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A WAVE OF ELATION CARRIED the crew through the next few days, and for the first time Andie really felt like one of them. Taryn toasted her on the night after the heist, congratulating her for her quick thinking, and even Captain Alleyva seemed to thaw. It was only one job, but given the way people were treating her, Andie was almost certain she’d be included the next time, and when Captain Alleyva called her into her office and gave her a credit slip for her portion of the mission, Andie wanted to whoop for joy.
It wasn’t much money. Despite the trouble they’d run into, the job had been small time and a payout split between the crew wouldn’t go far, but it was more money than Andie had been paid in six years. Wages on Ixilta had been practically non-existent and whatever she’d managed to squirrel away back there was long gone, abandoned when she chose to run with Xandr.
The crew grew even happier when the captain announced two days of leave at Honora Station, a place they’d be able to refuel and see to some maintenance and repairs on the ship. Andie could finally buy herself some clothes that fit. And if she wanted to she could climb on a ship heading back to Earth and wave a life of outlaw space travel behind.
Not a chance.
“I’m still not clear why you didn’t want to use the comm yourself,” Sayevi said. They sat in the cockpit and Andie was regaling her with the tale of her triumph.
It had seemed obvious to her at the time, but some of the crew hadn’t understood Andie’s choice. Since it all worked out in the end, no one seemed to hold it against her, at least. “Some translators have a delay,” Andie explained. “They’d hear some English first before their translators picked up and took care of the message. I figured it might make them wonder if I was legit.”
“Which you weren’t.” Sayevi grinned. She’d had plenty of fun piloting the ship to retrieve the haul, she’d assured Andie, but she loved hearing about the parts of the mission she couldn’t see from the cockpit.
“Which I wasn’t.” Andie grinned back. It felt so damned nice to have some level of acceptance with this group. A week ago that had seemed impossible, but now she was starting to think that she’d be able to build a life here. “How long until we get to the space station?”
Sayevi hummed and leaned forward to check one of her monitors. “It’ll be a few hours yet. I cannot wait. There are always plenty of sexy warriors there and it’s been too long since my last romp.”
Andie wanted to commiserate, but her own sexual frustration had much more to do with a specific man. A man who’d immediately been wrapped back up in his duties as soon as they got back on the ship. And she was beginning to think he must have been avoiding her.
“And the cap─Xandr could definitely use it too. He’s been so uptight these last weeks. I guess I understand, prison isn’t exactly the most calming place in the galaxy.” Sayevi rambled on as if her words didn’t strike right at the core of Andie’s fears.
Was she just a passing fancy to the former captain? Were those kisses and embraces nothing but adrenaline fueled weakness? She hated how her emotions seesawed from one extreme to the other when it came to Xandr, but she hadn’t figured out how to get that shit under control. Maybe she was the one who needed to find a nameless someone on Honora Station. “Does he have someone at the port?” her traitorous mouth asked. Andie didn’t want to know if he had a wife in every port or whatever the old saying was.
But Sayevi was oblivious to her struggle. She burst out laughing. “Have someone? Hah! Xandr is a one night kind of man, if you know what I mean. He doesn’t exactly get hooked on his partners.”
Andie’s spirits plummeted. “Right.” She slumped back in her chair and didn’t ask any more questions. It seemed like everything she learned just brought her more pain. Whatever she’d imagined between her and Xandr was much less serious than she might have wanted. She’d been a convenient pair of lips and they’d both been exhilarated by their survival. Xandr had been avoiding her ever since, probably embarrassed by the way she wanted more than he could give.
Then why had he come to her room that time? If he’d just wanted a hookup they could have arranged that, even with Captain Alleyva keeping such a tight leash on his duty time. The man did have to sleep, and an hour or two stolen in the middle of the night somewhere wouldn’t have been that difficult to set up. So had he avoided that because he didn’t want her that way? Or was there some other reason? Andie could drive herself crazy wondering.
