“PLEASE?” THE TWENTYSOMETHING with the long brunette hair offered him a pretty pout. One that just a few months ago might have stirred his interest.
Hayden shook his head. “Not tonight. I’m not in a singing mood.”
Finn set his mug of beer on the bar. Slapped him on the back. “Sing something. The ladies are waiting on you.” He looked at the woman. “Go tell them Hayden will sing for them.”
She clapped her hands and scampered back to the table on the far side of the room. Giggles and cheers erupted.
The trio of brothers had taken to gathering for a beer on Monday nights at Down Home. This would be the last one, because next Tuesday Hayden had to report back to school.
He had gotten a reputation for his karaoke. Most times he did it just to annoy Greg and Finn, because the women always made a fuss over him. And though his heart wasn’t in it, he’d been trying to keep things from his generally too observant brothers.
Keeping secrets was one hell of a lot of work.
Greg, on the other side of him, gave him a nudge. “It’s a country bar, pal. Perfect for your glum mood. Which has been going on for three weeks now. Ever since Ronni’s husband got better.”
“What are you implying?”
Greg shrugged. “Not implying anything. Except that you haven’t been fit to live with since then.”
“Luckily, you don’t have to live with me anymore.” Hayden took a long pull on his beer. He hopped off the bar stool, dragging the back of his hand over his mouth. “Fine. If it will get the ladies—especially you two—off my back, I’ll sing.”
Easily done, since no one else at the place had signed up. He picked his song, then ventured onto the stage, stopping in front of the microphone. Though he’d never try out for American Idol, he could carry a passable tune. Had used the skill in the past, like his dancing talents, to meet women.
But the only woman he wanted had pulled back from him.
Three weeks of hell had passed for him, knowing what kind of passion they shared, but couldn’t have. His chest hurt every time he picked up Nick from her place.
The music started. He closed his eyes and pictured her face. That night. And poured his heart into McBride and the Ride’s “Just One Night.”
The lyrics conveyed exactly how he felt. If he died tomorrow, he’d be grateful for the night he and Ronni had shared. If that was all he ever got, he’d never regret it.
He hoped she felt the same.
When he finished, the small crowd broke into applause. The all-women table climbed to their feet, cheering. He swept a mock bow. The brunette who’d asked him to sing pinned him with a look that said she’d gladly take him home tonight, give him that one night he’d sung about.
He dropped his gaze to the floor, headed back to his brothers at the bar. They just stared at him when he sat down. “Now what? I sang, didn’t I?”
“You slept with her,” Finn accused.
“And didn’t tell us,” Greg added. “You don’t keep secrets, Jaws.”
“Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell.”
“That’s never stopped you before,” Finn pointed out. “And you mean screw and tell, right? Wow. That’s sluttier than I expected from her.”
“Watch your damn mouth!” Hayden grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him off the bar stool. Shook him like a terrier with a rat. Had his fist back and cocked, ready to rearrange Finn’s pretty face when Greg captured his arm, throwing his full weight into holding him off.
“Stop, Hay!”
“Take it outside, boys!” the bartender yelled at them.
“No problem.” Hayden dragged Finn toward the door. His brother stumbled, but hustled to keep up, not resisting at all. Greg let go to throw a twenty on the bar, then raced after them, all the while talking at Hayden’s back, urging him to calm down, that Finn hadn’t meant anything bad by his poor vocabulary choices.
In the parking lot, Hayden released his older brother with a shove that sent him stumbling. It was only fair to give him a chance to defend himself.
Once he found his footing, Finn just grinned at him.
“You lookin’ to lose all your teeth that way?” Hayden lifted his fists.
“If you really think it will make you feel better, go ahead. Punch me.”
“Are you crazy?” Greg stepped between them, arms out to keep them apart. “You will lose all your teeth. Don’t encourage him.”
“He’s had a bug up his ass for weeks now. I’m just tryin’ to shake it loose.”
“By letting him use you as a punching bag? Great plan, but I don’t think you’ll like the results.”
A squad car drifted by on the street.
“Hay, if you get busted for brawling in a bar parking lot, what kind of message does that send to Nick?”
“Same message we gave him the night the police cuffed him for protecting Jordan. A man protects his family. Defends his woman’s honor.”
