For a moment it seemed as though Bear would be able to convince Sarah.
But she hadn’t grown up knowing the chief’s word was law. She didn’t trust him the way the rest of us did.
I felt the trembling of her body. Her vein pulsed rapidly in the wrist I still held. Despite her cool words, she was frightened.
My mate should never have to fear anything. Bear was right, she needed to learn shifter ways. I’d had the opportunity to prepare her, and I hadn’t. I’d let my suspicions of her blind me to what she needed. Fine fucking mate I’d been.
Before Bear could issue a command, I spoke.
“It’s too soon. Sarah’s not ready to meet Rory, or anyone else for that matter. We’ll come in when she’s ready.”
Bear’s gaze flicked to Rutkell’s body. “You have proof he killed the men in Washday and Parrish.”
“He marked the sites,” I said with assurance. “I can’t match his claw pattern now, but I have no doubt he’s the killer.” And Sarah isn’t.
I stared in Bear’s eyes, ready to defy him if he ordered me to bring Sarah in now. Releasing her wrist, I let my hands hang free and ready. If I had to, I’d fight even Bear, the chief I followed without question, before I’d let any more harm come to Sarah.
Although free to shift and run, she hovered behind me. Having my mate at my back reinforced my determination to protect her.
Bear didn’t back down, but he gave me a considering stare. Apparently agreeing with my evaluation of the evidence, he spoke to Sarah. “I’ll tell Rory you’re well. He’s been worried.”
“I— Thank you.” Sarah’s breath was warm on my shoulder. “I— I want to meet him.”
My body responded predictably to Sarah’s nearness and the relaxation of her tension. I could have used my carry bag for camouflage, but both our bags were several paces behind Bear and Terrence.
I nodded at Terrence. “Toss me our bags, will you.”
Despite the shit-eating grin on his face, Terrence did as I asked.
I passed Sarah’s bag back to her. “You can shift whenever you’re ready.”
She hesitated. “What happens next? With him, I mean.” She pointed her chin at the body.
“Bear will make sure someone takes care of it. They were looking for him in Montana. His body should be shipped back there so we can make a positive ID and close out their case.”
“No one will ever know he killed those people, will they?” Her voice held a mixture of outrage and relief.
“No,” I admitted.
“It’s better that way,” Bear cut in. “For the safety of all shifters. We police our own.”
She gave him a disbelieving stare.
“You fell through the cracks, you and Rory both. I’m sorry. We can’t change what happened, but you’ll get whatever support you need.”
“It’s true,” I reassured her.
Without another word, just an unreadable look, she shifted and loped off.
“We’re on it,” Bear said. “Take off.”
So I did.
I stretched out in a run, zigzagging between trees and crashing through brush with no care how much noise I made.
For a moment there I’d been tempted to go with them. The chief seemed so sincere in his desire to help me. More importantly, Jason trusted him. Jason’s prickliness had been on my account, not because he had any reservations about the chief. I knew this with irrational certainty, just as I knew that Jason would have fought the chief if he’d tried to force me to go back with them.
Jason couldn’t hide his feelings from his mate.
In a fit of exuberance I scaled a nearby tree, my claws grooving the rough bark, and leaped back down to the soft earth.
Jason was my mate.
I hugged the knowledge to me. Me first, even before his chief. My bear rumbled with pleasure.
And he’d killed for me.
That muted my joy. I hated that he’d had to kill.
There had been so much about my adoptive family that felt strange to me. Gathering each week inside a building to be taught spirituality felt wrong. Many of the words written in the holy book didn’t make sense to me. Only the commandments resonated. I felt their truth inside me.
All those years when I thought I’d killed that man, the guilt had been a heavy burden. To be the cause of that burden falling on Jason made me ashamed.
My bear didn’t understand. She thought it was right and proper that Rutkell die. I understood he was a predator who would have gone on to hurt others. I knew that, but I couldn’t reconcile it with my gut feeling that it was a grievous sin to kill.
I slowed from a trot to a slow walk, and eventually sank to my haunches beside a boulder. I leaned against the mossy stone, my exhilaration deflated.
It wasn’t long before Jason appeared. His presence gladdened me despite my shame, and I shifted.
He nudged my side with his snout, then with a shimmer took his human shape.
My breath caught. My mate was so handsome, his dark hair rumpled, his eyes bright for me. The dappled light shining through the forest canopy played across the broad shoulders and well-defined pecs. The ridges of his abdomen flattened into the V of his belly. As I watched, his cock hardened. But he hung back, waiting for my encouragement.
My body wanted him. My bear wanted me to stop thinking and just feel.
I was feeling, just not the way my bear wanted.
“Jason,” I began.
He knelt beside me, waiting for me to finish.
“You killed. For me.”
His eyes flashed. I touched his shoulder before he could speak, and he pressed his lips together tightly.
“I’m sorry. I don’t ever want to make you do anything you’ll regret.” My throat closed up so that I couldn’t say anything else.
Overwhelming remorse shook me. How could I have ever suspected my mate of being a cold-hearted killer? Sarah cried because she was worried about my feeling guilty for killing to protect her. Awe and humility swept over me. She cared that much for my well-being, far beyond the physical bond of our mating.
