Strictly speaking, dogs weren’t allowed in the library, apart from assistance dogs, but despite this, Elliot and Luke were currently sitting in David’s office with an excited pug. A text told him Linc had parked behind the building.
“Time to go, you two,” he called from the front desk.
Enthusiastic yapping warned him Pugsley was on the move. Luke held the lead of the bouncing dog. David grabbed his bag, packed in case they needed to wash off sand or dry feet if any of them were caught by a wave on the beach.
“Linc’s here,” he said. “You go to the rear door while I lock up.”
Luke followed Elliot out, still struggling to control the excited puppy. Both children raced to the back of the building. Even though he’d seen Linc a few hours ago, David was happy to know they’d get to spend the whole day together.
David waved to Linc as soon as he stepped outside. Elliot and Luke hurried across the space to David’s car, then jumped into the back seats and strapped themselves in.
David made his way around to the other side and climbed in the passenger seat. Should he kiss Linc? He pressed his lips to Linc’s cheek.
“Eww,” Elliot said, and he and Luke proceeded to make kissing noises, laughing as they did.
“Here,” David said, turning around. “Make sure you belt Pugsley in as well. We don’t want him jumping about and distracting the driver. Are you both strapped in?”
“Yes, Uncle David.,” Elliot chanted. “We are twelve. Can we go now? We’re starving.”
“Me too,” Linc agreed. “Fish and chips on the beach for all. It’s ages since I’ve been to Hunstanton.”
The boys spent the journey playing a game on their phones while Pugsley sat up trying his best to see out of the window, his tongue lolling, drool flying everywhere if his face managed to catch a breeze. David concentrated on the road rather than the man next to him, or the random thoughts that kept jumping into his head. These alternated between dreams of a future which contained a family and days out such as this, and the worry of filling in the form to get his original birth certificate where he'd find out his mother’s name and where he’d been born. He’d decided to go through the proper channels rather than on his own, but every time he’d checked the form, he’d placed it to one side. He tensed, annoyed with himself.
“You all right?” Linc asked. “I’m keeping to the speed limit. I know it’s a bit of a change from driving my van.”
“Sorry, it’s not your driving. I was thinking about filling in a certain piece of paper.” He nodded at the rear-view mirror, hoping Linc would understand.
“Ah, I see. I could volunteer to hold your hand if you want, and talking of family, I made some phone calls this morning. I said we’d go to see Lindsay next weekend if it’s okay with you.”
“That would be lovely. You said calls. Did you ring Noah?”
“I did. Do you fancy coming to Sunday dinner at Noah’s with me some time? He asked for you to be there to meet the family and see the old place with me. I’d like you to come. I’m more than a bit wary of being in the house again. It has nothing but bad memories for me, even if Noah says I wouldn’t recognise it now. He mentioned next week, but I said we were going to lunch with Lindsay. Could you go the week after? I know you usually go to your parents’ house to eat on Sundays.”
“The Sunday after will be fine. I want to be there with you.”
“There’s the sign,” Elliot called from the back.
Linc took the second left off the roundabout towards Hunstanton centre. It had been a while since David had been down this way.
“Maybe we could continue next time and go to Wells, or Sheringham, or even Holkham Hall. I’ve not been to the hall despite living here all my life. Have you?”
“Once,” Linc said. “With Frank. He loved old buildings and country houses. We’ve been to most of them in Norfolk. Would you be all right with the walking? It’s a big place.”
“I can rest if it’s too much. And don’t worry about asking. I have a missing foot. It can cause me problems. You don’t have to pussyfoot around—if you’ll excuse the pun. The effects of a lot of walking usually hit me afterwards. And today, if we go on the beach today, it’s easier if we stick to the wet sand as much as possible as the dry stuff can be hard to get through. Knowing we were coming out today, after our conversation, I managed to book a physio appointment on Wednesday afternoon, which will help. I should go more often, but I don’t have the time, and it’s not cheap.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to offend you by either taking things for granted or treating you with kid gloves. Most of the time, I forget you even have a prosthesis.”
“I won’t say me too, but it’s fine to ask,” David said. “Good—there are spaces on the front.”
Linc turned left into the car park next to the bar which overlooked the beach. A slight breeze whipped up the waves, but the sun offered as much warmth as it could on a February morning. David turned to the back where Elliot and Luke had already undone their seat belts and unhooked Pugsley’s harness.
“Right, you two. No running off out of my sight, and yes, I know you’re not babies, but I want to be certain.”
“Why don’t you take them down to the promenade, and I’ll go and get some food?” Linc asked.
“Okay. I love it when a plan comes together. What do we all want?”
Elliot and Luke shouted their choices. “And I’ll have cod and chips. I’ve brought a few bottles of water,” David added.
