Wednesday morning, while sitting at the kitchen table picking at a bowl of cereal, Erica finally got an answer to her prayers.
“Mommy! Daddy! Come quick!”
The excitement in Sarah’s voice made Erica’s heart beat faster.
“It’s Linc! It’s Linc! Erica, its Linc! Linc’s on TV!”
Abandoning her soggy cereal, Erica shot to her feet, moving toward the living room with the rest of the family. Her heart seized at the image that greeted her.
Linc was on television, and he was alive. He stood in a line with three other Marines. They were all in orange jumpsuits.
“Members of the Iraqi media received this tape of the captured Marines early this morning. Though they haven’t been officially identified sources say they are Todd Lincoln, Mickey Simmons, Allen Anderson and Christopher Herrera.”
As the newscaster spoke, Erica stared hard at Linc. The quality of the video was poor, but she could tell it was him. There was a sling around his left arm, which meant he was wounded; wounded but alive.
When the report was finished and the image gone, Erica dropped to her knees in front of the TV. She thanked God Linc was still alive and prayed he would make it out of there, wherever he was.
* * *
That night, Erica and the rest of the Lincoln family went to church. No one would have blamed them if they had stayed home. Erica didn’t want to stay home though. She wanted to go to church and praise God for letting her see Linc was alive. Sarah was kind enough to let her borrow a dress since she hadn’t been home in the last three days.
The moment they stepped out of the house, they were flanked by the reporters that had their trucks set up outside the house. No one had any comment. They’d made up their mind they weren’t ready to speak to the press.
‘What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be home waiting for news?’
Questions like these greeted them as soon as they walked into church. As soon as Linc’s father took the pulpit, a hush fell over the already somber crowd.
“You know, there are some who said we didn’t need to be here tonight. I know those folks mean well, but they’re wrong. This is the one place we feel most comforted.
“Linc’s own wife, Erica, told me she knew she needed to be here to praise God that Linc was still alive. We all know that Linc is a man of deep and abiding faith, a faith that he’s been able to share with his wife. I think the Lord’s house is the one place all of us belong, especially those closest to Linc.”
Everyone seemed to be crying when TJ finished his opening remarks. When the choir led them in a hymn, Erica sang loud and clear, hoping God could hear in her voice how grateful she was for His love and mercy for showing her Linc was still alive.
The rest of the week passed slowly for Erica. By the time Saturday came, Linc had been missing for six days. No one knew where he was, but they knew he was alive.
Tired of being cooped up in the house, Erica decided to drive to her apartment, maybe check her mail and definitely grab some clothes. Thanks to Sarah loaning Erica her clothes all week, Erica had been able to avoid staying in the only outfit she had at their house.
“I’m going to go home for a bit,” Erica told the group gathered around the table.
Sarah got to her feet. “I’ll come with you.”
As soon as she got behind the wheel of her car, a car she once despised, Erica realized how good it felt to be doing something. Driving wasn’t much, but it was something she could do besides driving herself crazy waiting to hear more news on Linc.
“You know, Erica, I don’t know if I’d be as strong as you.”
“My heart tells me Linc is alive.”
“I just wish we could hear something new.”
Erica didn’t know what else to say. Judging from the answering silence neither did Sarah.
An entire week’s worth of mail was stuffed into Erica’s mailbox. She thumbed through it absently until she reached a letter from Linc. Her heart pounded painfully against her ribcage as she stared at the envelope she held in a punishing grip.
“Oh my God, that’s Linc’s writing.” Sarah gasped.
Erica’s fingers trembled as she tried to open it. Seeing her struggle, Sarah rescued the letter from her grasp. They sat together on the couch. Erica didn’t object when Sarah began to read the letter aloud.
“Dear Rikki,
“How’s my beautiful wife? I’m missing you bad today, baby. I’ll have you know Whitey and Mouse insisted on hanging over me while I read your last letter. Very embarrassing since we both know what happens when I read your letters. We’ve got to find them some girls. What about Cory and Veronica?
