“Erica, would you come to my office please?”
Erica looked up from the filing she was doing. Anna stood in the doorway of the records room, her eyes dark and her lips set in a thin line.
“Is everything okay?” Erica asked, getting to her feet.
Anna didn’t answer, but she didn’t have to. As soon as Anna opened the door to her office, and she caught sight of the two Marines, Erica froze.
“Mrs. Todd James Lincoln the Third?”
Two Marines faced her, looking sharp in dress blues, their faces impassive. Erica began to shake. No, no, no! God, please no.
Anna put an arm around Erica’s shoulders, whether to steady her or comfort her, Erica didn’t know.
Erica grew numb as she listened to the Marines speak. Most of their words weren’t making it past her ears and into her brain; ambushed, captured, several dead, missing.
Oh, God, which one is Linc? Is he dead or missing?
Erica forced herself to focus on them and made herself hear the words. Linc’s unit had come under an enemy attack. Only one Marine had escaped to say the wounded had been taken prisoner of war.
With those words, Erica’s legs gave out. Sobbing, she dropped to her knees. Anna went with her, keeping a strong arm around her.
“Erica, is there someone I can call for you, sweetie?” Anna asked.
“My mom,” Erica managed to whisper. “The number is…I mean… I don’t know.”
“It’s fine. I’ll take care of it,” Anna assured her, and Erica nodded.
Giving her shoulders one final squeeze, Anna got to her feet.
“Erica?”
At the sound of her name spoken so softly, Erica looked up. Nearly everyone in the office was crowded around her. Those who didn’t fit in Anna’s office spilled into the hallway.
Stacy held a hand toward her. “You can’t sit on the floor, hon.”
Erica didn’t care about sitting on the floor, but she managed to place her hand in Stacy’s. The other woman tugged her to her feet and led her to the empty chair that sat facing Anna’s desk. Even as Erica sank into the chair, Stacy kept a tight hold on her hand, and Erica didn’t let go.
Hanging up the phone, Anna looked up. “Your mom and dad will be here shortly.”
Any other day Erica would have made a joke about what a bad idea it was for those two to be in the same room. Now, all she wanted was to be with both of them, to have them hold her and tell her everything would be all right.
It had to be all right. God wouldn’t take Linc from her now, would He?
With her father on one side and her mother on the other, Erica stared at the front door of the Lincoln’s house.
When her parents had come to pick her up from work, arriving within moments of each other, Erica hadn’t questioned what they told her to do. Didn’t worry about leaving her car behind or wonder where they were going.
None of it mattered. Nothing mattered but Linc.
The door opened, and Sarah rushed out, nearly knocking Erica over with the hug she gave. Erica didn’t make a move to return the embrace, but Sarah either didn’t notice or didn’t mind.
Letting go of her, Sarah offered her a thin smile. “Come inside. Everyone’s here.”
Erica followed, not moving of her own choice so much as she was swept along by her parents. When they stepped inside, she drew in a sharp breath as she locked eyes with Gabriel.
Despite the seven year age difference between Linc and his little brother, the similarities in their appearance was so sharp it made her ache.
Every member of the Lincoln family was crowded into the house. There were also some members of their church there as well. Erica couldn’t remember the names of anyone from the church, and she didn’t care.
Erica’s father steered her toward the couch and Erica sat. Earl sat beside her, holding her in his arms.
“Linc’s going to die, Daddy,” Erica whispered.
Erica didn’t know where the words came from. Until she said them, she hadn’t even known she was going to speak.
“You don’t know that.”
“Linc says the Iraqis are killing American civilians. Why wouldn’t they kill the soldiers?”
Turning to face her, Earl looked straight into her eyes. “Does your heart tell you he’s dead?”
“No,” Erica said, but she wondered if that was her heart’s way of trying to protect her.
“Then trust your heart until we find out differently.”
Earl pulled her into his arms and Erica went. With her head leaning against her father’s chest, she could hear the strong and steady beat of his heart, reminding her so much of the sound of Linc’s heart.
This couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Linc was supposed to come home to her. They were supposed to live happily ever after. That’s what he promised.
She couldn’t take this. It was too much.
“Todd! Todd! Please come back! Please remember your promise. Please, Todd!”
The room went silent for one brief moment. Then a low buzz swept through.
“That’s right, baby.” Still holding tight to her, Earl spoke in a low, soothing tone. “Get it out now so that you can be strong for your husband when he comes home.”
Erica allowed herself to sob for a few more minutes before her father’s words cut through the pain. Strong, she needed to be strong. This was not what Linc needed, not what his family needed.
Wiggling out from under her father’s hold, she sat up. As she took in a deep breath, trying to compose herself, she caught sight of Gabriel. His eyes were wide, the pain visible even through the tears. Erica wanted to go to him, take him in her arms and promise him everything would be okay.
“Erica?” Meredith spoke softly.
Erica turned, looking up at her mother-in-law. “I’m sorry.”
Meredith caught her hand. “Don’t be sorry for loving my son. Let’s pray together. Let’s pray for his safe return.”
Erica nodded, and Meredith sat down beside her, still holding Erica’s hand. Somewhere in the room, TJ’s voice rang out. Though Erica bowed her head, she didn’t listen to TJ’s prayer. She said a prayer of her own that God would bring Linc back to her alive and unharmed. When TJ uttered his ‘amen’, several others chorused their sentiment.
Erica lifted her head and spotted Gabriel moving toward them.
Meredith looked up at him. “How’s my baby boy?”
“I’m okay.” Gabriel’s neck and ears went red. “Are you okay, Mom?”
“I’m fine, Gabriel.” Meredith got to her feet. “Why don’t you sit with your sister-in-law while I see if anyone needs anything?”
The moment he sat down beside her, Erica turned to look in his eyes. “Are you really okay, Gabe?”
“Sort of.”
“Yeah, I’m sort of okay too. I’m sorry if I scared you earlier.”
“It’s okay,” Gabriel mumbled.
“Thanks, Gabe.” Erica forced herself to smile as she slipped her hand in his. “I’m glad you’re here.”
A look of understanding passed between them. From now on, they would take care of each other. They were in this together.
At lunch time, the house got even busier. More people from church came, and they brought food.
Erica didn’t eat. It didn’t seem necessary given that she wasn’t hungry. Gabriel didn’t eat either. The two of them sat there, mostly in silence, but she didn’t mind. Despite being surrounded by family and friends, many of whom promised to pray for Linc, Erica felt more comfort in sitting with her brother-in-law.
All day long, the telephone rang off the hook. The first few times it happened, the sound made Erica’s heart race. A call was good. A call meant Linc was alive. They would only send someone to the house if he was dead, which was why the sound of the doorbell grated on her nerves.
“I think I’ll eat now,” Gabriel announced.
Erica smiled. “That’s good.”
“You want me to make you something?”
“I don’t think so. I’m not hungry.”
“I know, but you should eat.”
Her smile widened. “I should?”
“Yeah, you should. It’s like your dad said, you need to keep up your strength.”
“I agree,” Earl spoke up.
“Okay, I’ll eat,” Erica gave in.
Already, Gabriel was on his feet. “What do you want?”
“I’ll find something. I’ll meet you back here when I’m done.”
“Okay.”
“Thanks, Gabe,” Erica said, but he just shrugged like it was no big deal.
Maybe it wasn’t a big deal to him. Maybe it was second nature, taking care of his family and all, but to her it was the biggest deal in the world. Without Gabriel there, offering a support that was too mature for his fifteen years, she probably would have caved in to her grief by now.
Erica didn’t pay attention to what she piled on her plate. Not being hungry, she didn’t care what she ate, but for Linc, for his family, she would eat something.
When she was sure she had enough to satisfy everyone who insisted on poking food down her throat, she made her way back to the couch where Gabriel still sat.
