Every male in North America has at one time viewed women’s gymnastics competitions on television. It’s a good thing technology has not yet devised a way to read what is in a man’s head, though, because there is just something about young, fit women doing contortions and splits that brings on thoughts best left trailing off to dots …
During these competitions, there is one truly wacky activity. The gymnasts set about twirling and leaping with a long ribbon apparatus. I suggest China as the origin of this activity, solely because I’ve often seen svelte characters in James Bond movies carrying on with this apparatus when the scene moves near the Great Wall. On the other hand, it could have been devised by a foppish bull-whipper, for all I know. My suspicion is that when the big cull starts, eliminating arcane and silly events from the Olympics, this “dance of the ribbons” will top many lists. Don’t let this be an impediment, however, to crafting your own ribbon geegaws, which are customarily made with broken hockey sticks. Many of those gymnast babes have big burly hockey-player boyfriends who gladly share the splintered tools of their trade. These fragments of manliness, uh, I guess I mean broken hockey sticks here, are cleaved, sanded, and dandified. Voila! Ribbon dance batons.
You know you need yet another broken hockey stick. Have you reached the bottom of the pile yet? You only need two pieces about 12” long. Now paint them purple, or how about chartreuse? You could wrap them in colourful ribbon, or, better yet, create a truly inspired design in hockey stick tape. You need to attach those long ribbons to one end of each baton, preferably three of them, about 12’ long. You will be amazed at how expensive ribbon is, so maybe some “do not enter — crime scene” tape can be borrowed, unnoticed, from the local constabulary. Use tacks to attach the ribbons to the ends of the sticks, making sure to cover the tacks with ribbon or tape for a nicely finished look. Put on your favorite music and release that gymnast within.