve done very courageous work to go so deep. And we know there’s more work to do. Thank you so much!

These examples should have given you an opportunity to see some of the subtlety involved in getting your affirmation and visualization on to your growing edge. It’s now time for you to create your own affirmation and visualization. We wish you much success in your growth.

EXERCISE | CREATING YOUR AFFIRMATION AND VISUALIZATION

1. Review Your Self-Discoveries:

• Go back over the answers you wrote down in your Inner Soil Test.

• Do steps 2–4 for each core belief you wish to work on.

2. Identify Your Growing Edge:

• Go back to the limiting beliefs you checked.

• If several of them reveal similar characteristics, choose the one that best speaks to you.

• If none of them represent your limiting belief adequately, then state your belief in a short sentence. Knowing what you presently believe will help you to change it. Self-awareness is the first step.

3. Create Your Vision:

• Now that you have a clear picture of the present belief that you wish to change, ask yourself: What do I want? What’s possible for me?

• Experiment with free association of words, images, or movements to help put you more in touch with your vision. See which of the skeleton affirmations you checked might help you describe your vision.

4. Craft Your Affirmation and Visualization:

• Building on your vision and/or a skeleton affirmation that describes your vision, create your new affirmation and visualization. Following is a review of the guidelines for crafting affirmations and visualizations. Make sure that yours has all these characteristics.

Affirmation:

• Write it down.

• State it in the positive.

• Be succinct.

• Be specific.

• Make it magnetic.

• State it as if it already exists.

• Include yourself in it.

• Make it about changes in yourself, not others.

• Keep it on the growing edge.

Visualization:

• Evoke feeling.

• Use a single image.

• Include yourself in the image.

• Make it literal or metaphoric.

• Physically depict it.