She left Sayevi with some vague excuse about getting cleaned up before they got to the station and fled the cockpit. She didn’t want to run into anyone on her way back to her room and almost groaned when she crossed Captain Alleyva’s path. The captain motioned for Andie to follow, and without a better choice Andie did. They ended up in the captain’s office, a room barely bigger than a closet stuffed to the gills with papers, boxes, and other detritus collected over the years. It was hard to believe that Xandr could fit into this space, but it had been an office for far longer than it had belonged to Captain Alleyva.
“You did good out there,” said the captain. “But we haven’t talked about your future with this crew, and since we’ll be at Honora Station in a few hours, I think it’s time we did.”
Did Xandr know Alleyva was talking to her about this? Did he care? Was she about to get kicked off the ship? She managed to keep a straight face as panic lanced through her and when she spoke, her voice was even, if a bit flat. “Yes, let’s talk. Please.”
Alleyva studied her for a moment, her gaze intense. “You showed potential and quick thinking on our last job. The crew doesn’t hate you, and Xandr has vouched for you. There’s a place for you on this crew, in a probationary capacity, if you want it. But this life can be hard and dangerous. Honora Station is a transport hub for this corner of space. There are plenty of ships every week that can get you back to Earth, and as a thank you, Xandr has offered to pay for first class passage to get you back home. If that’s what you’d prefer.”
“He wants me to go home?” She shouldn’t have said that out loud, and Andie wished she could call the words back as soon as she’d uttered them, but they were out there and saying way too much.
But the captain didn’t latch onto that weakness. “You’d have to ask him what he wants. He wouldn’t have vouched for you if he didn’t think you’d be suited here. Take the time you need to think about it.”
“I’d like to stay.” Andie didn’t need time. She’d been working towards this for the last week, and even if that wasn’t very long in the grand scheme of things, she was ready to make this decision. “There isn’t anything for me back on Earth. And...” Anything else she could say was far too personal. She and the captain weren’t friends, and she wasn’t sure they’d ever be. But Alleyva was fair; the proof lay in the fact that she’d given Andie a chance. “I’ll make it worth it. I promise.”
“Then welcome to the crew.” She turned around and must have performed some sort of magic trick to pull out a watch with an embedded communicator from one of the piles that sat precariously behind her. “You’ll need to undergo training to make sure you’re physically fit for our missions, and I’ll want you to have basic knowledge of the Oscavian Empire and its social systems. We don’t usually hit within the empire, but we’re close enough that we’ll be swimming within its influence. And once we’re back from leave we’ll formalize your duties. On the ship it’ll be a lot of grunt work. Any questions?”
Andie shook her head, almost overwhelmed by it all. She fastened the communicator to her wrist and couldn’t help the smile that bloomed on her face. The cool metal against her skin felt like acceptance.
“Now don’t fuck up my crew.” With that, Andie was dismissed.
Andie walked back to her room in a much better mood. She didn’t know what the hell she was going to do about Xandr, but for the first time in years she felt like she was standing on solid ground.
***
XANDR HAD LOST COUNT of the number of times they’d stopped at Honora Station for a few days of rest. He knew every public space on the station and quite a few of the private ones. The most memorable encounter had been the year before, when the station started a winter holiday tradition, an interesting plan for a place wholly devoid of seasons.
Today there were no festivities. Just a bunch of lonely travelers drinking in one of the seedier bars and looking for someone to spend a few hours with to feel less alone. Xandr recognized a few of the people here as partners from past trips, and while he’d acknowledged some of them with a tilt of his head, he made no effort to approach.
He knew who he wanted, and she wasn’t here.
This idea had been stupid when he’d thought of it after their mission on Quordon, but Xandr knew he had to do something. He’d been riding the edge of distraction the entire time he was near Andie, and if he hadn’t been incredibly lucky in the fight he’d been embroiled in, he would have suffered more than a few annoying bruises. He knew he was aching for release, and a small part of him had hoped that anyone would do the trick.
