Aisha’s goal was a big one; obviously not everyone is going to have a goal this grand, especially in the short term. But you can see from her example that setting goals, and reaching them, can have a positive impact in a variety of ways. Now it’s your turn to think about how you’re doing in this area of your life. Answer the following questions to help you consider your own goals.
What do you see yourself doing in six months? It could be anything from working on controlling your emotions in a healthier way to starting college or getting a job or even traveling.
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What do you see yourself doing in five years? Don’t worry if some of your goals here are repetitive; write them down anyway.
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What have you already done to work toward these goals? For example, maybe you’ve been working with a psychotherapist to help you feel emotionally healthier, working on improving your grades in school, or doing volunteer work to help you get a good job.
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What else do you need to work on in order to reach the goals you listed?
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What is one thing you could do today to help you reach one of these goals?
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When you’re trying to set goals, make sure you break your bigger, longer-term goals down into smaller steps. For example, if one of your goals is to get into a specific college, the smaller, more achievable tasks for you to start working on could include doing volunteer work, working with a tutor once a week to improve your math grade, researching the college online, and talking to people who have been to that school to find out what will increase your chances of acceptance. Getting into the school is the big goal, the end result; breaking this down into smaller steps makes reaching your goal more realistic and achievable and less overwhelming.
Many people say that they wish they could do something, but they just don’t feel like it; they just don’t have the motivation. Many of us seem to have developed the mistaken belief that we have to feel motivated before we can do something, but that is not true. You can adopt a new motto—Just Do It! Motivation to do something often doesn’t come until you’ve actually started doing the activity; for example, how often do you really feel motivated to do your homework? But (hopefully) you do it anyway! Think about all the things we manage to get done even when we don’t really feel like doing them: getting out of bed in the morning to go to school; going to baseball practice after a long day of classes; meeting with your tutor before you can finally relax after school; getting your chores done around the house; taking care of your younger brother or sister; and so on.
So what makes these things different from other things we just can’t get ourselves to do? Quite often, it’s the thought that we should want to do these things. When it’s something we don’t want to do, like homework or chores, we understand that, because it makes sense we wouldn’t want to do it, and we do it anyway because we know we’re never really going to feel like doing it. But when it’s something we think we should want to do, we think we have to wait to want to do it!
This isn’t true—try treating the activity like a chore, and do it regardless of how you feel about it. And you’ll usually be surprised to find that after you’ve started, you feel like doing it and you might even enjoy it. Lisa’s story illustrates this point.
Lisa’s Story
Lisa had a horse, Bear, whom she boarded at a farm not far from where she lived. She loved her horse, but when she was feeling depressed, she just couldn’t get herself motivated to visit him. She would go weeks at a time without even seeing Bear, and this made her feel awful. She kept thinking she should want to go see him, but she just couldn’t do it.
Once she actually got out to the barn to see Bear, she ended up not just visiting with him, which was her plan, but she also took him for a ride. They both enjoyed this immensely, and Lisa felt good for accomplishing something very positive that day.
So when you notice yourself thinking, “I just don’t feel like it,” remember to do it anyway. This will go a long way to help with your painful emotions, as you increase your activity level and the number of positive events you experience in your life.
Have you ever noticed that when you feel down, angry, or anxious, or have other painful emotions, all you can think about are the negative things in your life? It’s almost like you’re wearing blinders that prevent you from seeing anything positive. And often, when there is something positive, you are able to find a way to minimize it so that it still feeds into your negative outlook. For example, when Lisa did get out to see Bear, she would say to herself, “Yeah, I got here to visit him, but he hasn’t been ridden in weeks.”
You might have heard the expression “looking at the world through rose-colored glasses,” referring to people who have a positive outlook or who are perceived as overly optimistic. Well, the same is true for people who have a negative outlook or are pessimistic—you could say they’re wearing dark glasses that tint everything they see.