“Jesus Christ, Rik! You did it again. The whole thing about whispering my name was very sexy. I’m rock solid again. As soon as I get home I plan to spend an entire week kissing you and touching you and making love to you. What if I tell everyone else I’m coming home a week later than I really am? Kidding, but wishing it could be true.
“My feeling shy is not about you or us. It’s about me being so inexperienced when it comes to sex. It’s about the fact that I was a virgin on our wedding night. You’re my best friend, and I trust you 100%. We can tell each other anything. I just don’t know how to ask you what I want without sounding like a pervert. Remember a certain prayer? Anyway, I think I want to ask you in person. Like everything else, this is something I need your help with.
“Is it weird that you taught me all about sex, and I taught you about God? I know what you mean about church. I miss my dad’s sermons. Listening to him speak makes it easy to have faith. I still have faith, but I miss the fellowship of church. Know what else makes it easy to have faith? Our marriage. I thank God every day for His wisdom to bring us together. Ever wonder what would’ve happened if you hadn’t asked me to dance?
“It’s okay that you don’t want to hear about the war. It’s probably better. It’s a very ugly thing. I can’t promise I won’t be different when I get home, but I can promise my love for you won’t change. Well, it might get stronger, but that’s okay right?
“I don’t care at all if people don’t get us. We understand us. It doesn’t matter if others doubt us because we know it’s real. Someday others will know it too. Of course, they might think you took advantage of this innocent Christian boy with your sinful sex! Kidding Rikki!
“By the time you read this, I’ll have called you again. Whitey insists on coming with me. Kinda weird that he likes to hear me beg you to call me Todd. I’m not sure exactly how he likes it. Know what I mean? Can’t wait to hear your voice again.
“Forever in love with you,
“Todd”
Tears were streaming down Erica’s cheeks. Linc must have written to her after receiving her last letter. Knowing it didn’t do her any good to reply broke her heart.
“I didn’t know Linc was like that,” Sarah said softly.
“You weren’t supposed to.”
“He’s my brother, but he’s not the person I know. He’s really a man now.”
“He’s still the person you know,” Erica assured her. “He’s your brother, but he’s my husband. Each of us has a different piece of the same person.”
Sarah smiled. “You call him Todd?”
“Sometimes.”
“Do you think he’ll die?”
“No!”
They sat on the couch and prayed together. Erica saw Linc’s letter as a sign that he was getting closer to being home. That’s what her heart said. Her mind told her that he’d been gone too long to still be alive. Erica decided to take her father’s advice and follow her heart.
The smell of fresh cooked bacon still hung heavy in the air when Erica and Sarah returned from the apartment.
“Mommy, Daddy, Erica got a letter from Linc!” Sarah called as she hurried toward the kitchen with Erica following close behind.
“What?” Meredith gasped.
“Erica got a letter from Linc,” Sarah repeated. “It was in her mailbox waiting for her.”
“He sent it before he got captured,” Erica said softly.
“What’d it say?” Mary asked.
Erica and Sarah traded glances.
“Not much, really,” Sarah answered. “It was about how he missed her, and he couldn’t wait to come home and stuff.”
Meredith clasped her hands together. “That’s so wonderful.”
“I think it’s a sign from God, Mommy,” Sarah said.
“I have the most wonderful idea,” Meredith said, beaming from ear to ear. “I think we should all take turns reading our favorite letters from Linc.”
“That is a good idea, Mom,” Mary agreed.
“I’d have to go home and look through mine though,” Sarah said. “I don’t carry them with me.”
“Me too,” Mary said. “That’ll be good though. It’ll give me a chance to put Tyler and Rebecca down for a nap.”
“I don’t wanna nap,” Tyler said. “I want some more Mickey Mouse pancakes.”
“Not now, silly,” Mary said. “We’ll go home later. Then I can look for letters from Uncle Linc while you take your nap.”
Tyler frowned. “Uncle Gabe’s gonna play with me later.”
“He can play with you after breakfast, and we’ll go home after that,” Mary said, and Erica didn’t blame her for the heavy sigh that followed.
