I expected to go to the dungeon, but instead, we went upstairs to the meeting room. Madame sat alone at the table, reclining in her chair and watching me. A dozen or so of her men stood along the wall behind her. Sax hauled me in to stand in front of the table, keeping a tight grip on my arm.
“You interfered in the sentencing, Bones,” Madame said, “and because of that, Lem had to put down my enforcer.”
Gods, she said it like Brimstone wasn’t even a human being. For the first time, I felt a flicker of pity for the giant. Madame wasn’t as angry as I’d expected, but her calm demeanor scared me more.
“Do you think you’re special, Bones? You think the rules don’t apply to you?”
I swallowed hard, unsure of what she wanted me to say. I wished she’d just tell me my punishment so we could get it over with.
“No.”
Madame raised her eyebrows, studying me for what felt like a very long time. I couldn’t help shifting uncomfortably in the silence. Gods, what was taking so long?
“I think you need some time to sit on that,” she finally said, a cold smile crossing her face. “Someplace nice and quiet where you can reflect as you await your punishment.”
What the fuck did that mean? I stared at her, but Sax grabbed my arm and dragged me toward the door.
“Have fun, Bones,” Lem taunted as we passed him in the hallway.
My sense of dread ratcheted up. Sax headed for the stairs that led down to the dungeon. I started breathing fast and panicky as the door to the dungeon room came into view, but Sax dragged me past the dungeon, past the cells full of gawking people, and toward another set of stairs I hadn’t noticed before.
“Where are we going?” I choked out.
“Solitary,” Sax growled.
I didn’t know what that meant, but we kept going deeper and deeper underground. The air smelled stale and increasingly like damp dirt. We reached the end of the electric lights, but the corridor continued. Sax clicked on a flashlight, revealing that the walls were growing rougher and more like a rock cavern than something man-made. My skin began to crawl. Finally, we stopped, and Sax unlocked an iron bar door to a small single cell that looked like it’d been carved out of the mountain. I winced as he wrenched me around to remove the handcuffs. Then he shoved me in, slammed the door behind me, and locked it while I stood there staring at him in silent panic. He didn’t even bother saying anything before he strode away, taking the only light with him.
I had to bite my cheek to keep from calling after him, begging him to leave the flashlight. I listened to the sound of his footsteps growing fainter until I couldn't hear them anymore. I stood there for a long time, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but I couldn't see anything. Panic began buzzing in my head, and I tried to take deep breaths and calm down as I sank to the floor, feeling blindly around the cell. The small space probably wasn't even large enough for a tall person to fully stretch out. The floor and walls were rough rock. Not like the outside of the watchtower, but like I touched the very roots of the mountain. A bucket stood in the corner, and from the smell, I guessed it was the toilet.
I folded myself into a ball against the cold rock wall and tried not to panic about the silent pressing darkness.
I couldn’t keep track of the time passing. I tried counting in my head for a while but eventually gave up. It reminded me of being locked inside Wrangler’s safe, but at least there my eyes were able to adjust to the dark.
It’s gonna be ok. The darkness felt like it weighed on my lungs, making each breath difficult. She can’t keep me down here for long. I have to work.
I grew less sure about that as time crawled onward.
I told you, don’t get involved, Wolf snarled in my head. Keep your head down.
“Fuck off,” I muttered out loud.
You’re smarter than this, he persisted. You know better.
“I’m not apologizing for trying to save that girl.”
You know she’s probably dead. All you did was delay her death a little. So what good did any of that fuckin’ do?
I closed my eyes, not that it made any difference. It was just as dark when my eyes were open.
She’s probably gonna hurt Trey now. Or one of the kids. Is that what you wanted?
Nausea curdled in my stomach.
You don’t need them. You have me.
“No, I fucking don’t,” I snapped. “You’re not here, so stop.”
Gods, maybe I’d gone insane a long time ago. I was having a full argument with my brother’s voice in my head.
