Chapter 19

Clyde woke in the middle of the night with Ashley draped across his chest. He smiled then inhaled deeply, enjoying her scent and her skin pressed against his. He hated to move even for an instant away from her, but his throat was dry.

Slowly, he shifted her to his side, then moved her hair from her face, pausing millimeters from her lips to admire her.

Mine, he thought with conviction then shook his head attempting to erase the thought.

He treaded toward the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water, then quickly drank its contents and placed the glass in the sink.

The scent of lavender infiltrated his scenes. Every muscle in his body tensed, then white light surrounded him. The Lords were calling him home.

His mind reeled at the thought of leaving Ashley, leaving his angel in the middle of the night alone, a searing ache sliced through his heart. No! I can’t leave her. He shook his head, fighting the pull inside him, fighting the light.

A futile attempt.

The white light brightened around him until it consumed him. He shut his eyes. I’ll be back. I’ll come back for Ashley. I vow it.

The white light that had once been a haven no longer felt as it once had: soothing, comforting or peaceful. His peace, his home, his heaven was with Ashley, his angel.

As the light receded, his eyes opened. He glared at the five Angel Lords, whom he’d proved his allegiance to for more than two thousand years.

His gaze landed on Gabriel first. “I pick her,” he said adamantly and without thought. “I want her. I’m keeping her. She’s mine. Rip my wings off. Ban me from heaven. I don’t care what you do to punish me. Torture me for all I care, but I’m going back to her. She’s mine.”

“Warrior,” Gabriel said.

“You are an angel warrior. Why else have you come when we called?” Uriel asked.

Bull shit, he thought, rage flaring inside him. He loved Ashley. He would never leave her willingly. He had chosen her. The Lords forced him to leave her, to come to the heavens where her presence was no more, and his heart ached in protest. They sent for him, and he had no option but to come.

“Send me back,” he said, his voice steeped in rage. “I need her. Send me back now.”

“Warrior, your behavior is unacceptable,” Raphael advised.

“Perhaps, we should explain,” Gabriel said. “You are a warrior angel, Clyde. Nothing can change it unless you make the conscious decision to cross into the dark and abandon our beliefs.”

“I have. I chose Ashley.”

“This isn’t about the Elemental. This is about right and wrong. Inside you are good, your spirit white. Nothing has changed it. We cannot ban you from heaven. When we call you, you will continue to come unless you cross into the dark only then will your spirit darken and sever your tie with us, with heaven.”

“I’m not leaving her.” His voice was thick with emotion.

“We know, warrior. We are aware you will never leave her for she is your soul mate,” Gabriel advised.

He tensed. Gabriel’s words replayed in his mind over and over. She’s mine? My soul mate? The perfect words to describe it. She was the other half not only to the immortal he was, but to his soul.

His deep-seated denial reared its head. “She can’t—”

“She is, warrior. This is exactly what you wanted to hear. This is exactly what you prayed for,” Ariel confirmed.

“But it can’t be, I’m an—”

“Angel,” Ariel finished for him. “But it is true.”

“You knew from the moment you met, did you not?” Gabriel asked.

“No. I didn’t because I’m an angel.”

“You are an angel—” Gabriel’s words were cut off.

“I’ve cared before. I cared for Jenna. How would I know the difference?”

“You knew when you met her, and still know the difference now. You are just unwilling to accept it for it means you forsake her,” Gabriel said.

“You never prevented Jenna from putting herself in danger. Did Jenna not go with the Guardians to rescue Jocelyn from a Malum holding her prisoner? Did you even attempt to prevent her from going? But with Ashley…” Ariel pointed out.

“Furthermore, you cannot read Ashley, and she is the only woman you have desired carnally,” Uriel said.

Bittersweet salvation. She was his, yet he’d lived denying his soul mate. In the end, he’d been as imprudent as Landon, denying his gift, his one and only, his angel. Everyone had warned him, yet he’d been blind, living in denial but no more.

“But—”

“Did you believe you would never care for another? Many of us do. We grow fond of mortals and immortals alike. It is in our nature.”

His brows drew together. “But we are taught—” he started.

“You are instructed not to grow attached for we cannot alter the future. Mortals and immortals die. The more powerfully you care, the worse the loss is. We are caring creatures, naturally. After much, we, too, can succumb to the power of loss that can lead us astray and turn our spirits black. Loss can do that to anyone, mortal and immortal alike,” Gabriel informed.

