Lizzie
“It’s so good to catch up so I can finally get to know you better, Lizzie! We were all so surprised when Calvin told us he was getting married again. Heck, I don’t think he’d even mentioned he was dating.”
Avril Walters beamed at me as she poured my coffee from the pot. Her husband, Dale, worked with Calvin in the experimental planes division at El Paso, and their baby, Patty, was sitting up at the table next to me, stuffing cake into her mouth.
I met most of Calvin’s Fort Bliss friends after we got engaged. They were all involved with his aviation unit—pilots or engineers or specialists of one variety or another. I also met their families. There were Kevin and Becca Llewellyn and their adorable girls, Ava and Brianna; Juanita and Bob and their noisy tribe of sons, who destroyed any room they entered; Trevor and Gail had newborn Toby; and of course, Avril and her husband, Dale, and Patty. I’d attended a few dinner parties with Calvin, but I wasn’t quite sure what to make of these women. They seemed so tight-knit already, and Avril wasn’t the first one to express surprise that Calvin had remarried.
Most of the time I was fine with our arrangement, but when his friends teased Calvin about our relationship, I felt so self-conscious, I couldn’t bear it. I had no idea how I’d react to such a dynamic in a one-on-one conversation, so when Avril invited me for coffee, I always made an excuse. Finally, though, I accepted one of Avril’s many invitations to get to know one another better.
“Cal has been so coy about you but I’m dying to know—how did you two meet?” she asked as soon as we settled at her kitchen table.
“I was working at the Hilton,” I said. She pushed the cup of coffee in front of me and nodded to encourage me to continue. “He was a guest and we just became friends.”
“Tell me everything! Did he sweep you off your feet? Has he told you all about his poor dead wife, God rest her soul?”
“Yes, he swept me off my feet. And we don’t talk much about her, to be honest.” I sipped my coffee, grateful to have something to do with my hands. It felt like I was being interrogated. “I know her name was Louise.”
“So sad,” Avril murmured, shaking her head. “How did she die?”
“It was a car accident,” I said awkwardly. Poor Louise Miller had been hit by a car on her way to buy groceries.
“Tragic. Thank God he has you now.” She poured her own coffee, and then took a seat beside me. “And you grew up on a farm, right?”
And so it went—the kind of awkward small talk I’d never had much time for. Yes, I grew up in Dallam County. Yes, I can ride a horse. Only eighth grade. My parents? Dead. Only a brother. In the Army.
“I’m so glad you came around today,” she said at one point. “I know it can be overwhelming meeting a whole new group of friends and those women can be a lot.” She laughed. “But I have a good feeling about you, Lizzie. I don’t care what anyone says—if Cal loves you, that’s good enough for me.”
She was so friendly and lovely and hospitable, but there were also those little moments where I felt almost like she was warning me—had the other women been gossiping? Had they been cruel behind my back? I told myself I didn’t care what they thought, but the truth was, Calvin worked with their husbands and those women were going to be a part of my life for a long time.
I had been bored witless. Cal and I had settled into a routine so sedate, it was almost catatonic. He left for work at Fort Bliss in the morning, and I cleaned the house, and then watched the clock until he got home. I turned my attention to the yard to try to fill my days, tearing up every inch of established garden on that lot and spending a small fortune on young roses and hedges and building a tidy little vegetable garden. That project entertained me for a while, but soon all there was left to do was wait for the plants to grow.
So when Avril called for another coffee date, I agreed. Soon, we were meeting two or three times a week. I couldn’t tell if she was just being nice or if maybe she was a little lonely, but I appreciated the company, so I didn’t question her enthusiasm too much. Besides, Cal was pleased I was making an effort, and that was good too. I pushed my front door open and waited while Avril walked inside first, holding Patty’s hand. As we took our seats in the living room, she smiled.
“I was happy when I heard Calvin bought you this great big house. I’m excited to watch you two fill it with children.”
“Oh—” I said, wincing. “No, we won’t be doing that.” She looked at me in surprise, so I explained. “Calvin is sterile—that’s why he and Louise didn’t have children.”
That was true—Cal suffered a bad bout of mumps as a child. Not that it mattered in our marriage, given we had separate bedrooms.
I had a feeling if I went to Calvin’s room, he’d be delighted and that might change, but I had no inclination to do that. From time to time, I wondered if he was disappointed at the way our marriage was panning out. It was too awkward to bring up in conversation, and he seemed happy enough, but I knew all too well that when I agreed to marry him, he’d hoped that I’d fall in love with him too.
I realized it was just not going to happen. My feelings had nothing to do with Calvin and everything to do with me. I was more fond of him than ever. I respected him and I admired him. I was grateful to him, and I wanted to please him. I just had no drive toward romantic love, not the way other people around me seemed to.
