Adrian wiped the sweat from his brow and braced his tired body against the rail at the front of his binder. His head pounded from the constant roar of the gas engine and the exhaust fumes that drifted toward him. As much work as he’d gotten done today, he knew the hard part was still ahead of him. Gathering the bundles of corn and stacking them together was a backbreaking chore.
He kept his eyes glued to the binder reel. For some reason, it occasionally threw out a bundle that wasn’t tied. He felt the tension in his reins change, and he looked toward his team. It was then he saw Faith running toward him across the stubble field.
She was shouting and waving her arms, then she fell. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he knew he had to reach her quickly. He slapped the reins against his horses’ rumps and urged them to a faster pace. The bundles of corn fell off the conveyor belt and broke open on the ground.
Faith waved him back. He could hear her shouts now, but he couldn’t make out what she was saying. Miss Watkins was running toward him, too.
Suddenly, a black blob darted out of the cornfield directly in front of his horses. They shied, and he pulled them back into line when he realized it was Shadow. In the next instant he heard Faith yelling Kyle’s name, and he saw the boy step out directly in front of him.
“God, give me strength!” Adrian hauled back on the lines to stop his horses, kicked the shutoff switch on the engine to kill it and threw the lever that stopped the mower blades. The horses reared back at his rough handling. The noise of the machine died away to silence.
He kept his eyes shut as the vision of Gideon running in front of that car played out to its horrible end.
“Not again, God. Don’t let me see him die. Please, don’t let me see him die.”
He heard Faith’s voice first. She was sobbing. He opened his eyes and blinked to focus. Kyle stood barely six inches away from the blades.
Adrian tried but couldn’t catch his breath. He collapsed onto the platform with his head spinning. By this time Faith had reached Kyle. She had him in her arms, holding him close. Shadow, frightened and lost, called pitifully for his mother.
Faith carried Kyle toward Adrian. She called out, “He’s fine. Praise God, he’s fine.”
He waved her away. He didn’t have the strength to stand. “Take him home.”
God had given him a chance to redeem himself. He hadn’t been able to save Gideon, but Kyle was alive. “Thank you, God.”
Adrian gained his feet and turned his team toward home. He couldn’t work any more today. Being afraid was part of being human, but shutting himself off from others hadn’t lessened the pain of his son’s loss. Like a knife left in a drawer unused, the edge stayed sharp. He vividly recalled every second of that terrible day.
Living meant using all his emotions. Living his faith meant trusting God to strengthen him in times of sorrow and of joy. He loved Faith and he loved Kyle, but was he strong enough to live each day knowing he could lose either one of them as he’d almost done today?
He wasn’t sure.
Faith knocked at Adrian’s door a few minutes before seven o’clock that night. She wiped away her tears as she waited for him to answer. She didn’t know where to turn, so she had turned to the one constant in her life.
The door opened and Adrian stood before her, his face gray, his eyes sunken. He looked as if he’d aged ten years in one day. She probably looked worse.
His voice sounded raw when he asked, “How is he?”
She thought all her tears were done, but apparently she had more. They began to flow again. “They took him away, Adrian. The social worker thinks I can’t provide a safe home for him and that his running away is proof that he’s unhappy living Amish.”
“Faith, I’m so sorry.” He stepped out of the shadows and drew her into his arms.
“I don’t know what to do,” she wailed. Clinging to Adrian was like holding on to a rock in the middle of a raging river. She’d never needed anyone more than she needed him at this moment.
He led her into his kitchen and deposited her on a worn wooden chair. “Would you like some coffee?”
She missed his touch the moment he pulled away. “Ja. I’m sorry to come running to you with this, but I didn’t know where else to go. I haven’t even thanked you. Your quick reactions saved Kyle’s life.”
“We must thank God for little Shadow. I knew as soon as I saw him that Kyle couldn’t be far away.”
Adrian sat beside Faith and took her hand in his. “When I saw Kyle in danger I saw my son dying again, and I couldn’t deal with that. I came home and lay on Gideon’s bed. As my fright faded, I felt he was there with me. He was not. He’s in a wonderful place where I can’t go yet. I must remain here until God calls me. I realized my fear was part of being alive. You and Kyle have brought me back to life.”
Tears choked her. Clearing her throat, Faith said, “I can’t lose him, Adrian. I can’t.”