“Crap, Hayden. You hear yourself?” Finn just shook his head. “Your woman?”
“Both of you, take a deep breath. Nobody’s getting busted tonight. Finn, apologize. Now. Before Hayden pops you in the face and the police turn around and come back here.”
Finn held up his open hands. “Sorry, Hayden. Didn’t mean any disrespect toward Ronni. Really. Just trying to find out what in the hell is going on with you.”
“Good.” Greg herded them toward his Tracker like a pair of ornery bulls. “Get your butts in the car. Hayden, passenger seat. Finn, in the back. Keep your hands to yourselves. Geez, I sound like Dad. We’re going someplace way more private to finish this. Fresh?”
Finn shook his head. “Amelia’s got something going on at the house tonight.” Finn and his family lived on the second floor of the big old Victorian that housed Fresh on the first floor. “Basket party or something crazy like that. She will not be amused if we descend en masse. What about your place?”
“No. Shannon’s so damn tired with being pregnant. We carry on and disturb her, and I’m in the doghouse for a week.”
Hayden wished for the opportunity to get in the doghouse. “If we go to my place you’re both sitting on the floor.” He leaned his head against the window, letting the air-conditioning blasting on him cool his anger.
Finn had been baiting him. Stupid on his brother’s part. But even the limited blowout had made Hayden feel better.
After stopping to purchase a six-pack, they pulled into their parents’ driveway. Greg grabbed a flashlight from under the driver’s seat, then they skirted the house, and headed into the woods. Hayden blew off more steam free-climbing to the tree house.
“Show-off,” Greg said, reaching the top rung of the ladder, with Finn right behind him. Inside, they pulled out the battery-powered lanterns, providing the place with a bluish glow. Finn and Greg took seats at the game table. Hayden grabbed a beer, twisting off the cap, then wandered over to the bay window, glancing out at the dark shadows of the trees as they swayed in the breeze.
Memories of Ronni flooded him. He’d first held her right here.
“Hey, how long, exactly, after sex, before a woman knows if she’s pregnant or not?”
Finn choked on his beer.
“Please tell me that’s a rhetorical question,” Greg said. “A question for a friend of a friend of a friend. Not to mention that you are in charge of teaching sex ed to teenagers. Now I’m really scared of public education.”
Hayden moved away from the window. “I know the technicalities, thanks. I just wondered, since you guys have so much real-life experience in the area now, if you knew something I didn’t.” Like how the hell he could find out if she’d been at the fertile phase of her cycle that night.
“Start spilling,” Finn said, using the bottom of his shirt to mop up the liquid he’d sprayed on the game table. “And don’t leave anything out. Fine time for you to start keeping secrets.”
“If she was at her most fertile, it would have been two weeks until her period,” Hayden calculated out loud. “So she should know by now, right? I mean, if it’s going to happen?”
“Depends on a lot of things. How long her cycles are. How regular she is. Shannon’s been watching this show on TV about women who have no clue they’re pregnant and deliver full-term babies. She likes to yell at the screen about how the hell could they not know when there’s a tiny creature squirming around inside them, kicking their bladder all the time.”
“So then maybe Ronni doesn’t know yet?”
“You tried to knock her up on purpose?” Finn asked.
Hayden turned a chair around, straddled it. “Condom broke. Never had that happen before.”
“Holy crap. What did Ronni say? Surely she told you when or if she got her period? Or not, as the case may be.”
Hayden fingered one of the dark squares on the chessboard built into the table.
Both his brothers groaned. “You didn’t tell her, did you?” Greg said.
He shook his head. “Didn’t want to give her the chance to take alternate measures. I’m sort of hoping...”
Finn and Greg exchanged a look.
“Told you he was hiding something big.” Finn blew out a long breath. “But wow. I had no clue it was this big. Leave it to you, Hay. When you decide to keep a secret, it’s a doozy.”
“To love.” Greg held up his bottle. “And the bat-shit crazy stuff it makes us do.”
“Amen.” Finn clanked his longneck into Greg’s, then knocked into Hayden’s. “May your swimmers have hit the mark, brother. And win you the girl. ’Cause we’d sure love to see you join us in the never-a-dull-moment adventures of marriage and parenthood. Well...” Finn’s face colored. Amelia hadn’t yet agreed to marry him. “Close enough to marriage, anyway.”
