part0035

W hen I woke, it was to the sound of falling water, then the sound of soft footsteps as Hart walked out of the bathroom, a towel clinging to his waist. His bare chest was smooth but rigid, hard, and yet I could see the scars that covered his body; even from where I sat, they were as plain as day. Small round mutilations, an indicator of past bullet wounds, and a jagged scar that covered his left collarbone and forked near the heart.

Following my gaze, he looked down at his chest, and then to one of the more prominent scars on his forearm, still slightly red from healing, but he gave no explanation. I couldn’t seem to pull my eyes away from it.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said, turning his body away from my wayward eyes and out of the spotlight. He disappeared into the closet behind him, returning, dressed in dark blue jeans and a black cotton t-shirt. It was simple, but the fabric clung to his body, hiding most of the scars.

When our eyes met again, I said, “Thank you.” I wanted to elaborate, but the words wouldn’t formulate.

Hart shook his head, his words carrying an immense weight. “You shouldn’t thank me for being in a situation that I put you in. It was my responsibility to protect you, and I failed,” he said, grabbing his jacket from the couch. I jumped down from the bed, stepping in front of him .

“I do,” I said, resting my hand on his arm, just below the scar, making him pause. “This wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you. This was Savoy’s doing,” I said, catching his gaze, “He didn’t hurt me, Hart.” Our eyes met, “I’m okay; I promise.” I reached up, cradling my hand against his freshly shaved cheek.

His hand found mine, pulling me away. For a moment, he looked lost, unsure what to say, but then he held my hand in his and said, “Gabriel.” His eyes were intense, filled with so much emotion. “My name is Gabriel.”

He gave me a curt nod, and then said, “Shower and get dressed. I’ll have some clothes brought down from your room. I’ll be in the study; the Captain will be just outside the room, when you’re ready, let him know, and he will escort you down.”

He placed his hand over mine, giving me a quick squeeze, then turned and left.

An hour later, I was knocking on his office door, with the Captain by my side. Kane looked restless, with dark bags under his eyes; I imagined after last night, he hadn’t had very much sleep. Hart and I had slept most of the morning and afternoon away, but it seemed the Captain wasn’t afforded that luxury.

“Come in,” his voice towered through the doors to the other side, bridging the gap. I entered without the Captain, shutting the door behind me.

Hart was standing next to the window, finishing a phone call when he looked over at me. He made a quick effort to dismiss the conversation before he slid the phone in his pocket. The curious part of me couldn’t help but wonder who had been on the other line .

“I’ve ordered us some lunch, it should be here shortly,” he said, looking over his shoulder.

“Thank you,” I said, wandering over to my normal chair next to his desk.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, drawing my attention back to the window. “Don’t feel the need to hide something for my sake. If something comes up, tell me or Mathias.”

I nodded, “I’m really okay.” I told him, and while, yes physically, that was true. Short of a few bruises that could have easily been hidden, I was not hurt.

But mentally, mentally I was sort of a mess. He studied me from a distance, deducing my inner thoughts as he so often did. I hated how easily he could understand what was going on inside me.

I kept circling back to the feeling of Sawyer’s body on top of me, the disgusting smell of cigarettes, and the way his yellowed teeth grinned down at me. Recalling the image was enough to remind my body of the tidal wave of fear that had washed over me when I realized what he intended to do, or the adrenaline that surged through my veins in an effort to dislodge the man, or the feeling of watching him fall to the ground in his own pool of blood.

That was the part that concerned me the most. It wasn’t the blood, or the gore, that bothered me, but the satisfaction I felt watching my attacker, curled up at my feet, reaching for me to help him. That was the disturbing bit—that I was okay watching him die.

Gabriel seemed to read my mind. “It doesn’t make you a murderer,” his eyes met mine, “Only a survivor.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I killed a man.”

“No, it doesn’t, but you can’t beat yourself up over it. You did what you had to do to survive. If you let it consume you, he will have won.”

Hart walked over to me, hovering over his desk, before looking at me. “I am curious though, did you ever plan on using it on me?” He asked, “The letter opener, I mean. ”

Catching me off guard, I didn’t have enough time to prepare a lie. “I had thought about it,” I said truthfully, “But the opportunity never presented itself.”

He half-heartedly smiled, “You’ve had many opportunities; the night I was in your room comes to mind. You had it in your hand then, why didn’t you follow through?” he asked.

“You knew I had it this whole time?” I was beyond baffled.

“Yes, I knew—I knew the moment you walked out of my office. Did you think I wouldn’t have noticed it pressed against your leg as you walked by? I had to tell the maids to leave it there every time they changed the sheets.”

“Then why let me keep it?”

