The next morning, the door opened, and Zip’s massive form filled the doorway.
“Hey, Doc!” he boomed, and all the kids in the loft vanished out of sight. “You feelin’ better?”
The unease surged back, my mind attempting to piece together how he wanted me to respond. Trey and Sam bristled by the exam table, but thank the gods, they didn't say anything. It took more effort than I expected to go up to Zip. When I reached him, he pulled me into an aggressive kiss. I could sense the sharp edge of his energy, and it made me more anxious.
“Yeah, I am,” I answered, hoping my voice sounded steady.
“You up for Mootzie’s tonight?” His hands traveled down from my waist to my hips.
“Sure.” I tried to muster a smile and failed.
“Pick you up after the dinner bell then.” It sounded more like a threat than a promise, and he kissed me again, all rough beard and teeth, his hands gripping my ass. When he pulled back, he gave me a look that made my stomach churn with dread.
After he left, the silence felt heavy with judgment. I moved awkwardly back to the sink where I’d been washing some tools, avoiding Trey and Sam’s gaze.
“You still with Zip, then?” Sam asked, a sharp edge to his voice.
I shrugged, distracted by the anxiety coursing through me.
“If you’re into the big burly look, you could at least go with Griz,” Sam muttered, and my face warmed.
Trey stayed quiet, and after a few minutes, he strode outside. Sam followed him, casting heavy glances my way. The pit of dread in my stomach grew harder to ignore.
The day flew by, and soon the dinner bell rang. Zip showed up minutes later, and I had to force myself not to jerk away when he grabbed my hand. Most of the snow had melted, leaving just a few large piles from where it’d been shoveled out of the paths. Someone had sprinkled woodchips on the path in an attempt to combat the mud. Zip towed me along in silence, and I retreated into myself like a dog following a familiar path home. Then I realized where we were heading.
I came to an abrupt stop. “Why are we goin’ to your place?”
His eyes darkened, sending a familiar chill down my spine. “Thought we could have some fun first.”
My heart started beating faster. No way in hell was I having sex with him while both of us were sober. “I want to go to Mootzie’s first.”
He grinned, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “C’mon, baby. I missed you.”
Fuck. I had not missed this balancing act.
“I had a long day.” I gave him my best pleading look. “I need a drink.”
His grin vanished, and my heart leapt into my throat.
“You still my girl, Bones?” he finally asked, darkness flickering in his eyes.
“Yes, but your girl needs a drink.”
“You know I thought you’d come see me.” He tugged me closer and wrapped both arms around me, trapping me against him.
I tried to keep my voice light, but my temper rose. “When?”
Careful, Wolf warned.
“I’ve been back for almost two months.” His face darkened at my tone.
“I was a little busy,” I said, my voice getting sharper, “tryin’ to make sure the whole hold didn’t fuckin’ die.”
Control your temper! Wolf barked.
Zip lowered his head to kiss me, but I jerked my head back. He stared down at me, eyes darkening even further. “You wanna play games?”
“No,” I tried to temper my voice. “I want to go to Mootzie’s, have a drink, and go back to your place later.”
“I fuckin’ waited for you. I didn’t even visit the brothel. And this is the thanks I get?”
“I never asked you to do that.”
Something ugly flashed across his face. “What does that mean? You been sleepin’ around?”
“When the fuck would I have time to sleep around?” I snapped. “I was practically killin’ myself trying to heal everybody!”
He released me, but only to grab both of my upper arms. I tried to pull away, but he tightened his grasp, his fingers digging into my skin.
“You’re hurting me.” I tried softening my voice to a plea. “Let go.”
“Good,” he sneered, “’cause I want you to pay attention.”
“Zip, stop.” I tried to jerk away again.
“I told you from the beginning. I don’t share,” he snarled.
“I haven’t been with anyone!”
“I think you’re lyin’,” he growled and my stomach dropped.
“Zip—” I jerked hard, but he still didn’t let go.
“You know, I saw you the other night—” he started, but a furious little voice rang out.
“Let Bones go!”
We both glanced down, startled, and my panic surged as I met Apple’s furious gaze. She stood in the path, her little hands balled into fists as she glared up at Zip.
Zip stared down at her, seemingly shocked into silence.
“Apple, I’m fine,” I insisted. “Go back to the clinic.”
“She doesn’t want to go with you.” Apple ignored me, focused on glaring up at Zip.
