The entire hold got sick except for me, but I'd never been sick that I could remember, not from normal illnesses anyway. The burnout fever didn't seem like it counted. Two months of absolute hell passed, but finally, the sickness receded. About a dozen older people and a handful of others died before I reached them, but it would have been a hell of a lot more if I hadn't pushed myself to the brink of burnout every single moment. If I hadn't brought the kids into the clinic, most of them probably would have died alone in the snow.
“C’mon, Shortcake,” Sam said as I leaned on the wall for a moment, trying to get the room to stop spinning, “time to go back.”
“Just one more,” I argued, wiping my sweaty face with my sleeve. “I can do one more.”
“Bones,” Trey warned, “you’re done.”
“I gotta keep on top of it,” I snapped. “It’s startin’ to let up, but if I relax now, it might surge again.”
"There's a huge fucking difference between relaxin' and laying down for a couple hours before you pass out," Sam challenged, looking as exhausted as I felt.
The woman and her five small children huddled in their bed of blankets on the floor and watched us argue. All six of them had been ill, but I’d healed them all.
“I could make you some food,” the woman tried.
"Thank you, Miss Shaw," Trey said, "but what Bones needs is to go sleep for a while."
Before the woman could respond, the door burst open and Apple came racing in. “Trey, Clarity is sick!”
The flicker of fear in Trey’s eyes gave me the adrenaline boost I needed. “Let’s go.”
As we left the shack, Mac came striding up. “I heard Clarity is sick. Sam, you go take a break. I’ll cover for you.”
“Fine, but make her rest after Clarity,” Sam said, glaring at me.
I glared back at him and as he stepped backwards, he raised two fingers pointing at his eyes and then pointed at me with one. I rolled my eyes and turned toward the horse, but a smile tugged at my lips.
“I’m gonna run ahead,” Trey called, taking off with the med kit.
“Bones, c’mere,” Mac ordered, “I’ll give you a boost.”
He knelt next to Violet and gestured at me to put a foot in his clasped hands, and I used him as a step to mount the horse. We'd been on friendlier terms since I'd healed him, but I still wasn't sure how much he recalled from when he'd been sick. I wrapped my cold fingers in Vi's mane, focusing on not falling off, but Mac didn't take the lead like Griz and Sam normally did. He swung up on the horse behind me like Trey often did. I stiffened in surprise, and he stilled.
“This ok?” he asked. “You look like you might fall off.”
I felt like I might fall off, so I just nodded.
He reached around me to take the reins and then loosely wrapped an arm around my waist as he nudged his heels into Vi’s side and clucked his tongue at her to start moving at a fast walk. I sat stiffly for a while, but exhaustion and cold pulled me back to sag against his warm chest. His arm tightened around me.
“You doin’ ok?” he asked.
“Just tired,” I mumbled. “Gotta get to Clarity first though.”
“K, but you’re restin’ after her, got it?”
I hummed in agreement, fighting my heavy eyelids.
“Don’t know what we woulda done without you,” he said. “We probably woulda lost half the hold by now. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for saving us.”
I didn’t know what to do with that. Mac wasn’t usually one for handing out compliments.
“Something’s off about this sickness,” I muttered after a bit.
He stayed quiet for a moment. “I thought so too,” he finally said in a low voice. “Seems like the loggers brought it back. A couple of ’em visited a bar in Farbanks and they were the first ones sick.”
“Shouldn’t be this hard to heal ’em.” My eyes closed on their own accord, sleep calling me.
Mac said something I didn't catch, and when I didn't respond, his arm just tightened around my waist. I could've sworn only a couple of seconds had passed before Mac shook me awake, and I blinked blearily at the brothel in front of us. Mac swung off the horse then helped me down. I rubbed my eyes hard and tried to wake up a little as I followed Mac inside. We went up to Clarity's room and found Trey crouched at her bed, looking stricken.
Clarity’s breathing rattled in her chest and sweat beaded on her pale face. She stared at the ceiling, muttering nonsense.
“She’s not responding to me at all,” Trey said in a tight voice.
I crouched on the other side of the bed and placed my hands on her bare bony shoulders.
“Clarity?” I said. “It’s Bones. Can you hear me?”
She just continued to mutter, her eyes darting around. I gathered my strength and pushed the faint remnants of my power into her. The cases all ranged in severity, but Clarity was the worst case I’d seen yet. As healing her drained my powers, I started to get scared I didn’t have enough left. The little girl I’d been unable to heal after the fire flashed through my mind, and renewed determination filled me. I would not let Clarity die. Warm liquid trickled across my lips and I tasted blood. Trey glanced up at me from the other side of the bed and swore.
