Chapter 20
JONATHAN TAKES OVER

The dementia support team had been making their regular visits trying to make life easier for Ron and Maria. Their communication had deteriorated drastically. Sometimes Maria would recognize Ron and would act normally, but it had often become frustrating when he got nowhere with her. She would scream loudly and ask him to go away.

The carer assisting Maria with her needs had finished her morning visit and gone. Ron was waiting for Lisa, the team leader for the dementia support group, to arrive, and she was there on time. He opened the door when the bell rang and greet her: ‘Good day, how are you?’

‘I’m well, Mr Makintosh. How are you today?’ Lisa greeted him pleasantly.

‘I’m all right, just the usual things,’ he said looking tired and drained.

‘How is she?’Lisa asked.

‘Shouting and screaming, and sometimes telling me I am barred from her room!’ he said restlessly. He ushered Lisa into Maria’s room and sat with them.

Lisa greeted Maria respectfully. ‘How are you today, Maria?’ she asked, looking round to grab an idea for the therapy of the day.

Maria nodded to say, I am fine.

‘What are these pictures on the table? Lisa asked with interest.

‘They are my old pictures,’ Maria answered absentmindedly.

‘Can I look at them?’ Lisa asked.

‘Oh yes, if you want,’ Maria replied.

‘Who is this woman here?’

‘She is my grandmother, Moira, She used to take me and my brother to the field to watch my grandfather’s horses. We sometimes went to watch horse racing.’

‘You must miss her sometimes; do you?’ Lisa asked curiously.

‘I suppose I do,’ she replied.

‘Oh, and who’s this handsome gentleman?’ Lisa asked, showing her the picture.

‘Let me see,’ she said and took the picture to have a good look. ‘He is Tyler, the love of my life,’ she said with a smile.

‘Sorry? I think Ron is the life of your life,’ Lisa said, clearly surprised.

‘No, I love Tyler and can’t do anything about it,’ Maria said, a little abashed.

Lisa turned to Ron and said, ‘She doesn’t mean it; please ignore.’

‘Why is that, Maria? Why can’t you do anything about it?’ Lisa asked, stimulating Maria’s memory.

‘The policemen said he was not allowed to touch me, but I fuckin’ wanted him to!’ she replied, sounding like a naughty teenage girl.

‘That’s it, I am out of here,’ stormed Ron.

‘Mr Mackintosh, it’s the past. I am doing what is called reminiscences. It helps stimulate memory,’ Lisa explained.

‘That’s bloody disgusting! I don’t know what she is going to say next! I am out.’ He stood and made for the door.

‘Well, if what you hear will upset you, it’s better not to listen.’ Lisa turned to Maria and continued with the therapy. She took another picture, and Maria explained the events. She was happy and motivated. Her mood changed, and she was very friendly for the rest of the day to Ron.

Ron was upset, angry, and scared that there were more secrets to be revealed, and he didn’t want to wait to hear them. He remembered that when he first met Maria, she was not as keen as he was, and he had wondered what the problem was. It took her a long time before she could say, ‘I love you.’ But he had not lost hope; he had always thought that it could be that her career took precedence over her love for him. Still, he persevered, and things changed for them. They had a good married life, the two girls that came into their lives were adorable, and they would not have traded that for anything. Their forty-five years of marriage were a blessing. I am fond of her; she is my life. I can’t turn my back on her when she most needs me, no matter how rough the journey will be. He said this to himself over and over again. He tried to forget what had happened and press on with helping her.

 

Their next wedding anniversary was approaching and Emma was thinking what to give to her father and Maria. Her husband, Dom, suggested a concert by Lionel Richie which was scheduled in August, during the month of their wedding.

‘It is a good idea,’ she said to her husband, nodding. ‘I will ask Dad if that is suitable.’

Ron was uncertain when she asked him; he said he would give it a try. He discussed it with Lisa, the dementia support group leader. She advised that music that the patient knows can be therapeutic, and she strongly suggested that they attend. Ron on the other hand was scared that Maria might put up her aggressive behaviour should something trigger it. He was torn, trying to decide what was best. Finally he told Emma to go ahead to get the tickets.

