The next morning, I woke up stiff and so sore I had to hobble around the clinic. When Sam brought me broth, he stopped short at the sight of my bruised face.
“Fuck,” he swore, setting the broth on the table and starting toward me.
My legs moved to put the table between us before my brain caught up, which made him halt in his tracks. My face heated, and I felt stupid. I knew he wasn't going to hurt me, but my brain was stuck in flight mode.
That’s a good thing, Wolf snarled. That’s how you survive.
“Shortcake,” Sam said, but I refused to look at him.
“I’m fine,” I said, getting out the tools I used most so I could have them ready.
I could feel his eyes on me, but I kept my head down. I hated how on edge I felt.
“C’mon, Shortcake, can I just take a look at that gash in your head? I want to check Trey’s stitchin’ job.” Sam’s voice sounded calm, but it had a sharpness to it.
“It’s fine.” I glanced sideways at where Trey stood leaning against the wall and watching us.
“Has anybody even checked you for injuries besides your head?”
I finally looked at him, my eyes blazing. “Yeah, I did. I’m the healer, and I’m sayin’ I’m fine.”
“If only you were known for tellin’ the truth,” Sam deadpanned, glaring back at me.
“Fuck off, Sam,” I snapped.
“Why are you limping if you’re fine?” he pushed.
I swallowed hard, working to keep my emotions under control. “I’m just a little bruised.”
Sam’s face twisted. “Gods, I—”
“Stop,” I snapped at him desperately. “What’s done is done. Just leave it.”
“Sam,” Trey finally spoke up, gesturing toward the door with his head.
Sam let out an angry sigh but turned and strode to the door with Trey following. I could hear them talking heatedly outside, but Trey came back inside alone.
“He’s just worried,” he said, leaning back against the wall, one leg raised and pressed against the wall behind him. “He wants to make sure you’re alright.” He paused. “We all do.”
You didn’t seem to care about that when you fucking dragged me here, is what I wanted to say, but didn’t.
He sighed. “I know this is fucked up. I’m sorry we dragged you here.”
He hesitated and I couldn’t resist glancing at him, unnerved that he said almost exactly what had been on my mind. He stared at me, brown eyes almost golden in the beam of sunlight he stood in.
“I wish things were different—really different—but they’re not. Not yet.”
I looked away. I didn’t know what that meant, and I wasn’t going to ask. He was quiet for a while and I started to hope that maybe he’d stay that way.
“Lana betrayed all of us, and we’re all dealin’ with it in our own way,” he said, crushing my hopes for silence. “Mac and me, we’ve tried real hard to make this crew a safe space, but we’re just a few people in hundreds and there’s only so much we can do.” He took a deep breath. “What happened to you yesterday was awful, and I don’t blame you for not trusting us. But…and I’m real sorry if I’m bein’ a pain in the ass, but I’m just gonna keep reminding you that you are a part of this crew and that means something to all of us.”
Gods, I wished he’d stop talking. I continued to ignore him, wiping down the counter for the third time in a row just to have something to do with my hands.
“I hope you know—”
The door opened and I could have cried from relief to see a pale-faced man stumble in.
Trey quieted and I busied myself with healing the man's injuries. After he left, Trey tried to continue talking to me between patients, but around the noon hour he seemed to accept that I wasn’t going to respond and fell silent.
Thank the gods the day was busy with a near endless stream of sick and injured people. It seemed like the people of the Vault were warming up to my presence. Most of them still watched me with suspicion, but they still came. More than half of the people made comments about my face, but they were surprisingly kind. They seemed to know what happened, so I guessed that meant Madame had put up a notice.
The woman with baby Jet came back and introduced herself as Leda. I checked Jet over, but I slowly realized she seemed more concerned about me.
“Everythin’ looks good,” I said, but when I glanced up she held out a small wrapped parcel.
“I made a strawberry cake and brought you some.” Leda smiled.