Hayden would happily settle for the commitment Finn had. “I’ll drink to that.”
###
Ronni sat in the shampoo chair, feet tapping the floor. Tam was in Do-Ron-Ron’s bathroom.
With the stopwatch app on her cell phone.
And the test stick Ronni had peed on.
She had to be pregnant. Her breasts ached. Her nipples hurt like hell every time they rubbed against her bra. She’d been queasy every morning.
Not to mention exhausted to the point that she’d fallen asleep at the desk one morning before her first customer had arrived.
All the symptoms she’d experienced with Nick.
Her period had been due last Monday, just over two weeks after she and Hayden had made love. And while she wasn’t always as regular as clockwork, when she put it together with the symptoms, it spelled p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t.
What was it with Hawkins sperm and her eggs? The attraction to the bad boys of the family went as far as a cellular level? No wonder she couldn’t resist them.
And she could look forward to facing Lydia Hawkins with another surprise grandbaby.
At least this time she wasn’t sixteen.
“No, instead you’re married. Even better. Oh, and just think, not just Lydia. The whole media will be after you.” The press had resurfaced during Scott’s trip to the hospital. Someone had talked. Whether from the nursing home, the ambulance squad, the hospital, somebody had alerted them to Scott being at death’s door. Several shots of Hayden holding her elbow as he steered her out of the hospital the morning the doctor had pronounced Scott on the mend had appeared.
“Like my life is that interesting.”
“You talking to yourself out there?” Tam called through the bathroom door.
“Yes. What’s it to you?”
Tam sauntered out, pregnancy test in hand.
“Well? Well? Don’t keep me in suspense.” Ronni jumped out of the chair.
“It’s negative.”
“Huh?”
“Quick, gut instinct,” Tam barked. “How do you feel right now?”
Ronni sank slowly back into the chair. She wasn’t carrying Hayden’s baby?
“Honey, how do you feel?”
“I—I don’t believe it. I feel pregnant.”
“Emotionally.”
She draped her hand over her belly, looked up at her friend. “Sad. Disappointed.”
“You wanted to be pregnant?”
Ronni nodded. Though only minutes ago she’d been scared to death about facing Hayden’s mother, now all she felt was a big hollow ache. She swallowed hard.
“Cheer up, sweetie. You’ll get another chance.”
“When? When Scott finally gives up the ghost? How long is that going to be? I could be a doddering old woman by then. No eggs left. Even if Hayden really does wait, which I doubt. Why would he want to wait for me?” She shook her head. “No. This was my one and only chance.”
“He’d wait because he loves you.”
“He shouldn’t wait. He deserves someone who can be there with him now. Someone...free to love him. To give him babies without worrying how the media is going to roast her over an open fire when the news comes out.”
Tam threw the test stick in the garbage can behind the desk, then pulled the bag out and tied it up. “What would you have done if you had been pregnant?”
Ronni slowly climbed to her feet, ignoring the wave of dizziness that made the world spin. “Figured out how to divorce Scott.”
“Why? You wouldn’t let your first pregnancy force you into marriage with Ian. Why would you let being pregnant now lead to divorce?”
“Because...”
“Because why?”
Ronni sat back down. For several moments, she pondered Tam’s question. “Because it’s what I want. To be free from Scott.”
“Exactly. Honey, you don’t need the excuse of being pregnant to justify what you want. Scott already gave you all the excuse you need. Vera and Nick know about it. There are no more secrets holding you back.”
The conversation she’d had with Amelia came back to Ronni. About obligation to herself. She wasn’t defective. She wasn’t unworthy.
Was she really responsible for Scott’s accident? For his condition?
No. He’d brought the Dear John call on himself. And he’d been the one behind the wheel that day.
She’d proven to herself and everyone else that she didn’t run away when life got tough, as she had when Ian had been sick.
In fact, divorcing Scott was going to be a whole lot tougher than just sticking around.
But it was the right thing for her to do.
Because she deserved more.
“I have to go see Vera. And call my lawyer. This is going to be complicated.”
“All the good stuff usually is,” Tam said.
###
Hayden stood in the classroom’s doorway, returning cell phones he’d confiscated during his last period health class, when his own buzzed in his back pocket. “It’s only the first day of school, so I’m being generous,” he reminded the kids as they passed by. “No phones in class. Keep them put away or lose them.”