“Sarah.” I took her hands between mine. “I can never regret killing anyone who tries to hurt you. Never. I’m not as good as you. And”—I had to make it clear before she thought I was something I wasn’t—“there may be other times when I have to put down a rogue shifter. That’s one of the things we do to keep all shifters safe. Violence toward humans isn’t permitted.”
She stared, immediately understanding more than I’d said. “You weren’t going to cage me.” She tore her hands free. Jumping to her feet, she began pacing with jerky steps. “You were going to kill me.”
“Never,” I said hoarsely, rising to a stand. “Not after seeing your photo. I thought I could, but…”
I caught only a glimpse of her face before she turned her back on me. With a ripple of skin into fur she shifted, and she disappeared between the trees.
All I could do was follow her.
She led me deeper through the trees, coming to a rocky gully that we followed for some time. I ran at her flank, close enough to feel the heat rising from her body, back far enough she wouldn’t feel like I was pushing her. She gave no sign she even knew I was there. The happiness she’d radiated before was gone, replaced with deadness. The memory of her distraught face haunted me.
She slowed when we climbed a high tree-covered ridge. I slowed also, keeping my distance. Not that I had much choice. There was nothing I wanted more than to take her in my arms and reassure her that I would never do anything to hurt her. I settled for nudging her affectionately.
She wheeled on me, teeth bared. The fur along her spine rose.
My bear growled back, pissed that his mate would turn on him. For a moment we stared at each other. The pain in her eyes quenched my bear’s irritation. She was merely striking back like an injured animal.
She was injured. And I was the cause.
That was when I realized I might have fucked things up forever. How was she ever going to be able to trust me?
My chest hurt. Every thud of my heart felt like a whack from a four-by-four post.
I set my jaw. She’d have to learn. I’d make her. There was no other option. She was my mate, part of me now.
I shifted. Boldly I laid my hand on the scruff of her neck.
She snapped at me. Disregarding her long sharp teeth, I stroked the silky fur along her shoulder. She grabbed my hand and held it in her mouth, her teeth pressing my skin without breaking it.
I froze, my gaze locked with hers. Her bear eyes were impenetrable. Her canines bore down harder until she punctured my skin.
Blood trickled from her mouth and down my wrist, the scent of blood screaming danger.
With my other arm I slowly reached out to scratch behind her ear. She gave a sudden sharp bite, all her teeth piercing my flesh, and then spat out my bloodied hand.
Instantly she shifted. She crumpled to the soft earth, her body shaking with sobs.
The sound of her crying tore my guts into pieces. Wrapping my arms tight around her, I pulled her against my chest and rocked her. Her salty tears burned my bare skin, but the sting was nowhere near as painful as I deserved.
“Sarah,” I whispered into her hair. I tried to turn her face toward mine, but she resisted. Giving up, I let her nestle under my chin.
She was so stiff, her muscles bunched tight. I massaged her back, working my fingers deep in her flesh along her spine down to the lushness of her hips. It was wrong for me to think of myself when she was hurting, but I couldn’t stop my cock from rising. She was so close and the intensity of emotion sharpened my desire.
She must have felt it too. She emitted a faint gasp that made the blood pound in my ears. I readjusted her hips on my lap, freeing my cock from her weight and incidentally allowing access to the wet folds of her pussy. The warm scent of her arousal was a beacon for my hands. I had to touch her.
My fingers slid into her damp heat. She gasped, louder this time, and arched backward. I took advantage of her opening herself up to me and drew my tongue along her cheek to her lips.
“My Sarah,” I whispered. “Please forgive me.”
Shuddering, she shook her head in denial.
“Please.” I nibbled at her lips.
Her breathing was erratic now, mine also. The need to take her was pulsing through me. My mate. My cock belonged inside her, my seed belonged in her belly.
I fought back the raging lust. What Sarah needed from me was tenderness.
I stilled my hand, but kept my fingers pocketed within her sweet folds. I kissed the corner of her mouth and then licked the tears from her cheeks. Her sighs softened to gentle murmurs. My dear sweet Sarah.
Trailing my tongue down her throat, I paused at the hollow where her pulse beat rapidly and let my tongue rest on the hot vein traced under her skin. I felt the life flowing through her, bright and pure.
Tears came to my own eyes. How could I have ever thought putting her down was a possibility? Even if she hadn’t been my mate, it would have been wrong. She was no killer.
I rested my head on her chest. This close, the perfume of her body overrode any other scents. All that existed was Sarah.
Her heart pounded. I kissed the warm skin over her heart, and down the center of her ribs to the gentle swell of her belly. Her flesh was luxuriant in its pillowy softness. Her entire body quivered under my caresses, even her heated core pulsing around my fingers as my mate responded to me.
But her spine was ice-hard, despite her arousal. Her internal resistance remained even as I licked and sucked my way to her hard nub. I explored her hard pink button with my tongue, reveling in the musky taste. Her pussy clenched on my fingers. I stroked and teased and touched until I felt her release.
It was a weak version of other times. Her heart wasn’t in it. Wasn’t with me.
My erection withered. I drew away from her, cold inside.
My mate. I’d known it from the beginning, and refused to trust her. Now she’d never be able to trust me.