33. Windmill

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Hockey and wind mills both are associated with characters named Don, who charge about with their sidekicks while loudly spouting opinions. In this spirit, I feel it is appropriate to provide you with instructions to make a windmill out of hockey sticks.

A windmill requires an efficient rotating device. A bicycle wheel is perfect. It’s okay to venture in this direction because of a precedent set by an artistic Frenchman named Marcel Duchamp who placed ready-mades like urinals and shovels on pedestals, thereby taking art in a new direction. Duchamp made appropriation respectable. So feel to free appropriate a bicycle wheel for your project.

The long, graceful curve of the hockey stick is perfect for the old-fashioned windmill look of Iberian landscapes. You will need six to eight sticks cut to the same length. Drill holes in the sticks so you can wire them to the inside of the bike wheel at the rim and hub. Before you start wiring, make sure the blades are all facing the same direction. Secure the sticks, evenly spaced, with the blades in line and the wide side of the sticks against the rim. Use pliers to get the wire good and tight.

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Now you will need some fabric. Use an old sheet that is destined for the rag bag. Cut the cloth into long right-angle triangles with bases the length of the hockey stick blades, the straight sides the length of the sticks, and tapering to a point where the stick end is attached to the wheel hub. If you hem each edge, your windmill will last longer and be stronger. Staple the fabric along the stick, from blade to end, leaving the longest edge of the fabric free to catch the wind. The cloth should be pretty taut, but not so taut that it rips.

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Of course, the trick with windmills is that they need to rotate into the wind. You already have a nice bolt sticking out of the back of that bike wheel, so you can fit that easily into an L bracket. You should affix this to a two-by-four which is equipped with a base and a roller bearing, kind of like what you find on an office chair. Don’t strip apart office chairs though — see what the hardware store has to offer.

It is easy to make this windmill for purely decorative purposes. If, however, you insist on a practical application, such as lifting water or making electricity, you’re on your own. You will have to figure out a way to affix a pulley mechanism to the spokes and then attach that to your functional device. And that’s way too complex for me.