“Ease of mind, protection… I watched you slide it under your pillow, thinking that I would have done the same thing if I had been in your position,” he said, reminding me of the cameras. That was another thing we would need to discuss. “If it meant you felt safer at night, then I wasn’t about to take that away from you.” Our eyes met, just long enough for me to see the truth in his words.

He had known the entire time that I could have used it against him, and yet he had never worried; instead, he wanted me to feel safe.

“Which is why I am giving you this,” he said. Walking toward me, he pulled out a small piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to me. “It’s the passcode to your room,” he said.

I opened the folded piece of paper, seeing the six-digit code handwritten in neat, perfect numbers.

“You and I are the only two who know the combination to your door now. Everyone else’s access has been revoked.”

Looking up at him, I couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“I don’t want you to be afraid to fall asleep at night or to make you feel like you don’t have a place of your own. So, from this day forward, your room is just that—your own. I will respect your space,” he warned, “But don’t take this generosity for granted.”

“Thank you,” I said, unsure I could find any other words .

“You’re welcome,” he said, “Unfortunately, the cleaners won’t be finished with your room for a few more hours. They’ve only just removed the carpet; it’ll take a while to move the furniture back in.”

Shrugging my shoulders, I sighed, “That’s alright, I’m not exactly eager to go back in there just yet.”

“I don’t blame you. You’re more than welcome to stay here with me. I’ve removed everything from the schedule for the day,” he gave me a soft smile.

“No more lessons?” I inquired, raising an eyebrow in curiosity, partially shocked. “I’m not ready. The Showing is around the corner.”

He smiled at me. “I think you’ve underestimated yourself; I think we have.” I stared at him, watching the words leave his lips, unsure my ears were hearing correctly. He moved to sit down next to me. “You’re going to be just fine.”

I nodded, my heart skipping a beat as I realized the Showing was only a few days away.

“If you want to spend the day alone, I won’t be offended,” he said calmly, trying to read me.

In that moment, I couldn’t find my voice. I couldn’t look at him. There was a part of me who didn’t want him to see me, to see how scared I was of the event. The right thing to do would be to hold my head high, to walk in there and not let them see me falter. To show them how strong I was, but deep down, I was still afraid. “No,” I said, my eyes finding him, “That’s the last thing I want right now.”

We stayed in his office most of the day, enjoying lunch and playing a few games of chess, which I had the privilege of losing every game. Even with Hart’s subtle tactics of sacrificing his pieces in an attempt to make me feel like I was winning, it didn’t help. The truth was that no amount of practice could put me on his skill level. The playing field was severely disproportionate, but he didn’t make me feel that way .

He spent time explaining some of the disadvantages of certain moves and the hidden advantages to others. As much as I didn’t want to think about the Showing, it was inevitable.

In a few days, I would have to face these people, and when it’s all over, Gabriel would take me home. It was a small price to pay, to entertain a few terrifying criminals who made a habit of purchasing other human beings for a few hours, and then it would be over. The idea that the Showing would be quick and painless was what helped propel me into the following days.

As we sat down for dinner that night, I completely blindsided him. “You mentioned there are cameras in my room; is there one in the bathroom?” I asked, setting down my fork and knife as we stared back at each other.

He shook his head, “No, I wouldn’t do that.”

“But you would put a camera in my room, and evade my privacy?”

“That wasn’t the purpose.” Hart’s voice grew serious; his gaze locking onto mine.

Purpose or not, it wasn’t okay. “I want them gone.”

Hart had known where this was going and was quick with his defense. “No one has access to those feeds except the Captain and me—for security reasons only; I assure you.”

I didn’t mean to imply the Captain wasn’t trustworthy—I’m sure he was, but I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of being constantly watched. “No cameras, Gabriel.”

I watched him weighing his options, and finally sighed, “Consider them gone.”

Gabriel spent as much time with me as he could, keeping me occupied and doing his very best not to leave me alone, and I appreciated it. In the brief moments where he had to step out and take care of business, the Captain was close by, or Charlotte and I would go for a swim.

The days passed quicker than I would have expected, and on the morning of the dreaded event, I refused to leave my room. Thankful that I had the ability to lock my door, I paced back and forth, in the protection of my own space. Charlotte had already tried to convince me to come out, to let her help me get ready, but when that failed, the Captain was soon notified.

He was gentler with me than he normally was, still feeling a pang of regret for what Sawyer had done. I suspected in some way, he blamed himself. I could hear it in his voice, “Miss Heed, open the door,” he paused, adding, “please. Don’t shut us out.”

I leaned against the back of the door, sliding down to a sitting position at its base. I wasn’t shutting everyone out.

After a few minutes, the Captain’s pleas died down, his heavy footsteps falling away as he admitted defeat.