“Your dad said he’d be right back,” Gabriel said.
Erica grimaced, knowing he’d probably gone out for a smoke. She hated that her father smoked. Besides being a disgusting and stinky habit, she worried it would kill him one day.
“You know, Gabe, you don’t have to babysit me if you don’t want to.”
“It’s not like that,” he said, dropping his gaze.
“What’s it like then?”
“I need to be next to you. It’s the only way I can feel close to Linc.”
“Look at me, Gabriel.”
When he lifted his face and met her gaze, she saw the tears pooled there, and her heart ached for him. “I feel same way about you, Gabe.”
Erica hugged him then. He hugged her back, and they both cried even harder. As they held each other, Erica said another silent prayer, this one not just for her and Linc but for Gabriel as well; a prayer not only of thanks but that God would let him find some measure of peace.
“There are a million reporters outside.”
Mary’s shrill declaration was followed by a slamming door.
Cracking her eyes open, Erica wondered where she was and why. One look at Gabriel, whom she’d used as a pillow last night, and it all came rushing back.
Erica pulled away. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Gabriel said, sitting up and scooting away from her.
TJ and Meredith entered the room.
“Did you say there were reporters outside?” Meredith asked.
“Yeah, tons of them,” Mary answered. “As soon as I got out of the car they came running up and started asking me questions about Linc.”
Meredith and TJ walked to the window and pulled the blinds up. Even through the small crack they created, Erica could see the line of news vans. Everyone from CNN to MSNBC was camped out on their street.
Meredith dropped the blinds. “What should we do, TJ?”
“We have to say something to them,” TJ replied. “Ignoring them won’t make them go away.”
“I don’t want to talk to them,” Mary said. “They’re animals. They chased me into the house.”
“They’re just doing their jobs,” Gabriel pointed out.
“Then you say something to them if you love them so much,” Mary snapped.
“I never said I loved them,” Gabriel said. “I just said they’re doing their jobs. There’s a difference you know.”
“That’s enough. We don’t need to start in on each other this early in the morning.” TJ looked around the room. “I’ll talk to the reporters.”
Meredith’s eyes widened. “What are you going to say?”
“What I have to.”
The minute he opened the door and stepped on the porch, the doors to the line of vans opened. Reporters and cameramen hopped out and started running and firing questions. ‘How did you find out your son was missing? Has there been any news? Have the Marines told you anything? Do you think there’s any hope for your son being found alive?’
“If I could have your attention please,” TJ called, using the same voice he did when he gave his sermons. “I won’t take up much of your time. My family and I want to thank you for your concern. If you could keep our son in your thoughts and prayers, we’d appreciate it. I’m sure you can understand what a difficult time this is for us, which is why we won’t be answering questions or giving any interviews. We appreciate your understanding and cooperation and respect of our privacy.”
That was all he said before he turned and walked back inside. The reporters started calling out questions behind him, but TJ didn’t answer. He’d already closed the door.
“Gabriel, you need to get dressed, or you’ll be late for school,” TJ said.
“Why don’t you get some breakfast first?” Meredith suggested. “There’s bacon and eggs already made in the kitchen. Maybe you can find something for Erica too.”
“I’m not hungry,” Erica said.
“Did you get much sleep last night, hon?” Meredith asked.
“A little,” Erica mumbled.
“It was a long night for me too,” Meredith agreed.
“I hardly slept at all,” Mary added. “Thank God Dylan was there to take care of me and keep my mind off things.”
Tears formed in Erica’s eyes. “I know what you mean,” she said softly, glancing at Gabriel. “Gabe’s been doing a good job taking care of me. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
“It’s about time he did something good,” Mary joked, but no one laughed.
“Mary, lighten up on your brother,” TJ said, and Gabriel’s eyebrows shot up.
“You have to eat hon,” Meredith told Erica. “I’m sure Gabriel can find you a little something.”
“I don’t know if I have time,” Gabriel said. “I have to leave for school soon.”
