Megan stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. This was one of those overly elaborate powder room–style bathrooms, with an entire sitting area and a wall of large ornate mirrors, but she was fortunately alone as she made direct eye contact with herself and tried to calm her racing heart. All these feelings were the result of lowered inhibitions brought on by too much proximity and too much alcohol. That’s why Scarlett kept looking at her with those deep, longing looks, and why Megan hadn’t turned her away. Scarlett had been pretty clear in their car rides: she falls in love with everybody. The problem was, she might think she was in love with Megan.
Megan could not be in love with Scarlett.
She left her reflection to rest in one of the sitting room chairs—seriously, who had a bathroom antechamber?—and fiddled with the armrests. She just needed to gather her thoughts. Scarlett was too close to her after they’d slept together (twice, Megan amended) and that’s why they’d decided to keep their distance. Megan didn’t want to be in love with Scarlett! Scarlett was fickle and capricious. She’d thrown Megan’s friendship away over ego, and maybe she’d worked to make amends for it, but who’s to say that wouldn’t happen again? Scarlett had broken her heart, once.
Could Megan ever trust her again?
Megan was going to wear through the fabric of the armrests, so she made herself get up instead and went to fix her lipstick in the mirror. Her hands shook, and she had to lean down and rest her elbows on the counter in order not to screw it up. Scarlett had fixed her lipstick, once. Scarlett had helped her with her hair, too, pinning the strands into place with deft, deliberate fingers.
Those deft, deliberate fingers had been useful in other ways, and Megan’s cheeks grew hot at the memory.
No. She was going back in there, but she was going to keep her emotional distance, and maintain this friendship, and ignore all the hormones and dangerous impulses that she’d spent her entire life trying to avoid.
Head held high, she returned to the wedding.
Scarlett’s face lit up when Megan walked back in. She’d been staring off to one side, but at Megan’s entrance, her gaze tracked onto her like a homing beacon as she smiled. A quiet voice in Megan’s head reminded her that no one else had ever looked at her like that. Her boyfriends, her girlfriends, her one-night sexual partners, nobody looked at her like she was the sun and the moon and the stars.
“I thought you’d be dancing with somebody else by now,” Megan said, sliding into her chair, the heat from Scarlett’s arm somehow tangible across the inches of space between them.
Scarlett shook her head. “I got asked, but I’m not in the mood for that.” She pushed a water glass over to Megan. “I thought you might want an ice water. I got one, too. Don’t want a hangover tomorrow.”
“Are you drunk?” If Scarlett was drunk, it would be easier to excuse these feelings.
But Scarlett shook her head. “Nah. I wouldn’t drive, but I’m fine. Thinking clearly.” She gave another of those beautiful, lazy smiles to Megan. Megan was very grateful for that water, and guzzled some of it down.
“You want to dance again?” Scarlett asked.
Megan shook her head. She kind of did want to, but being so close to Scarlett was making her want things that she shouldn’t want. And instead of saying she didn’t want to dance at all, she said, “Not right now,” and cursed herself for that weakness. “You go, though. I’ll sit here.”
Scarlett looked between the dance floor and Megan, visibly deciding. An upbeat pop song came over the speakers, then, and Scarlett made up her mind and got to her feet. “Come join me if you change your mind,” she said, and joined the crowd on the dance floor.
Megan was content to watch. Scarlett wasn’t dancing with anyone in particular, gyrating and jumping around with an abandon that Megan couldn’t ever match. She was vivacious and untamed and beautiful, and she looked smoking hot in that suit that Megan wanted to run her hands all over. Damn, she should do something about these hormones. Because that’s what it was, right? Hormones.
It took Megan a moment to realize Juliet had slid into the empty seat next to her. “Hey,” Juliet said.
“Hi!” Megan gave Juliet another hug, reaching awkwardly across the empty space. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good. Just taking a break from all the mingling and the dancing.” She squeezed Megan’s hand. “I wanted to say again how good it is to see you two.”
“Thanks. I’m glad we could come.”