Wolf went silent, and my thoughts drifted back to Sam’s grey face. A chill brushed across my skin and I shivered. How had I hurt him? Had I accidentally taken some of his life force? Had my powers harmed him because he wasn’t injured? But why couldn’t I heal him?
The last time I failed to heal someone—
I slammed those thoughts back down.
I remembered that golden light pouring from my hands like sunbeams and lifted a palm, calling on my powers. They began to flow, giving me a brief moment of hope, but then vanished as though my body knew I wasn't trying to heal someone. I frowned. Had I been able to throw my power like that because Trey was there, and it just sought the nearest injury like a magnet? If that was the case, how far could it reach?
Trey. Just thinking his name made my stomach flutter with either dread or longing, maybe both. I brushed a finger across my lips, remembering how his mouth had perfectly fit with mine. That was the problem with Trey, wasn’t it? I wasn’t just attracted to him. Being with him felt like we were two halves coming together, and the rightness of it was something powerful, something dangerous.
What if Madame hurt him?
I shouldn’t have kissed him.
Fuck.
I lay down and tried to force myself to sleep a little. To have little difference between being awake and being asleep nibbled away at my sanity. As time passed the line between being awake and asleep began to blur even further. I tried again and again to summon my powers, desperate for some light to break up the darkness, but nothing happened.
Sometimes as I lay on the ground, I would swear I could feel things crawling over my skin. I tried not to think about what sort of bugs and creatures would live this far underground.
How long had I been in here?
My stomach ached with hunger, but the thirst worried me more. I started having flashbacks of stumbling through the desert with dry, chapped lips, desperately trying to stay on my feet.
Was Sam still alive?
Did Madame kill that girl, Sky?
Were people dying because I wasn’t there to heal them?
What was Madame going to do? “I think you need some time to sit on that.” I knew what she was doing. She thought I would sit here and panic about all the ways she could punish me, and I hated that I was doing exactly that. Bloody memories tried to raise their heads and I fought to shove them back down.
What would she do? Go after Trey? The kids?
You know better, Wolf reminded me again, and I bit back the urge to scream.
When I first heard the footsteps, I thought I imagined them. They were so quiet that they seemed like a dream. Then a tiny glow of light appeared, and I scrambled up on my knees and gripped the iron bars of the cell. It grew bigger, and I tried to convince myself I would be strong enough to keep from begging Sax to leave me a light.
Finally, a body appeared holding a flashlight. It shone into my eyes and I squeezed them shut, a sharp pain shooting through my head. Somebody cursed, and the light dropped down as they darted forward. Then Trey knelt outside the cell, his arms reaching through the bars to grab my shoulders.
“Bones!” he gasped. “Bones, darlin’, are you alright?”
My hands came up to grasp his wrists. “Are you hurt?” I demanded, my voice raspy.
He frowned at me. “What? No, I’m fine. Are you hurt?”
Relief and dread filled me as I shook my head. Madame hadn’t hurt him, but that meant she also hadn’t taken action yet.
“How long have I been in here?” My voice trembled.
“Three days,” he answered, anger clear in his voice. “I brought you some water.” He reached into the pack he was carrying and handed a bottle of water through the bars.
I gulped it down.
“I have a second one too.”
“Is Sam ok?” I asked as soon as I came up for air.
“He’s weak, but he’s not getting worse,” Trey’s hands were moving across my face and body like he had to see for himself I wasn’t hurt.
I leaned my forehead against the metal bars, and after he finished his examination, he did the same, pressing our heads together as much as possible with the iron bars between us. The physical contact and closeness made my eyes well up.
“I have some food too.”
“What’s happening?” I whispered.
“Madame is refusing to tell anybody where you are, but Mac knew she’d probably stuck you down here. She’s been keeping the corridor guarded, but I was finally able to sneak down here. I don’t have a lot of time, but godsdamnit, I’m gonna get you out of here somehow.” He pulled out what felt like dried meat wrapped in a cloth and passed it through the bars to me, and I tore into it. “Sorry, it’s not much. I had to be real careful. She’s watching me like a fuckin’ hawk.”
