Keep this near the stereo to enhance your music-listening experience by giant steps and break any inhibitions you are harbouring. Your best times will be had with the classic R&B tunes from decades ago. You have to customize each microphone stand for the user’s height as an adjusting mechanism is beyond my means to describe. I have visions of one mike for each member of the family as they sway and strut to the parade of hits, each one worthy of the Motown Hall of Fame.
As anyone who enjoys live music knows, the microphone is an essential prop to convey what a performer is really feeling. Singing with eyes closed, cradling the mike in your hand as you gaze downwards — honey, you got the blues. Holding it and your head up high so the mike is actually pointing down — hey, you WILL survive. Get in touch with the mimic within. Feel the joy and the pain of the music, right there in the comfort of your own living room. Real hockey fans might use the mock mike to do the national anthem before all televised games.
There are several options to consider. Do you need a fixed mike on a stand, suitable for back-up singers? Do you need a mike that comes off the stand for the soulful down-on-you-knees stuff? Do you need a long cord to fondle when you ask for another piece of your heart back? Get busy and find the trimmings — black rope for the cord, electrical tape, etc. and cut your hockey sticks, the stands according to each performer’s height. Use butts for the mikes. If you wish to have a mike that comes off the stand, drill a hole up into the end of it and insert and glue a piece of dowel. Then drill a hole just a bit bigger down into the top of the stand. Use electrical tape for attaching the cord to the “mike.” If you intend to swing the mike energetically, tack the cord on in a few places.
The base is a little more work. It must be heavy or broad. An old hubcap with a screw through the middle from beneath into the stick might work. If you’re really serious, get a large ice cream container, fill it about 4" deep with plaster of Paris, and then, before it sets, put the mike stand in the very centre. Prop it up so that it remains vertical until the plaster hardens. Once it’s cured, paint the whole thing black. Deep in all our psyches lies a frustrated soul singer eager to break free. Here’s your chance.