“Sorry, Coach.” One of his senior track stars—the boy had a good shot at a full scholarship—ducked his head, plucking his cell from Hayden’s hand. “Won’t happen again.”
“Better not.”
When the classroom was finally empty, Hayden retrieved his cell, heading to the desk at the front of the room.
A text from Ronni? He quickly accessed it.
––––––––
Hope your first day back went well. Can you stop by? It’s important. We need to talk.
––––––––
He sank down on the edge of the desk, sitting on a stack of course outlines. Important? Need to talk?
His chest tightened.
It had taken every ounce of strength he had to keep his distance from her for the past thirty days. To drop Nick off after they’d spent time together, and just drive away, without going in.
But the risks were too great. Odds were, he’d want to hold her. Touch her.
Beg her like a man possessed to divorce her cheating, soul-crushing husband.
Or spill his guts about the condom and flat out ask her if she was pregnant.
Maybe that’s what she wanted to talk about? He scrambled off the desk. Instead of texting, he punched “1” on his speed dial, then shoved the extra course outlines into a filing cabinet. She answered as he flipped off the lights and locked the classroom door.
“I’m leaving school now. On my way. What’s up?”
“I’d rather discuss it face-to-face. Especially if you’re already on your way.”
“Be there as soon as I can. Upstairs or down?”
“Up. No appointments this afternoon. Not at the salon, anyway.”
That sounded interesting. “Okay. See you soon.”
He broke his record—and numerous speed limits—getting there. Didn’t bother knocking, either, just bolted in through the laundry room. “Ronni?”
He found her pacing the kitchen.
“Ronni?”
She froze. Stared at him with a deer-in-the-headlights look. “Hayden. Wow. That was fast. I didn’t expect you quite yet.”
“Sports car. Big engine. Poor example for impressionable young minds.”
“Right.” She glanced down at the table, where some papers lay next to the wooden salt and pepper containers.
He headed toward her. She edged away, bolted for the sliding glass doors. Stood with her fingers wrapped around the handle. “Why don’t we talk outside?”
“It’s hot out. Besides, I don’t feel like getting bird crap in my hair today.” He inched closer. Spoke softly. “What’s got you tied in knots, babe?” His own stomach did a series of flips. He clenched his jaw against the urge to tell her about the condom.
She turned to face him, her back against the glass panel. She blew out a long breath. “I wanted to be the one to tell you this. Didn’t want you to find out through the grapevine or anything.” She worried her lower lip between her teeth.
Hope flared. His heart started to pound. “Are you—are you pregnant, Ronni? Because it’s okay if you are,” he hastened to assure her. “More than okay.”
“W-what?” Her eyebrows drew together. “How did you...?” She shook her head. “No. I’m not. You suspected...?”
His chest constricted. He’d once gotten into a barroom brawl with some fellow Marines against a bunch of Navy SEALs. Had had a SEAL stomp on his chest so hard he’d cracked two ribs.
That hadn’t hurt at all compared to this.
“I...hoped.” Damn.
The edges of her mouth turned up slightly, but her eyes didn’t smile. “Me, too.”
“You wanted my baby?”
She nodded. “I did. So much that I had myself experiencing all the symptoms of pregnancy.”
“You’re sure you’re not?”
“Two home tests and a trip to my doctor. I felt so sure I was, even after the first negative test. And the second. But I’m not.”
“Too bad.” He’d had a family of his own that close, and it had slipped through his fingers. He cleared his throat. “There’s something I have to tell you related to that. It’s been making me crazy. I’ve been keeping a secret from you.”
Her eyebrows scrunched together. “You have?”
“Yeah. That night, the night we...”
“Could have made a baby?”
“Uh, yeah. Well...we really could have made a baby. The condom broke. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’ve never done anything like that in my life, it’s just...I just...I...hell.”
“Wow.”
“That’s it? Wow?” He couldn’t read her face. The nerves that had lit her since he’d walked in were still there.
“I...I’m glad I didn’t know that. I would have hoped even more.”
“Then I’m forgiven for not telling you?” His stomach knot eased slightly, though the tightness in his chest still lingered.