Zip started laughing, but it wasn’t a nice laugh. My stomach twisted into a knot.
“You got a little army of brats now?” he asked, turning to look at me. He still held my arm in a tight grip.
“They work for me. Madame approved it.”
Zip turned his gaze back on Apple. “Get outta the way, girl.”
“No,” Apple spit out.
“Apple!” I snapped, my heart pounding. “Go home.”
“Let her go,” she repeated, her chin tilting up.
Gods, I had no idea how to de-escalate this situation. I could probably get myself out of this, but I didn’t know how to get Apple out of it without making things worse. Didn’t she fucking know better?
Before I could act, Zip released me and moved, and the sound of him backhanding Apple across the face seemed to echo like a gunshot. She went sprawling into the mud as I stood there, frozen in horror.
“You need to mind your place, girl,” Zip growled.
Apple scrambled to her feet, looking furious as her cheek turned bright red.
“Apple, go home.” I heard myself snarl, terror over what Zip could do next crackling through me like lightning. “Right now, or you’re losing your place in the clinic.”
She stared at me and pain and betrayal filled those blue eyes. I knew it wasn't so much over getting hit as it was me speaking to her like that. My chest ached at her expression, but I would rather she hate me than get killed by Zip. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she turned and took off. Relief surged through me but faded to white hot shame. I should have protected her, and instead, I just fucking stood there when Zip hit her.
“C’mon, Bones.” Zip grabbed my arm again and started pulling me down the path toward his shack.
I went with him for a few steps, but then I stopped again, digging my heels in. “I changed my mind.” My voice came out angry, but I couldn’t temper it. “I don’t want to go out tonight.”
He let out a harsh laugh. “You think I’m just gonna let you go back and fuck Trey?”
“What?” I said through my teeth, my hold on my temper growing dangerously thin.
“You've been spending a lot of time with him.”
“Yeah, ’cause I needed help! Did you miss the part where I was healin’ people until I literally couldn’t walk by myself?”
He stepped into my space, and I flinched. Something hard and cruel crossed his face at the sight. He grabbed my braid with his free hand and wrapped it around his fist, and my stomach dropped.
“Know what I didn’t miss? I saw you the other night,” he said in a low voice that scared me more than his yelling. “Sneakin’ back into the hold with Trey. You two looked awful cozy together on that horse. You’ve been fuckin’ him, haven’t you? You little slut.”
Maybe it was his complete dismissal of what I’d done to save everyone’s lives from the sickness. Maybe it was the fact he dragged Trey into this. Maybe Sam was right and I just didn’t know how to de-escalate shit. Whatever the reason, I lost my temper.
“You are even dumber than you look—”
He pressed his lips against mine. I tried to pull away, but he had a tight hold of my hair. My fists pounded against his chest, but he didn’t even flinch. He kissed me roughly, and I started getting flashbacks to Pike pinning me down in the clinic. So I used the same move and bit his lip as hard as I could.
He jerked his head back, swearing. Bright red blood dripped into his beard, and his eyes darkened with rage. I tried to brace myself, but his fist connected with the side of my face and I hit the ground hard enough that everything went dark and fuzzy for a while. I fumbled to pull my little knife out of my boot, gripping it hard so I didn’t drop it. When I managed to focus on the world again, I blinked in confusion at the body standing between me and Zip.
“Touch her again, and I’ll put a bullet between your eyes,” Trey said in a dark voice I’d never heard him use before.
A long, charged silence fell. Part of me wanted to burst into tears at the fact he was protecting me again. He’d promised to be my backup all those months ago, and he’d done it again and again. I could protect myself. I'd been fully prepared to stab Zip with my little knife if it came to that, but I was so relieved it didn’t.
The other part of me wanted to scream at Trey to get out of here. I doubted Zip would forget this, and I didn’t want Trey to get hurt. Plus, I didn’t deserve his protection. Not after I watched Apple get hit and didn’t do a damn thing to stop it.
“Whatever. I don’t fuckin’ need this.” Zip growled and turned on his heel to stride in the direction of Mootzie’s.
I pulled myself shakily up to my feet and brushed wet muddy woodchips from my clothes. Trey glanced at me, but he didn’t move from where he stood with his gun drawn and pointed at Zip’s retreating back.
“You ok?” he asked, his voice strained.
“I’m fine. Thanks,” I muttered, feeling a confusing mix of humiliation and gratitude and shame and that warmth blooming in my chest again. My feelings for Trey were out of control. I tried to distract myself by tenderly prodding my swelling cheek.