Tyler may have been one of the cutest kids Erica had seen, but he was a handful. It kind of made her wonder if she and Linc should have any kids. Erica winced. Unless Linc came home, whether or not they should have kids wouldn’t matter.
They waited until after lunch to gather in the family room to read their favorite letters from Linc. It was easier now with the visitors that had once overwhelmed the house having slowed to a trickle.
“Who wants to go first?” TJ asked.
“I will,” Mary offered.
Erica held her breath as she waited for Mary to start reading. Until that moment, she hadn’t realized just how much she wanted to hear Linc’s words.
“Dear Big Sis,
“I hope you and Dylan are doing well and the kids aren’t running you too ragged. Things here are pretty interesting. There are guys from all over the country, which is cool. I’m getting the chance to meet all kinds of people that I wouldn’t normally meet. That part’s cool, but the war part sucks.
“I won’t get into that too much. Just trust me when I say we’re well trained and we look out for each other. We’re going to keep each other safe and do our best not to leave here in body bags. Everybody here calls me Preacher, like that old song about the son of the preacher man. When they found out about Dad being a pastor, that’s the name I got. It could be worse. There are some guys here who’ve gotten stuck with some pretty unfortunate nicknames.
“I hate to say it, but I think some of it has to do with them being perceived as the weaker ones. Sometimes the way things work around here reminds me of the way it was in high school. No kidding, there are cliques and everything. I’m much more popular here than I was in high school though. Not sure if that’s because I’m the son of the preacher man or if it’s because a couple of my best buddies here happen to be these really huge black guys.
“Tell Tyler thanks for the picture he drew me, and tell him I showed it to all the guys and they liked it too. Maybe he’s going to be an artist when he grows up. That’d be cool. I can’t wait to see what else he comes up with.
“Listen, I need to ask you a serious favor. Could you please check in on Erica once in a while and make sure she’s really okay? I know she’s going to church and all and that’s great. The thing is she’ll probably put on her best face at church because she doesn’t think she has the right to complain. We’ve only known each other a few weeks, but everyone else has known me my whole life. I know none of you think that, and I’m not saying she does either, I’m just guessing.
“If anyone does think it though, it’s all wrong. It’s a different kind of missing each other. Imagine if Dylan was gone to war and how hard it would be for you guys to be apart. There’d be this hole in your heart not to wake up in the morning and see him there and to have to face going to bed at night knowing he wasn’t there. Sounds girly, but I know you get it since you’re such a girl and all. Anyway, please do this for me, but don’t tell Erica that’s why you’re doing it.
“Love to you and the kids and say hey to Dylan for me.”
Tears filled Erica’s eyes. Even in his letters to his family, Linc was more worried about her than himself, making sure they pitched in to take care of her.
“That’s so romantic.” Sarah sighed. “And its way better than the letter I brought.”
“It’s not a competition,” TJ reminded them. “It’s a way for us to feel closer to Linc.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Sarah said.
“Why don’t I go next?” Meredith spoke up.
“Dear, Mom.
“How are you? I hope you and Dad are doing okay. I’m going to tell you I’m fine, but I know you’re not going to believe me. You’re going to be worried about me being in a combat zone no matter what I tell you. I understand.
“I wish you wouldn’t worry so much though. I don’t want it to make you sick or something. I know; I’ll understand when I have kids. The idea of having kids seems weirder to me than being here does. I guess it’s because I’m not thinking past tomorrow. I’m just doing my job and doing the best I can to get home as fast as I can.
“This is what I wanted, but things were different when I joined. I didn’t have a wife then. Now that I do, I feel even more of an obligation to get out of here alive and in the same shape I was when I got here.
“I know you’re still wondering about me and Erica being married so fast and staying married. The thing is I don’t know how to explain it any better than I did that day so I don’t think I will anymore. Please don’t be mad when I say that. I’m just tired of explaining it to everyone. Do you know you, Mary, and Sarah all wrote me and asked me why I’d marry a girl I met in a night club when I knew her for just three days?
“It kind of hurts that you all doubt me, but I guess I understand. I also understand why I did it, and Erica understands, and God understands, and that’s the only three people that I really need to understand it.