“You shouldn’t be down here.” With a little food and water, it felt like my brain shifted back into gear. “ Trey, if she catches you—”
“I don’t fuckin’ care,” Trey interrupted, his voice tight.
“Trey!” My panic swelled. “You can’t—”
“No, Bones, you don’t—”
“She’ll punish you! Trey, please!”
I heard him take a deep breath, and then he gently took my face in his hands.
“She’s already punishin’ me,” he murmured.
My heart leapt into my throat, but then he continued.
“She knows you bein’ in here is killin’ me.”
“Just please, don’t...don’t provoke her,” I begged.
“It’s ok, Bones,” he whispered. “I’ll be fine. It’s you I’m worried about.”
A radio crackled and then Mac’s voice came through. “Trey, time’s up.”
Trey swore, and I couldn’t help clinging to him again. “I’ll be back, ok?” he promised. “Me or Mac. We’re gonna get you out.” He passed me the second bottle of water. “When you finish this, chuck it down the corridor so no one sees it.”
I tried hard not to cry. “Ok.”
“Fuck,” he muttered.
“Can you leave the light?”
“I’m afraid if Sax or Madame sees it they’ll know you had help,” he said. “I’m so sorry, Bones.”
I tried to push past the panic at the thought of being swallowed by darkness again.
“I’m sorry, darlin’.” Trey sounded wrecked. “I’m so sorry.”
“Trey!” Mac’s angry voice came through the radio.
Trey grabbed the radio and hissed into it, “I’m comin’!” He turned back to me. “I gotta go. We’ll get you out, I swear it.”
I listened to his footsteps fade away, and the absence of him made the darkness feel even worse than before.
I tried to ration my dried meat and water, but all too soon they were gone. Did Madame expect people to smuggle me water or did she want me to die? I could go a while without food but only a few days without water. I tried not to think about how many people probably died in this horrible cell.
It wasn’t too long after Trey’s visit that I woke up freezing. I sat up and realized everything was damp—the walls, the floor, my clothes. Water dripped somewhere, and after so much silence the sound felt painful. I huddled in my corner, damp and miserable. A regular person would probably get sick from sitting in these conditions, and I hoped my powers would keep me from falling ill.
Gods, if I just had a light, I could bear this. I tried to summon my powers again, begging any light to appear, but nothing happened.
I started to feel like a fraying rope. The strands broke one by one until only a single strand held me together. My entire body ached for water, and my lips were dry and cracked. I tried to wring some of the water from my clothes, despite knowing it would probably make me sick, but there wasn’t enough.
If I screamed would anyone hear it?
I tried to get myself under control, but maybe that last strand snapped because the next thing I knew I was sobbing. I wanted to grip the bars of the cell and scream and scream, but if there was anything I knew how to do, it was how to break quietly.
What would Madame do to me? How would she punish me? Would she hurt Trey? Or Apple? Gods, I couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t.
I wished Trey were here, and I hated that I wished it. I knew I shouldn’t let myself get dependent on him, but I couldn’t fucking help myself.
It took me a while to realize the darkness had begun to lighten. When I did, I tried to stuff my sobs back down so Sax wouldn’t see me crying, but I’d lost control of my own body. I settled for hiding my face in my knees.
“Bones?”
The sharp voice made me raise my head, and I met Mac’s eyes glinting in the light of the flashlight. He looked furious, as usual, but my entire self dissolved into relief.
I lunged to the bars, reaching out for him. “Mac,” I sobbed.
He crouched and took my hand, eyes widening at my reaction. I gripped his hand with both of mine, clinging to it, and he set the flashlight on the floor so he could wrap his other hand over the top of mine.
“I brought you some food and water.” His voice was quiet, but anger still sparked in his eyes.