“O-oh,” I stammered. “You didn’t have to do that.”
When I took the parcel from her, she gripped my hand for a moment. "I saw the notice." She pitched her voice low. "I just…well, I just wanted you to know there are good people here and we're so grateful for you." Her eyes glittered with tears. "I'm sorry for what happened."
I didn’t know what to say, but she didn’t seem to mind. Leda squeezed my hand once more before letting go and scooped up Jet who had started to fuss.
“Time for his nap.” She smiled at the little boy. “Thanks again, Bones.”
I stood at the exam table staring at the door after she left, feeling bewildered.
“Leda’s one of the good ones,” Trey spoke up from where he stood near the door. He smiled when I looked at him.
The door opened and Clarity stepped inside. I hadn’t seen her since the day I’d woken up in her room at the brothel. She had a fresh ring of bruises around her neck, but she smiled. I waited on edge for her to react to my face, but she didn’t say anything.
“Hi, Bones,” she said like we were old friends, then smiled at Trey. “Hey, Trey.”
“Hey, sis.”
I looked between them in surprise. “You’re a Mason?”
“No,” she replied. “We had different dads, and mine wanted me to take his name, so I’m a Reed.”
“The only thing our dads had in common besides likin’ our mom was that they were both assholes,” Trey said.
I didn’t care. I really didn’t. “Were?” I heard myself ask.
“Mine died in a bar fight,” Clarity explained with zero remorse.
“Mine died in an animal attack outside the hold,” Trey added.
“Do you have any other siblings?”
“Mac.” Clarity smiled, and I blinked in surprise.
“Our mom adopted Mac when he was seven, so he’s part of the family too.” Trey explained.
“We almost had a little sister, but our mom died in childbirth.” This time I could hear the pain in Clarity’s voice. “The baby died too.”
I kept my eyes on the tools I was sorting. Childbirth scared the shit out of me, and I hated helping with births. Thankfully there hadn’t been a whole lot of childbirth in the Reapers. Most of the bikers who ended up pregnant came to me for herbs that would end the pregnancy. Not many wanted to try to raise a baby in the middle of a bloodthirsty desert gang.
“I gotta run an errand for Mac,” Trey said. “I’ll be back in a bit. Griz is outside.”
After he left, the silence lingered until I finally glanced up to meet Clarity’s gaze. She gave me a gentle smile.
“Trey told me what happened,” she said. “I can’t believe Lana betrayed you all like that.”
I hated the guilt that stabbed me. If it weren’t for me, Lana and Exo would both still be here.
“Are you ok?” she asked.
My eyes went to the ring of bruises around her neck. She clearly knew what men were capable of doing.
“I could heal those bruises for you,” I found myself saying.
She looked surprised. “You don’t have to do that.”
I shrugged. “Bruises are pretty easy.” I hesitated for a moment. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”
She smiled, but her eyes looked sad. “Just a little sore.”
This exhaustion reached all the way down to my bones. I knew exactly what she meant, and I’d be willing to bet whoever hurt her hadn’t been exiled or punished in any way. Gods, I wanted to do something.
“Can I heal you?” I asked, holding her gaze.
“Sure.”
She sat on the chair and I laid my hands on her neck. It took little effort to direct that warmth through her skin, taking away the bruises and the lingering pain I sensed in several parts of her body. When I stepped back, she smiled despite the tears shining in her eyes.
“Thank you, Bones.”
I shrugged, swallowing hard.
“Trey hates that I work in the brothel,” she added, sliding off the chair.
I went back to pretending to organize the tinctures, but I listened.
“My dad owed a debt and died before he could pay it off. Madame had me sent to the brothel to pay it off. Trey keeps trying to get me out, but I don’t have any other place to go.” She smiled sadly again. “Mac offered to let me join his crew, but I’ve never been physically strong and I get sick a lot. And the brothel isn’t so bad. We stick together and try to help each other out.”
“How old were you?” I asked.
