CHAPTER 17
THE DEBATE DEBATENOT A TYPO
CLAUDIA
After we got the Max news, Akash and I had another emergency meeting. By the time I got to Hot & Crusty, he was on his second chocolate cigar. And he’d just had what he claimed was a “brilliant idea.”
AKASH
All we needed was a debate!
Reese’s big weakness was that he’s totally clueless. Right? So if we had a debate—and he had to stand up in front of everybody and talk about the issues—it’d be a total train wreck! He’d get laughed out of the room!
BOOM! Game over.
CLAUDIA
There was just one problem: there had never been a sixth grade presidential debate before. Ever. And the election was just five days away.
Plus, I knew there was no way Reese would agree to it.
AKASH
Those were details! You don’t hire an evil genius for the details! You hire him for the genius!
Candidate debate! BOOM! If I had a mic, I would’ve dropped it right there.
CLAUDIA
So Akash stuck me with the job of figuring out how to make the debate happen. The first thing I had to do was get Reese to agree to show up for it.
Let me just say that I am NOT proud of how I pulled that off. But my presidency was on the line. I absolutely, positively HAD to get Reese to agree to a debate.
And the only way I could do it was by getting Mom and Dad involved.
REESE
IT WAS SO NUTS!!! EVERYBODY GANGED UP ON ME AND I NEVER SHOULD’VE HAD TO DO IT AND MOM AND DAD ALWAYS TAKE YOUR SIDE AND IT WAS TOTALLY UNFAIR!!!
CLAUDIA
This was one of those times when Reese was actually right. Ed. Note: but still way too emotional It’s a free country. And tbh, Mom and Dad should NOT have forced him to debate me.
But they did. I don’t want to get into details, but it was ugly. And I feel VERY bad about that.
REESE
SO… SKRONKING… WRONG!!!!!!
CLAUDIA
I know! But I totally made it up to you! For like a month afterwards, whenever we went out to eat, I voted for pizza instead of sushi EVEN THOUGH I’d much rather have sushi.
REESE
I guess that was cool of you. Making me debate was still totally weak, though.
CLAUDIA
It really was. I am officially sorry for that.
Anyway… Thanks to Mom and Dad, by the time I sat down on Sunday night to write Vice Principal Bevan an email officially proposing a candidate debate, I was able to sign both my name AND Reese’s name to it.
I thought it was a very effective email. I listed fourteen reasons why a debate would be good for the sixth grade. And also democracy in general.
I was also very careful not to mention James Mantolini. Because I didn’t want to remind Mrs. Bevan that if there was a debate, James might be involved.
I sent the email late Sunday night. When I got up on Monday morning, Mrs. Bevan had already replied:
JOANNA BEVAN, Vice Principal, Culvert Prep Middle School (email)
From: jbevan
To: claudaroo@gmail.com
Date: 01/25/15 11:37:08 PM EDT
Subject: Re: A Proposal For A Presidential Debate (From Claudia and Reese Tapper)
Hello, Claudia and Reese:
Thank you for taking the time to make your case for holding a sixth grade presidential debate.
I, too, believe that “free speech is the cornerstone of our society.”
I am less sure, however, that not holding a debate “risks destroying everything our forefathers fought and died for” and “might plunge our world into a new dark age.” Ed. Note: quotes from my original email
Also, with the election just five days away, there unfortunately isn’t time in the academic schedule to host a debate during the school day.
Perhaps we can revisit the idea during the next election in September?
Sincerely,
Mrs. Bevan
CLAUDIA
This was disappointing.
But I didn’t give up. First thing Monday morning, I went to SG’s faculty advisor, Mr. McDonald. No offense to Mrs. Bevan, but Mr. McDonald’s usually a little more “free speech” than she is.
I only had to mention the first six of my fourteen points before Mr. McDonald agreed to host a debate in his classroom on Wednesday after school. Which was awesome!
Except for the “after school” part.
AKASH
That pretty much un-dropped the mic right there. No sixth grader on earth actually WANTS to watch a debate. If you can’t force them to go, they won’t show up.
So really, the only reason to do one after school was for the media coverage. Ed. Note: media coverage = article in school paper
CLAUDIA
Akash was right. I desperately needed Sophie to write two articles for the Chronicle: one telling people about the debate (so hopefully at least a couple of people would show up), and a second one after the debate telling everybody how stupid I’d made Reese look.
Since Sophie was still my absolutely best friend on earth, I didn’t think this would be a problem.
I was wrong.