What she was about to say would put an end to anything between them. “If I move to town and live in an Englisch house with electricity and a telephone and enroll Kyle in the public school, they might let me keep him. To do that, I need money. You once told me if I couldn’t manage the farm alone that you would buy it. Well, I want to sell it to you now.”
The sadness in his eyes deepened. She couldn’t bear to cause him pain, but if she had to choose between their happiness and Kyle, then it would be Kyle.
“Faith, do you know what you are saying? To do such things would go against the ordnung. It would put you outside of our faith. You would be shunned by everyone in the church. Your friends, my family. Can you really want this?”
She didn’t, but what choice did she have? She was so confused and scared. “I don’t know. I only know that I don’t want to lose Kyle. Will you buy my farm?”
He sat back in his chair. “Nee. I will not. Do not turn your back on your faith at a time like this, I beg you. I did, and it was wrong. Grasp on to it, and it will become your strength. It took me long years to discover that, but I know it is true.”
“You will not help me?”
“Not like this. Ask me anything, but I can not help you turn your back on God.”
“You know what it is to lose a child.” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She’d been so sure she could depend on him.
“I know what it is to lose a child and I know what it is to find God.”
The kettle on the stove began whistling. Faith rose to her feet. “I’m afraid I can’t stay for coffee, after all. Good night, Adrian.”
She had to get out of his house before she started weeping again. Tears would not fix this.
Adrian took the kettle off the stove and leaned against the counter with his mind whirling. Today, he’d finally come to realize God had already given him the strength he needed to face life’s frailties and uncertainty. He’d come to believe that a single day loving Faith and Kyle was better than a lifetime of hiding from more pain.
Now, he was losing them both. Not by death, but by her choice.
He understood why, but that didn’t ease his sense of betrayal or loss. Faith had made a vow before God and men to remain true to the Amish religion their ancestors had died to preserve and to live separate from the world. God commanded them that it must be so in 2 Corinthians 6:14
“Be not yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
This was a mistake Adrian could not let Faith make. He took up his hat and headed for the door. He needed wiser counsel and he prayed Bishop Zook would be able to give it.
“Good luck in there today.” Samson Carter, a white-haired man with a neatly trimmed white beard turned around in the front seat of his van to smile encouragingly at Faith.
“Danki, sir.” She gathered courage before stepping outside.
He said, “I’ll wait for you here.”
“I have no idea how long this will take.”
“Not to worry. I brought a book to read.”
Mr. Carter ran a van service in Hope Springs. The retired railroad worker earned extra income by driving his Amish neighbors when they needed to travel farther than their buggies could comfortably carry them.
Faith got out of the vehicle in front of the county courthouse in Millersburg. She had just enough money left to pay Samson when he took her home.
Her farm was on the market, but until it sold she wouldn’t have the money to rent a place in town. The extra money in her bank account had gone to pay the lawyer that was meeting her here today.
She glanced up at the courthouse. Three stories tall and built of time-mellowed stone, the building was capped with an elaborate clock tower that rose another story higher. A long flight of steps led up to the main doors on the second story. Narrow arched windows looked out over the well-manicured grounds and a monument to Civil War veterans.
As Faith stared at the building, her anxiety mounted. Behind which window would Kyle’s fate be decided?
She remembered Adrian’s words about holding on to her faith. Could she do it if it meant losing Kyle?
She closed her eyes. “May Your will be done here today, Lord. Grant me the strength to face the outcome, whatever it may be. Pour Your wisdom into the heart and mind of the judge that he may rule wisely.”
Did God listen to the prayers of someone about to turn her back on her faith? When it came time to tell the judge she would leave the Amish world in order to adopt Kyle, could she break her most sacred vow? She closed her eyes and saw Adrian pleading with her not to make that choice.
Why had God put this test before her? Hadn’t she suffered enough?
It took her a few minutes to climb the steps. Once inside, a friendly security guard directed her to the correct courtroom.
Mr. Reid, her attorney, waited for her in a chair outside the courtroom door.
He rose to his feet. His smile was polite. “Are you ready for this?”
Was she? Did she have the courage to speak up for herself and for Kyle? A second later, she remembered Adrian’s advice at her very first church meeting.
“If I were you, I’d go in with my head up and smile as if nothing were wrong.”
It had been good advice that day. She would follow it again. Putting her shoulders back, she pasted a smile on her face and nodded. “It is in God’s hands.”