“Get me out,” I choked out, apparently not too proud to let Mac see me break down. “Please get me out of here.”
“We’re trying,” he promised.
I couldn’t respond, too busy trying to regain control of myself. He let go of my hand with one of his and reached through the bars to press it against my forehead. Did I have a fever? I didn’t think so. I was just so fucking damp and cold. He frowned.
“Your hands are like ice,” he muttered, his eyes scanning the small cell. “Do you have a blanket?”
I shook my head, and that muscle ticked in his jaw. He started to pull his hand away, and I tightened my grip in panic. He paused, meeting my gaze.
“I’m gonna give you my jacket,” he explained. “I’m not leavin’ yet.”
I released him, and he shrugged off his jacket and pushed it through the bars. My hands shook as I put it on, and he reached through the bars to button it for me. His jacket was still warm from his body heat, and the relief was immediate.
“Here,” he handed me a bottle of water, “drink somethin’.”
My hands shook so hard, I couldn’t hold the bottle still, and water spilled down my chin. He reached through the bars again to put his hands over mine, helping me hold the bottle steady. I drank the whole thing, the cool water like bliss on my dry, chapped throat. He took the bottle back when I finished, then offered his hand through the bars, palm facing up. I clutched it tightly with both of mine again.
“Nemo is pushin’ hard to get you out,” he said. “Madame’s gonna have to make a decision soon if she wants to keep the peace.”
“How’s Sam?” I asked.
“He’s ok.” He squeezed my hands.
“How long has it been?”
His face darkened. “Almost six days.”
“Mac, I can’t—” My voice came out panicked as tears started flowing down my face again. “I can’t do this anymore.”
That muscle ticked in his jaw again. “I know.” He leaned in closer to where I pressed my forehead against the bars. “So let it out, Bones. I can take it. I want you to let it all out now so when she releases you, you can look her in the eye and show her this didn’t break you.”
“I think this is breakin’ me.”
“This won’t break you.”
“I’m serious, Mac, I really can’t—” I couldn’t finish, an escaped sob choking me.
“You’re a river, Bones,” he said, squeezing my hands hard to get my attention. “You don’t break, you bend. If someone tries to control you, you find a new way around. People might think you’re just water, might think they have you contained, but you’re strong enough to cut a path through mountain rock and wild enough to wash everythin’ away when you rage.”
I stared at him through the tears streaming down my face, trying to hold my breath to keep the sobs contained. I never would have expected Mac to say something so beautiful.
“This won’t break you, Bones,” he repeated, his eyes flashing. “Let it out.”
As though he opened a doorway, my sobs broke free. He gripped my hands as I sobbed uncontrollably, anchoring me through it. He didn’t say anything else, but whenever I looked up at him, he held my gaze. I thought the well of pain and fear inside me would never end, but eventually, the sobs began to ease, leaving me exhausted. I slumped against the iron bars of the cell, still clinging to him as shaky gasping sobs wracked my body every so often. I watched his thumb slowly stroke the top of my hand, and I had to fight a sudden, insane urge to laugh.
Who the hell are you, and what have you done with the real Mac? I wanted to ask, but I didn’t.
He freed one of his hands so he could pass me a small bundle of food and another bottle of water, and then he said the words I’d been dreading.
“I gotta go back up.”
I forced myself to release his other hand and started to unbutton his jacket, but he caught my wrist, halting me.
“No, you keep it.”
“She’ll know you came down here if I keep it,” I worried.
Something flashed through his eyes. “Let her know.”
“Mac—”
“No, I mean it, Bones. Keep it. I’ll be fine.”
We stared at each other for a few breaths, but finally, I nodded and he released my wrist.
“We’ll get you out,” he promised as he stood.
I nodded, my lips pressed together to keep from begging him to stay. He gave me a final look before he turned and strode away. I wrapped his jacket tighter around myself and attempted to engrave the words he’d given me into my mind.
“You’re a river. You don’t break, you bend.”