Many parents wish nothing more for their children than that they grow up to be professional hockey players. After all, infants naturally display many of the qualifications. They spit and drool a lot, fart without remorse, take what they want, and are transparently emotional. Stick handling and skating can be picked up as they grow. But nothing prepares Baby for the NHL like a hockey-themed cradle. It rocks gently, mimicking the subtle jostling of team members on the bench, and its shape is not unlike the box that really tough hockey players spend a fair amount of time in. Wait a minute. You’d put your child in a cradle made of hockey sticks? Infants squirm way too much, they climb, they explore. Get a real crib. Use this for dolls and teddies.
It is easy to construct. The box is made of hockey stick slats that are sanded and glued together. The rockers are made out of blades with the heel sanded down to a nice curve and attached end-to-end. Splice the rocker pieces together by using a scrap piece of stick screwed across the joint from the back. Mount support struts on the box and attach the blades as shown in the illustration. Make sure that there are no protruding screws — you don’t want to injure your future All-Star. Stick some team logos on the cradle so playtime becomes an opportunity for baby to absorb the iconic importance of team names like “Georgian Bay Giblets” or “Pickwaucket Pencil Pointers.”