She hesitated for a moment. “Twelve.”
I had to fight to swallow past the nausea. A fucking kid working in a brothel. That could have been me. Probably would have been me if I didn’t have this power.
“Mac doesn’t hate that you work in the brothel?” I couldn’t resist the jab at Mac.
Clarity blinked, her brow furrowing slightly. “I don’t think he likes it, but he respects my decision.”
Oh. I didn’t know what to say after that.
“Anyways, I just wanted to see how you were doing.”
“I’m fine,” I said, but more weary than snappy. I met her eyes and let a tiny bit of vulnerability show. “It’s nothin’ new.”
We exchanged a look that spoke more than words ever could. She understood, and so did I, and we both hated it.
“I know you don’t know me that well,” she said in a low voice, “but I can vouch for my brothers. They’re good men.”
I looked away again. “If anyone is ever hurt at the brothel, just send for me. Doesn’t have to be an emergency.”
She paused for a moment. “I will. Thank you, Bones.”
After Clarity left, I had a few moments of silence before a woman came in. Griz followed her inside, and the way he watched her made me tense. She looked harmless—thin, and frail—but she watched me hungrily with a strange light in her eyes.
“You have a gift,” the woman said before I could say anything. She tilted her head, a birdlike movement.
“Can I help you?” I asked.
She smiled, and I noticed her pupils were blown wide like she was high on something.
“Angel,” the woman murmured reverently.
I felt the blood leave my face so fast the room swam. “Don’t call me that.”
“The Voiceless were right.” Her face shone with awe. “The gods have sent their Angel to save us.”
“The gods sent you to me, Angel. You are mine to wield how I see fit; you hear me?”
I sucked in a desperate breath through my nose, trying to quell the nausea.
“I seek your blessing, Angel!”
The woman started toward me and I retreated quickly, but Griz grabbed her before she got more than two steps in. He had to carry her out as she fought, but he managed.
“No!” she wailed. “Angel, please!”
As soon as the door shut behind them, I fled up to the loft and tucked myself into my corner, my back to the wall and my knees drawn up to my chest. My hands trembled as I fought waves of nausea.
Angel.
I hated that Juck still had so much power over me. I wanted him to be gone, out of my memories, my fears, my nightmares. I hated that one word could reduce me to this because I could only hear his voice saying it. I wasn’t sure if most people knew Juck had once been a part of the Voiceless. He often fervently talked to me about the Voiceless and the gods when we were alone. He said he left due to a disagreement, but sometimes I wondered if that was true. He seemed to go out of his way to keep the Reapers and the Voiceless from crossing paths despite believing he had been chosen as a new god by finding me in the desert.
Angel. He’d groaned it in my ear when—
I clapped a hand over my mouth again, determined to not be sick.
Griz’s head popped up over the side of the loft and I jumped with a gasp.
“Sorry,” he said, “you ok?”
I nodded, wiping my wet cheeks and hoping he didn’t notice as he pulled himself up the rest of the way into the loft. He sat against the wall several feet away from me.
“Don’t know why I keep asking you that when I know you’ll just lie,” he said, but he didn’t sound mad.
I tried to take a deep breath, tried to fight off the tears that welled in my eyes and tried to pretend he wasn't there. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him watching me.
“You run into the Voiceless before?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Just seen ’em from a distance. And heard things.”
“Did they know about you?”
I shuddered. “No.”
He looked thoughtful. “Word’s out about your powers now though. Mac’s contact says people have been asking around about you.”
Gods, if he was trying to make me feel better, he was doing a real shit job of it.
“I don’t know much ’bout their beliefs, but if they think you’re some sorta angel—”
I tensed.
“You really don’t like that word, do you?”
I didn’t answer him.
“Is that what they all believe? Megs is batshit crazy, so I never know.”