Zip disappeared between the ramshackle homes, and Trey holstered his gun and turned around. He studied me for a moment before sighing.
“C’mon.” He started back down the path in the direction of the clinic.
I didn’t move. I needed…I needed to think. Or maybe not think? I had to get my head on straight, and I needed space to do it. I couldn’t go back to the clinic with Trey, and I couldn’t face Apple right now.
Trey eventually realized I wasn’t following and walked back up to me.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m going to Hydro,” I turned to head toward the other dive on the east side of the hold.
“Why?” Trey asked, walking next to me.
“Go make sure Apple’s ok,” I said instead of answering.
“Bones—” He started to protest.
“Trey, I want to be alone, ok? Just leave,” I turned and snapped at him.
He didn’t try to hide the hurt on his face, but I turned and strode away, pausing only to scoop up a mostly clean handful of snow from one of the remaining piles to hold against my face. I felt like absolute shit treating him like that, but gods, these emotions I had for him scared me. They were too strong to rip out now, rooted deep in my chest. I no longer had Zip to use as a shield against my feelings toward Trey. I couldn’t rely on him getting jealous and pushing people away for me, and I just felt so godsdamned relieved. I swore under my breath.
Maybe it was the coward’s way out, but I fully planned on seeing if I could drown these emotions in moonshine.
Madame’s guards made up the majority of the clientele at Hydro. The door opened smoothly unlike Mootzie’s door that wobbled on half-broken hinges. The stools didn’t wobble either, and the bar counter looked like it’d actually been cleaned in the past month. I chugged my first drink. The bartender raised his eyebrows at me but didn’t comment as he refilled my glass.
I tried hard not to think about it, but I kept seeing Apple's face, the betrayal, the hurt. Gods, why hadn't I stopped Zip? I deserved Zip's anger. Apple didn't. I finished off my second drink and slid my glass to the bartender for another. I was working on my third when a guard named Ritz plopped down in the seat next to me, her face flushed and eyes bright.
“Hey, Doc!” she slurred. “You catch any of the show?”
I wasn’t sure if people started calling me “Doc” because Zip did, but at least enough people did it now that it didn’t make me think of Zip too much. I finished off my drink, feeling much lighter, and frowned in confusion.
“What show?”
“Gods, you’ve never been here for sentencing have you?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
She grinned and grabbed my arm. “C’mon, it’s still going!”
I let her drag me outside into the chilly air. We went deeper into the south side of the hold, through the slums, to where I'd never been before. There were no residences here, just workshops. The buildings were ramshackle, and it smelled like shit, but a crowd of people had formed. A roar of voices filled the air, growing louder as we approached a ring of large pine trees. Ritz pulled me to the edge of the crowd, and I stared in drunken shock at the muddy pit that appeared in front of us. A giant of a man I'd never seen before stood below, bare-chested and streaked with blood. He exchanged blows with a scrawny-looking man who appeared to be losing badly.
“The big one’s Brimstone!” Ritz yelled in my ear to be heard over the crowd.
“Who’s the other one?” I yelled back.
“Dunno!”
Before I could ask more, Brimstone charged and caught the other man around the neck. His meaty hands twisted and before I could even blink, a loud crack sounded as he snapped the man’s neck. The crowd roared, but I barely heard it. I stared horrified at the limp body that Brimstone casually dropped back into the mud. What the fuck was this?
I went to ask Ritz, but she'd vanished, swallowed by the frenzied crowd. I turned back, my eyes darting around. Across the pit from me, several men pulled a small person from a collection of cages. She screamed and fought, but the men dragging her didn't hesitate before they pitched her into the pit with Brimstone. She landed on her hands and knees in the mud, but she leapt up fast and tried to scramble up the side of the pit. A swift kick from someone standing on the edge sent her sliding back down on all fours. She turned in my direction, her eyes wide and frantic, and horror washed over me.
She couldn’t be older than sixteen years. Her hair had been crudely shaved from her head and her lip split open. She sobbed as she begged for help, but the crowd around me fucking laughed.
“Help me! Please!” I screamed, but the only response was the laughter from the guards outside the tent.
“She’s a kid,” I said out loud.
“If they’re old enough to fuck, they’re old enough to take their medicine,” someone next to me jeered.