“I’m ok,” I muttered, focusing on the color returning to Clarity’s face.
Trey shifted and held up a handkerchief. “Mac.”
I blinked, about to reassure Mac he did not have to wipe my nose, but he took the handkerchief and kneeled beside me. It surprised me to see he didn’t look uncomfortable.
“May I?” he asked.
When I nodded, he gently dabbed the blood from my nose. He had to do it again several times when blood started trickling out again, but he never hesitated or complained. Again, the intimacy of the simple act overwhelmed me.
“Trey, she’s gonna be ok,” Mac murmured.
I glanced up to see Trey’s face creased with worry, and I started praying that Mac was right as more blood dribbled from my nose.
After what felt like forever, Clarity focused on my face. Her brow furrowed in confusion.
“Bones?” she whispered.
"S'ok," I rasped, "you're sick, but I'm healing you."
“Clare?” Trey leaned forward.
“Trey,” she whispered, her head rolling to see him, “hi.”
“Hi,” he said back, his voice thick with emotion.
“Hey, Clare Bear,” Mac said from beside me.
Her eyes widened at the sight of Mac, but a tiny smile played on her lips. “Hi, Macaroo.”
I had to fight the urge to smile. Macaroo?
“Sorry,” she murmured.
“Don’t say that. You got nothin’ to be sorry for,” Trey scolded.
“Scared you again.” Her voice was so faint.
“We’re your big brothers. It’s our job to worry ’bout you,” Trey said with forced lightness.
Those words stabbed right through my heart, and I must have made some sort of noise because both Trey and Mac focused on me.
“Bones,” Mac snapped.
“I’m almost done,” I growled. I could feel the sickness shrinking, yielding to the warmth of my powers. “Let me work.”
Thank the gods he listened, though he hovered at my shoulder, watching and waiting. Finally, the last speck of darkness gave way, and I let go. Immediately warmth fled my bones, and I started shivering so hard my teeth rattled. Trey looked between me and Clarity, his face pained.
“It’s ok. I’ll take her back.”
I glanced at Mac, surprised, but he was looking at Trey.
“You stay with Clare,” he added.
“Thanks, Mac,” Trey said, his voice rough.
I tried to get to my feet and my legs wobbled. Mac grabbed my arm and helped me stand. He had to wrap an arm around my ribs and half carry me down the stairs so I didn't tumble down like a drunk. I could hear coughing from multiple rooms and made a note to come back later and check the other brothel workers. They'd gotten better about asking for my help when sick or injured, but many of them still tried to handle it on their own. By the time we got to Violet, my knees were buckling, and my vision was fading in and out.
“Mac.” I gripped Violet’s mane for support as I stood facing her, shivering. I hated asking for help, but the horse seemed impossibly tall all of a sudden. “I don’t think…I can…”
“It’s ok,” he said, his voice calm and steady. “Can you step on my hands again?”
I managed to get my foot in his hands, and he slowly stood, lifting me so I didn’t have to pull myself up as much. The whole world spun, and for a moment I thought I’d be sick, but suddenly I was sitting on the horse. Mac swung up behind me and wrapped his arm around me again. Thank the gods he did, because as soon as Violet started moving, I tipped sideways and would have fallen right off.
“It’s ok,” Mac repeated, his arm tightening around my waist. “I got you.”
“I’m sorry if I puke on you,” I muttered.
He chuckled, or maybe I just imagined it. “I can handle it, Bones.”
I let my head fall back, wincing as it thudded hard against his shoulder. “Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing,” he said, but he didn’t sound mad.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, my eyes closing.
He shifted and one of his hands slid under the wild strands of hair that had escaped my braid to press against my forehead.
“I’m fine.” I tried to reassure him that I didn’t have a burnout fever.
“Course you are,” he said dryly, dropping his hand to hold me more securely.
“Just tired.” My words slurred like a drunk.
“Hush.”
“Don’t ‘hush’ me,” I grumbled, insulted.
I thought I heard him chuckle again as I slipped under.
I woke up to someone taking my boots off. I bolted straight up, my heart seizing, to see Mac staring at me with eyebrows raised, one hand still gripping my ankle.
“It’s just me, Bones.” He sounded irritated. “Didn’t want you to get mud all over your bed.”
I lay on my mattress at the clinic. I glanced up at the loft out of habit to see several little pairs of eyes peering down at us. They looked worried.
“It’s ok,” I told them, “go back to bed.”