“I miss you, Mom. I miss you making me breakfast every day. The food here sure isn’t anything like I had at home. At this rate, I’ll look like a skeleton when I come home. I just hope everyone still recognizes me.
“Anyway, I don’t mean to keep this short, but I have a ton more letters to write. Sure would be easier if you’d all get together and write me one letter. Never mind, don’t do that. I get the most mail in the unit this way, which is kind of cool.
“Love you, Mom.”
Mary and Sarah shot a guilty look in Erica’s direction, but Erica didn’t blame them for being concerned about why she and Linc had eloped. It wasn’t like it was a surprise either.
“I’ll go now,” Sarah said.
“Dear Big Sis Two,
“How’s it going? Bet you’re keeping busy chasing that little girl around.
“Thanks for sending me those pictures. You have no idea how much it helps to have pictures from home. The guys can’t get over how much Gabe and I look alike. They cracked a bunch of jokes about the two of us running games on the girls. If they knew me like you do, they’d know that’s never really been my thing.
“Gabe on the other hand will have no problem finding himself a bunch of girlfriends. I was always too shy for stuff like that. Sometimes I still can’t believe I got Erica to talk to me. Actually, she talked to me first, and I came really close to blowing it with her that night. The funny thing is I thought I was being cool or whatever, but she just looked at me like I was a loser. I think God must have been helping me out that night because there’s no way I could’ve gotten her number on my own.
“I can’t believe I’m going to say this to you, but a couple of guys were bummed out that my sisters were married. Hey, what can I say? There’s no accounting for taste. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. I’m kidding, so please don’t poison the next package of cookies you send. The guys like those too. Keep that in mind when you’re making them and don’t spit in them either.
“I need to ask you something, and I want the truth. Is Mom doing okay? I know none of this has been easy for her. She shit when I joined the Corps, and you saw what she did when I got married. I know it was a shock and all. Anyway, I know this thing with me going to war has been hard for her.
“It’s hard for me too. The things I see here aren’t what I expected. I won’t tell you about them. It doesn’t matter. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but it’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been through a war what it’s like to be in one.
“I just want Mom to be okay and not make herself sick worrying about me. I’ve told her that a million times, but she just tells me she’s fine. She says mothers are supposed to worry about their sons. Just keep an eye on her and make sure she gets out and has fun and doesn’t think about this shit all the time.
“Oh, and one more thing, keep an eye on my little brother. It’s a tough time for him right now, and it bugs me a lot that I can’t be there for him. Talk to you soon.”
A glance at Gabriel confirmed the effect Linc’s letter had on him. Erica reached over and plucked a tissue from the Kleenex box on the coffee table and handed it to him.
“I don’t need that,” Gabriel said, despite the blush staining his cheeks.
“Okay.” Erica gave him a soft smile. “I’ll keep it for me because I do.”
“You go next, Daddy,” Sarah said.
“Dear, Dad,
“How are you today? I have to be honest and say your last letter made me laugh. I don’t know if you realize you’re doing this or not, but you write like you’re giving a sermon. It was cool though. I miss the sermons and I miss church. I guess your letters are the closest I can get to the real thing.
“I wanted to say thanks for being so understanding about all of this. I don’t know if it’s because you’re a man or what, and I don’t mean that as an insult to Mom, but you’ve handled all of this really well. The way you’re always so calm about everything drove me nuts when I was a kid. Now that I’m older, I appreciate it. I hope I can use it over here and keep cool when the pressure’s on.
“I know it sounds like a total line of bull, but I think the whole Marine Corps thing was part of God’s plan to get me and Erica together. If I wasn’t a Marine, I wouldn’t have been friends with the guys I went to the night club with. Then I wouldn’t have been there to meet Erica.
“Do you remember what you told me about the first time you saw Mom and how she took your breath away with how pretty she was? I totally get it. That’s how I felt when I saw Erica. I was just sitting in the corner of the club and watching my buddies dance with all these pretty girls. I know it’s not right and is even sinful, but I was a little envious of them. I wished I could be one of those guys that got the girl, but I was so afraid of being shot down that I never opened my mouth.