Linc went off to buy the food. David threw his bag over his shoulder then took the boys to the beachfront with Pugsley tugging on his lead. He sat on a bench and watched them run about on the sand, throwing a ball for the pug to fetch. There were a few other mad people walking along the front, arm-in-arm braced for the cold. This was Britain after all. Some ignored him while others smiled or nodded.
Elliot waved. “Uncle David, Linc’s coming down the green with the food.” They ran towards him. He turned to see Linc striding along the promenade, large bag in hand and huge smile on his face. He plonked down next to him.
“Can we eat ours on the beach?” Luke asked.
“Yes, but stay in view. I brought a towel for you to sit on, and make sure the sand is dry.” They took their polystyrene boxes of fish cakes and chips and wandered back to the beach.
“They seem to be doing all right with each other,” Linc said between mouthfuls.
“Things have hardly started,” David replied. “This cod is good. Is this beer batter?” Somehow talking about Luke seemed wrong, as if he were gossiping behind his back.
“According to the board in the shop. The chips are nice and crisp too. If you don’t want to talk…”
“It’s not that. It’s well… I can’t imagine how he’s feeling, and it feels wrong to speculate. He’s so young to be making such a huge decision.” David remembered the tweet he’d once read about being too young to make a choice but not to kill yourself. “There are medical decisions to be made as well as the psychological issues around puberty. Then there’s his school and other people. He’ll have such a lot to cope with.”
“At least his parents didn’t dismiss his decision and say he’d grow out of it or throw him out onto the streets.”
David turned to Linc who, he discovered staring out over the beach. He placed the food box to one side and touched Linc’s arm. “No,” he said, following Linc’s gaze towards the two youngsters sitting next to each other feeding chips to the dog. He should have told them not to. He didn’t want a puking pug on the journey home.
“Chris says Luke’s parents are doing their best to get their heads around things and have contacted the doctor and an online group who advise on transgender children. They’re taking things at Luke’s pace. Elliot has been reading stuff. He wants to help. The other day we had a chat over Skype… he was so grown up. He told me he needs to put his feelings to one side and support Luke no matter what because that’s what real friends do. Makes me so proud.” He wiped a tear from his eye.
“When you find a friendship like these two have, you hold on to it, like me and Matt.”
David hesitated. Should he say anything to Linc? Did he want to talk more about his own childhood? He hadn’t said much. David remained silent for a moment enjoying the taste of the beer batter on his tongue. Linc beat him to it.
“Was it hard for you growing up, you know and being…?”
David jumped in. “Mixed-race, disabled, adopted by a white family, tall, a boy who loved reading more than football, who had a football coach for a father, not to mention teachers for parents.” He paused. “Sorry, that was over the top.”
“Why? They’re all true.”
“I don’t remember anything but being in a family who loved me. You know, they asked if I wanted to go on holiday to the West Indies when I was a teenager.” David remembered wondering why they’d asked him in particular, then it had struck him.
“Ah,” Linc said slowly.
“I didn’t understand at first, but then it hit me. I asked them ‘iz it coz I iz Black’.”
Linc laughed recognising the Ali G reference. “Do you think of yourself as Black?”
“I don’t know. Other people judge me by my colour, but I don’t feel like I have one foot in each camp, so to speak, because I don’t know what my other camp is. Maybe finding my birth mother will help. She’ll be able to tell me about my father if she wants to. For all I know, he wasn’t from the West Indies. He might have been from Africa. I’ve an awful lot of gaps to fill in. So, for now, I’m a…” He took a deep breath. “Mixed-race, disabled, university-educated, kitten-loving, book nerd who works in a library which the council might try to close, who is falling for a talented craftsman, with great hands, a welcoming body, and who likes to dress in multi-coloured frocks and amuse people. Okay?”
Linc turned to him and took his hand. “Sounds perfect to me. I desperately want to kiss you, but I suppose I’d better not. Have you finished your food? I’ll put the rubbish in the bin and check on the kids.”
David handed him the tray. “Those clouds rolling in are ominous. We could go to the Sea Life Centre to get out of the cold. I’ll check the website for information on bringing dogs. We may have to leave him in the car.” He took out his phone while Linc rounded up the children and brought them over. Pugsley bounced around between them.
“Linc mentioned the Sea Life Centre, Uncle David,” Elliot began. “We went there in primary school, and they don’t allow dogs. Would it be all right to walk along the beach? If it rains, we’ll come back.”
“Not a problem.” He shook the towel, then stuffed it into his bag and threw it over his shoulder.
Once they were on the sand, Luke asked, “Can we let Pugsley off the lead again to throw the ball for him? There aren’t many other dogs around.”
“Yes, of course you can.”
