“Absolutely not.” Brandon was adamant.
“Look, I’m just saying that we can probably beat Liz and Chestnut there,” said Ana, “and they’ve never met the guys they’re getting the goods from.”
“I’m not sure that’s really a plus for getting involved in the international drug trade,” Emily said. “Besides, we don’t even know where to go.”
“Sure we do,” Ana smiled slyly, holding up Liz’s cell phone and waggling it back and forth in between her thumb and forefinger.
“NO!” Brandon bellowed from the backseat.
Emily laughed at him. “Wait. Let me get this straight. After everything else, now you’re going to get all goody-two-shoes on us?”
“You guys,” Brandon leaned so far over the front seat, he was practically sitting in between them. “We knew for sure that Liz and Chestnut had no bullets in their guns. We certainly don’t know that about the assholes who are holding this cocaine.”
“Oh, c’mon,” said Ana. “Do you really think these people can be so big time if they’ve agreed to go into business with a man named Chestnut?”
Brandon groaned. Emily was enjoying not being the person who was saying no for once. She’d felt like everybody’s mom all day. Playing devil’s advocate to make Brandon miserable was actually sort of fun.
“And this is their first time doing it,” Emily reminded Brandon. “These guys we’d be picking up from have no idea what Liz and Chestnut are supposed to look like. It’d be super easy to pass ourselves off. You can be Chestnut and I’ll be Liz.”
“Yeah!” said Ana.
“Oh, give me a break,” Brandon said. “How do you know they haven’t seen pictures of Liz and Chestnut? And what about passwords or secret handshakes or some sort of code to let them know they’ve got the right people?”
“We’ll just play stupid if they suspect anything,” said Emily, and as she did, she wondered if she was teasing anymore. There was something about outsmarting small-time criminals that appealed to her. She was always just the uptight girl who paid attention to details to get good grades and for no other reason. Besides her GPA, what did she have to show for her fastidious nature and deliberate powers of observation? Nothing but a reputation for being uptight—a stone-cold bitch who needed to “loosen up” and “lighten up.” What if she could prove once and for all that she was capable of marshaling these things everyone else saw as personality flaws to be assets. What if they could rip off some drug dealers and, at the same time, keep Liz and Chestnut from dragging poor little Artie into a life of danger from the drug cartel.
“And how, exactly, would we ‘play stupid’?” demanded Brandon. “I mean, if they ask us for the password or something, are you just going to say, ‘Oh! I’m sorry, we’re not actually Liz and Chestnut after all!’? Because trust me, these guys will have guns with real bullets in them.”
“Just don’t tell them who you are first,” said Ana.
“What?” Brandon was incredulous. “How do you think they’re going to let us in if we don’t pretend to be Liz and Chestnut?”
Ana shrugged. “I dunno. Just knock on the door and see how it goes. You can just ask for directions or something.”
“Ask for directions? Like we’re lost at a random warehouse?” Brandon ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “This is a bad, bad idea.”
“No worse an idea than holding up a convenience store with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb,” Emily said.
“What? That is not even close to the same thing.”
“Sure it is,” said Ana. “Close enough.”
“Argh!” Brandon threw himself back against his seat.
“What’s the address?” Emily asked. She was feeling like a superhero now.
“You can’t be serious!” Brandon was getting really upset.
“Oh, c’mon, Mister You Only Live Once,” Emily said. “Think of all the good we’d be doing.”
“By stealing a shipment of cocaine?” Brandon’s voice was jumping octaves now.
“Exactly,” said Emily. “We’ll go dump it in a river or flush it down a toilet or something. And then we’ll have done a really good thing for humanity—not to mention Artie and Liz and Chestnut.”
Brandon considered this. “You mean you wouldn’t go try to sell it yourself?”
Ana started laughing. “Oh my God. Are you loco? Can you imagine this little white girl as a drug dealer?”
“Hey!” Emily said. “I could sell drugs. I’d probably be really good at it, actually. I have an attention to detail that makes me uniquely suited for avoiding capture while performing an illegal activity. However, no, I would never sell drugs.”
“So . . . what’s the point?” Ana asked. “I mean, if we showed up with that bag at the party, we’d probably be the most popular people on the planet.”
“Not. An. Option.” Emily used her no-nonsense voice. “The point is that we’re having our Thelma & Louise day today.”
“Our what?” Ana blinked at Emily like she was speaking Korean.
“Um, you do remember that Thelma & Louise does not end particularly well,” Brandon said.
“I have one word for you,” Emily said.
“What’s that?” Brandon asked.
“YOLO.”
“I was afraid of that,” Brandon said with a sigh.
“Is there any way to stop you?” he asked.
“Probably not.” Emily grinned into the mirror. “You gonna be my Chestnut?”
“Fine. But I’m dialing nine-one-one on my phone before we walk in and if anything even smells wrong, I’m hitting the call button.”
“That’s your exit,” said Ana, pointing at the next off-ramp. “It’s right around the corner.”
Emily’s heart was racing as she pulled off the highway, but there was a smile on her face. This definitely wasn’t on the itinerary, but maybe that was a little bit okay.