Ron and Maria attended the concert in London; it was a good experience for both of them. Maria knew most of the songs and sang along; she was in fine fettle, and no one would have suspected that she was a very ill woman. Ron was satisfied that he had got his wife back, at least for that one day.

They drove home happily. Ron reminded her about the baboons in South Africa. She remembered, and they laughed about how a baboon had broken into their car and stolen some crisps.

Soon after that pleasant experience, however, Maria’s condition deteriorated drastically after another series of mini-strokes. That crippled her and restricted her mobility. She stayed in her wheelchair for most of each day. The support group continued their visits, and each time, Maria expressed her love for her virtual man Tyler.

Ron was there in another reminiscence session and got angry when he heard her say that she went to a concert with Tyler.

‘No, Maria, it was me, Ron, you bloody went to concert with—can’t you fuckin’ remember?’ He was nearly screaming.

‘Does it mean she does not acknowledge all I do for her?’ Ron asked Lisa.

‘Of course she does. She is confused and cannot reason. She is living in the past,’ replied Lisa, trying to reason with him.

‘So in her mind, I represent her true love, the one she called Tyler? That’s cheating! She was cheating all along, the bitch!’ Ron burst into tears.

‘That is not fair. Maria is very ill, and I can say that she is hallucinating; these memories are not real.’ She struggled to convince Ron that Maria did not mean what she said.

‘You want me to believe that, Lisa? It’s clear that she was never in love with me. Our forty-six years together is a lie, our two girls are a lie, our house … everything we had together is a lie,’ Ron said, sobbing.

‘You are upset, Mr Makintosh. Maria is hallucinating,’ Lisa insisted.

‘No, she is confessing that she did not love me but loved someone else,’ Ron said hopelessly. ‘I can’t stand the sight of her, to be honest. She is vile and wicked!’

‘That’s not true! I am afraid I have to remove her from the house right now; she is not safe with you!’ Lisa said seriously.

‘Yes, take her away. I can’t continue to live in a lie;, take her away!’ Ron stormed out of the room.

Lisa called the Social Services assessment team and reported the situation. Maria needed a respite service as soon as possible. Lisa could not leave the house until the vulnerable individual was removed to safety. Social Service must get her a place. At last a place was found at the BUPA care home for three weeks’ respite while the assessment team assessed Maria’s care needs.

Ron was very upset. He was angry that Maria could not even remember that they both had attended the concert, not bloody Tyler! He returned home and found the place empty. His heart sank; there was no life in the place. He felt lonely.

I could have coped but not when she started mentioning her first love. That was very distressful. He left again and headed to the pub.

 

Jonathan got worried about the state of things and was keeping an eye on Ron in particular, who was going through hard times. Jonathan was having a lager in the pub when Ron entered. Ron asked for a large scotch and got himself a table. Jonathan went and sat by him. He looked straight into Ron’s eyes and asked, ‘Are you all right, mate?’

‘Why should I be?’ he stormed, ‘I have lived a fuckin’ lie all my married life. Your sister is now confessing how much she loved one bloody Tyler!’

‘Tyler died years ago. Why is that a problem, mate?’ Jonathan tried to reason.

‘Your sister said she still loves him,’ Ron lamented, fighting back sobs. ‘All those years of our marriage were a lie. How can she not be honest with me?’

Jonathan tried to reason with him. ‘You are not thinking straight. Maria is very ill and needs you now more than any other time. Tyler was a child molester; he cannot be Maria’s lover. Besides, this is long past; it’s more than fifty years ago. Why does it matter, mate? You are not thinking straight.’

‘I have made my decision,’ Ron said, ‘and it’s final. I want a divorce, and I want it now. I can’t live a lie any more!’

Jonathan spoke his mind. ‘That is ridiculous and wrong. How can you divorce a woman you have spent your entire life with, just because of a stupid hallucinating incident? You can’t do that, my friend; it’s not on.’

Jonathan saw that his brother-in-law was agitated and confused and decided to take him home before he did something stupid. He stayed with him till midnight, and he never stopped talking about his divorce.

Ron called his three girls the next day and told them what had happened and his decision to seek a divorce. He warned them not to talk him out of his decision. He said he had thought it over it, and the best way forward was to let her out of his life.