Fury roared through me, hot and blinding. Fuck that. I’d failed Apple, and I couldn’t just stand here and watch another little girl get hurt by a fucking man.
Don’t— Wolf tried to growl.
I jumped down into the pit and landed near the girl, the thick bloody mud sucking at my boots. The girl’s head swiveled toward me, terror in her face. Brimstone crossed his arms where he stood near the opposite edge of the pit, eyebrows raised. The crowd quieted slightly, watching with interest.
“What the fuck is this?” I shouted at the giant. “She’s just a kid!”
Brimstone sneered at me.
“Get the fuck out of there, Bones. She’s been sentenced.”
I looked up at the edge of the pit to see the asshole guard, Lem. He glared down at me, and I noticed the cages stacked behind him were empty. The girl must have been the last one.
I glared back at him, fury and alcohol raging through my blood. “She’s a kid!”
The girl clung to my shirt with icy, shaking fingers. “Please,” she begged. “Please help me.”
“Bones!” Lem bellowed. “Get out!”
In answer, I pushed the girl behind me, bent, and drew the small knife in my boot. I flicked it open, my eyes on Brimstone.
“The fuck is wrong with you? You gotta death wish?” Lem yelled. “You better get out ’fore Brimstone kills you!”
I kept my eyes on the giant, but maybe I did have a death wish because I yelled back, “Yeah, and what’ll Madame do to you if he kills me?”
Brimstone let out an angry roar and charged. The girl took off behind me with a terrified scream. I managed to dodge the giant's first blow and caught a glimpse of Lem's eyes bulging in fear. The giant charged again, and I sidestepped as Wolf taught me, somehow managing to land a long gash in his arm with my little knife. The girl attempted to claw her way up the side of the pit again, but the crowd pitched her back, wild with bloodlust.
Brimstone feinted and in my drunken haze, I fell for it. The next thing I knew, I hit the ground hard, my ears ringing. Before I could even register the pain, Brimstone hauled me up by my jacket. He roared in my face and fueled by adrenaline and fear, I swung my knife and plunged it into his shoulder up to the hilt. He didn't even seem to notice, and my stomach flipped in panic. He threw me back down into the mud where I landed hard on my back and kicked a booted foot into my ribs. I tried to curl up into a defensive position, but he punched me in the head and bright white light blinded me. He rained down blows and kicks as the crowd roared. A bone cracked in my arm and the pain ripped a scream out of me, but my cry cut off when his hands closed around my neck and squeezed.
The girl leapt onto his back, screaming like a wildcat and clawing at his eyes. Brimstone let go of me long enough to pull her off his back and throw her like a doll across the pit. I didn’t see her land because he hauled me up by the neck and held me there. I clawed at his hands with the arm that wasn’t dangling uselessly at my side, but he didn’t even flinch as I drew blood. All I could see were his beady little eyes watching me choke with satisfaction. Black spots dotted my vision and panic surged up my spine. This was it. I was going to die in this filthy pit, failing to save someone again.
A gunshot echoed, and Brimstone released me as blood sprayed across my face. I hit the ground hard and lay on my back, gulping in air like a fish with my vision fading in and out. People were shouting, a dull roar in the background. I turned my head slightly to see Brimstone lying crumpled in the mud just a foot away. He stared at me with dead, empty eyes as blood leaked from the hole in his head. Lem appeared above me, swearing, his face white with terror. His eyes darted back and forth, and then he turned and ran.
I couldn’t see anyone else, and I didn’t move. I wasn’t sure if I could. The ice-cold mud did nothing to numb the pain screaming throughout my entire body. I summoned just enough strength to lift my head to glance down at my arm. A bloody bone poked through the skin of my left arm.
I must’ve passed out because the next thing I knew, I opened my eyes to a freezing mix of slushy rain falling on my face. I shivered uncontrollably in the dark, and my hair fanned out around me as the pit turned into a frigid muddy puddle. I let my eyes fall shut again.
“Bones!”
I pried my eyes back open, staring at the battered and bloody face leaning over me.
“Bones, please don’t die,” the girl cried. “Whaddo I do? Bones!”
“Trey.” I barely managed to get the word out. I couldn’t keep my heavy eyelids open.
“No, Bones, please don’t—”
Blissful dark swallowed me whole again.
I jolted back with a cry when pain shot through me like lightning. Someone had picked me up, my broken arm lying limply across my stomach. My head rolled and came to rest on a solid warm chest. I panted through my teeth as I tried to contain my scream of pain.