They retreated out of sight. All except a little blond head that stubbornly stayed to keep an eye on me. Apple acted so protective of me, and I didn't know how to deal with it. Mac pulled my other boot off and moved to throw more logs in the wood stove.
“Apple, go back to sleep,” I said, pulling my blanket over me and laying back down.
“Where’s Trey?” she asked, her little voice suspicious.
She’d warmed up to Trey and tolerated Griz and Sam, but she remained very wary of all other men.
“Trey’s stayin’ with Clarity,” Mac answered for me.
I liked it when he talked to the kids. His voice got soft and gentle.
“I’m watching the clinic tonight. That ok, Miss Apple?”
I couldn’t make out her expression in the dim light, but I imagined her pursing her little lips in disapproval. A slight smile crossed my lips at the picture in my head, but I fell asleep again before I heard her answer.
It took another three weeks for the sickness to disappear. I’d never been so relieved as I was after I healed the last person and no one else seemed to get sick. Then I slept for two whole days, only waking up to use the outhouse. In the days that followed, I noticed a difference in how the people of the hold treated me. More people said hello or they waved and smiled. A large part of me didn’t like it, the attention pricking like needles on my skin, but a small part of me felt soft and light every time someone greeted me with genuine happiness. I tried to squash that part of me down, but it persisted like a stubborn weed.
My strength came back so slowly, much to my annoyance. A couple of times I passed out just from standing up too fast, and I fell asleep anytime I sat. I had to take Violet on rounds, even though I wasn't healing much because the walk exhausted me. I knew I didn't have to keep checking in on people, but it made me feel better to see with my own eyes that no one was sick.
Zip didn’t come by the clinic, and while I knew that probably didn’t mean anything good, I didn’t go see him either.
“Hey, Bones, wake up.”
I cracked my eyes open. I’d fallen asleep in the exam chair, attempting to catch up on my medical notes. Trey stood beside the chair, shaking me.
“Come outside,” he said, his eyes alight with excitement. “I wanna show you something.”
I mumbled an ok and let him help me to my feet. He pulled me over to the door and then paused, looking down at me.
“Ok, close your eyes.”
“What?” I asked, deadpan.
“C’mon, Bones. It’ll be worth it, I swear. We’re gonna get on Violet and I’ll tell you when we get there.”
I grumbled but closed my eyes, hoping I didn't fall asleep on my fucking feet. Trey curled his hand around mine and pulled me through the door. The cold night air hit my face, but it wasn't the painful cold of the past few weeks. In the last couple of days, the weather had warmed up enough that most of the snow had melted, leaving just enough left to crunch beneath my boots. I heard Violet nicker at the sight of me, the sound comforting. When we reached her, Trey placed my hands on her warm side to orient me.
“Ready? he asked. “I’ll give you a boost.”
I let him lift my foot and place it on his knee and used him as a step to haul myself up onto Vi’s back. The familiar move was easy to do, even with my eyes closed. He swung up behind me, his arms going around me to reach for the reins.
“I might fall asleep,” I mumbled.
He laughed softly. “That’s ok. I’ll wake you up when we get there.”
It struck me that a couple of months ago I never would have trusted him like this. Now I didn't even think twice. I'd passed out from healing so many times during this sickness, often waking up to Trey carrying me back or sitting behind me on Violet so I didn't fall off or tucking me into my bed at the clinic. He'd had so many opportunities to hurt me, and he hadn't even once. And I could be confident about that because Apple watched him like a hawk when I was unconscious.
So I let myself lean back into him, my head resting on his shoulder. His arms tightened on my waist, reassuring me he wouldn’t let me fall off. The warmth of his body soothed me, and I melted into him, letting myself drift off again.
“Bones, we’re here.”
I startled awake again. Gods, I was so—
“Look up.”
Trey still sat behind me on the horse. As I blinked at the surroundings, I realized we were on one of the smaller ridges outside the hold. My heart started beating faster. We were outside the walls.
“Bones, look up,” Trey repeated.
I lifted my eyes and sucked in a gasp, all thoughts of escape vanishing from my mind.
In the night sky, ribbons of green and purple lights were dancing.
I watched them move gracefully across the sky, my mouth agape. Trey chuckled behind me, but I didn’t care. This was magic. It had to be.
“They’re called the Northern Lights,” Trey said.
“How?” I asked, my eyes never leaving the sky.
“Dunno,” he admitted. “I just know that’s what they’re called.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes just watching. My eyes drank in the dancing lights like I couldn’t get enough of them. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
“Do you think it’s magic?” I whispered.