“I think school can do without you for one more day,” Meredith said, looking to TJ for his confirmation.
“I agree,” TJ said.
“Tell you what.” Meredith turned to Erica once again. “Why don’t you take a shower, and when you’re done, I’ll wash your clothes for you? A clean body and clean clothes to cover it make for a clean soul.”
For a second, Erica just stared at her. It was such an odd thing to say, so odd that it made a little bit of sense. A shower sounded good, but…
“I don’t have anything to wear while my clothes are in the wash.”
“You can borrow one of my robes,” Meredith said with a bright smile. “Come on, dear, I’m sure we can scare up something.”
Erica couldn’t argue with that. Besides, she could really use a shower.
Erica was right about the shower. It felt good, so good that she wanted to linger for hours, letting the water wash away her troubles, but she had to be fair. There were others in the house who probably felt the same.
Sighing, she shut off the water and stepped out of the warmth of the stall. Once she was dry, she slid on the fuzzy robe Meredith had left out for her. The thought of walking around Linc’s parents’ house wearing a robe with nothing underneath was a little unsettling, but it couldn’t be helped for the moment.
When she came out of the bathroom, Erica intended to return to the family room. An open door to her right made her stop. Staring into the room, her breath seized.
This was Linc’s room, the room he’d shared with Gabriel before moving in with her. Unable to stop herself, she drifted inside.
There were still two beds in the room, which made sense. No one had been expecting Linc’s impromptu marriage. Posters of cars and motorcycles and sports stars lined the walls, but she ignored all of it as she moved toward the desk shoved along the far wall opposite the door. A corkboard hung over that desk. Pictures of Linc and Gabriel and their family were held in place with colorful tacks.
“Oh, Todd, where are you?” Erica whispered, reaching up to touch his senior picture.
Though it was taken four years earlier, Linc looked the same. The only difference being the full head of dark blond hair. As she studied the picture, she realized it was the first time she’d ever seen him with hair.
A throat cleared behind her. “Um, Erica?”
“Gabriel.” Erica gasped as she whipped around to face him. “You scared me.”
“Sorry.”
“I guess I should say sorry to you. I’m in your room after all.”
Gabriel shrugged. “It’s cool.”
“So are you. I meant what I said. You’ve been taking good care of me. It means a lot to me.”
“It’s cool,” Gabriel repeated.
“I know you probably hear this a lot, but you guys look a lot alike, especially in this picture.” Erica pointed to a picture of the brothers taken on what appeared to be boot camp graduation day. “Linc talks about you a lot. He’s really proud of you.”
“Why?”
“You’re smart and funny and a nice guy, even if you are obsessed with sex.”
Gabriel’s face turned a fast shade of red. “He said that?”
“Not at all,” she said, following it up with this little giggle. “But you are a fifteen-year- old guy, which means there are three things you’re obsessed with.”
“Oh, yeah? What are they?”
“Actually, most guys are obsessed with them.”
“So, what are they?”
“Sex, sports and cars.”
“I guess you know you’re talking about my brother too.”
“I said most guys are obsessed with them,” Erica pointed out. “There are some exceptions, and I think your brother’s one of them.”
“Man, he’s really got you fooled,” Gabriel joked.
“Does he?”
“Hell yeah, he does. The nice guy thing is just an act. Linc curses more than anybody I know.”
“What else does he do?”
“Well, before you, he screwed like a hundred girls.”
Erica smiled, but she played along. “What else?”
“Are you sure you want to hear this?” Gabriel asked as if there was a bunch of skeletons crammed in his brother’s closet. “I mean, it’s kind of tough for some girls to take.”
“Maybe I’m a tough girl.”
The way she’d been crying and carrying on the last couple of days, she couldn’t fault him for the skeptical look he gave her.
“Okay, but just remember you asked.”
“Why do you have to bring him everywhere, Linc?” Donnie hitched his thumb in Gabriel’s direction.
