What are the things you can do that help you feel a little happier, relaxed, or content, or that are actually fun? This activity will help you think about those things and then start incorporating them into your life so that over time you’ll feel better.
Make a list of activities you enjoy, whether it’s something you’re currently doing or something you used to do that was fun or helped you to feel relaxed or content. The following examples can start you off. Circle any that apply and add your own ideas on the blank lines.
Playing with my dog
Playing a sport
Reading
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Taking photographs
Going to the movies
Going for a walk
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Painting
Playing paintball
Spending time with friends
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Be sure to use another piece of paper if you run out of room—the more activities you can come up with, the better.
How many times in one week do you do any of these activities? ___________
Ideally, you want to do something enjoyable like this every single day! It doesn’t have to be a gigantic thing you do, and you don’t have to spend a lot of time doing it, but the more often you can incorporate enjoyable activities into your life—even if you aren’t getting the same amount of enjoyment out of them as you used to—the quicker your mood will start to improve.
If you don’t already have things you can do every day, think of activities you might like to do. Use the space below (and extra paper if you need more room) to brainstorm. Be creative, and don’t limit yourself; if an activity pops into your mind as something that might be fun, relaxing, enjoyable, or interesting, write it down, even if it seems unrealistic, like travelling or learning to fly.
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Quite often we have things we’d like to do that aren’t always possible for some reason—we don’t have the time, can’t afford it, aren’t old enough, or whatever. But just because we can’t do that exact thing doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to experience similar things. For example, if you’ve always wanted to take a photography class but don’t have the money, you could find an interest group on websites like Facebook or meetup.com, where others might be able to share their knowledge for free; if you can’t find an interest group, start one! Read books on photography. See if you can find a local photographer to speak to about what he or she did to get started. Think outside the box and remember that sometimes planning can be just as much fun as doing the activity itself.
Next, pick one thing from your list above, and see if you can come up with a plan to engage in that activity or something similar, using the following questions to help you:
What is the activity you’d most like to do from your list? Write it here: ___________
Is there anything preventing you from doing this activity? If so, what? ___________
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If there’s nothing preventing you from doing the activity, go ahead and make plans to do it. If you are unable to do the activity for some reason, what else might you be able to do to help you learn more about it or perhaps to experience it in a different way? If you’re not sure, ask someone you trust for help.
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Your next step, of course, is to start to engage in some of these substitute activities.
Not only is it important to do activities that are fun or enjoyable for you, but you also need activities that make you feel productive, like you’re accomplishing something. This is the DBT skill known as building mastery (Linehan 1993). The activities that give you a sense of mastery will be different for every single person. For one person, it could be getting up in the morning and getting to school on time. For another person, it could be working at a part-time job, going to the gym, doing volunteer work, or making it to volleyball practice. For someone else, it could be socializing—getting together with friends or going to a party. The activity doesn’t matter as much as the feeling you get from it—that sense of accomplishment, of being able to say to yourself, “Hey, look what I did.” The feeling you’re after when you build mastery is that of having challenged yourself, and being proud of yourself for having done it. Oliver’s story is an example.
Oliver’s Story
Oliver’s mom had died a year ago, and since then he had been having problems controlling his anger. He would often lash out at his father, even when he knew it wasn’t really his dad he was angry with—he was still sad and angry over the loss of his mother. Oliver began to practice mindfulness and the other skills outlined in this book to help him manage his emotions better. Gradually, he found that he was more in control of his emotions and he was lashing out at his dad less. Instead of letting his anger get the best of him, Oliver was often able to stop himself from reacting. He would take some time to get himself feeling calmer and then he would talk to his dad about what was bothering him. This change gave Oliver a feeling of mastery—he was proud of himself for being able to change his behavior and felt good about his accomplishment.