-“Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” by Marvin Gaye
- -
I call Leighton the second I speed away from Tate.
I might have hightailed it over to his office ready to raise some of the hell my brothers claim I’m famous for, having spent the better part of Monday and Tuesday taking out my frustrations on the F1, stuck so deep in my thoughts my anger had built up to something all-consuming. But I left with my head spinning, and with the most distressing thing of all—a sliver of hope that maybe Tate and I weren’t quite over, had never really been over.
I need my bestie.
By the time I get to the diner, Leigh is already sitting in our regular booth—in the back, away from everyone else. I glance toward the PieHole, seeing the lights still on, and feel a little bad for pulling her away from her prep for tomorrow’s pies. Only a little, though.
I jump down from Ness, my old Silverado from high school, and make my way into the diner. I wave at some of the locals that always seem to be here.
“Thanks for comin’ over. I know you’re busy,” I tell Leigh after I slide into the booth across from her.
“Jana’s over there finishin’ up. I was headed home anyway,” she says around the straw of her Coke. “But if Terry makes one more damn crack about Maverick’s predilection for pie eatin’ at home, I’m gonna go batshit crazy.”
I snort. “He’s still goin’ on about that?”
I glance over her shoulder and see the old man in question, Terry Long, wag his bushy brows at me.
“Gross,” I mumble under my breath.
“Did he do the eyebrow dance?” Leigh questions with a smile.
“Ugh, double gross that you have a name for it.”
She shrugs. “So? What’s wrong?”
“I went to Tate,” I tell her in a rush, needing to get it out.
Her eyes widen and she removes the straw from her mouth, pushing her drink away slowly. “You went to him?” she asks in shocked awe.
“I went to him to give him a good earful. Oh, I was fumin’ too, Leigh. I’d been festerin’ in that fume for the four whole days since I saw him last.”
“What happened four days ago?”
Oh. Shit. I belatedly remember I didn’t tell her about the morning after our night out. “About that,” I hedge, gaining her narrowed eyes.
“Yes, about that. Let’s start there.”
“I sorta . . . well, not sorta, I definitely did, but it wasn’t what I thought right away, at least . . . uh, I woke up in his bed the mornin’ after we went out to the Dam Bar.”
“You what?” she screams.
I wince and look past her again to see everyone in the room lookin’ our way. I give them a wave, then point to Leigh. “Don’t mind us. Just talkin’ to Bridezilla here.”
I get a few smiles and rolled eyes, but everyone just goes back to talking softly and eating. Thankfully, they’re used to me and Leighton being crazy, and with no visible gossip-worthy things happening in front of them, they’ll take our conversation to be the wedding talkfest I say it is.
“Nothing happened,” I hiss, pausing when our favorite waitress, Alice, comes to take our orders. We do the usual burgers, fries, and shakes, my and Leigh’s tradition. My eyes follow Alice the second she turns to go put in our orders at the kitchen window until I’m sure she can’t hear anything I have to say. “He ran into me when I was past Lenore-level drunk, didn’t know for sure where I lived, so when I started gettin’ sick, he took me to his paw’s old place—well, I guess his place now—got me cleaned up, and crashed.”
“Crashed on the couch or crashed in the same bed as you?”
“Did I mention he was a little drunk too?” I say, instantly protective of his motives. I shake off the question of why I feel compelled to defend him and stare at Leigh.
“Wait a minute. You said you rushed over there today stewin’ mad.” Her eyes darken. “Did that bastard sleep with you when you were wasted? Is that why you were pissed?”
“Not exactly,” I answer honestly.
“What the hell does that mean?” she blurts out, little drops of spit flying.
My lip curls up and I hold my hand over my open drink. “Gross. Say it, don’t spray it.”
“Quinn.” She sighs impatiently, motioning for me to continue.
“He may have gotten a little hands-on and verbally suggestive. My hackles went up and I may have rushed outta there with a stolen shirt, my boots, and nothin’ else.”
Her eyes are as big as saucers when I stop talking. “He let you leave?”
“He may have tried to stop me, but he didn’t get past the porch. I reckon that’s because he realized he was wearin’ nothin’ but his tight-as-hell briefs, a devil-smile, and an erection.”
If possible, her eyes bug out even farther after I tell her that little nugget. Then, to my absolute shock and horror, she tosses her head back and laughs so loud we’re once again the center of attention.
“Would you shut up?” I hiss, bending forward to use her as a shield while I reprimand her. “Seriously, Leigh. Everyone is lookin’.”
