Another week came and went before Erica received a new letter from Linc. She opened it as soon as she got home from Wednesday night church service and read:
Dear Rikki,
Jesus Christ! I have to get this out of the way first. I read your letter at least fifty times. When I got to the part about you being hot and wet instant boner! This explains the swearing. Luckily there was no one around to see this reaction. This isn’t exactly the kind of place where I have the privacy to take care of that, if you know what I mean. Don’t stop writing stuff like that though. It’s the next best thing to being with you.
I miss you so bad, Rik. Do you remember our wedding night when I was a little intimidated by how turned on you made me? Of course you do. Jesus Christ, every time I think about that I get embarrassed.
Anyhow, you were trying to talk me through it and asking if it felt like I was throbbing from way down deep inside, remember. I was then, and I am now, but it’s different. Now it’s a throbbing that comes from longing to touch you and kiss you and feel myself inside you. This is an aching throb I’ve had since I left. This might sound corny, but I like it best when I’m on top. I love the way you look when we make love, and when I’m on top, I see it best.
I didn’t know how to feel when I got to that part in your letter about the guy asking you to dance. At first I started feeling all macho, like who does this guy think he is, asking my wife to dance? Then I felt really sad. I should’ve danced with you that night in the club. Okay maybe not there because I’m a really bad dancer, but when we were alone. So I want you save me a dance. I promise I will dance with you, but I might need help with that too.
I can’t believe you don’t know how beautiful you are. When I look at you, I see perfection. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. How can you not know how sexy and womanly you are? Don’t compare yourself to your friends. You’ll hurt their feelings because you’re way ahead of them.
Letters from home are pouring in. I swear I get like half the mail in our unit. It’s good to hear from everyone, but I feel bad for the other guys who don’t get anything. Wish I could do something about that.
Got a letter from Gabriel. He met some new girl at the mall or something. He says he’s going to bring her to church so keep an eye out, and let me know. Anyway, his last letter was full of questions about sex. Kind of weird for me. What he really wants to know is how far you can go without sinning. I’m not really the best person to give this kind of advice. I just told him to think with his heart and not his dick. Kind of a copout, but I don’t know what the right thing to say is. Any ideas?
The whole family is really proud of you going to church. Mom says she can see how the commitment you’re making to Christ is helping you deal with my absence. She finally told me she’s glad I married you, even if it was a shock. Even asked my forgiveness for doubting us. Of course I told her that wasn’t necessary.
It’s still hot as hell here, especially when we have all our gear on. Guys are getting rashes in some really weird places. Sorry, that was gross! I definitely won’t miss the heat. It’ll be cold when I get home, and I can’t wait.
Glad to hear Cory and Veronica went for a night away from the club. It’s better than getting drunk and chasing after a bunch of random guys.
Time for me to go, Rikki. I love you so much and miss you so bad. Write soon, baby. I’ll call soon.
Love Forever, Your Husband,
Todd
Erica understood exactly what he meant about the physical pain of being apart. The longer he was gone, the more she felt it. She wrote him back right away.
Dear Todd,
I’m really sorry about the hot and wet thing. It’s just that I miss touching you so bad. Every time I close my eyes and think of us together my stomach jolts and my toes tingle. Then there’s the throbbing. It’s not just about the act of sex itself or the orgasm though. When we’re together, I feel safe and protected, and everything feels right.
As far as our wedding night you have nothing to be embarrassed about. It was perfect. I mean it. You have a way of reaching a place deep inside me that makes me explode every time I come. Is it weird that I just got home from church and I’m writing this?
Haven’t seen a new girl at church with Gabriel yet. So, how far can you go without sinning? Maybe you should tell him to pray on it. Of course it’s very complicated to have sex with someone you’re not married to. It can ruin the relationship. Plus there’s no turning back once you get to that point.
Must be the season for new romances. My brother, Aaron, met someone. This girl came in to the vet’s office all distraught because her dog was so sick. Of course Aaron just had to console her. The fact that she was cute with these huge boobs didn’t factor in at all! Her name is Kristy. If they last that long, maybe we can double with them when you get home.
I’m having another Friday night movie night with the girls. I think I’m going to be able to convince them this is much better than the EC. It’s cheaper too!
As you can see, I’m trying to keep myself as busy as I can to keep from missing you so bad. It doesn’t work though. Everywhere I go, I carry you in my heart. That was really lame. Can’t believe I actually wrote that!
My mom and dad are doing well. Separately of course. Mom has been really great, which has been a little surprising. She wasn’t exactly overjoyed by our getting married if you recall. Dad asks about you and says to be sure you don’t end up on the wrong side of enemy fire. Duh! Does he really think that helps me?