“Hold on, darlin'. I got you.”
I managed to roll my head back to look up. The freezing slush had plastered Trey’s hair to his face, and emotion rolled through his eyes like a storm as he stared down at me.
“Get her to the clinic.” I heard Mac’s voice in the background. “We’re right behind you.”
Trey started moving and every step felt like agony. I vaguely heard him murmuring gently to me, but then everything went dark again.
Somebody screamed and as I gasped in a breath, I realized it was me. Trey held my shoulders down as someone else tried to maneuver my broken arm back into the right position.
“She needs a healer,” someone cried.
“She is the healer!” somebody, maybe Griz, snapped.
Someone moved my broken arm again, and I strained against Trey’s hold, a hoarse scream ripping out of my throat.
“I’m sorry, Bones,” Trey said in a low voice laced with panic.
“Get a narc,” someone yelled and panic sliced through me.
“No!” I wheezed.
I’d been thirteen years old the first time I broke that arm, and that’d been my first experience with narcs. I still didn’t fully understand what happened to me while drugged, but I did know I would rather endure terrible pain than go through that again.
I choked, coughing as I struggled to get a deep breath that wouldn’t come. My lungs seized in agony, and my brain flashed back to Brimstone choking me in the muddy pit.
“What’s wrong with her?” I heard someone demand.
Collapsed lung, some very removed part of me thought clinically.
“Bones, can you breathe?!”
I managed to focus on Sam’s anxious face above me, but I couldn’t get enough air to answer.
“Her lips are turning blue!”
I moved my eyes in a panic, searching faces until I found Trey. He had mud and blood smeared across his face, and he stared down at me with wide, horrified eyes. A tear rolled down my cheek as I stared back at him, slowly suffocating. Everything I’d done to push him away felt so fucking stupid now. The regret hurt as much as the pain. I couldn’t even say goodbye.
“No!” Trey’s eyes narrowed, full of fury and fear. “Bones, don’t you dare—”
“Bones, can you try to heal yourself?” Someone grabbed my good hand. “Come on, what if you direct it through me? Like electricity?”
I strained to pay attention. I didn’t know. I’d never tried something like that.
“Try! C’mon, godsdamnit!” the voice ordered.
They squeezed my hand hard, and I tried to send that warmth up through my arm and into their hand. They wrapped their other hand around my broken arm, making me jolt in pain.
“Keep going!”
I was running out of air, but I desperately focused on spooling out that warmth. Somebody yelled, but the hand tightened on mine.
“Keep! Going!”
I kept going, pushing my powers up through my arm and into the hand holding mine. Everything blurred and went dark around the edges, but Wolf still yelled at me to keep going so I did, right up until everything faded away again.
I woke up in my bed in the soft light of morning. A vague panic lurked on the edge of my mind, but I couldn't figure out why. I turned my head, my eyes automatically looking toward Trey's bed across the room, but I was startled to see him right next to me. He sat on the floor, half slumped over on my mattress like he'd accidentally fallen asleep there. One of his hands rested on top of mine. I sat up and stared at him, confused.
A slight noise caught my attention and I whipped my head around to see Mac sitting on a chair beside a cot. A body lay in the cot, but I couldn’t see them. Mac got to his feet and strode toward me with an expression I couldn’t read. I watched him warily as he crouched on the opposite side from where Trey still slept.
“Do you feel strong enough to get up?” he whispered, and something in his tone made dread slip through my veins.
I nodded, confused because I felt fine. I slid out of the bed, trying not to wake Trey, but paused when I noticed my clothes. They were stiff with dried mud and blood, and now that I noticed, so was my hair. I frowned, but then it all came roaring back to me. Zip. Brimstone. The Pit. The girl I’d tried to save. The pain.
My gaze snapped to my arm, remembering the jagged bone and blood, but it was perfectly whole save for a new scar in the middle of my forearm. I prodded my ribs, remembering struggling to breathe, but there was no pain. I looked up at Mac, my eyes wide.
“How?” I demanded in a whisper.
He beckoned me to follow him. I got to my feet, my mind whirling. He led me over to the other cot and I stared blankly down at the person laying in it.