Luke leaned down and undid the lead from the dog’s harness. He threw the ball and the pug scampered after it, picked it up and trotted back. They walked in silence for a while, keeping to the damp sand and walking towards the famous red cliffs. The increasing breeze whipped up white-topped waves as the tide came in and the sky darkened.
“Perhaps we should turn back now,” David said, as the first drops hit them. “This rain has arrived earlier than forecast. We could find a café and have hot chocolate with cream.”
They hurried onto the promenade and across the green to a café with outdoor seating under a canopy so they could sit outside with the dog. David remained seated with Luke while Linc took Elliot inside.
“Thank you for bringing me,” Luke said.
“You’re welcome. How are things?” He wasn’t sure what words to use.
“All right. Mum and Dad are taking me to talk to someone about everything next week, someone who specialises in helping trans teenagers. She’ll talk me through everything I need to know. I’m scared but excited as well. Elliot and me discussed what name I could use when we were sat on the beach.”
“Have you chosen one?” David asked.
“I think I want to be called Isla. I checked the internet for girls’ names. I like Ella as well, but it’s too much like Elliot. Isla is short, which you need with a big surname like Nightingale. Isla Nightingale sounds right when I say it, and it’s more interesting than a lot of others.”
David smiled. “Yes, it is.”
“I want to start wearing girls’ clothes and growing my hair long. I hope I don’t have to change schools, though it might be easier. I’d miss Elliot. He’s been my best friend forever. I wasn’t sure if he’d want to be friends with a girl.”
“I’m sure Elliot would miss you as well. And boys and girls can be friends. One of Linc’s best friends is a girl.”
“Linc’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he is.” David wasn’t sure where this conversation was heading.
“Neither of you look gay.”
“Do all gay people appear the same?” he asked, letting his curiosity get the better of him.
“I don’t know. You see more gay people on TV now, even on Doctor Who. Some of the older boys at school called me and Elliot names because we’re friends, and I have a pink lunchbox. But I’m not gay. I thought I might be, then I saw this programme on the TV about this woman who was transgender, fell in love with a man, and they got married. I don’t like being a boy—you know—having parts.”
David resisted the desire to wipe back a tear, hearing this young person talk so maturely.
Linc appeared carrying a large tray with four mugs and cakes on a plate. Water dripped off the edge of the canopy, but they’d remained dry with the breeze driving the rain across rather than at them. Pugsley sat up, his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth, sniffing the air. Luke took a doggie biscuit out of his pocket and put it on the floor “I told your Uncle David I wanted to be called Isla when I change my name. I think I want to use she and her as well. Is that okay?”
“Nice name,” Linc said before Elliot had time to reply.
“I found it on a list of popular names. David said one of your best friends is a girl.”
“Yes. Her name is Sylvia. She’s like a best friend and a big sister rolled into one. She has a daughter called Nettie who is six, and she’s expecting another baby. We’ve been friends for a long time. My other best friend is called Matt.”
“Is he gay too?” Luke asked, matter-of-factly, reaching for a cake.
“Yes, he is. His parents are great. We met at school and have been friends ever since.”
“Like me and Elliot.”
“Yes, but we were older than you when we met,” Linc said.
“Was he ever your boyfriend?”
Linc glanced at David. David shrugged. Luke, or maybe he should start thinking of her as Isla, clearly had questions. The implication of those questions might have repercussions later for his nephew, but he pushed those worries away.
“No, Matt has never been my boyfriend. He’s too skinny for me.”
Isla nodded as if she was absorbing the information and picked up her hot chocolate as Linc did, leaving both with cream on their noses. David grinned as did Elliot. Isla had a long road ahead but at least she had people who loved her, including his nephew. Linc stuck his tongue out to remove cream from his upper lip and nearly reached his nose. David shivered, knowing what Linc’s tongue could do. Warmth flowered across his cheeks as Linc side eyed him and smiled, knowing where David’s thoughts had gone.
The intensity of pattering on the canopy increased. “We’d better hurry,” David said. “Or we’ll get soaked getting to the car.” Fifteen minutes later after downing cake and chocolate, and having to stop for Pugsley to relieve himself twice, they sat in the car, all still somewhat damp, watching the rain fall into the sea. On the drive home, Pugsley snored while Elliot and Isla argued about superheroes.
Linc dropped Isla off at her parents. They waved with Isla standing between them, their free arms around her shoulders.
“She’s lucky to have such great support,” Linc said.
“You called her she,” Elliot said, from the back. “It’s going to be hard getting used to that, but I want her to be happy.”
David turned and gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile to his nephew. “If you need to talk anytime, you know we’re here for you. Isla has a long road ahead and she’ll need her friends, but it’s a big responsibility as well.”
Elliot nodded. His phone beeped. He showed it to David. The text had come from Isla. Change had begun. If Isla could deal with such powerful issues, then David needed to get on with his own journey and find out the name of his birth mother.