“Indeed it is. I will do most of the talking. You may answer any questions the judge directs at you. Have him repeat it if you don’t understand.”
“Will Kyle be here?”
“He won’t be in the courtroom, but it’s my understanding that he will be nearby.”
“Will I be able to see him if the judge rules against me?”
“Let’s cross that bridge if we come to it. Are you ready to go in?”
Fear closed her throat. All she could do was nod.
Mr. Reid held the door open. The room beyond was paneled from floor to ceiling in rich dark wood. At the front, the judge’s bench stood on a raised platform. A large round seal was centered on the wall behind it. Flanking the seal were two flags, the United States flag and the Ohio State flag.
It wasn’t until she took a step inside the room that she realized she wasn’t alone. The few dark wooden benches were filled with Amish elders. Around the outside of the room, three deep, stood more Amish men and women waiting quietly, some with small children at their sides or in their arms.
Many of the faces she knew from her own church district, but there were many people who were unknown to her. Faith stood rooted to the spot. What were they all doing here? As she gazed about, one man stepped forward from the group and walked toward her.
Adrian.
Her heart turned over in her chest. Tears blurred her vision. When he said he wouldn’t help she had been crushed. Why was he here now? Had these people come to denounce her?
She stiffened her spine. “Adrian, what are you doing here? Who are all these people?”
“These are your friends and your neighbors and the people you will do business with in the years to come. We are here to speak for you and for our way of life. The Amish way is a goot way for Kyle to grow up. He may have been Englisch when he came among us, but he is Amish in his heart and so are you. The judge must understand this. You do not have to face this alone, Faith. We stand with you.”
In that moment, Faith could not have loved him more. He had done this for her, gathered together people to speak on her behalf. “Danki.”
“You are welcome, liebschen.”
The heat of a blush crept up her neck. “How can you call me dearest when you know I was ready to turn my back on our faith?”
He took her hand. “Because I must speak what is in my heart. Listen to God, Faith, and then speak what your heart says is right.”
Mr. Reid spoke in Faith’s ear. “We should take our places. It’s almost time to begin.”
Letting go of Adrian’s hand was one of the hardest things she’d ever done in her life. He gave her fingers one last squeeze and then went back to his place beside Elam Sutter and Eli Imhoff.
Her attorney led her to a small table just behind the railing that separated the judge’s bench from the rest of the courtroom. Caroline Watkins sat at an identical table on the opposite side of the aisle. She nodded politely to Mr. Reid but didn’t speak as she opened her briefcase and pulled out several files.
Faith sank gratefully onto the chair Mr. Reid held out for her but had no time to gather her thoughts. The bailiff at the side of the bench called out, “All rise for the Honorable Judge Randolph Harbin presiding.”
A small man with silver hair entered from the door behind the bench. He wore a dark suit and a bright green striped tie.
He paused for a second to survey the packed room in surprise before stepping up and taking a seat behind the bench. He beckoned to the bailiff, and the two men shared a brief whispered conversation.
When the judge was ready, he spoke to the entire room. “This is a hearing on the petition of Faith Martin to adopt the minor child, Kyle King. Is Mrs. Martin here?”
Her attorney rose to his feet. “She is, Your Honor.”
“Very good. Miss Watkins, I understand you represent the child for the State of Ohio.”
She rose also. “I do, Your Honor.”
“Good, then let us proceed.” The judge leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands together. “Mrs. Martin, it is my understanding that you wish to adopt Kyle King and that you are his only living relative. Tell me a little bit about your circumstances and your wish to adopt Kyle.”
Faith’s pulse hammered like a drum in her ears. She expected it to leap from her chest at any second. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Adrian standing with his arms crossed over his chest, just the way he had been standing the first time she’d seen him outside her door. He nodded once and lifted his thumb. He believed she could do this. She believed because he did.
She rose to her feet and faced the judge. “Your Honor, I am Kyle’s aunt. His father was my only brother. I can’t tell you how much Kyle reminds me of him. Every day he says something or does something, and I see my brother all over again. I loved my brother and I love his child. I love Kyle’s smile and his sense of humor. I love the feel of his hand in mine when we cross the street together. I know he loves me, too. I would do anything for him.”
“I see that you are Amish, as are the many people you have brought to support you.”