I started shaking my head like I could deny what my eyes were seeing. Sam lay on the cot with his eyes closed, his skin grey and his face gaunt. If I hadn't seen his chest rise, I would have thought he was dead. I stared horrified at him for a moment before my brain jerked into gear. I dropped to his side and grabbed his bare arm. My powers flowed down my arms, but instead of seeping into him, they hit a wall, and it hurt. I couldn’t help my gasp of pain as I let go, shaking my hands. Mac crouched beside me, his eyes sharp.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I whispered, horrified. “It’s like I can’t…I can’t heal him.”
Mac’s eyes filled with pain, the most emotion I’d ever seen from him.
“What happened?” I demanded.
“He had you direct your power through him to heal yourself.”
I stared at him, speechless. That wasn’t possible. I looked back down at Sam, noting how it looked like the very life had been drained from him. I had done that? Why had he…how could…
“Bones,” Mac’s hand wrapped around my upper arm, and I jumped, “it was his choice.”
I jerked my arm away. Fuck that. I would not let this dumbass die. Mac called my name, but I ignored him and focused as I took Sam’s arm again. I called the warmth and tried to direct it into Sam. My power slammed into that invisible barrier, and I winced. Mac called my name louder, but I still ignored him. I tried pushing gently, then harder. It felt like the healing power built in my hands with no outlet and burned from the inside out. I gritted my teeth and kept pushing, even as tears of pain started spilling down my cheeks. Then someone grabbed the back of my jacket and jerked me away from Sam.
I fell backward and as soon as my fingers left Sam’s skin, light shot from my hands like a flame thrower, filling the clinic with a blinding golden light before vanishing. As I blinked, trying to rid my vision of white dots, I realized someone’s body was curled around mine like a shield.
“Bones!” The arms tightened around my waist. “Bones, you ok?”
It took my brain a second to register that it was Mac holding me and calling my name. The pain had vanished as soon as the golden light shot from my hands.
“I’m ok,” I gasped. “Are you ok?”
“I’m ok.”
Mac sat up, pulling me with him, and we both sat huddled together squinting and blinking. As soon as my vision cleared I checked on Sam first. He still lay there like a corpse, but he didn’t seem to be hurt worse. I looked up at the loft next, terrified for the kids, but it looked empty.
“We sent the kids to our bunkhouse,” Mac said, his gaze following mine. “They’re safe.”
“Bones?”
I swung my head around to see Trey sitting up and blinking at us.
“Trey, you ok?” Mac demanded.
“Yeah,” he said, sounding dazed.
Trey’s eyes focused on the thick bandage around his arm, and he started unwrapping it as Mac and I got to our feet. I moved to Trey's side, concerned about the amount of blood staining the bandage, but when it fell off, all three of us stared at his uninjured arm. Mac swore.
“What?” I asked, confused.
Trey’s eyes were wide. “You healed me. You healed me without touching me.”
“What?”
“I had a big gash in my arm from the pit.” Trey looked as shocked as I felt. “And now it’s gone.”
The three of us stared at the faint pink scar. My mind whirled. I’d never thrown my power like that. I’d never healed someone from a distance. And I’d certainly never healed myself before.
“Sam?” Trey asked, bringing me back to the present.
“She can’t heal him,” Mac answered before I could say anything.
Trey’s face creased with pain, and I felt that pain stab in my chest. I turned and marched back to Sam’s side, determined to try again, but Mac caught my arm and yanked me back.
“Bones, stop. You can’t heal him,” he said sharply.
“I can still try!” I tried to jerk my arm free, but he held tight.
“It was hurting you,” Mac argued.
“I don’t care!” I fired back.
“Bones,” Mac said in a soft voice I had never heard him use toward me before.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hold back the flood of tears. “Stop,” I choked out, “just let me…I can do it.”
I felt Mac step closer, and I opened my eyes as he pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me. I stiffened, but as he pulled me into a hug, all the fight went out of me. I sagged against his chest, sobbing into his shirt. His arms tightened around me as I cried.
“Why did you let him—” I sobbed.
“Bones, he wanted to save you. You were dying,” Mac murmured.
“I don’t care,” I gasped. “He shouldn’t have—”
“Any of us would have done it,” Trey added, and I felt his hand rest on my shoulder.
“The fuck is everybody crying about?”
I jumped at the hoarse voice coming from the cot and pulled away from Mac to see Sam staring up at us. His eyes were glassy, but he grinned weakly.
“You! What the fuck were you thinking?” I dropped to my knees, grabbing his arm so I could take his pulse as I glared at him through my tears.
“Aww, Shortcake, you do care!” Sam’s grin widened.
