‘We know what we are, but know not what we may be’
(Hamlet)
The delicious smell of buttery toast and strong coffee and the rub of a stubbly kiss on her cheek awakened her. Fran always made her breakfast in bed when she slept over. When she’d worked at the camera shop, he’d been the only person she knew who got up earlier than her in the mornings. He liked to be at the school before the headmaster arrived, always parking in the spot next to his to make sure his presenteeism was noted.
‘You’ve got to stand out from your competition. Only way to get ahead, Kelse,’ he always told her.
She made a grab for the coffee. ‘Mmm, thanks, Fran. God, I’m still knackered.’
Fran raised his voice over the crackling buzz of his electric shaver as he ran it across his chin. ‘Didn’t you sleep? Lucky for you, you’ve got the whole day to just chill out and search for jobs.’
Instantly thinking of last night’s application form with clenched jaw and tingling nerves, she didn’t feel very chilled out. Hugging the hot mug tightly in both hands, she decided it was still best not to mention it. She wasn’t going to push it today, not after the disappointment of last night. Another mountain out of a molehill argument. Another sexless sleepover. And it was all her fault, she thought glumly. Watching Fran getting dressed, she pensively ate her breakfast.
‘It’s almost seven, Kelse, let’s locomote,’ Fran called, standing at the open door tapping his key on the lock.
‘I’m ready, I’m ready, let’s go.’ Kelsey rushed out of the bathroom as Fran eyed her impatiently, something obviously on his mind.
‘Yesterday’s clothes? I don’t understand why you don’t bring some stuff to keep at my place. You stay over often enough. I’ll clear a space in the wardrobe if you want?’
Kelsey shrugged uneasily, clipping her thick wet hair up in a knot with a big tortoiseshell grip. It had never felt like the right time to bring anything from home, other than the essentials, and since Fran spent his Saturdays at the school with the boarders, she usually only slept over on Sunday nights.
‘Hmm, I might bring a hairdryer next time.’
Kelsey hoped that would be an end to the conversation as Fran locked the door behind them, hustling her down the stone stairs which had been worn away to a lethal slipperiness over the last century and a half. Out in the quiet street, Fran marched ahead.
‘Uh, Fran? Where have you parked? Is it on the side street again?’
Stopping dead, a sheepish grin forming, he turned to Kelsey. ‘Oh! Uh, yeah… about that. There’s something I forgot to tell you.’
He was standing beside a gleaming silver Golf GTI. Kelsey didn’t take any interest in cars and wouldn’t care if he drove a Passat or a Porsche, she only recognised it because Fran had been talking about getting one himself since they’d first met. The look on his face told her all she needed to know.
‘You’ve bought yourself a new car. Oh! That’s… nice. Wow! I… I didn’t think we had any money?’
‘It came up online and I just… Well, it’s vintage and you like old stuff, right? And it was a steal really. I traded in the Ford and picked this baby up on Monday night.’
A moment’s silence and the penny finally dropped. ‘But Monday night was Calum’s party… Oh.’
‘I wanted to surprise you. So… Surprise!’ Grinning unconvincingly, he unlocked the passenger door for her and she squeezed in, holding her satchel over her lap, leaning across to lift his door button.
‘I haven’t been in a car with button locks since I was a kid. It’s a bit cramped, isn’t it? Not very practical.’
‘But it’s nippy though. Great fun to drive.’ He was genuinely smiling now as he climbed into the driver’s seat, running his hands over the steering wheel. Kelsey sensed his nervousness; he must have known what was coming next.
‘Did you spend some of the house deposit, Fran?’
‘Erm… yep. Only eight grand, though.’
‘Fran! Some of that money’s mine, you know? It was your idea to get the joint account. How many years is it going to take us to save that up again?’ Hot tears prickled her eyes although she fought to stay calm.
Fran was nodding and biting his bottom lip as though it had only just occurred to him that Kelsey might have a right to be mad. He turned the key in the ignition.
‘I’ll make it up. You’re not going to be contributing for a while, so let me take the slack.’
Instantly feeling like a nag and despising herself for it, Kelsey fell silent. Fran had always earned more than her, a lot more. Didn’t he have a right to spend that money? It was the car of his dreams after all. She sighed, looking around the black interior. Someone had clearly put a lot of love and care into restoring this car, and now it would be Fran’s pride and joy.
‘It is lovely, Fran. I’m pleased for you. I just wish you’d told me. That’s a lot of money, you know, and I don’t even have a car. I was putting half my pay into that account, and I know it wasn’t much but it meant I had to go without a lot of the things I wanted…’
A sad sense of exasperation took away all the fight left in her. Looking out the passenger window as they pulled away into the empty road, she thought back to all those wintry mornings waiting for the bus, only for it to arrive late before it wound through the villages at a snail’s pace stopping at every single bloody stop. How much easier the past year would have been if she’d felt free to spend her own wages on a car of her own, but Fran had been so set on saving up for the flat. Breathe. Just breathe, she scolded herself. Fran had the car he’d always wanted and she should be pleased for him.
The morning traffic was only just beginning to roll onto the A-roads. Kelsey occasionally sneaked a look at Fran out the corner of her eye. He was smiling placidly, utterly oblivious to her frustration as they sped along the coast towards her mum’s house and another day of doing nothing in particular.