Wiping her eyes to clear tears of laughter, she quiets down to a soft giggle before locking eyes with me again and snorting, then starting back up again. I lean back against the booth, cross my arms over my chest, and wait for her to stop acting like an idiot.
“Sorry.” She giggles, calming down slightly, but now she’s smiling at me with such a creepy expression I’m not sure if I should be worried for her sanity or not.
“No, you aren’t, but I would love to know what’s so dang funny.” I pout.
“Remember that time I threw a pie in Mav’s face, then followed him home to finish the fight we were havin’?”
Now that makes me smile. “You mean when you followed him home and he broke your hooha?”
“I’m not goin’ to let you and Jana play together anymore if you don’t stop that shit. You sound just like her,” she jokes.
“Yeah, right. Anyway, get to the point.”
“Weelllll.” She drags out the word, and her creepy smile grows a little larger. “Maverick told me a few months later that he got busted by Drew standin’ out on the porch naked as the day he was born watchin’ me leave that night. I had been stuck in my head, freakin’ out about what had happened between us, I didn’t even notice him chasin’ after me. I just think it’s pretty damn funny that you did the same thing to Tate.”
“I didn’t rush out of there because I was freakin’ out about anything happenin’ between us,” I say defensively.
“Liar.”
“We didn’t sleep together,” I whisper heatedly.
“You said he got handsy. I know you, Quinn. You would have just pushed back and played him at his own game if it was just a little fun. You freaked out and ran because you could never put him in some one-night-stand category.”
“I could. If I really wanted to.”
Alice comes back and places our plates down with a grunt, leaving just as quickly as she appeared.
“She’s so sweet,” I say around a mouthful of fries.
“Have you talked to Tate since that mornin’ other than just now?” Leigh asks with a knowing eye.
“Today was the first time and I may have stormed into the baby-doctor office and caused a little scene in front of a few people, so I’m guessin’ in a few hours the whole damn town will know too.”
Her eyes widen, but she quickly calms herself.
“It wasn’t that bad,” I insist. “I only showed my ass for a second before we were alone and talkin’ in private. Long story short, he put it all out there and I don’t know what to do with the new information. Jesus Jones, Leigh, I almost understand why he vanished into thin air now.”
By the time I finish telling her everything that Tate confessed earlier, our dinner is cold and forgotten about. She doesn’t seem to be enjoying the conversation anymore, though, because she almost looks like she’s on the verge of tears.
“What? I can tell you want to say somethin’,” I deadpan, exhausted from the emotional marathon I’ve been on today.
“You know, I used to think that the men around here were clueless when it came to relationships. Take your brother, for instance. Maverick disappeared, for the most part, because he was runnin’ from the shit y’all dealt with growin’ up, but also to chase his dreams. He didn’t even give me a chance to support those dreams and be there with him durin’ all those years he stayed gone. He thought he was doin’ the right thing pushin’ me away to give me a future without him. Even if we both know now that we could have made it work, he did it all the same, because he was scared.
I start to speak, to defend Maverick’s reasons for leavin’, even if I never agreed with his actions in pushin’ the connection he had with Leigh away. Out of the three of us, Maverick had to escape our father’s reach: I knew that, even if I did miss him every day he was gone makin’ a name for himself in the rodeo. It was hard to know he was doing what was best for him, the right thing for him, but that in doing so he was breaking Leigh’s heart in two. Leigh just smiles sadly, her lip curling, acceptance written in her blue eyes.
“Water under the bridge, honey, I know that, but even if I was crushed at the time, I got him back anyway. Don’t even get me started on Clay.” She laughs, trying to lighten the mood some, but sobers instantly. “Like I said, Q, I used to think all the men around here were clueless, but I can honestly say that isn’t the case with Tate. He tried to change the path he needed to travel to chase his dreams. Found a way to make a detour on his journey and keep you in the process. He did everything he could, but in the end, he didn’t stand a chance. He didn’t want that distance any more than you did, but in order to protect everything you, your family, and his grandparents had, he did what he was forced to do. Now he’s back, Q. He’s back, and from what you’ve told me, he didn’t even waste a second in hightailin’ it back here when he knew those he was protectin’ were no longer vulnerable to harm.”
“You make it sound like the easiest thing in the whole dang world, Leigh. To just forget the past and pick back up where we left off.”
A burst of air escapes her lips. “It’s not. Not even close. But if you want him—if that connection is still there—then reach out and take it. Y’all still have to get to know the people that you’ve grown to be, and in the end, you might find what you used to feel for him is no longer there, but you also might find it’s a whole lot more powerful now. Either way, you’ve got to jump in the saddle and take the bumpy trail together to find out.”
