Enoch couldn’t see Corinne this weekend. He had a wedding on Friday night. On Saturday, he had work and some social obligation he couldn’t get out of. Then on Sunday, he had church and he’d promised to help someone move.
But that’s three days, Corinne almost said.
She held her tongue. She could go three days without seeing Enoch Miller—she could go thirteen years. (She’d have to go more eventually. Inevitably. Soon, right? Weren’t they almost done doing this? Weren’t they about to turn the corner?)
Enoch said he’d call her on Sunday, and Corinne said okay, but that really, he shouldn’t worry about it—she had so much work to catch up on. It was true, she hadn’t been able to focus for weeks.
She didn’t get anything done on Friday.
On Saturday, she stayed in bed ’til two, then lay on her couch, drinking tea and eating canned soup with saltine crackers. Finally she dragged herself up and out. She drove to SuperTarget. Just to feel less lonely and like she had her own agenda.
She bought ingredients to make Alicia’s Snickers cake. Corinne should do something nice for Alicia; Alicia always sent her cards and remembered her birthday … On impulse, Corinne bought a big bunch of sunflowers. She’d drop them off on the way home.
Shawn and Alicia had a very cute house in an older part of town. They were doing just fine. All of Corinne’s siblings were doing just fine. They’d changed congregations after—well, after Corinne had ruined the old one for them. And it had been a good change. The brothers and sisters in the new congregation looked out for them. They helped the boys find work. They helped Holly find her husband.
Maybe Corinne’s family did so well because Corinne hadn’t been around to make them look bad. To drag them down. In her worrisome sweaters and her grim skirts. Looking like either a lesbian or the sort of girl who would open her legs for the first person who asked, nobody was sure which. (Until she showed them.)
Corinne never went to the new church. Just Holly, in her wannabe dresses and Corinne’s pink twinset. And Shawn, who just wanted to be good, and who was a boy, which made him worth some effort. And Noah, who was born into the church. He was a little wild. He got in trouble with a girl (not the worst trouble), but he married her. And now they were both in good standing and expecting a baby, and nobody seemed to hold a grudge.
Corinne’s mother was doing just fine, too. After her parents had finally separated for good, Corinne’s mom had married a widower in the congregation. A retired plumber, almost twenty years her senior. He was fine. He didn’t seem to care one way or another about Corinne—which was lucky. He was the head of the house; he could have decided Corinne wasn’t welcome there.
Corinne parked in Shawn and Alicia’s driveway and grabbed the bouquet of sunflowers. She thought about leaving them in the door, but it was supposed to freeze tonight. Corinne rang the doorbell, then heard someone calling, “I’ll get it!” And then Enoch Miller opened the door.
Corinne was standing there with sunflowers.
“Corinne…” he said. Stunned.
Corinne was stunned, too. Too stunned to say his name.
“Who is it?” Alicia called from the kitchen.
“It’s…” Enoch said.
“Hey, Alicia!” Corinne called. “It’s just me!”
Alicia came up behind Enoch, and he backed away from the door. “Corinne,” Alicia said, alarmed. Like she was in real pickle. Like she’d messed up again somehow.
“Sorry,” Corinne said, “I should have called. I just wanted to drop these off for you. I, um—” She held out the flowers.
“For me?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh my goodness, I never get flowers!” Alicia took the bouquet and started fussing with it. “Come in and say hi to Shawn. Shawn! Corinne brought me flowers! No one ever brings me flowers.”
“I should head home,” Corinne said.
“That’s not even true.” Shawn walked out of the kitchen, drying his hands on a towel. “I bring you flowers.”
Alicia was holding the front door open, standing back from it to make room for Corinne. Corinne felt like she had to step in. She promised herself that she’d step right out. The house was warm, it smelled like something savory. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your dinner…”
“Family can’t interrupt,” Alicia said. “And we were just sitting down.” She took Corinne’s arm and squeezed it. “Stay for dinner, Corinne. I mean—I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but we’d love to have you.” She looked back at Shawn. And at Enoch, who was standing behind him. “Wouldn’t we?”
Corinne looked at her brother—he was concerned, worried, embarrassed, sorry—and she looked at Enoch, expecting to see the same panic she was feeling. She didn’t see it. Enoch wanted her to stay.
Alicia squeezed her arm again. “Stay, Corinne. I made a taco ring.”
“Okay,” Corinne said. “I’ll stay. Thank you.”
The taco ring was made with canned crescent rolls and taco fixings. It was terrible and delicious, and Alicia was certain that Corinne could make it herself, it was just so simple.
Shawn and Alicia made sure that Corinne and Enoch didn’t have to sit next to each other at the table, which left them sitting across from each other, which was worse. It was familiar and worse. Corinne felt like she was waiting for Shawn and Alicia to go to bed, so she could slide over to the other side of the table.
Enoch and Corinne didn’t talk to each other directly. What could they say that wouldn’t betray how well they knew each other? How reacquainted they were? What could they say out loud that was true?
Shawn was silent and on edge, like someone presiding over a nuclear disaster. Like he knew this had been a bad decision, but he didn’t know how to get out of it. He wouldn’t challenge Alicia. He never did. Shawn was the head of the house, but Alicia was the brains of the operation. Shawn trusted her to run things, and she rarely steered him wrong. What was Alicia doing tonight? What was she up to? It was almost like she wanted Enoch and Corinne to connect. She didn’t understand what a bad idea that was. Alicia grew up in Missouri—she didn’t know that Corinne was fundamentally a bad idea for Enoch Miller. A dead end. A dead end with consequences. A road that went right off a cliff.