“It is the reason we discourage it,” Ariel finished.

He shook his head, unable to believe. A lie? The highest ranking angels lied?

At Clyde’s disbelieving expression, he continued, “It is a white lie. Can you not understand our need to protect our own? It hurts us as much as it hurts a parent to see one of their offspring fail.”

“But you instill in us to be immune to emotion.”

“We discourage it. There is a difference,” Raphael said firmly.

“No, but—”

“We do not punish any of our own for emotion; otherwise, you would have been punished long ago,” Raphael said.

“We discourage it for just as there is only so much suffering a mortal can endure, there is only so much suffering an angel can behold in mankind,” Uriel advised.

Clyde opened his mouth to speak but no words escaped him.

“This isn’t the first time,” Gabriel informed. “How do you believe Elementals came to be? The sisters are the first of their kind in this millennium. Their mother was an angel.”

His eyes widened, then in barely a whisper he asked, “What?”

“Your soul mate and her sisters are Elementals because their mother, an angel, found her soul mate in another immortal. How else would you explain their powers—their abilities to control the elements of the earth? Only angels have abilities as encompassing.”

He shook his head in denial. His mate and her sisters were in fact part angel? He’d lived two thousand years. How was it possible he’d never known?

“No. No, this can’t be,” he whispered.

“It is fact.”

Still he couldn’t comprehend, so he pointed out, “But demons were part of the first created angels and they were banned and punished because they wanted to feel, to create life. How is it different now?”

“We cannot deny everything you have said is true. Demons were part of the first created angels who chose to love, hate and create life. As punishment, they were banished from the heavens. Their wings and angelic powers removed. Furthermore, as punishment they were given the ability to feel rage and wrath more intensely. It’s the anger that turns them into demons—”

“But—”

“But nothing. She is yours,” Raphael said, his voice clipped.

Clyde’s anger resurfaced, knowing the Lords had known all long. If they’d told him, he wouldn’t have hurt Ashley. He wouldn’t have denied her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His accusing gaze snaring each of the Lords’ eyes. “I’ve made her suffer. I’ve denied her. I’ve lied to her.”

“We requested you not leave her. Those instructions should have been enough,” Uriel said.

“You accepted her in the end. Did you not come to us demanding you stay with her?” Gabriel questioned.

He shook his head. “That doesn’t make a difference.”

“But it does, warrior. We gave you instructions. You disobeyed. Had you not, you would have realized she was yours sooner. Furthermore, we told you, you would have to make a decision in the end of your journey,” Raphael said.

“I…disobeyed because I fought my destiny, my need for her. You should have told me.”

“You needed it to be this way,” Gabriel advised.

“Bullshit.”

“You needed to be willing to give up heaven for her. Otherwise, you would not have been deserving of her. Any angel can give in to temptation, lust and wonder at any time, but to consciously, willingly, give up heaven and your wings, it means she is yours because God, Himself, willed it,” Gabriel said. “Demons…part of the first angels created were different in that respect as well. They chose, not because they found their true mates, but because they wanted to feel like humans and other immortals, which is why they were punished.”

“You needed to choose her despite what it may have cost you,” Ariel said firmly.

He ran his fingers through his hair. “Why isn’t this widely known? I’ve lived two thousand years. I—”

“Angels are told only what they need to know. We were each created for a purpose, Clyde. Not every angel is destined for a soul mate such as you.”

He released a breath as a surge of emotions overwhelmed him: relief, joy, disbelief, anger and remorse.

His prayer had been answered. Ashley was his, and it hadn’t cost him his wings or heaven. His dream had come true, and despite finding his soul mate, he’d been promoted. He was a warrior angel, and Ashley was his, an outcome he wouldn’t have expected in his wildest dreams.

The moment should have been magical, but it wasn’t. It paled with the knowledge he’d had proof Ashley was his all along. Still he’d denied her, lied to her and attempted to convince her she wasn’t his.

How could she have ever belonged to anyone but you? his conscience scolded. She was always meant for you.

“You are an angel warrior. This war marks the beginning of the end, Clyde. God has willed you to mate with one of the Elementals who will decide the outcome of this war for a reason. Above all, she is yours, and your duty now resides with her. You will fight with her, alongside her. That is your duty above all.”

He bowed, crying inside for his Ashley. He didn’t want her to fight. What he wanted was to take her away, far away from the front lines of battle, but what good would it do if the outcome was unfavorable?

