APPENDIX

Seven-Step Loving-Kindness (Metta or Maitri) Practice in 20–25 Minutes

(THE FOLLOWING HAS BEEN WRITTEN with great gratitude to Sharon Salzberg and Pema Chödrön for their instructions, and to William Goldman for the exemplary characters.)

BEGIN THE SESSION: Check in, and do a short mindfulness breath practice (1–5 minutes). You may also bring your hand to your heart center to activate physical awareness of your heart, rather than a conceptual experience in the brain.

TAKE THE ATTITUDE THAT YOU ARE IN A SAFE SPACE: Imagine that your physical location is a completely safe place to work with whatever arises in your mind. Think of the world as a place of genuinely kind intentions (if not actions). If it is helpful, visualize the presence of your teachers, mentors, heroes, ancestors, or anyone who embodies unconditional love to you, rooting you in your meditation practice, wishing you complete success in uncovering your wisdom, compassion, and skillful means.

PRACTICE NOTICING: For each of the seven steps that follow, remember first to establish the presence of the person or people you’re working with. Use mindfulness to recall one or more specific details about that person. Then scan your reactions to the person in three areas:

a. Discursive thoughts about them that arise;

b. Emotions that arise; and

c. Your physical posture when visualizing them.

PRACTICE GENERATING METTA: After noticing, gather the attention to your heart center. If it is useful, imagine light radiating out toward the person from your heart center as you silently (or out loud, if you want) recite one or all four of the four phrases of metta, slowly: “May you (I, we) be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live at ease…” It can take anywhere up to 5 minutes per step. Between consideration of each person, take three easeful breaths to clean the slate and reestablish mindfulness in the body.

FOR AN ABBREVIATED SESSION: Do the session only for the benefactor, yourself, and the loved one/friend. Or you could just practice on the spot. As you move through daily life, on-the-spot loving-kindness refers to a moment when you notice yourself having a difficult moment or when another human being comes to your attention. You simply pause, hold your attention on them, and silently offer one of the four phrases noted above or a simple phrase in your own words.

Seven Steps

1. (GRANDFATHER STAGE) IMAGINE A BENEFACTOR. This can be a bodhisattva, a hero, or a mentor. Choose someone who inspires you easily, the closest person you can think of to a true benefactor. If you like, start by imagining this mentor or benefactor doing the practice for you. You can also imagine that a healing, silky light with warm, soothing qualities is flowing from the mentor’s heart center to yours. This visualization should be used only if it helps you to feel nurtured and soothed. Eventually, you can imagine that you and your benefactor are wishing happiness to each other. Work with the benefactor for a few minutes.

Then, take three easeful breaths.

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2. (GRANDCHILD STAGE) IMAGINE YOURSELF. Take a moment to recall your self-image before beginning to contemplate the phrases, and offer yourself loving-kindness. Practice for one or two minutes.

Then, take three easeful breaths.

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3. (FEZZIK STAGE) IMAGINE A LOVED ONE OR FRIEND. This should be someone you care a lot about but with whom you don’t always have a perfect relationship. Notice their presence in your mind, and offer one of or all the four phrases. Practice for one or two minutes.

Then, take three easeful breaths.

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4. (MOVIE-EXTRA STAGE) IMAGINE A NEUTRAL PERSON. This should be someone who hasn’t really made much of an impact on you, someone you interact with regularly but don’t really notice, a sort of “extra” on the set of your daily life. Examples: someone who works at a local store or a coworker you don’t speak to. Practice for one or two minutes.

Then, take three easeful breaths.

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5. (VIZZINI STAGE) IMAGINE AN “ENEMY.” This should be someone either personally known or a world figure who really makes it difficult for you to be open to or to feel anything positive for. Work with someone who irritates you, not someone who has traumatized or abused you. You could take a moment to imagine this person’s Princess Bride moment, and imagine that they are actually experiencing happiness during that moment. You can also imagine the villain as a child and see what happens. Practice for one or two minutes.

Then, take three easeful breaths.

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6. (WE STAGE) IMAGINE A GROUP. Practice for a particular group of people whose suffering is touching you right now. If you are going through a hard time, you could practice for specific groups of sentient beings. For example, if you are unemployed, you could do the practice for all unemployed people, using the pronoun we in one or each of the four phrases. Practice for one or two minutes.

Then, take three easeful breaths.

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7. (UNIVERSAL STAGE) EXTEND OUTWARD. Extend this intention for happiness farther and farther out from you until you are contemplating the simple phrase “May all beings be happy.”

CLOSING THE SESSION: Recall a moment during the practice session of full openness and loving-kindness. Recall it both as a wordless mental state and as a physical sensation. Rest your attention in the feeling tone of this state for as long as you can before the mind wanders off. When the mind has wandered, reestablish mindfulness of the breathing body for a few final moments to close the session. Then offer yourself a bow in thanks for your right effort.

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POSTMEDITATION EXERCISE (ON-THE-SPOT PRACTICE): Whenever you‘re in a group setting, notice the person your attention follows naturally and the people you tend to notice less. Shift your attention to those you naturally ignore and generate the wish “May you be happy.” Odds are you ignore a lot of people, so there are no judgments in this contemplation of extras on the movie set of your daily life—just curiosity.