“You know me though. Talking to girls always scared the hell out of me. What was I gonna say? My dad’s a Baptist minister? I have no job? I live at home with my parents and share a room with my little brother? My mom still makes me breakfast every day?
“Don’t get me wrong, all of this stuff is really important to me and I respect what it all means. It’s just not as cool as being able to show off my sports car or my recent Bachelor’s degree and my plans to go to law school or med school or something.
“With Erica, something miraculous happened. She talked to me first. I have no idea why she picked me of all the guys in the club that night. Better yet, I don’t know why she gave me another chance after some of the stupid stuff I said. I’d tell you, but it’s way too embarrassing. I just thank God every night that he helped her to see past what a loser I was acting like.
“Erica is in God’s plan for me. She’s going to be my wife forever, and I don’t know how or why, but I sense that she’s going to be a key part of making me a better man. I know you understand that too.
“Thanks for always knowing the right thing to say and for telling me the stories about you and Mom. I miss all of you and pray for you every night.”
Meredith reached for Erica’s hand. “Are you all right, dear?”
“I’m fine,” Erica said, though her throat was tight with emotion.
“Do you need to stop for a while?”
“No, I’m really all right. I wish we’d had this idea sooner. It’s so great to hear Linc’s words to all of you. It’s almost like I can hear his voice in your letters.”
“Maybe you should go next.”
“The only letter I have is the one I got today,” Erica admitted. “With all those reporters out there, I didn’t want to go out again.”
Meredith nodded. “We can all understand that.”
“You should read it, Erica,” Sarah said. “It was so beautiful.”
“Um, okay,” Erica said and extracted it from her pocket.
“Dear Rikki. How’s my beautiful wife? I’m missing you bad today, baby. I’ll have you know Whitey and Mouse insisted on hanging over me while I read your last letter. Very embarrassing since we both know what happens when I read your letters. We’ve got to find them some girls. What about Cory or Veronica?
“I’m so proud of you, Erica. Accepting Christ in your life is a big step. I wish I could be there to see you get baptized, but we both know I’ll be here a little while longer. That’s okay though. My heart and soul is always with you, so I’ll be there in our own special way.
“Speaking of Jesus Christ…”
Erica’s voice trailed off. With her face warming, she looked up from her letter and traded glances with Sarah.
“What’s wrong?” Mary asked. “Why’d you stop?”
“I, um, it’s just that…”
“It’s okay, hon,” Meredith said. “You don’t have to read anything you don’t want to.”
“I’ll, um, just skip to the bottom,” Erica said, still blushing.
“I know what you mean about church. I miss my dad’s sermons. Listening to him talk makes it easy to have faith. I still have faith, but I miss the fellowship of church. Know what else makes it easy to have faith? Our marriage. I thank God every day for His wisdom to bring us together. Ever wonder what would’ve happened if you hadn’t asked me to dance?
“It’s okay that you don’t want to hear about the war. It’s probably better. It’s a very ugly thing. I can’t promise I won’t be different when I get home, but I can promise my love for you won’t change. Well, it might get stronger, but that’s okay right?
“You know what? I don’t care at all if people don’t get us. We understand us. Know what I mean? It doesn’t matter if others doubt us because we know it’s real. Someday others will know it too.
“By the time you read this, I’ll have called you again. Whitey insists on coming with me. Kinda weird that he likes to hear me beg you to call me Todd. Not exactly sure how he likes it. Know what I mean? Can’t wait to hear your voice again.
“Forever in love with you, Todd.”
“You’re right, Sarah,” Meredith said. “That was beautiful.”
“I told you,” Sarah said, smiling.
“Well, Gabriel, I guess that means it’s your turn,” Meredith said.
Gabriel unfolded the letter he’d been clutching tight in his hand and began to read.
“Dear, Gabe.