“Don’t ever do that again, Sam!” I tried to snap, but a sob choked me halfway through.
“I knew all those mugs of broth were the key to your heart,” Sam rasped.
“Sam—” I couldn’t even finish, my throat closing up.
“How do you feel, Sam?” Mac asked.
Sam made a face. “Not great.”
“I can’t heal you,” I whispered, and then my face crumpled again.
I buried my face in my arms on the side of his cot. I hated this. A dam had burst, and all this emotion was pouring out and drowning me. I should be taking care of him, not falling apart. Sam gave my head a feeble pat.
“C’mon, Shortcake,” he mumbled. “S’ ok.”
I wanted to snap at him. I wanted to sit up and force my healing power to fix him. I wanted to do a lot of things, but instead, I just cried. Sam’s hand found mine and I gripped it back without lifting my head. I felt people move around us, whispering. After I seemed to cry myself out, I raised my head, my breath coming in hiccupy gasps. Sam had fallen asleep again, his hand still curled in mine. I counted his breaths as I stayed there, kneeling beside his cot. He looked so sick.
“I’m gonna go check on Sky and Raven,” I heard Mac say.
The door shut behind him, and I turned my head to see Trey standing at the foot of the cot.
“Who’s Sky?” I whispered.
He blinked. “The girl you jumped in the pit to save. You didn’t know who she was?”
I felt my cheeks warm and shook my head.
“She’s Raven’s cousin,” he said. “We thought you knew that and that’s why you saved her.”
I rested my cheek on my folded arms. “She’s just a kid.”
Trey moved around the cot, crouching beside me so he could look me in the eyes. The depth of emotion in his eyes made my own start to burn again.
“Bones,” he said and his voice sounded exasperated and somehow fond at the same time.
“What?” I mumbled a little defensively.
His face grew serious. He started to say something and stopped, dragging a hand through his hair. Then he reached out, asking for my hands without a word. I surprised myself by giving them to him without hesitation and he pulled me to my feet with him. We stood facing each other for a moment. He didn’t let go of my hands, and I didn’t pull away.
He took a deep breath and tried again. “When I saw you laying in that pit,” he said, his voice low and rough, “I thought you were dead.”
I blinked, feeling shaky, and his hands tightened on mine.
“I swear my heart stopped,” he said, even quieter. “And then when you were on the table and you couldn’t breathe and you looked at me like that, like you were sayin’ goodbye—”
He broke off, that muscle ticking in his jaw as he studied my face. “Bones, why do you have to save everybody but yourself?”
My eyes closed in a desperate attempt to hide my tears. Those words wrapped a fist around my heart and squeezed. I didn’t know what to say.
“I want you to live,” he added, his voice hoarse with emotion. “And yeah, it’s partly ’cause I’m a selfish bastard. I just can’t stand the thought of livin’ in a world without you in it.”
I opened my damp eyes in surprise, and he gave me that sweet smile, stepping closer. I had to tip my head back a little to hold his gaze. He stood so close to me, but I didn’t want to move away. I wanted to lean in, to be enveloped in him. I remembered the regret I felt when I couldn’t breathe. The tender emotions in my chest were slowly but surely emerging from the dirt, and gods, I was tired of fighting them.
“Can’t you see how much you mean to me?” He let go of one of my hands to reach out and brush a stray hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear.
My lips trembled.
“You might act like you don’t care, but I see you.” He brought his other hand up to join the first in cradling my face. “You’re brave and you’re kind and you care so damn much.” His eyes were so earnest as they held mine captive. “An’ I think you believe that makes you weak, but darlin’, it makes you strong.”
My eyes overflowed and he wiped away tears with his thumbs like a gentle caress.
“I don’t know if anybody else would jump in the pit and fight Brimstone to try and save someone they don’t even know.”
You would. I wanted to say, but I didn’t trust myself to speak. I leaned closer to him, drawn to his warmth like a moth to a flame.
“I know you’re used to people wanting your power, but gods, Bones, all I want is you.”
My heart pounded so loud it drowned out everything else. The defenses I'd spent my life building felt paper thin compared to the strength of my feelings for Trey.
“You’ll get hurt.” My voice quavered as I threw up the last defense I had left.
“Good thing you can heal me then,” he grinned.
I tried to glare at him, tears still slipping down my cheeks, but my mouth curled up into a smile. I saw his gaze sharpen on my lips, surprise and then delight in his eyes.