Honestly, I wasn’t sure either. I only knew what Juck told me. According to Juck, the Voiceless believed that seven gods rose from the ashes of the old world and made themselves known. Seven prophets were chosen, one for each god, and they served the gods until death. Followers had to commit themselves to the Voiceless to prove their devotion, paying them absurd amounts of tribute and occasionally carrying out horrible violent acts when the gods demanded it. Only the true believers knew the names of the gods, and after death, their souls were taken by angels to Paradise. The rest of us were doomed to suffer in eternal damnation. Juck’s big disagreement was that he believed the gods were not immortal, and that new gods would rise to replace them. He thought finding me in the desert anointed him as one of the new gods, but I thought it was all bullshit.
I shrugged.
“So who used to call you that?” he asked. “Juck?”
Whatever expression crossed my face must have been confirmation enough because his expression darkened. We sat in silence while my heart returned to a normal rhythm.
“Me and Mac met him once,” he said, “during a trade deal. Didn’t like him much.”
“When?”
He looked surprised that I asked a question. “Must’ve been about six years ago? The Reapers had a stock of propane tanks and we needed some…along with everybody else.”
I swallowed hard. “I remember that.”
His eyebrows rose. “You were there?”
“I was supposed to stay in his tent, but I snuck out.”
“To see the trade meeting?”
“No.” The words tumbled out, surprising me. “I tried to run away.”
“Ah,” he said, watching me. “Is that why he was in such a rage that last day?”
Gods, why was I talking about this? I stood, brushing off my pants. “I should get back to work.”
“Clinic’s closed,” Griz said, not moving from where he sat on the floor.
I fixed him with a sharp look. “Why?”
“So you could have a break.”
I didn’t know what to do with that. “I’m—”
“Fine,” Griz finished, shaking his head with a grin. “Yeah, I know.”
I glared at him and made my way over to the ladder.
“You know it’s ok to not be fine sometimes,” he called as I descended.
I ignored him, going to the door and unlocking it. When I opened it to flip the sign, Sam sat outside, carving something from a piece of wood with a knife. He looked up at me and grinned.
“Break over, Shortcake?” he asked.
I flipped the sign to open and shut the door without responding.
After the dinner bell, Sam came in with my mug of broth and a piece of bread, and the other woman in Mac’s crew, Raven, came in with him.
“Hey, Raven,” Griz said, an edge to his voice, “what’s up?”
Silver piercings shone from Raven’s eyebrows, nose, and lips and her body was lean and muscled like a fighter. Her blue eyes locked on me, and she smiled, but it definitely wasn’t friendly. I wasn’t sure what she thought about what Lana had done, but I knew they’d been friends.
“Do I need a reason to be here?” she drawled.
Sam stepped around her and handed me my mug and bread. “Just ignore her. She’s in a mood.”
Raven laughed, sauntering through the clinic and eyeing everything. “I just want to see what all the fuss is about. If I gotta follow all of Mac’s new rules, I should at least get to see why.”
I didn’t know what she meant, and I didn’t like it.
“What rules?” I asked shortly.
She met my gaze again. “Oh you know, keep Bones safe. Report any chatter about Bones. Make sure Bones has her special broth every day. Have eyes on Bones at all times.” Her eyes cut to Griz who glared at her.
“Watch it, Raven,” Griz warned.
“What?” She widened her eyes innocently. “I’m just trying to do my job, Griz.”
"You know Madame's orders," Sam said, and from his expression, this wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation.
“All I know is we used to be the top pick for missions and now we just sit around watchin’ her.” Her lip curled. “I’m fucking sick of Hawk’s crew getting all the good jobs. We haven’t left this shithole in weeks.”
“You want to complain, go take it up with Mac,” Griz growled. “Or better yet, go tell Madame how you feel.”
She smirked. “Yeah you’d like that wouldn’t you, Griz?”
The door opened and Trey walked in. He stopped at the sight of so many people and scanned everyone. “We havin’ a party?”
“If only,” Raven said.
“We’re all just leavin’,” Sam said.