He told each of them, ‘Everything with your mother was a lie, including you! She was cheating with an imaginary lover, and I can’t be taken for granted any longer. I am done!’

‘No, Dad,’ Emma protested, ‘you are giving up on her when she needs you most. You don’t mean it. You are upset about things she said, but they are past for God’s sake.’

‘Dad is losing his mind,’ the three told each other over the phone; ‘the pressure of Mum’s illness has told on him.’ They thought their father must not mean what he said; he was just stressed with the turn of events. He wasn’t growing any younger. It must very hard on him.

Ron did not visit Maria while she was in respite, and the dementia support team thought it strange for him to react that way. They requested some support for him too. He was given an appointment to see the doctor for an assessment. The blood test and scans showed no illness. He was just tired and suffering depression due to the course of events.

With the family lawyer he discussed his intention to divorce his wife. The lawyer thought it was unnecessary, but Ron insisted. He arranged a meeting to see Maria to confirm whether she was able to understand the divorce procedures. They could not start the application for a divorce until it was established that the second party could understand what was happening.

Maria sat in her recliner chair as the gentlemen and her daughters entered. She looked at all the faces and then focused on one. She stared at him and seemed to say, You look at me with hate, but I forgave you when you cheated. I stood by you when you were blackmailed. I forgave you.

Then she sat staring into space, seeming not to recognize those present. There was clear proof that Maria did not understand what was going on around her. The girls were there, but Maria did not know any of them. Emma had tears in her eyes. ‘Mum, it’s me, Dad, Lilian, and Tammy here. How are you, Mum?’

Maria continued to stare. The solicitor and his associate excused themselves to go but wanted to talk to the family outside.

‘Mr Makintosh, you can see for yourself that we cannot proceed with a divorce. We are sorry.’

‘Dad!’ Tammy said, clutching onto Emma, who was also crying. ‘You are being horrible, and I’m sorry to say, what you are doing is wrong’

‘She has all these years been fucking laughing at me!’ Ron announced angrily. ‘Your mum is a liar! She will rot in there. I’m not stepping in there again!’

‘If that’s what you say,’ Lilian said, ‘I don’t want to have anything to do with you.’

‘Me too,’ said Tammy. She looked at Emma, who nodded, and went on, ‘All three of us are done with you.’

Emma said, ‘Dad, our mother is very ill. She does not know what she is saying. Everything she was saying is in the past, even before she met you. You cannot hold that against her. Mum has been a good wife and mother to all of us, and you cannot treat her this way, she does not deserve that.’ She stifled a sob. ‘If you cannot stay by her in times of need, then you don’t deserve her.

‘Let’s go,’ she said to her sisters. ‘We will stay at Uncle Jonathan’s house for the night’

They left Ron, who stood looking pensive and distraught. He stood for a while and left for his car. He had now realized the effect of his behaviour on his girls. He had created animosity between himself and his daughters and had begun to see sense. He regretted his moves and wanted to put this right. The only way he could achieve that would be through Jonathan, his brother-in-law. Ron got closer to Jonathan that before and tried to be a gentleman. Jonathan was not happy about Ron’s reaction towards his sister, but he wanted to be neutral and be the point for mediation.

Mrs Maria Mackintosh passed away after a mini-stroke on 21 June 2017 while on respite. She was survived by a husband, three daughters, and four grandchildren; she was seventy one years. The girls refused their father’s involvement with the burial arrangements and the funeral.

It was a very hard time for Ron. Jonathan advised him to apologize to them so things could return to normal. Before the burial, Jonathan called for a meeting to discuss the matter. Ron was happy when the girls agreed to allow their father to bury his wife. He loved his family dearly and was glad that he was not left out.

At the funeral, they saw a lady Tammy recognized from Bianca’s wedding. Jonathan had seen this middle-aged woman and liked her; they got chatting, and that was before Maria’s accident drew her away but not before he secured her telephone number. They had been chatting over the phone and had now reached the point of deciding to make their relationship permanent.

After the funeral reception, Jonathan felt it was time to put smiles on the faces of the family. He introduced Kathy formally to them. All present were pleased that Jonathan had at long last settled with such a brilliant catch. He took her arm, and they walked together, brightly smiling, out of the reception hall.