They were in the backseat of a car with Donnie and Pete, and the four of them in the back was a tight fit. Up front, Larry was driving and Greg sat next to him.
“No kidding, Lincoln,” Pete said. “Why are you always bringing the little nose-picker with you? Your parents make you or something?”
“Nah, I like having him around,” Linc said and ruffled Gabriel’s hair.
“Yeah, well there’s no way I’d let either one of my brothers follow me around,” Donnie said. “Not even if you paid me a million bucks.”
“That’s because your brothers aren’t cool like mine,” Linc said, and Gabriel grinned.
“Can you feel the love in this car?” Larry joked. “Ain’t it sweet?”
“It’s kind of gay,” Donnie joked. “You aren’t gay are you, Linc?”
“Maybe that’s why he drags the runt everywhere,” Pete said. “He wants to keep the girls away.”
“Actually, it’s the opposite,” Linc said.
“What do you mean?” Donnie asked.
“Gabriel is a total chick magnet,” Linc answered, and the guys cracked up.
“You’re fucking kidding, right?” Pete shook his head. “How is this little nose-picker a chick magnet?”
“I’ll show you when we get to the mall,” Linc offered.
“Bullshit,” Larry said.
“It has to be bullshit or he’d tell us what he really means,” Donnie pointed out.
“It’s not bullshit,” Linc insisted. “I’ll bet all of you twenty bucks each that me and Gabriel will get more phone numbers today than all of you put together.”
“No fucking way,” Donnie said.
“It’s cool if you’re afraid,” Linc said with a shrug.
“I’m not afraid, Lincoln,” Donnie said. “I just feel bad taking money from God’s number one fan.”
“Whatever you say,” Linc said.
“You know what? You’re on,” Donnie gave in. “And to make sure you’re not a fucking liar, we’re all gonna hang out and watch while you do your thing.”
“No problem,” Linc said.
They got out of the car and headed for entrance of the mall where they went straight for the food court. There, Linc and his friends bought cookies and frozen lemonades before sitting down at one of the tables.
“All right, Lincoln, let’s see you put your money where your mouth is,” Donnie said.
Linc looked up and down the mall. “Okay, Gabe, you see those girls over there?” He nodded toward a group coming their way.
“Yeah,” Gabriel said.
“Do your thing, little brother,” Linc told him.
“What are you doing, Linc?” Larry asked when Linc turned his back on Gabriel.
“Just watch,” Linc said.
As soon as Linc took a seat beside his buddies, Gabriel started to cry. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Linc and his friends watching. Even though he and Linc practiced this gig a hundred times, the sound of his friends’ laughter still made his face go red.
Gabriel turned his back to the guys. When the girls moved closer, he cried even louder. They surrounded him in an instant, drowning him in the scent of their perfume.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?”
“I lost my big brother.”
“Where is he, honey?”
“I don’t know.”
By then, Gabriel was fake-crying so hard there were real tears in his eyes.
Suddenly, Linc burst into the middle of the group and scooped Gabriel up in his arms. “Gabriel, there you are! You scared me, buddy. Are you okay?”
“I am now that you’re here,” Gabriel said the line Linc taught him.
Linc handed him a frozen lemonade. “Don’t ever do that to me again,” he said and then looked around at the girls .“Thanks so much for taking care of him. I was scared to death. One minute we’re in line for lemonade, and the next minute he’s gone.”
The girls were all smiling at Linc, and they weren’t ordinary smiles. They were giving him these great big smiles that reminded Gabriel of the way his sisters always smiled at the boys they said were so cute.
“What’s your name?” one of the girls asked.
“Linc,” he answered, grinning at them.
“I’m Hillary,” she said, reaching for his hand and not letting go. “It’s cool to see a guy that wants to hang out with his little brother. Most guys couldn’t be bothered with kids.”
“I’m not like most guys,” Linc said, and every girl sighed.
When Gabriel looked over at his brother’s friends, their mouths hanging wide open made him laugh around his straw.
Before he even finished the story, Erica was laughing harder than she could remember doing in her entire life. “Is that true?”