Juliet looked fantastic, still, even after dancing for the last few songs. She was glowing. “How was the road trip? Looks like you and Scarlett got pretty close, right?” Her eyes sparkled, and she nudged Megan. “You could’ve told me.”
“What do you mean?”
Juliet looked between Megan and Scarlett, who was out on the dance floor. “You’re together now, right? I saw you dancing.”
Megan’s face must be crimson. “Oh. Um...no, not...not really.” To be anywhere but here right now.
Juliet covered her mouth. “I’m sorry. I thought... I shouldn’t have assumed. I got so excited, I got carried away.”
“It’s all right. We’ve been getting that a lot, lately.” Megan swallowed and tried to look nonchalant about it. “Your wedding is beautiful. And the food was fantastic. I can’t believe you put this together in such a short time frame. I was expecting something small.”
“It blew me away, too, to be honest. Gabe’s father has worked with so many organizations, he was able to call in a lot of favors all at once. And now, look at us.” She sighed happily before looking over at Megan, something in Megan’s expression making her shift from happiness to concern. “Are you doing all right, Megan? I know we never talk anymore, but I want that to change. I think of you and Scarlett all the time. I’ve been terrible about keeping in touch.” Juliet took both of Megan’s hands in hers.
“I’ve been the same. I’m good, Juliet. I really am. I’m doing fine.” It was hard to shrink away or deflect with Juliet’s open honesty looking her right in the eye. “I’m figuring out what’s next for me.”
Juliet nodded empathetically. “Transitions are hard. Sometimes, getting your routine shaken up is just what you need to see everything more clearly.”
Megan squeezed Juliet’s hand. “That’s a comforting thought. I’ve had enough of a shakeup.”
Juliet looked at something past Megan’s shoulder, then gave her hand a return squeeze. “Gabe’s calling me over, and I’ve gotta run. Don’t be a stranger, all right? Keep in touch. We’d love to have you come out this summer and stay with us, if you’d like. You and Scarlett both.”
“That would be nice. Thank you.” Megan could picture them visiting the city again in the summer, walking through the streets, eating at outdoor cafes. In all those mental images, she walked alongside Scarlett. The image was hard to swallow down. She said her goodbyes to Juliet, wrapping her up in another hug, and then let her go.
Scarlett was still out there dancing. She caught Megan’s eye and beckoned, but Megan shook her head and gestured to the door. Scarlett frowned and tipped her head to the side, but Megan turned away and left.
She’d only gotten a few steps into their shared hotel room when the door opened behind her, and Scarlett came in with her brow furrowed. “Are you okay?”
“I’m tired,” Megan lied, lighting her orange candle on the windowsill. “I’m all wedding-ed out.”
Scarlett was still frowning when Megan made eye contact again, her expression indicating she did not believe a word of what Megan was saying. “What?” Megan sounded more defensive than she intended, but she struggled to rein it in. “Not everybody wants to party the night away like you do.”
“It’s barely nine. Things are still going strong up there.” Scarlett folded her arms. “Is it me? Do you just want a break from me?”
“It’s not always about you, Scarlett.” Megan tossed the matches down onto the table. She slipped off her shoes, the Berber carpet rough against her bare feet, and stared out the window so she didn’t have to look at Scarlett.
The silence stretched out behind her, and as Megan knew she would, Scarlett finally spoke. “I kinda feel like it’s about me this time.”
Megan spun, anger rising suddenly inside her like a hot wave. “Maybe it is a little bit about you, yeah. Everybody thinks I’m your girlfriend.”
Scarlett smiled, just a hint of one that she tried to suppress, but the little up-tilt of her lips was enough to make Megan even angrier. “It’s because we match,” Scarlett said, but Megan shook her head.
“It’s not just that. It’s because of how you look at me, and the way you touch me, and dance with me...you treat me like you want to be with me, and other people can see that.” Megan’s heart was thundering in her head by this point.
“So what? Maybe I do. Maybe I do like you. Maybe I thought you liked me, too.” Scarlett’s smile was gone, hurt and anger warring on her expression instead. “Maybe if you weren’t throwing me so many goddamned mixed signals, I’d know where you stood, too.”