I can’t wait for you to call me again. Please do it soon, Todd. I need the sound of your voice so bad. I’d give up everything I have just to touch you and kiss you again. Touching myself isn’t the same, if you know what I mean.
In love with you forever,
Erica
At one time in her life, Erica dreaded Friday nights. Now, standing in front of the microwave while waiting for the popcorn to finish, she realized it was fast becoming her favorite night of the week.
“Want me to get that?” Veronica offered when the phone rang.
Somewhere in the last few weeks, Erica stopped lunging for the phone every time it rang. So far, Linc had only called her once. Though she understood he didn’t have infinite free time, it was still disappointing.
“I’ll get it,” Erica said, already moving toward the phone. Smiling, she asked, “So, do you think it’s my mom or my dad?”
Between her mom and her dad, the phone rang at least once, sometimes twice a day. Yet another reason to stop salivating like one of Pavlov’s dogs every time she heard it ring.
Though Linc could use the phone anytime he was able, he rarely did. Erica found that he seemed to prefer the intimacy that could be written in a letter. Still, there was nothing better to her than the sound of his voice to remind her that he was real.
“Your mom calling to make sure you don’t miss dinner next week,” Veronica said, and Erica laughed.
That was a strong possibility. Last night, when her mom had called to invite her out to dinner next week, she’d said she had a surprise for her. If she was calling tonight, it could have been to remind Erica not to miss out on whatever the surprise was even though they weren’t getting together until next week.
“Maybe it’s your sexy brother,” Cory said.
Grimacing, Erica picked up the phone. In no world was Aaron even remotely sexy. “Hello?”
“Rikki?” Linc said the word on a sigh.
Erica gasped. “Is it really you, Todd?”
“It’s me, baby,” he said softly. “I miss you so bad.”
“I miss you too.”
“I can’t stop thinking about you. I had to hear your voice.”
“I can’t believe you’re actually calling. I’m so happy I’m crying.”
“Don’t cry, baby.”
Erica frowned at the note of desperation in his voice. “Are you okay?”
“No,” he whispered.
“Can you talk about it?”
“No.”
“Will you write me about it?”
“Yes.”
“Are you hurt?” Erica felt helpless from his vague responses.
“No,” Linc said again. “Rikki, tell me you love me. I need to hear it so bad right now.”
His voice was so soft that Erica could barely hear him. Somehow she knew this had nothing to do with thinking Whitey was going to make fun of him.
“I love you, Todd. With all of my heart and body and soul, I love you.”
“I love you. I gotta go.”
“Wait, Todd. Please not yet. I need to know that you’re okay.”
When he didn’t respond right away she thought he had already hung up.
“I’ll be okay, Rikki, I promise. I just needed to hear your voice.”
“Only six months to go.”
“Call me Todd, and tell me you love me.”
“I love you, Todd.”
“Forever, Rikki?”
“Yes, forever.”
With that, he hung up the phone. Erica’s hand trembled as she returned the receiver to the counter in front of her. It bothered her that he was hurting and too far away for her to do anything about it.
“What’s going on?” Cory spoke first.
“I’m not sure, but something’s wrong,” Erica answered.
“And he won’t say?” Veronica asked.
“Won’t or can’t,” Erica replied.
Cory and Veronica exchanged glances but didn’t say anything else. Normally that would have prompted a response from Erica, but she was too worried about Linc to care.
Please, Todd, please be okay.
Erica spent the next week and a half worrying about Linc. She thought about talking to her parents about her fears but decided against it. The only thing that would accomplish was to make them worry even more about her and she couldn’t do that to them.
Talking to Linc’s parents was out of the question. They had enough to worry about with their son being in a combat zone without her adding to their stress.
Instead, she waited for his next letter that took more than a week to come. Erica’s fingers shook as she tore open the envelope.
Dear Rikki,
I’m an idiot. As soon as I hung up the phone I wished I hadn’t. I was just really shook up. I can’t stop thinking about how scared you must be. Please write me back as soon as you get this so I know you’re okay.
We lost some guys, and I saw my first dead body up close. Scary sight, but I could take that part. One of the guys was my age with a wife and two little kids. It hit me hard. I kept thinking of this guy’s wife and how he probably kissed her goodbye and started counting down the days until he saw her again. Now she’s lost her husband, and the kids don’t have a daddy. I know loss is a part of war, but it’s the worst part.
I’ve seen some ugly things here. I’ve seen kids beat up and bloody from this war. I’ve seen casualties on both sides, and it seems like such a waste. Some of the Iraqis seem grateful to have us here and say things like they hope we can make their country as free as ours is. Some of them hate us though and say we’re ruining their country with our lust for blood. It’s hard to know who to trust.