“You dumbass,” I said fiercely, then I pushed myself up on my toes and kissed him.
His lips were gentle on mine, still holding my face like something precious. My arms entwined around his neck, pulling myself even closer, pressing our bodies together. I felt him smile against my lips and then his hands slid into my hair to the back of my head, angling my face and deepening the kiss in a way that made my stomach swoop and—
“Fuckin’ hell.”
We jerked apart and looked down at Sam who glared through cracked eyes.
“I am trying to sleep here.”
“Sorry, Sam,” Trey said with a grin, not sounding sorry at all.
“How come I save your life and he gets the kiss?” Sam muttered.
I felt unsteady, and I couldn’t stop smiling. I crouched next to Sam and pressed a kiss to his forehead. The shock on his face made an actual laugh escape my lips, and his mouth dropped open.
“Did you know she could laugh?” he asked Trey.
“She can do anything,” Trey replied.
I glanced over at Trey, my face warming, to see him smiling at me in a way that made me feel like I really could do anything. I had to look away before I burst into tears again. So I focused on Sam, noting how sweat beaded on his forehead.
“How do you feel?” I asked, slipping back into the familiar healer role. “Does anything hurt?”
Sam frowned. "I feel…weak. Like I've been sick for a long time or somethin'. It doesn't hurt. It did when your power was going through me, but now I just feel tired."
I frowned back. His breathing appeared shallow. I took his pulse and found his heart rate too fast. I hated that I couldn’t just use my power to heal him. It made me think of sitting in that hot med tent in the desert, watching people die from a fever, unable to save them. I released his wrist and took his hand, squeezing.
“You should sleep some more,” I said, trying to sound confident, “and later, I’ll bring you some broth.”
He grinned, but his eyes were already half closed. “Alright, Shortcake.”
He fell asleep in seconds. His skin felt clammy and his color still looked far too grey. I tried to shove my anxiety down. I couldn’t do anything besides wait.
“How are you feelin’?” Trey asked.
I took a second to think about it. “Don’t yell at me, but I promise I actually feel fine.”
He laughed out loud, and I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face again in response. His laugh felt like sunshine, and I was the godsdamned fool soaking it up like I was starving for it.
“C’mere.” He reached out with his hand.
I let him pull me up and wrap me in his arms. I hadn’t felt so safe in someone’s arms since I was a child. When I looked up at him, he lowered his head to kiss me and—
The door burst open, startling both of us. Mac stood in the doorway breathing heavily.
“Madame’s men are comin’ to arrest Bones.”
Both of us stood there staring at him for a breath before Trey seemed to panic.
“We can’t just let them take her!” he snapped.
Mac let out a frustrated noise. “Trey, what the fuck do you expect me to do?”
“I don’t know, Mac, but you know this isn’t gonna end well.”
“I know.” Mac’s brow was taut, his lips pressed tightly together.
“She’s not gonna kill me,” I tried to reassure them, but they glared at me.
“I’m not worried about her killin’ you, Bones,” Trey retorted.
“Bones—” Mac bit out.
“I know she’s probably gonna have me beaten, ok?” I tried to keep my voice calm and even. “I can take it.”
“No, Bones—” Fear coated Trey’s voice, and hearing it made me feel sick.
The sound of boots on the porch made all of us look at the door. Sax came in first, his face hard. Lem sneered behind him, but I didn’t miss the surprise that flashed across his face at the sight of me uninjured. Unease swirled in my stomach. Gods, if Madame somehow found out what I could do to people by healing myself through them—
“You’re under arrest, Bones,” Sax said in his gravelly voice.
Trey still gripped my hand.
“Ok.” I hoped I sounded calm.
“Turn around,” Sax ordered, producing a set of handcuffs.
Trey tensed.
“It’s ok, Trey.” I turned to him and tried to smile. “It’s ok.”
He pulled me into his arms, wrapping me in a tight hug. I could feel his heart pounding. “Please be careful,” he murmured in my ear.
I gave him a nod as I pulled back, hesitated, then pushed myself up on my tiptoes to kiss him again. I tried to pour confidence into it. I was gonna be ok. I had to be ok.
Sax grabbed my arm and jerked me away from Trey, snapping the cuffs on my wrists. As he started towing me out of the clinic, I glanced behind me to see Mac gripping Trey’s arm like he had to physically hold him back, but then the door slammed shut and they were gone.