“Mixed signals?” Megan took a step forward. “What are you talking about?”
“You cuddle with me, you have sex with me, you say it’s a bad idea, and then you have sex with me again? What am I supposed to do with that?” Scarlett started to pace.
Remembering those nights in the cabin made Megan’s face heat, and then her body, the hormones flooding through her even alongside the irritation. “You weren’t objecting.”
“Because I thought you wanted me.” Scarlett stopped pacing and folded her arms across her chest, like they might be armor to protect her. “I didn’t realize you were just using me to get your rocks off.”
Megan blinked, her stomach dropping. “I wasn’t doing that.”
“Are you sure? Because it feels a little bit like that from my end.” Scarlett took a step forward. “Yeah, I told you I fall in love with everybody, and that was a little bit of an exaggeration. You know who I have fallen in love with? You. I had such a crush on you in high school, and I was so ashamed of not being good enough for you, good enough for your perfect vision of yourself, that I ended our friendship. I thought on this trip, I might be able to connect with you again. Get back that friendship. Instead, though, I figured out that I’m in love with you. I can’t go to bed with you and have it mean nothing. Not with...not with you.” Scarlett’s voice trailed off, and she stood standing in front of Megan, her chest heaving, her face flush with emotion and eyes bright with anger and tears.
Megan’s emotions caught in her throat. She’d been terrified of these exact words, terrified that Scarlett would want something different than friendship, would get too attached and ask for more than Megan wanted to give. But she also couldn’t stand here and say it was meaningless. “It’s not nothing,” she said, her voice coming out strangled. “It didn’t mean nothing.”
“It was fun. That’s what you said, right? Fun.” Scarlett’s smile turned bitter. “I like when people see us together and think we’re together. I like being with you. But you don’t want me. You don’t know what you want, but you know it’s not me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m too loud, or too clingy, too something, or maybe I’m not enough. I’ve been terrified of being not enough for you. And now, I’m pouring my heart out here, and you’re just standing there. Like you don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t know what to do!” The words burst out of Megan like a dam breaking. “I’m scared, Scarlett! I’m scared of what my future holds, and of what I haven’t done with my life. And I’m scared to let my guard down and get hurt. I’m scared of failing, and I’m scared of being alone, and I’m scared of making the wrong decisions.” She was crying, damn it, tears welling up because she was an angry crier and a frustrated crier and her emotions were too much for her body to contain. “I asked that Salem witch woman for direction and clarity, and I’ve been burning this candle every single fucking night because I don’t know what to do. I’m paralyzed. I’ve spent my entire adult life protecting myself, putting other people’s needs first, never getting close to anyone, terrified of getting my heart broken. I’ve spent this entire trip trying to keep myself from getting in over my head. And you stand in front of me and tell me that I don’t want you?”
Megan was shaking, with frustration but also fear, the fear that clawed its way up inside her even though she would not let that fear win. “Fuck you, Scarlett. Of course I want you. I’m terrified of how much I want you. I want to kiss you, and be with you, and I’m scared that you’re going to leave again, and I’m scared of how much I...of how much I want to be with you anyway. I’m scared because I love you, too.”
Scarlett sucked in a breath, her face lighting up with desperate hope, and then she closed the distance between them and crushed Megan’s mouth to hers. Scarlett kissed her like she was drowning, and Megan was the only air, and Megan clung to her with the same intensity. She was crying, they were both crying, wrapped around each other and holding tight like each was the other’s lifeline.
Their lips parted, scant inches apart, breathing each other’s air, and Scarlett pressed her forehead against Megan’s. “Wait. Wait.”
Megan gulped air. “I can wait.”
“I want to be with you. Just you.” Scarlett held Megan close with an arm around her back. “Is that what you want?”
“Yes.” Megan nodded, her head bumping Scarlett’s, laughing despite the tears still wet on her cheeks.
“And you’re willing to be honest with me, even when it’s scary?”
Megan nodded again. “Yeah. I can do that.” She swallowed. “And you meant what you said earlier, about not running away again, right? Even from this.”
“Even from this.” Scarlett nodded. “Will you trust me?”
