Neither one uttered a word the entire ride back to the cabin. They snuck back in before sunrise with Kate retreating to her side of the room, drawing the curtain separating them. She stripped down to nothing and grabbed her sleep shirt, looking up at the canvas sheet. Thomas removed his coat and shirt before sitting on the edge of his bed and kicking off his boots, his eyes glued to the canvas too, wondering what was going through Kate’s mind. He heard the bed creaking when she lay down and did the same, waiting for her to put out the kerosene lamp next to her bed.

Kate stared at the wood ceiling above her, thinking of the night’s events. Billings’ death didn’t provide the feeling of overwhelming relief or happiness people talk about. It didn’t change anything and she still felt that emptiness inside. Their lives weren’t normal. They weren’t normal and never would be. Ford’s words suddenly made sense to her. She didn’t care what Billings had done to her. That didn’t truly affect her or define her. It simply dawned on her that she didn’t want to be normal. She wanted to do whatever the fuck she wanted to do and it was that attempt to assimilate into an ordinary life that held her back. Kate slowly stood up and looked at the canvas curtain.

Thomas’ breath hitched when he saw her slide the curtain aside. Kate was completely naked as she slowly walked over to him, taking his breath away. For the first time in his life, he didn’t know what to do. She stood in front of him and brushed the hair away from his face, silently gazing at him and lightly tracing the muscles on his arm all the way to his broad shoulders. The more she did it, the more she felt that intensity from earlier. When her fingertips touched his lips, he looked up at her and the desire radiating between them could no longer be controlled. Thomas stood up and covered her mouth with his and easily dominated hers. The years he spent pining over Kate boiled over as their kiss grew frantic and desperate. He lifted her off her feet and she instinctively wrapped her legs around him as he carried her to her side of the room and laid her on the bed. Her skin was like silk under his, and the moment his hand found her breast, a tiny gasp escaped her. Thomas smiled and kissed his way down her neck and chest, feeling her entire body melt under him when his lips reached her breasts. He planted a gentle kiss on each one before gently tugging on one of her nipples and drawing circles on it with his tongue.

“Thomas… more,” she whispered.

Her breath hitched when he sucked harder until it popped out of his mouth, revealing a peaked and swollen pink nipple that glistened under the light of the moon. He teased and flicked her other nipple with his tongue before doing the same. Leading a trail of kisses that ended just above the thatch of hair between her thighs, Kate covered her mouth to muffle her moans when he spread her legs and ran his tongue along her sex. She writhed at the foreign sensation and tried to bring her knees together, but he forced them apart, breaching her opening and sliding his tongue inside of her.

“Please don’t stop,” begged Kate, yanking on his hair and trying to keep quiet as he lapped her sensitive bud. With her orgasm nearing, her inner thighs trembled as he continued to assault her with his masterful tongue until the wet warmth bubbling within her finally burst. Thomas moaned with delight as he licked her clean. When he looked up, her face said it all. He stood up and unbuttoned his jeans, pulling them down and taking them off. Kate sat up and her lips parted when she saw every generous inch of his erection, craving to have it fill her, but she didn’t know how he could possibly fit. As he moved over her, the bed creaked and they immediately stopped kissing for fear Ma or Pa would hear them. The thrill of it all electrified them both as they continued, their frantic kiss leading them to the wood floor with Kate on top, straddling Thomas. When she felt his large length, she let out a small gasp and covered her mouth with one hand while the other pressed on his broad chest, her inner thighs still shaking. Kate tried to push him in, but even though she was wet with arousal, she couldn’t get anything past his tip inside.

“Thomas, it won’t fit,” she whispered with desperation as she failed to get him in.

“Yes, it will,” he replied coolly with his hands circling her waist before pulling her down and thrusting his hips up, driving deep into her.

Momentarily stunned, Kate squeezed her eyes shut and suppressed the scream trying to escape her as the pain rippled through her. Feeling like she was being split in two, she welcomed the agony with tears streaming down her cheeks as he filled her and began riding his length with her hands on his chest as his were still gripping her waist, guiding her. She closed her eyes for a moment, reveling in the sensation that felt better the more she did it. Thomas watched as she found her rhythm, taking in her beauty as she started moving faster, her breasts bouncing with each thrust. Unable to contain himself, he cupped them and brought his lips to one, sucking and tugging on her nipple until it popped out of his mouth. She became more aroused and thrust harder as he repeated it with her other breast. He sat up and Kate wrapped her legs around his waist, causing him to penetrate deeper, and let out a stifled groan as he quietly came, forever binding them. The feeling of him twitching inside of her until he was empty felt divine. They held each other in silence after their irrevocable act, their heavy breathing slowly returning to normal.

“Is something wrong with us?” she whispered, her head still resting on his shoulder.

Thomas kissed the top of her head and spoke softly into her ear, “No.”

Nothing would ever be the same again and the smile that crept over both their faces solidified that. What was ungodly and wrong felt anything but. It felt right. And from that moment on, it was right.

As the sun rose that morning, Ma, surprised her children were not up yet, walked into their room. Thomas’ bed was empty and the curtain was drawn. She stood frozen, her subconscious not sure she wanted to see what was behind it until she reluctantly approached it and pulled the curtain a few inches aside. Her mouth dropped open and a gasp escaped, prompting her to cover her mouth with both hands. They were naked and interlaced with one another, their faces inches apart. Ma noticed Thomas’ bloody knuckles and bruised body. When Kate stirred in her sleep, his hold on her automatically tightened, causing Ma to back away slowly and reconsider saying anything. She had seen firsthand what Thomas was capable of when it came to Kate and left the room. Pa was sitting at the table slicing a piece of bread from a loaf when she joined him, silently sitting down.

“Are they still asleep?” he asked, dipping his bread in the coffee before taking a bite.

Ma just looked in the direction of their children’s room before squeezing her eyes shut, trying to push the image of them out. When Pa asked her what was wrong, she shifted her gaze to him without answering.

The family spent the early morning packing their belongings for the weeks-long journey to their new home. A somnambulant Kate was in the back, corralling the chickens with little success, while Thomas and Pa loaded the heavier items onto the wagon. Ma watched Thomas as she folded their clothes and sheets, wanting to confront him but not knowing how or even what to say. When she was done folding, Thomas approached her to take the basket and they made eye contact.

Pa was heading out the door holding a wooden chair when he heard a slap. Thomas and Ma held their gazes. No one said a word. She slapped him again with all her might, the strike leaving a mark on his face, but he barely flinched and kept his eyes on his mother. Ma raised her hand to hit him again, but he quickly grabbed her by the wrist, her eyes widening at feeling the powerful grip.

Pa, still standing by the door, watched this unfold until Thomas released her and Pa broke the silence, speaking in German, “Are you really that surprised?”

Ma knew the answer to that but would never admit it. She looked at Pa, who was still holding the wooden chair. He quickly averted his eyes and walked out the door to continue loading the wagon.