But he hadn’t thought of anyone but Andie since their escape from Ixilta. He didn’t get hung up on people. He’d been taught from a young age to care for his responsibilities first and to keep his emotions in check. Lust had no place overruling anything, and he couldn’t put his desire for one woman above his duties to his crew. If Andie was a distraction, then he had to find a way to get her out of his head, and he’d always heard the best way to get over an unattainable lover was to choose another.
Though Andie was anything but unattainable.
He knew that all he had to do was approach her, and that was why he’d spent the last two days doing everything he could to stay out of her path. She made him feel things he didn’t know how to control, made him want things he didn’t know he could crave. And he feared that if he walked down that path with her there would be no turning back. His life was too precarious to take a lover who didn’t know what it meant to keep him, and Xandr’s secrets weren’t something he’d reveal, not even to Andie.
He couldn’t offer her a relationship, not without the risk of ruining them both. So he needed to force himself to get over this thing before it grew too large to overcome.
He stared at the drink in front of him, the frothy blue liquid something both sweet and sour with a kick of liquor that warmed his blood. The air shifted as someone slid into the seat across from him at the small table for two he’d chosen and he looked up, ready to brush off whoever had joined him.
Andie sat there, a strange look on her face.
“Am I an idiot?” she asked. She was dressed in an all-black jumpsuit, something he hadn’t seen her wear before. Her curly hair was haloed by golden charms that she must have purchased at one of the many shops on the station. She looked ready to kick ass or seduce anyone in her path, and Xandr wanted to growl and fight anyone that thought they could have her.
But he had to keep himself under control. He already knew this wasn’t smart. He’d come here for a reason, and it wasn’t to chat with the human he couldn’t get enough of. “Why do you ask?” When in doubt, years of training were there to make sure he kept his composure.
“Because you kiss me like there’s no tomorrow, then run away and hide. And now you’re in a bar looking to pick up a stranger when this thing has been simmering between us for weeks. So have I imagined it all? Is this something I’ve blown out of proportion?” She didn’t sound angry, but she was getting close to the edge of it, fire simmering in her voice just ready to explode if Xandr provoked her.
He wanted the heat. “Relationships between crew members can get messy,” he warned.
Her eyebrows shot up. “Who said I was talking about a relationship?” When his eyes got wide, she smirked. “I’ve heard enough about you to know that’s not your style. I don’t need poetry and roses, Xandr. All I want is honesty... and orgasms. I won’t ask more from you than you’re willing to give. Hell, I’m not sure that I can give any more than that. You might not have noticed, but my life is in a bit of an upheaval at the moment.”
Images of their bodies entwined circled his brain, and despite that he smiled at the wry tone in Andie’s voice. What she was offering was perfect; it was more than he’d ever hoped. And a small part of him knew it would never be enough. If he took Andie to bed, he knew he’d want to keep her there and damn the consequences. Even if the past came calling and tried to collect for debts due, he’d do anything to keep her at his side.
It wasn’t what she was offering, and he couldn’t be sure she’d ever want more. Taking her up on her offer could end up hurting them both.
But he’d never met a challenge he couldn’t conquer. And conquering her would be the sweetest pleasure. He’d have her begging for his touch and his heart in no time.
She was waiting for his response, her composed tone belied by the way her fingers tapped against the table. She was nervous and Xandr wanted to calm those fears, but old instincts died hard and there was a distant voice in his head telling him to press his advantage and take everything he could from her. She’d shown her hand, shown her weakness by being honest about her desire. He could still win this thing.
But in games of sex, weren’t they both winners?
“I didn’t come here to pick someone up,” he said, lying and telling the truth at the same time. He might have intended to do so, but sitting next to Andie he knew he wouldn’t have gone through with it, not when she was the only person he hungered for.
Andie took a shuddering breath and blinked her eyes twice before meeting his gaze steadily. “I’ve got a room for the night. Want to see it?”