Megan’s heart was too full, the kind of full that didn’t translate well into words. Scarlett had been worried about living up to Megan’s expectations, like she wasn’t already the most wonderful person Megan knew. “I trust you,” Megan said. “And...you’re enough. You’re more than enough.”
Scarlett’s face lit up with a beaming smile of relief, and then she kissed Megan again, clumsy through their smiles. “We’re a mess,” Scarlett said. “We’re such a mess.”
“Yeah.” Megan wiped her tears away. “I think I can stop burning my candle now.”
“That’s it? That’s all the direction and clarity you need?” Scarlett laughed. “Come on. You still said you’re trying to figure out the rest of your life. You should keep burning it.”
“Maybe we can talk that through on the drive back.” Megan imagined the road stretching back out ahead of them, the miles to sing along to more CDs and plan their relationship. “If you can still stand me by the end of it.”
Scarlett pursed her lips. “It’s gonna be hard, but I’ll do my best.”
“Do you want to go back to the wedding?”
Scarlett looked out the window at the night, at the snow falling outside the window. “I think I’d like to stay here with you, if you don’t mind.”
Megan couldn’t help the happiness that bubbled up inside her. “I’d like nothing better.”
Scarlett couldn’t stop smiling as Megan kissed her, leading her back to the bed with every step. She was already pulling at Scarlett’s suit jacket, and Scarlett had to slow her down before they ruined both sets of formal wear. Between kisses and touches, they undressed, careful to toss their clothes onto Scarlett’s bed rather than the floor, and tumbled together onto Megan’s bed, laughing.
“Finally.” Megan pinned Scarlett’s shoulders to the bed, arching up to look down at her. “I’ve been wanting to get you out of that suit all day.”
“Fuck.” Scarlett dropped her head back onto the pillow, her desire skyrocketing with just those words. “I thought you didn’t want to sleep with me anymore.”
“I didn’t want you to fall in love with me.” Megan dropped a kiss on her lips. “I think I’ve been lying to myself for a while now.”
“I think I’ve been in love with you for a while now.” Scarlett wrapped an arm around Megan and dragged her down for another, deeper kiss, their curves pressing against each other. Megan wedged a thigh between Scarlett’s legs and Scarlett arched reflexively against it as Megan kissed her way down Scarlett’s chest and sucked a nipple into her mouth. Before this trip, she’d never expected Megan to be this aggressive in bed, so confident and completely comfortable with her body. It was fantastic. “Fuck, Megan, you keep that up, I’m going to fall in love with you even more.”
Megan gave her a nip that made her jump, and then moved to the other breast. “Wait until you see all the sex toys I have at home.”
That was a terrifyingly good prospect. Scarlett was about to say so when a sharp jolt of pleasure stole her words. Megan’s slender fingers flicked over her clit, then lower, sliding inside her. She swore loudly, making Megan chuckle again. “You like that?”
“Can’t you tell?” Scarlett gasped, bucking against Megan’s hand. “God, if I’d known you could do this, I’d have taken you to bed forever ago.”
Megan lifted her head to smile down at Scarlett, her fingers still working magic over Scarlett’s clit. Backlit by the lamps, her hair was illuminated in a halo, her perfect French twist coming loose in wild strands. She was beautiful. “Return the favor, and I’ll call it even.”
Scarlett nodded, already building toward that precipice, her orgasm bearing down on her like an unstoppable tidal wave. “Deal.”
Hours later, they lay side by side on Megan’s bed, sweaty and breathless. Megan threw an arm over her head. “I lost count of how many times you made me come.”
“Same.” Scarlett rolled up onto her side to look down at Megan. “You know we still have time to spend here, right? We’ve got the hotel for four days.”
“Four days.” Megan licked her lips. “I have to hydrate more if we’re gonna fuck like that for four days.”
Scarlett laughed. “I’m not talking about that. I’m saying, we don’t have to rush back onto the road. We’re in Quebec. We can sightsee. Don’t you have a whole page in your scrapbook about this city?”
Megan nodded. “I have a lot of pictures still to take. But that involves leaving this bed.”
