excerpt from
Going In
from
The Best American Short Plays 1986
JONAS I try to instruct the world—and myself, through the reminders of that instruction—in the elegance of what any of us might reach for! What’s attainable! . . . My communication tends to . . . I use a baroque language, because I feel that a baroque language, possibly, is best-suited for . . . ! Be sure that milk’s put away! I’ll take responsibility for the cheese. When you wake up in the morning, in the dawn of a new day, I guarantee that the brie will be in its proper place! . . . Don’t shrug! Don’t slouch! Don’t break training! And if you try to change any of the records in this room—I’ll be waiting for you! So plan your attack! . . . Or attack your plan! And remember that any of us are our own plans! So execute well! Because I am not alone! And Hank Williams is armed. And Don and Phil Everly are contenders again. [. . .] “I coulda been a contender.”
[Out.]
Who said that?! . . . Wrong! It was not Rocky Balboa. . . . Well, I do love you! If I’m forced to answer my own question, which has generally been the story of my life. I also do not—not—love you! So there! There! All my questions are answered! All my holes are filled! Some of my holes are filled!
[To himself.]
And some of my holes better not be filled . . . or I’m in trouble. Because I tend to do things “in excess” when the first blush is on . . . and then, ultimately, in moderation. But I love my son—and that will have to do for this evening, thank you. Thank you. Thank You. You’re welcome, I’m sure. Good night.