He didn’t answer for a moment. “You know, a few months ago I would’ve said no. But now that I met you, I think anything’s possible.”
My cheeks heated but in a pleasant kind of way. Everything about him felt warm and steady, from his chest against my back to his arms around my waist to his hands resting on top of my thighs. As the lights began to fade from the sky, the emotion that welled in my chest threatened to drown me. I couldn't deny my feelings for him were firmly rooted in my heart. I took a shaky breath.
“You ok?” Trey asked, sounding concerned.
“Yeah,” I whispered. “I just—” I struggled to describe what I felt. “Thank you for showing me that.”
I could hear the smile in his voice. “You’re welcome. I thought you might like it.”
When the last of the lights faded, he turned Vi’s head with the reins and clucked his tongue at her to get her to start walking. I tried to get a hold of myself, but the emotion lingered, pressing against my lungs. He was always so kind to me, and I didn’t deserve it, that was for damn sure.
“How’d you feel today?” Trey asked.
“Still tired.”
“Well, I’d expect you to be tired for a while after all that healing you did. Guess we can’t do much else but wait and see if it gets better.”
I hummed a noise of agreement.
“You healed somebody today, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.” I tried to focus. “Um, that guy from the kitchen.”
“Nabu?”
“Yeah. Just about cut his thumb off.”
“Did it still hurt? Healin’ him?”
I frowned. “A little. But less than yesterday I think.”
"Well, that's good." He sounded relieved. "Maybe it'll get a little better every day."
“It’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry. I can work—”
“Bones,” he interrupted, “I’m worried about you, not your work.”
I fell silent, my face warming again. When he sighed, his warm breath ghosted down my neck.
“Madame arrested a few more people today.”
I stiffened, nausea trying to crawl up my throat. I hadn’t been summoned to Madame’s dungeon since before the sickness, and I’d almost convinced myself that maybe I wouldn’t have to help her torture people anymore.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “Gods, I wish I could do something to make her stop.”
I remembered Apple telling me Trey had been one of the rebels. The fear that I’d enter that dungeon room to see him restrained to the chair surged back.
“Don’t,” I choked out, my voice laced with panic.
“Don’t what?” he asked, sounding alarmed.
“Don’t…don’t—” Gods, was that the only word in my head? “Don’t make her mad,” I managed to say.
He paused. “Why?”
“I can’t—” My voice cracked and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force all the emotion in my chest back down where it belonged.
“Bones, talk to me.”
“I can’t watch her hurt you.” The shaky words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them, and my eyes burned. Well, fuck.
He let go of the reins with one hand so he could wrap that arm around me, squeezing me tight. “It’s ok, Bones. I’m not gonna do anything stupid,” he said so gently that my stupid eyes overflowed. “I promise.”
We rode in silence as I swiped at my wet cheeks and tried to get a hold of myself. His arm stayed tight around my waist and his solid comfort helped. As we neared the gate, a figure peered over the wall.
“That was way fucking longer than ten minutes,” a familiar voice grumbled. “Hurry up, the guard is gonna change soon.”
The gate opened, and Trey urged Violet through. Sam glared as he shut the gate behind us.
“Thanks for the help, Sam,” Trey said, a smile in his voice.
“Bones is givin’ me enough grey hairs. I don’t need you chippin’ in,” Sam muttered.
“I’ll help you pluck ’em out,” Trey said.
“You owe me.” Sam pointed a finger at Trey. “It’s a good thing Bones is my favorite person on this crew.”
“Since when?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Since Griz ate the last piece of bacon this morning.”
“Oh, I see how it is,” I said.
Trey laughed.
“You see the lights, Shortcake?” Sam changed topics as we headed for the stables.
“Yeah.” My voice warmed, remembering how beautiful they’d been. “They were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“See?” Trey sounded smug. “Worth it.”
“Fine,” Sam grumbled, then scowled up at me. “You know, Shortcake, I’m a little offended ’cause nothing could be more beautiful than these.” He flexed his biceps and Trey groaned.
They continued bickering all the way to the stable, and I found myself fighting a smile. I slid off Violet and watched Trey get her ready for the night. Sam threw his arm around my shoulders, and I didn't mind it.
It wasn't until I lay in my bed in the dark that I realized these people were starting to feel like a family. It made my eyes well up and panic grip my lungs all at once. Wolf tried to snarl something at me, but he sounded fainter. I pressed my face into my pillow, hoping Trey wouldn't hear my unsteady breaths as I tried to ignore both Wolf's warnings and my desperate longing that it could be true.