I look away and out the window while I weigh her words. There isn’t much to see, since it’s just after dinnertime on a weeknight, but the darkness is easier to focus on while my head spins.
“Quinn,” Leigh calls softly, breaking me from my thoughts, and I turn to look back across the table at her. “You know we had a conversation just like this when your brother came home. You sat there and supported me without question, but one thing I’ll never forget you tellin’ me is somethin’ I reckon you’ve forgotten yourself now that you’re stuck at the same crossroads.”
Goose bumps pepper my skin and I shiver slightly when I feel the chill of déja vu making itself known.
“I’ll never forget it, Quinn, because it was what I needed to hear in order to take that chance, and because of what you told me, I’ve got the man I’ve loved my whole life, a dream he built us, and the promise of one hell of a future. I want that for you, Quinn and I have a feelin’ the man who can give it to you is the same one you’re afraid to take a leap of faith on.”
I bite my tongue when I feel emotion burning up my chest, something Leigh doesn’t miss, because she pushes her arms across the table and grabs hold of my hands with her own, squeezing them tightly. I focus on our tightly clamped-together hands in order to tuck the heaviness I’m feeling back down before looking up to focus on her again, knowing deep down what she’s about to say will be a game changer for my jumbled mind.
“It’s been a year since, and I still wonder how long I would have kept pushin’ had you not put it all out there with so much clarity, so now it’s my turn to give those words back to you. Can you sit there and tell me that since Tate’s returned you don’t feel like a piece of you that’s been missin’ is startin’ to heal? You told me when two souls are meant to be intertwined, they always find a way back to each other, Q. The difference between you and me, though, is that you know everything that kept him from you, and while he might not have come back until now, it sounds like he’s been fightin’ for you in some form ever since. Don’t do what I did and use your pain to push him away. Allow that missin’ piece to heal, and in the end, even if you decide to just be friends, at least you can finally move on with your life one way or the other and have a chance at feelin’ your forever.”
At some point in the middle of her speech, I lose control over my feelings. I still hold one of her hands tightly in my own, but I swipe at my face with the other, clearing the annoying tears that I was powerless to hold back. My throat is burning, a lump of pain lodged deep within it.
“Jesus Jones,” I breathe, shaking my head in disbelief. “For someone who doesn’t have the slightest experience in this shit, I sure did sound like I knew what I was talkin’ about.”
Leigh’s hand tightens. “Something tells me, Q, you actually have more experience than any of us.”
“I’ve been alone since he left, Leigh. The only relationship I’ve ever had was one I basically kept a secret from everyone, and when it exploded, I let the crash scar me deep enough that I never tried again. How exactly does that scream experience?”
“I think you’ve actually been waitin’, to be honest. When you helped me through that rough spot with Maverick, you were speakin’ from deep inside you, Q. It was advice I have a feelin’ your mind was just waitin’ to give you for yourself. Like you told me, two people meant to be together will always, always find their way back together.”
“I want this chance,” I whisper, fear of my desires dripping from each word. “I want it so much I can taste it, but I don’t know how to forget that we lost so much. How do I ignore the fact that, while we were meant to be together, we’ve spent years apart and not exactly without the attention of other people durin’ that time?”
“You just do,” she says softly. “You just do. Now that’s somethin’ I can tell you from experience, honey. You said it yourself: he never thought y’all would get this chance again, and you were livin’ your life thinkin’ the same damn thing. You can’t hold that against him, and he can’t hold it against you.”
“And if I do this, move forward to him and not away from him, what happens when one of us realizes there’s nothin’ left to have?”
“Then you have your friend back, Quinn. You guys spent a long damn time as friends before anything matured from that. There are no guarantees in this world, but at least you know, one way or the other, you have him back in your life. But, Q, that’s your fear makin’ you ask that question. Trust me on that.”
I inhale, leaning back and pulling the air deep into my lungs for strength while I mull over her words. Is it as simple as that? Are my fears of being hurt again just creating problems that aren’t even there?
“You felt the power of y’all’s connection touch you from just a scribbled-down phone message written on a dirty piece of paper, Quinn. You hadn’t heard his voice, seen the man he is now, or known there was a chance to have it all back, and you still felt that. All from a piece of paper, honey. Stop tryin’ to think of ways that it won’t work and start focusin’ on the proof that it will. You’re a hell-raisin’ badass, remember?”
I choke on a laugh, her words warming me from the inside.
“Yeah, I am a hell-raisin’ badass,” I agree through wobbly lips.
“You betcha ass you are. Now what are ya gonna do about it?”
Well, isn’t that the million-dollar question.