I know all of this is a little heavier than the stuff we usually write, but you’re the only person I trust to open up to this way. I feel like you’re the only one who understands me. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened to me if we hadn’t met. I thank God for you every day. I think He sent you to me for a reason. Maybe this is it.
I’ve been praying hard lately. I really need the Lord’s guidance to help me understand why He’s brought me here. Sometimes it’s hard to know if I’m doing the right thing. Do I really belong here? Am I cut out for this? Can I handle it? Am I man enough?
Remember in your last letter when you said sex between us was about more than just the orgasm? I know exactly what you mean. This might sound weird, but I feel safe and protected by it too. I’d give anything to feel that way again. Sometimes I’m scared that I made you up in my mind. Your letters, your pictures, your voice, all of it keeps me grounded.
Pray for me as I pray for you.
Love Always, Your Husband,
Todd.
Erica broke her promise to herself. The day that Linc had gone, she’d promised herself she wouldn’t cry again until they were reunited. His letter was so sad and scared she couldn’t help but cry.
Just as she would have done, even without him asking, she wrote him back immediately.
Dear Todd,
You’re right. I was worried. I was scared to death, if you want to know the truth. I wish I could hold you in my arms and take away your pain and fear. The distance between us makes me feel helpless, and I mean the geographical distance only.
I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I only understand the flip side of the loss you’re talking about. I know it’s selfish, but I pray every night I don’t end up like that man’s wife. I don’t think I could take it if I lost you, so remember your promise okay?
I don’t know if this makes a difference, but I think America is doing what’s right and so are you. I don’t know much about all the conflict, but anyone can see how oppressed the Iraqi people are. Try to focus on the support you get, rather than the people who are against you.
We’ve sure come a long way haven’t we? I was so scared when you left that we’d lose our emotional connection. I think it’s stronger though if that’s possible. Even more weird is that I think we’ve managed to keep our physical bond just as strong. I think it’s because we’re always talking about it. It keeps it real.
I love you so much, Todd. I crave your touch. I’m lost without you. I’ve been thinking a lot about our wedding night. We’re not even the same couple we were on that night. We’re both more confident and even more in love. You don’t think it will be weird when we’re finally together again, do you?
I’m sitting here tingling all over as I think of our naked bodies pressed together. Maybe that’s the wrong thing to say right now, but I don’t think so. Sometimes sex is more than the orgasm, remember? That’s why they call it making love. Right now I wouldn’t care if I came or not if I could just touch you and feel you. I wouldn’t even mind if you came and I didn’t. Can I ask you something? What’s it feel like when you come?
It’s weird that we’re so connected and trust each other so much. I could never tell anyone the things I tell you, not even Cory or Veronica. It’s different with us. I can honestly say I’ve never felt like this before.
I pray for you every night.
Love Forever,
Erica
Erica did a double take when she walked into the restaurant where she was supposed to meet her mother for dinner. Carolyn was waiting in the lobby, but she wasn’t alone.
A tall man with beefy arms and a salt and pepper gray flat top sat at her side. This must have been the surprise her mom had for her, but the fact that her mom brought a date wasn’t the only surprise. The big smile her mother directed at the man, who was actually sort of handsome in that distinguished older guy way, was nothing short of miraculous.
From the moment her dad left, Carolyn never had a kind word to say about the male species. Now, she was looking at this guy as if he was the answer to all of her prayers.
“Erica, I’m so glad you’re here.” Carolyn beamed at her. “I’d like to introduce you to Hank Evans. Hank, this is my daughter, Erica.”
Hank held a hand in her direction. “It’s nice to meet you, Erica. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Erica had to bite her tongue to keep from telling him she couldn’t say the same. Instead, she offered her warmest smile. The grip he used to shake her hand was firmer than she expected, but she liked it. It was as if he was saying that he respected her strength.
“Hey, sorry we’re late,” Aaron said from behind her.
Erica’s eyes widened when she turned to see her brother with a cute brunette on his arm. Even without benefit of the introduction, Erica knew she had to be the infamous Kristy. Petite with big boobs and big, brown eyes, she fit the bill perfectly.
“Our table is ready,” Carolyn said.
Hank smiled. “Now that the gang’s all here, what do you say we move this party to somewhere more comfortable so we can all get to know each other better?”
“Sure.” Erica nodded.
Erica couldn’t decide who she was more interested in; Kristy, the woman who may have single handedly ended her brother’s days as a man whore or Hank, who might have pulled off the amazing feat of restoring her mother’s faith and interest in the opposite sex.