Faith heard a voice say, “If I may speak, Your Honor?”
She turned to see Bishop Zook rise from a seat behind her.
The judge arched an eyebrow. “And you are?”
“I am Bishop Joseph Zook. Mrs. Martin did not ask us to come today. We heard that this good woman might lose custody of her nephew because she holds to our ways. We wish only the chance to say that our ways are not simple and backward as some may think.”
“I am very familiar with the Amish and their ways. My grandfather was Amish but left the church. Had he not, chances are I would be a farmer or furniture maker and not a judge. You’ll have your chance to speak after I’ve heard from everyone else. Thank you.”
The bishop resumed his seat. Judge Harbin said, “Miss Watkins, you’ve investigated this case. I have read your report, but would you summarize your findings for the court, please?”
She looked at Faith sadly. “No matter how much I wish I could say having Kyle stay with his aunt would be in his best interest, I simply can’t do it. Kyle’s father left the Amish faith and chose to raise his son in the modern world. He had money put aside for his son’s college education. If Kyle were to grow up with his aunt, he would only receive an eighth grade education.”
The judge turned his pen end over end. “The ability of a parent to provide higher education is not a prerequisite for adoption. Are you sure you’re not letting your personal feelings on the subject influence you?”
“I don’t believe I am, Your Honor. My job is to do what’s best for him. Kyle has had significant difficulty adjusting to an Amish home. They live without electricity, something he’s never done before. He has run away at least three times that I know of. The last time put him in great danger. I feel an Amish farm environment is simply too dangerous for this young boy who has grown up without any experience around machinery and animals. Now, if Mrs. Martin would agree to move into town and enroll Kyle in the public school, I think he would be much happier. I also think it would make his adjustment to living with his aunt much easier. I would agree to a new trial period of six months if this were the case.”
“I see. Mrs. Martin, would you be agreeable to such a move?”
These were the words Faith dreaded hearing. She could keep Kyle if she gave up her faith, or she could stay true to her faith and perhaps lose the child she loved.
Please, God, let this be the right decision.
She shook her head. “Nee, I would not. She wishes me to raise Kyle in an Englisch home with electricity so that he might have television and video games to play with. Yes, he is used to such things, but they do not make a home. A home is a place where a child is loved and raised to know and love God.”
She studied the judge’s face, but she could not tell what he was thinking. He began reading the documents before him, turning each page slowly. After a few minutes, he looked toward Bishop Zook. “Bishop, what is it that you would like to say to this court today?”
The bishop rose to his feet again. “I would ask that Adrian Lapp speak for us today.”
Adrian came forward and stood beside the bishop. “I have come to know both Faith Martin and her nephew, Kyle. It is true that Kyle has had a hard time adjusting, but it is not because he can’t watch television. It’s because he is afraid to love his aunt. He’s afraid God will take her away as He did his parents.”
Miss Watkins spoke up. “Your Honor, this man is not a child psychologist.”
“But I am a man who knows about loss and about the fear of losing someone if I allowed myself to love again. I lost my wife and then my son when he was only five years old. But I lost more than my family. I lost my faith. I no longer trusted God. I was afraid to love again just as Kyle is afraid. But God brought Kyle into my life to show me how wrong I’ve been.”
Adrian turned to Faith. “I see now that loving someone is never wrong, be it for a little while or for a lifetime.”
She bit her lip to keep from crying.
He faced Miss Watkins. “By taking Kyle away from Faith, you are proving him right. Don’t take away the person he is afraid to love. Let him come to know God’s goodness and mercy. Let him find the strength to love again.”
The judge laid his papers aside and rubbed his chin. “You speak very eloquently, Mr. Lapp. I appreciate your in-sight. Miss Watkins, would you have the boy brought to my chambers?”
She objected. “Your Honor, the child is barely six years old. He’s far too young to know what is in his best interest.”
“That’s true, but that’s not what I’m going to ask him about. Mrs. Martin, will you and your attorney join me in my chambers? Mr. Lapp, I’d like you there, as well.”
“Yes, Your Honor.” Mr. Reid gathered his papers together and closed his briefcase.
The bailiff called out, “All rise.”
When the judge left the room, Faith turned to look at her attorney. “Is this a good thing?”
“I’m not sure, but let’s not keep him waiting.” Mr. Reid held out his hand, indicating Faith should precede him.