“We should play cards!” Alicia said, while they were still eating their dessert. (Banana-split brownies. She made them with a brownie mix; it was so much easier than it looked.)
“Cards?” Corinne repeated, surprised.
“Alicia grew up in a congregation that allowed cards,” Shawn explained.
“But not dice,” Alicia said. “Isn’t that funny?”
“So you never played Monopoly?” Enoch asked.
“We played with a spinner.”
“How’d you get out of jail?” Corinne wondered.
“I can’t remember—oh! We should play spades! We never have the right number of people for spades. Corinne, do you know how?” Alicia was up and rummaging through a basket on the sideboard.
“No…” Corinne wasn’t even allowed to play Go Fish after her mom joined the church. She looked at Shawn and glanced at Enoch. “Are you guys allowed to play cards?”
Shawn shrugged. “The church doesn’t really get hung up on stuff like that anymore…”
“Huh,” Corinne said.
Alicia was back with a deck. “Clear the table, Shawn. Corinne, it’s so easy. Do you know how, Enoch?”
“No,” he said. His voice was so deep.
“I should probably…” Corinne started to say. She stole a look at Enoch. (Every time she’d ever looked at him, it was stealing.) He was watching her. Signaling to her with his big open face. Stay, stay, stay.
“You’re doing me such a favor,” Alicia said. “I haven’t played spades in ages—Holly still thinks it’s a sin, and your mom can’t focus enough to learn the rules.”
Corinne picked up the cards as they were dealt to her.
“You’ll be my partner,” Alicia said. “Trade chairs with me, Enoch. Shawn, you’ve got Enoch.”
Shawn was standing in the kitchen doorway. Corinne met his gaze. He was signaling to her, too. I’m sorry, you don’t have to do this, you can go.
Corinne shook her head. She pressed her lips together, like, It’s okay. (Could you lie with your face?)
Alicia explained the rules, and Corinne sort of forgot how mortifying the situation was because she was concentrating so hard on figuring out the game. She had it down after a couple hands. Enoch had it down, too. She was sitting at his right hand. She half expected him to touch her leg under the table. He didn’t, of course. He hadn’t in years.
“You guys are quick,” Alicia said.
“They’re the worst,” Shawn said. “My mom used to make them play with me, and they only wanted to play board games, and only if they could make them harder. They used to play Clue with two murders.”
Corinne and Enoch both smiled at him.
“I forgot that you used to play with us,” Corinne said.
“You never let me win. I was just a little kid—you’re supposed to let little kids win.”
“I’m not letting you win tonight either,” she said.
Alicia hooted. “That’s what I’m talking about!”
“We’d try to play Monopoly with you,” Enoch remembered, “and you’d get bored after a half hour and give away all your money.”
“Monopoly is the worst,” Shawn said.
“That’s true,” Corinne agreed.
Enoch was smiling at her. Because it wasn’t the worst the way they’d played it. (He should stop smiling at her. Someone would see.)
“Shawn’s just like your mom,” Alicia said. “No head for games.”
Corinne didn’t leave when she should have. She didn’t leave any of the times she should have. They kept playing spades. They switched partners, and Corinne played with Shawn, and they lost because he was bored and only playing because Alicia wanted him to. After a couple hours, Alicia heated up the leftover taco ring. Corinne drank three Diet Cokes.
She didn’t look at Enoch anymore, but she felt him beaming. He was laughing breathily at everyone’s jokes, especially Corinne’s. He snorted twice. He complimented Alicia’s taco ring. He gently mocked Shawn’s playing. He didn’t speak to Corinne, and she didn’t speak to him, but she was aware of his every move, and she was aware of him being aware of her.
They left at the same time, but Corinne got herself out the door first, with Alicia saying how much fun it had been and how they needed to do this again. “We could play Hand and Foot! Do y’all know Hand and Foot?” Corinne made it to her car before Enoch left the house.
She noticed on the way home that Enoch was driving behind her. She saw his truck in her rearview mirror at a red light.
When Corinne pulled into the parking lot behind her building, he pulled in beside her. They both got out of their cars. Enoch walked over to her and stood there, scratching the back of his head, looking down at Corinne out of the top of his eyes.
Corinne looked up at him. She wasn’t sure what to say. She felt like she should apologize, but she wasn’t going to let herself do that. She wanted to say, Well, that was weird, but what it had really been was nice. And she didn’t think she should say that either. She didn’t want to deal with any of this—how guilty she felt for misleading Shawn and Alicia, how afraid she was of getting caught. She hated that she was in a situation where getting caught was an issue.
Enoch was still scratching the back of his head, looking sheepish. Eventually, he said, “Can I still call you tomorrow?”
That was it, that was all he said.
Corinne exhaled. “Yeah.”
“Maybe we can squeeze in a walk?”
“That sounds good.”
He nodded. “Walk you to your door?”
“Okay. I have groceries.”
He stepped back so she could open her trunk. Her milk was probably half frozen. There were just a few plastic bags. Enoch picked them up and followed Corinne to her building.
She unlocked the outer door and then stood there with it open, holding out her hands. “I’ve got it.”
Enoch gave her the groceries. “Good night, Corinne.”
“Good night.”