Scarlett bent to kiss her. Megan was going to drive her crazy, but that was worth it. “I do love you, you know.”
Megan nodded. “I know. I love you, too. Are you getting all sappy on me?”
“Probably.”
Megan’s smile was as bright as Scarlett had ever seen it. “Good.”
If Megan were going to envision a perfect way to spend her last day in Quebec, it would be this moment exactly: sitting in a cafe in the middle of the old city, sipping chocolat chaud and eating macarons across from Scarlett, who was exclaiming over the desserts and making deals about their future.
“All right how about this.” Scarlett held a single elderberry macaron aloft. “I’ll apply to two colleges if you apply to two radio stations.”
“Are there even two radio stations in Crystal River?” Megan snatched the macaron from Scarlett’s hand and bit into the crisp shell, the flavor exploding sharp on her tongue. God, these were amazing. “One radio station, two colleges.”
“You can look beyond Crystal River. We’re driving distance from lots of other towns. Two and two; that’s fair.” Scarlett stole the macaron back out of Megan’s hand and ate the entire rest of it in one bite. “Get your own,” she said around a mouthful of macarons. “These are mine.”
“I thought we were sharing.”
Scarlett made a face. “That was before I tried one, and discovered how good they are. I hope you don’t expect me to share all my desserts if we move in together.”
Megan paused, hot chocolate halfway to her mouth. “Did you want to move in with me?” She hadn’t considered it seriously, hadn’t thought Scarlett would want to take that step so quickly.
Scarlett ducked her head, looking away as a faint blush colored her cheeks. “I don’t know. My lease is up at the end of May, and I haven’t talked to Jacen about renewing or not. Maybe we could see how it goes for a while and then talk about it?”
“I’d like that.” Megan could see a future shaping itself with each new suggestion, each possibility they laid out for the two of them together. “You really think some radio station might hire me?”
“I think you’ve got a better shot of that than I do for finishing my degree.” Scarlett shrugged. “But you promised to help me study if I get in, so what the hell? We’re not getting any younger.”
“You make it sound like we’re ancient.” Megan ate another macaron, pistachio this time, and that might be her new favorite.
“Speak for yourself.”
Megan chewed thoughtfully. “And you have to stop insulting yourself. All this ‘I’m not teacher smart’ and ‘no shot of finishing my degree.’”
“Now wait a minute,” Scarlett protested. “That wasn’t part of the deal.”
“I’m making it part of the deal. No negative self-talk about your intelligence.”
Scarlett rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine, fine. I guess it’ll be good practice for working with students someday.”
Megan smiled. Scarlett was going to make a great teacher, and maybe she really could run a radio show of some kind. “Okay, then you’ve got a deal.”
“And I think you should get a mic and start a podcast.”
Megan drank more hot chocolate. Scarlett had mentioned her starting a podcast before, but would anyone actually want to listen to her? “Aren’t there enough podcasts in the world?”
“It’s good practice for your radio show. Get yourself a following, talk about whatever you like. A project. Weren’t you saying how you needed a new hobby?”
“I don’t know... I think that was you.” Megan could at least consider it, though. “You know we’re going to have to tell our families we’re together.”
“My mom will be thrilled.” Scarlett laughed. “She was after me to ask you out way back in high school.” Scarlett rolled her eyes. “I kept telling her you were straight, and she kept forgetting.”
“Or maybe she was psychic.” Megan considered taking another macaron, but decided against it. “My parents are going to be insufferable. They’ll want to know all our plans, how serious we are, if we’re gonna get married and have babies, all of it.”
“Oh, god. Well, tell them to lay off. We’ve got careers to plan for. Right?” Scarlett raised her mug in a toast.
Megan gently clinked her mug to Scarlett’s. “Right.”
Outside, snow was lightly falling. This afternoon, she was going to a Quebecois salon and getting a pixie cut. Then tomorrow, they would get up early and start the drive back to Florida, with at least one scheduled stop in New York and a few more getting added to the list.
She smiled at Scarlett across the table. Next week, they’d be back home, back to the same place where they’d started, but nothing was going to be the same again.