Raven rolled her eyes but strode out the door without another word. Sam and Griz exchanged a look with Trey and followed.
“Night Bones!” Griz called over his shoulder.
Trey gave me a wary look. “What was that about?”
I shrugged and went back to sipping my broth. I actually appreciated Raven saying all that. I didn’t want to be involved in their hold politics, but if my presence caused drama in the crew, I wanted to know about it. I didn’t want to get caught unaware again.
“Did Raven say something?”
“Raven said a lot of things.”
“Like what?”
“Like you all have better things to do than watch me and the clinic.”
"Oh." He looked relieved, and I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering what he'd been nervous about. "Well, she can take that up with Madame."
I finished my broth and moved on to my bread. I hated this nauseating mental back and forth where one moment I thought maybe they cared and the next I thought they were just following orders.
“Oh I brought you something,” Trey said.
I eyed him with suspicion.
He pulled out a slightly crushed handful of dandelion flowers from his jacket pocket. My breath caught. He laid them on the exam table, and I knew he’d continued talking, but I wasn’t listening. I stared at the small, cheerful yellow flowers, overwhelmed with the flood of emotion sweeping over me.
“Bones?”
I glanced up at Trey, startled when I realized he'd moved closer. He looked at me with concern.
“You ok?”
I nodded, gazing back at the flowers. My heart ached, and I didn’t think before I whispered, “My brother used to bring me these.”
He stayed quiet for longer than I expected, and I then remembered with a lurch of terror that I’d told Madame and everyone else I didn’t have any siblings. My mind raced with how to fix it. Maybe he didn’t remember that.
“Sounds like a good brother,” Trey said.
I looked up at him warily, but he just smiled. I couldn’t tell if he remembered or not, so I just left it. His eyes warmed, and something in my chest cracked like a seed breaking open to take root.
“They’re my favorite,” I confessed before I could think better of it, and his smile widened.
“I’ll keep an eye out for them for you then.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I said, fidgeting with the leaves.
He stepped even closer and nudged my shoulder with his. “I want to.”
I gave him an exasperated look. “Why?”
“Cause you like ’em.”
I scoffed and picked up the little flowers. The fuzzy yellow petals flooded me with memories, Wolf’s teasing smile as he held out the flowers, trying to coax me into forgiving him, Wolf promising he’d be back soon from his hunting trip and that he’d bring me a dandelion.
“You want to go for a walk?” Trey asked, startling me back to the present.
I looked up at him. We stood so close, but it didn’t make me panic. His eyes held mine, so open that it seemed like everything he felt was right there, laid bare like windows to his soul. I couldn’t hold his gaze for long, terrified of what I might see. My rationale that his kindness had to be some sort of act was wearing thin.
He still watched me, waiting, and I remembered he'd asked me a question. A walk? This seemed like a question where the answer meant a lot more than just taking a stroll. The panic surged through me like a splash of cold water on my face. I took a few steps away, pretending to straighten the drying tools on the counter.
“I think I’ll just go to bed,” I said without looking at him.
“Ok.” He sounded disappointed and it bothered me more than I liked to admit. “You need any help closing up?”
I shook my head.
“Alright then. I’ll step out so you can change.”
I slipped out of my pants and shirt, pulling on the oversized ragged T-shirt and thin shorts I slept in. I climbed into bed and then sat there, unsure if I should call out and tell him he could come back in or not.
Before I could decide, he knocked and called, “You good?”
“Yep.”
He came back in and gave me a slight smile before retreating to his own mattress, kicking off his boots, and taking off his shirt. I tried to pretend I didn’t notice his strong arms, the golden brown of his skin from the sun, and the way the lean muscles in his stomach formed a V that disappeared into his pants. My heart beat faster, ignoring me as I tried to calm it down. Trey turned toward me, and I barely remembered to stop staring before he caught me.
“Night, Bones,” he said as he flicked off the light.
It took me a long time to fall asleep.