“Every word is true.”
“I thought Linc was Mr. Shy Guy. Maybe he does have me fooled.”
Gabriel shrugged. “Guys act different around their friends.”
“So, you cried on cue for frozen lemonade?”
“I was nine.”
Erica laughed again. This time Gabriel did too. For some reason, the two of them couldn’t seem to stop laughing like a pair of hyenas.
“Do you think he’s okay, Gabe?”
Gabriel’s smile faded. “I don’t know.”
“I don’t either,” she said softly. “And that’s what scares me.”
“There you two are.” Meredith stepped into the room. “Your clothes are dry, Erica.”
“Oh, okay,” Erica said. “I mean, thank you.”
“I thought you were going to shower, Gabriel,” Meredith said.
“I was, but—”
“But we were talking,” Erica interjected and gave him a quick wink. “We’re done though.”
“That’s good,” Meredith said. “Your clothes are in my room. You can get dressed there. No one will disturb you.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Erica said. Then she reached for Gabriel’s hand and squeezed it. “And thank you, Gabriel.”
“It was nothing,” he mumbled, but he was wrong.
It was so much more than he knew, so much more than she could explain.
Just like yesterday, people came in and out of the house all day long and the phone rang nonstop. Mary and Sarah stuck close to Meredith, leaving Gabriel with Erica. TJ played the dutiful minister, keeping it together and keeping the faith.
Every time someone tried to tell Linc’s dad how sorry they were, he waved them off and said everything would be fine. This was all part of God’s plan for Linc.
Erica wanted to believe that, needed to believe it, but she was worried.
“So, this is where you’ve been hiding out.”
Erica looked up into Cory’s concerned face. Veronica stood beside her, wearing an identical look of worry.
“I’m not hiding out,” Erica said.
“We know.” Dropping down beside her, Veronica took Erica’s hand. “We brought your car.”
“Thank you,” Erica said.
Cory sat on the love seat. “It’s no big deal.”
“Has there been any news?” Veronica asked.
“Nothing new,” Erica admitted.
Erica hated the waiting. It was the worst part, not as bad as not knowing where Linc was or if he was all right, but it was still bad. One way or another, she needed to know something, anything. Not knowing and not being able to do anything about it was the most helpless feeling in the world.
“At least you have a lot of people here for you so you don’t have to be alone,” Veronica said.
Though Erica wouldn’t have said so, she felt suffocated by the well-meaning people who came to lend their support. It created a chaos that made her feel out of sorts. The only thing that made it tolerable was the constant support of Gabriel. Who knew her fifteen-year-old little brother would be her rock?
Speaking of which, Erica cast a glance around the room, wondering where her shadow had gone.
“Erica,” Carolyn called as she entered the house with Hank at her side. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. I had to put in some time at the office.”
“Its fine, Mom,” Erica said, accepting her mother’s hug. “Hi, Hank, thanks for coming.”
Hank offered her a kind smile. “It’s good to see you, but I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances.”
Erica nodded, unable to offer any argument.
“Goodness, where are my manners?” Carolyn laughed. “Hank, these are Erica’s friends, Cory and Veronica. Girls, this is Hank.”
Erica realized she should have been the one to make the introductions, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.
“I hate to say it, but we should probably get going.” Cory glanced at her watch. “The lunch hour is almost up.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Veronica agreed.
Getting to her feet, Cory leaned down to hug Erica.
“Thanks for coming and for bringing my car,” Erica said.
“You don’t have to thank us for that,” Veronica said and then took her turn for a hug.
Cory gave Erica a long look. “Did you want us to pray with you before we go?”
Erica’s mouth dropped open. Cory had never made any secret of the fact that she didn’t believe in God and didn’t understand people who did, but she had just offered to pray with Erica. Of all the things people had done and said to try and comfort her, that one touched Erica the most.
It reminded her that no matter how old they got, or how much they changed, her friends would always love her, would always be there for her.