“Now that you are a warrior, one of the highest ranking angels, you are allowed to use your abilities at your discretion so long as it relates to war, God’s will and your mate, but you were not a warrior until a day ago, which brings us to the reason we brought you here…” Raphael began.

Clyde’s gaze shot toward him.

“You are aware you were not allowed to perform healings without our consent, just as you are not allowed to guard or help without our consent. You offered help to a single mother in London, which we have decided to overlook since the amount of money you gave her did not affect her destiny nor the lessons she was put on earth to learn, but in regards to Ashley—”

“I will bear the scars for her. I will endure the pain they caused willingly,” he said immediately.

“That’s not—” Raphael began to admonish.

“I don’t care.”

“As Ashley’s guardian, you were to guard her, heal her if she was injured under your care, not heal scars from years past,” Ariel advised.

“She’s suffered enough. She doesn’t need the reminder of a flawed life for eternity, one that should have never been hers to begin with. It is our own fault this happened to her.”

“Such is life. They’ve all suffered,” Ariel said.

Clenching his jaw, he pointed out, “Jenna and Jocelyn weren’t abused.”

“You haven’t met all the sisters. Besides, Ashley chose to stay with her abusive father. She had a choice. She could have chosen to reside with her aunt, yet she refused on numerous occasions after the abuse began.”

His face paled. Why had she never told him? Why had she chosen the worse option for her?

“I…I—” he mumbled, then his thoughts shifted. “Why?”

“Why what, warrior?” Gabriel asked.

He wanted to ask why she had chosen abuse, instead he asked, “Why her? Why did she have to suffer?”

Gabriel paused for moments too long, then said, “That is not what you wanted to ask.” He hesitated, then finally continued, “You will never find the answer you are longing for, warrior. For you do not want an answer, you want to change the past and that cannot be done.”

“Nothing we say will appease you. You know the answer but are unwilling to accept it,” Raphael said.

“Tell me…please,” he pleaded, sounding as tormented as he felt. “I’m begging you.”

“Life is a series of events good and bad, warrior. It was her destiny to endure what she has,” Gabriel said. “Some say without pain one does not know true happiness.”

It wasn’t the answer he had expected. It wasn’t an answer at all, not to him.

“We will make this easy for you, Clyde. We will allow you to bear her scars,” Gabriel said.

“Why?”

“Think of it as a gift from us for your promotion, and in doing so you will learn what you really want to know, why Ashley chose to withstand the abuse.”

His brows drew together. “How?”

“Simply ask yourself why you will bear the scars for her.”

He responded automatically. “So she doesn’t have to, so she won’t be reminded every day of the abuse she endured, so she sees what everyone else sees when they look at her, so she realizes she is beautiful.”

“You have your answer.”

“What?”

The Lords didn’t respond, instead they stared at him expectantly, as if he should comprehend what they implied. Then like a lightning bolt, it hit him.

He wanted to bear her scars, so she wouldn’t have to. She had endured the abuse hoping no one else would. Why hadn’t he understood it until now? She had said so herself the night she told him about the scars. She admitted she was relieved it had been her because she was faster and stronger and healed quickly and feared another wouldn’t have survived.

My noble Ashley, he thought.

There was no way to know if she had left her father whether he would have abused another. Still, she had endured the abuse. She had borne it for an invisible someone. Her father would have probably died alone in his home never harming another, but his Ashley had chosen to suffer it just the same. He thought then, knowing Ashley as he did, that maybe there was another reason she had endured the abuse, so her father wouldn’t die alone.

“Yes, that too,” Gabriel said. “She loves deeply.”

He nodded as understanding finally dawned on him. There were so many questions still left unanswered. Although he wanted to come to terms with Ashley’s abuse, why it had happened and accept it, he feared he never would. He would have to learn to move past it. Perhaps a century from now he would no longer feel tormented by the truth, the fact that his Ashley had been abused, that he as her soul mate had been unable to spare her pain. Or maybe not, maybe a century from now he would still battle with the overwhelming sense of failure.

“You have all the answers, warrior, despite what you may feel. You must learn to move past it as she has,” Gabriel said.

“In baring her scars, you will feel the pain she did for three days,” Ariel advised.

His gaze shot toward him, his heart tightening in his chest. Three days. She’d suffered for three days!

“She drifted in and out of consciousness, unfortunately for you, you will not,” Raphael said.

“I accept,” he said, adamantly.

“So it be,” Gabriel said.

And the scorching pain began.