CHAPTER 25 THE FEMBOTS AWAKEN

CLAUDIA

Up until this point, I hadn’t spent any time at all thinking about the Fembots, because A) they are not exactly huge fans of mine, and B) Akash had told me they never vote in elections.

But that hadn’t stopped him from trying to cut a last-minute deal with them.

AKASH

Pretty much all the voters had made up their minds. And you were down by three votes. So the ONLY way you could win was if we convinced some NON-voters to vote for you.

And the only non-voters in the sixth grade are Fembots. So on Wednesday night, I messaged Athena Cohen.

And that’s when I found out Reese had REALLY ticked them off.

AKASH AND ATHENA (ClickChat Direct Messenger)

Hey, AC—just checking in re. election. Any chance u might change yr mind about voting?

I told u voting is for losers

But I feel like I should just to make Reese suffer

That is FANTASTIC idea

Why shld Reese suffer?

OMG he is the WORST. He was

SOOO cruel to Clarissa. And nobody

messes w my friends. I AM GOING

TO RUIN HIM

KALISHA

Okay, this part was crazy. REALLY crazy.

Remember how Clarissa was crushing on Reese? And I made him go to the yogurt place to hang out with her? But it was a train wreck, because he doesn’t know how to talk to girls?

At some point during that whole thing… and I don’t know if it was Reese’s fault or Clarissa’s… but she got the idea that they were ACTUALLY GOING OUT.

So Clarissa spent the next five days waiting for him to text her again. And getting REALLY mad when he didn’t.

And because all the Fembots share the same brain, that got the rest of them worked up, too.

ATHENA

I’m sorry, but Reese was, like, TOTALLY classless. I mean, people break up all the time. They grow apart, they move on, whatever. It happens. No judgments.

But when you break up with somebody? HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL THEM!

REESE

This is TOTALLY CRAY! I didn’t even know we were going out! And if you’re not going out with somebody? You should NOT have to break up with them.

CLAUDIA

I tried to interview Clarissa about the situation. But she wouldn’t discuss it with me. All she’d say for the record were four words:

CLARISSA PARKER, Fembot/non-voter

I’m SO over it.

AKASH

Not by Wednesday night, she wasn’t.

And I could’ve cared less about their little sixth-grade soap opera—except it gave us an opening big enough to drive a truckload of votes through.

ATHENA AND AKASH (ClickChat Direct Messenger)

I AM GOING TO RUIN HIM

Vote for Claudia! That would def ruin him

Yeah but irl who really cares about the election?

Reese does! Seriously, he’d be devastated if he lost. And if u and Clarissa/Meredith/Ling vote against him he will DEFINITELY lose

Maybe… But Claudia is totally lame.

Don’t think of it as a vote for Claudia. Think of it as a vote AGAINST Reese

CLAUDIA

I’d just like to say that reading this made me uncomfortable.

AKASH

That’s how most people vote! Why do you think negative ads are so popular? Seriously, 99% of real elections come down to who voters hate less. ^{Ed. Note: “negative ads” = campaign ads that make your opponent look bad}

CLAUDIA

Just because it’s true doesn’t mean I have to like it.

And what came next made me even MORE uncomfortable.

ATHENA AND AKASH (ClickChat Direct Messenger)

If we vote for Claudia, what will she do for us?

What do you mean?

I know how politics works. My Dad gives major $$ to politicians. If I give Claudia votes, I have to get something for it

What do you want?

Give me a minute to think

AKASH

It took her a lot longer than a minute. It was more like two hours.

AKASH AND ATHENA (ClickChat Direct Messenger)

So….?

Hang on talking to Ling

OK here’s what we need if u want our votes:

sushi in the cafeteria

cell phones in class

yogurt machine in lounge

Crème de la mer moisturizer ^{Ed. Note: TOTALLY CRAZY how expensive this stuff is (like $150 per ounce)} in girls bathroom

winter break starts two days earlier

fire Ms. Santiago and Mr. Greenwald

no gym if you just got a manicure

$500

Let’s take this offline. What’s yr phone #

CLAUDIA

I have to say, I was personally shocked when I saw that list. If I’d known just how insane the Fembots’ demands were, I NEVER would’ve agreed to a secret meeting with them.

AKASH

No kidding! That’s why I didn’t tell you about it until I’d bargained them down to one tiny, little, totally reasonable demand.

And give me some credit! I handed the whole election to you on a silver platter! All you had to do was show up for a meeting with the Fembots, agree to their one TOTALLY MINOR demand, and you’d win!

That’s some A-plus evil geniusing right there. And you didn’t even thank me for it.

CLAUDIA

Thank you.

I think.