“Oh gosh, I am so sorry,” Avril said. She dropped her hands to her belly, as if to protect it. Her second child was due in a few months. “You know, Becca did say that she thought it was odd that Calvin didn’t already have children after being married to his first wife for so long. But you know how those girls gossip and I just thought it was none of my business.”
“They gossip?” I prompted lightly. This wasn’t the first time she’d made a comment like that. I felt I knew her well enough now that I could gently prod to see what she was getting at.
“It’s terrible, and you’re such a nice woman. I hate to hear it.”
“What do they say about me?” I asked.
“Well, sweetie, there’s been a lot of speculation about...” She shrugged, looking around her expansive living room. “Calvin isn’t short of a dollar, is he? Gail pointed out that he was just so lonely when he first started coming down from Albuquerque, and with you working at that hotel, they thought maybe you were down on your luck a little and saw him as an opportunity...”
“It was not like that,” I gasped.
“And most newlyweds can’t keep their hands off each other, but like Becca said, you two aren’t like that at all, at least when we’re around.” My cheeks heated, and I didn’t know what to say. I avoided her gaze, my mind racing as I tried to think of a response. Was it really so obvious? How mortifying.
“I shouldn’t have said anything.” Avril winced. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No, you haven’t upset me,” I said, frustrated. “I know we’re a strange couple. He’s older than me and a million times smarter, and—” I waved my hand, indicating the room “—this is normal to him. I grew up in a much humbler home, and I had fallen upon hard times when we met. But it was always Calvin offering to help me, never me asking for help. Right from when we met, he was always doing kind things for me—even for my brother. Calvin just loves to look after people.”
For a while after that, I kept my socializing with those women to essential engagements with Calvin only. Although Avril seemed to be on my side, I felt unsettled around her too. I learned how to dress like them and to style my hair and makeup like they did so I’d fit in, but I knew that, deep down, I had nothing in common with those women.
Besides, bored and lonely in that great big house was vastly preferable to exposed and humiliated out of it. But friendship dramas aside, why wasn’t I content? In some ways, I’d felt better about myself back when I was struggling in that apartment, hustling for every cent and working my fingers to the bone.
Henry had transferred to Fort Benning in Georgia and was serving with the 6th Armored Division. We’d established a routine phone call on the first Sunday night of each month.
“Howdy, sis,” he always greeted me, and I always exhaled whenever I heard him say those words. The brightness of his tone reassured me that he was okay. My imagination tended to play tricks on me during the weeks between those calls, especially with the situation in Europe deteriorating.
He had a new best friend—a boy from Reno named Bobby—and I got the impression the two of them had become inseparable. Henry was saving money in case he decided to buy a house one day and dating a girl named Flora—at least periodically. She worked in the base’s administration office, and it felt a lot like every time Henry called, they’d either broken up again or were back together.
“Would you two make up your minds? Do you want to be together, or not?” I asked him one day, exasperated. Henry just laughed.
“This is a fiery relationship, Lizzie. That’s part of the appeal.”
I looked at Calvin, who was sitting on the sofa reading, and wondered, not for the first time, what was wrong with me.
“Hey, listen, sis. I have news,” Henry said suddenly. My stomach lurched.
“No. Tell me they aren’t deploying you,” I whispered.
“Where to? To Europe? Of course not. That’s a whole mess over there, but it has nothing to do with America,” Henry laughed. “No, I was just going to say my unit is coming to Fort Bliss for training in a few weeks, so I thought I’d take some leave while I’m in town. Can I come stay in your mansion for a few nights?”
Henry arrived on Thursday night, and we spent Friday and Saturday catching up. On Sunday, I made a roast chicken—one of the recipes I’d mastered. Henry and Calvin had never really had much time together, and I was enjoying watching them bond. They were presently in the sitting room, talking about planes.
Everything in the world seemed right that day. I was just about to pull the chicken from the oven. The rich smell was wafting through the house, and I was so happy, I was dancing to the music on the wireless as I served the food.
The breaking news broadcast cut the music off without warning, and I felt a chill run down my spine. I threw my oven mitts onto the floor as I twisted the volume of the radio up.
“Henry!” I cried. “Cal!”
Calvin ran into the kitchen, scanning as if he expected to find the place on fire, but his footsteps came to a halt as the crackling announcement filled the air.
This morning 8:00 a.m. local time in Honolulu...
...severe bombing of Pearl Harbor and the city of Honolulu by Japanese planes...
...fierce fighting in the air and on the sea...
...America is under attack. I repeat, America is under attack...
I was staring at Calvin in horror when Henry appeared behind him. My brother caught the end of the emergency broadcast, and I was staring right into his eyes as the realization dawned on me that the nation was now at war.