She nodded. Then slugged him in the shoulder. “As long as you never keep a secret from me again. I thought I could count on you, of all people, not to do that.”
He crisscrossed his chest with his finger. “You can. No secrets. You know how I hate them.”
“I do.”
Now there were two words he wanted to hear her say almost as much as he’d wanted to hear her say she was pregnant. “So what’s this all about? Something with Nick?”
She shook her head, brushed past him to start a new circuit around the table. She gestured at the papers. “Like I said, I didn’t want you hearing this through the courthouse grapevine.”
“C-courthouse?”
“Yes.” She shoved the pile in his direction. “My lawyer will be filing these tomorrow. Once recorded at the courthouse, it’s public information. I wanted to be the one to tell you.”
Hayden picked the stack off the table but couldn’t bring himself to look at them. He knew what he hoped they were, but didn’t think he could stand more disappointment if they were something else.
“I’m divorcing Scott. His guardianship has been transferred to Vera, so she can represent his interests in the divorce action.”
The papers fell from Hayden’s fingers, scattering across the tabletop. He jerked his gaze to hers. “Say again?”
“I’m divorcing Scott. I’ve finally found the courage to go after what I want.”
“And that’s...”
“You. I want you, Hayden Hawkins.”
Joy like he’d never experienced—except maybe the night they’d made love—coursed through him.
“This not-pregnant-but-wanted-to-be situation made me stop and think. Life’s short, Hayden. I regret so much the time I missed out on with Ian. Two weeks I could have spent with him. Told him I loved him a few dozen more times. Kissed him. Touched him.
“I don’t want to live with more regrets like that. I don’t know how much longer Scott has left. But...I don’t know how long I have, either. Or you. If Scott has two years left, but we only have one, I’d regret like hell that I didn’t spend that time doing what I really want to do.”
“What’s that?”
“Loving you. Being with you.”
“Having mad, passionate sex with me on a daily basis?”
Rich laughter bubbled out of her. The last bit of tension in his chest vanished.
“Yes, that, too.”
He rushed around the end of the table. She extended her arm, palm up—the universal sign for stop. He reined himself in. “What? Why aren’t we dancing? Kissing? Why aren’t we celebrating?”
“It’s not that simple, Hayden. There are things I need you to know.”
“Nick’s okay with this? I mean, I assume you’ve talked to him about it....”
“Yes, Nick’s okay with it. He’s grown up a lot in the last few months. When I told him, he said he’d realized nothing is all black-and-white.” She pressed her lips together. “That we could still love Scott, and be mad at him at the same time. That he understood why I wouldn’t want to be married to him anymore. Out of the mouths of babes.”
“Fourteen. One minute a man, the next...” He shrugged. “So what’s the problem? What do I need to know?”
“If Vera dies before Scott does, I’ve agreed to resume his legal guardianship. I won’t be his wife,” she quickly added, “just his guardian.”
“So you’d be in charge of his legal stuff? His medical stuff?”
“Exactly. Can you deal with that?”
“I think I can live with it. Hell, I think I can live with you going to the nursing home to shave the guy every day. As long as every night you’re in my arms.”
“I think I can live with that.” She lowered her hand, slipped into his embrace, snuggling into his chest.
He wrapped his arms around her.
“I love you,” she said softly.
Music to his ears. Words he thought he’d have to wait a lot longer to hear. “You what?”
She gently slapped his shoulder in the same spot she’d punched it earlier. “Love you.”
He’d never grow tired of hearing that. “I love you, too.” He slipped his fingers beneath her chin, tilting her head up. “Paperwork hasn’t been filed yet, but...I need to kiss you now.”
This time the smile she gave him lit up her eyes. No more was she a ghost of the woman he’d had a crush on when they were young. No more a stricken woman whose cheating husband made her feel defective.
At her nod, he leaned down. Lost himself in her lips, her mouth, the warmth of her body melded against his.
Finally, they disengaged. As the fog of desire cleared from her eyes, somberness settled there. Then a fleeting bit of panic chased through them.
“What now?” he asked.
Her eyes grew even larger and her mouth opened for a moment before she spoke. “Who’s going to tell your mother?”
He burst into laughter, rocking her in his arms. “I gave you my word, I’ve got your back, Ronni. We’ll send her a postcard after we elope.”