I didn’t want to do this anymore; I didn’t want to go to the Showing. I didn’t care if that made me a coward, or weak—I would be the first to admit I was apprehensive about the entire thing. Fears had settled into the back of my mind, twisting and growing into something unrecognizable. Even with Sawyer out of the picture, what if Savoy had another pawn on the field? What if he had infiltrated Hart’s defenses? Once was enough to admit my paranoia had real merit.

I heard his soft steps as he approached. Hovering outside my door, I could hear as he leaned his head against the wood, and whispered, “Addy.”

Gabriel was the only other person who had the key code and could cripple my defense.

“Will you please let me in so we can talk? I’d prefer not to do it through the door.” He had the power to come in, but he was still asking for my permission.

“I don’t want to do this. I’ve changed my mind,” I admitted.

His words reached me through the door, “Addy, whether you want to believe it or not, this isn’t something either one of us can walk away from. I wish I could convince Dávilo that you being there isn’t necessary, but he made his stance clear.”

I didn’t respond to him, the space between us filling with an awkward silence.

“Addy, I’m asking you once more, please open the door.”

Another moment passed, I refused to move, unsure if my body knew how. My mind was swirling with endless thoughts; my body detached in a strange out of body feeling.

Gabriel was growing impatient. “I’ve given you the option, Addy. You’ve left me with no other choice.” With his warning, I was snapped back into the moment. To avoid getting pushed aside, I stood and opened the door at the same moment he started pressing the code into the pad. He stopped, his hand falling to his side while he stood there, looking at me. Clad in a crisp white linen shirt and dark jeans, he looked at ease, confident, comfortable, and undeniably sexy.

I was a mess, still in my sleeping gown, my hair was untamable, my eyes were ringed with dark circles, and I looked restless. Being back in the same room where Sawyer had died on the floor wasn’t exactly helpful either. The bloodied carpet had been removed and the furniture put back into place. Instead of replacing the carpet, they left the polished hardwood floors exposed, and a large area rug was placed just under the bed. While it looked like a new room, the events that had taken place here a few nights ago, still weighed heavy on my mind.

“Jesus—” Hart swore, taking all of me in. He ran his hand through his hair, calming himself before he asked, “Can I please come in?”

Nodding, I sidestepped, holding the door open for him and shutting it behind him. The little light next to the door turned red, telling me the door was locked.

After a moment, our eyes met, and Hart pulled me into an embrace. His warm body brought life back to me, comforting me on an entirely different level. When he thought it was safe to pull away, he held me at arm’s length, his eyes boring into mine .

“You are a survivor Addy, remember that,” he said, “Tonight will be no different—and besides, I’ll be right there.”

I shook my head back and forth, “I don’t want to do this, Gabriel,” I said; his first name still felt foreign to me after all this time.

Pulling my chin up so that he could see the single tear in my eye. With his thumb, he brushed it away, “I’m not going to let anything happen to you; I promise.” Gabriel pulled me close, embracing me in his gentle touch. Just beneath his marbled chest, I could hear the steady rhythm of his heart, slow and calm, unlike mine. “Don’t let them see your fear. You’re stronger than you know.”

I couldn’t help myself; I started laughing.

Confused, he pulled me away to see the playful smile on my face and asked, “What’s so funny?”

I smiled again, “Careful now, your heart is showing.”

He pulled me close again, giving me another much needed embrace and chuckled.

“I have one other surprise for you,” he said, holding me at a distance so that I could see him. “It was arranged a few days ago, so if you don’t want to do it, I understand,” he said. “I’ve made arrangements for you and Charlotte, a sort of girl’s day to keep you distracted and out of that head of yours.” He tapped my forehead. “I ordered us lunch, and when we’re finished, you can meet up with Charlotte—that is, if you’re interested.”

Part of me wanted to say no, to stay in my room and read a book all day, but I knew he was right. If I stayed here all day, I’d soon find myself swallowed up in my own thoughts.

I nodded my head. “I suppose you’re right. I need a distraction.”

He only smiled, and as quick as it came, it was gone. He stepped aside, creating an appropriate space between us, as one of the kitchen aides brought in lunch. She set in down on the small table in the corner and left without a word .

Hart and I ate in silence, mostly because I wasn’t sure what to say. Hart finally broke the awkward stillness, staring down at my untouched food. “Eat,” he urged. “There’s not much to you.”

I looked up at him, “I can think of a few reasons why.” The words weren’t meant to hurt him, but I could see that they had the second they left my mouth. He regretted what he had done to me those days in the tank, and I regretted bringing it up.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, “I’m on edge. I didn’t mean that.”

He nodded his understanding and then gestured to my food again.

Maybe he had a heart after all. Maybe Charlotte had been right that day she told me he wasn’t a monster. Maybe, just maybe, inside the monster was a human being, one with a heart.