“How are you, little brother? I sure hope you’re doing well in school and staying out of trouble. Well, as much as you can anyway. It’s okay to get in a little trouble sometimes. Just make sure it’s nothing big like setting the church on fire. I’m kidding. I know you’d never do something like that. You might want to remember that line though. You know, like if you fail a test or something and Mom and Dad start going off you can say, ‘Hey, at least I didn’t set the church on fire.’ Then again, that might not really be the best advice. I think the heat is getting to me.
“This place is totally weird. In the daytime it’s almost a hundred and twenty degrees. Then at night it gets so cold your balls try to crawl back up inside you. I’ll be glad to get back home where things are normal and I know what the fuck is coming.
“Want to hear something funny? Even though there are hundreds of guys around me, I feel really alone sometimes. That feeling gets worse at night. It’s hard to sleep sometimes when your bed isn’t your bed and you know there are guys just beyond the walls of your base that are itching to kill your ass. That’s not the funny part though.
“The funny part is that sometimes I look over and expect to see you in the bed across from me. The guys have even said that I sometimes call them Gabe in my sleep. Hey, at least I’m not calling them Erica. All the guys here are my brothers. You can’t help but think of each other that way. It’s not the same thing though. It’s not the same as your flesh and blood brother who knows your strengths and weaknesses and your heart and soul. Get what I mean?
“Things here sure aren’t what I expected. Not all of it’s bad. Some of it’s really beautiful. I can see the potential in what the people are trying to achieve. That’s the stuff I try to keep in mind when I start asking what the fuck I’m doing here.
“I’ll see you again soon, Gabe. Until then, I miss you. I know it’s not the same, but if you need me soon and can’t wait for a letter, email me and tell me to call. I will for an emergency. No offense, but I hope you never need me to call. Love you, Linc.”
Tears streamed down Erica’s face, tears she didn’t try to hide. Hearing Linc’s beautiful words had been bittersweet, wonderful at the time but a little heartbreaking now that it was over.
Erica couldn’t focus on the loss though. It was the connection she needed to focus on. That connection, and those words, was all she had to hold on to right now.
“I’ll bet you wish you were back at school.”
Gabriel jumped at the sound of Erica’s voice.
“Sorry,” Erica said with a little giggle. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just coming to tell you dinner will be ready in five minutes.”
“It’s okay,” Gabriel assured her.
Erica tilted her head to the side and studied him. “Are you okay?”
“Are you?” he asked, and she laughed. “Erica, how’d you meet Linc?”
“You know how. We met at a night club when we were both out with our friends.”
“I know where you met. I was wondering how it happened.”
“Why are you wondering that?”
Gabriel shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Erica stepped into the room and dropped down on Linc’s bed. “My friends bet me twenty bucks each that I wouldn’t ask him to dance. Honestly, I figured he’d say no, but forty bucks seemed worth a moment of humiliation.”
“Dinner!” Meredith yelled.
“Guess that’s our cue,” Erica said.
She rose from the bed and started for the door.
“Hey, Erica, did Linc say yes?”
Erica turned her head over her shoulder and frowned. “What?”
“Did Linc dance with you?” Gabriel explained.
Erica’s expression softened. “No, he still owes me a dance.”
Every night she prayed though, prayed he would be able to one day give her that dance.
After church on Sunday, everyone gathered at the Lincoln’s house. Even though it was September, it was still warm enough that they could eat outside.
The routine was nice, comforting in its familiarity. Having something else to concentrate on distracted Erica from the fact that nine days had passed and they were no closer to having any answers to where Linc was or when he would be home.
Sitting outside, chatting with Linc’s sisters and his mother, Erica didn’t have to think about that. Erica lingered for a while, pretending it was any other Sunday, before she said her goodbyes to everyone.
The only person missing from their gathering, the one person she would never leave without saying goodbye to, was Gabriel. Erica found him in his room. Though he was hunched over a notebook in his lap, his eyes were trained on another time.
“You look like you’re a million miles away.”
Gabriel looked up. “You’re the second person who’s said that to me today.”
Erica smiled. “What are you working on?”
“Just some homework.”
“Anything I can help you with?”
“Nah, it’s not that hard. What’s up?”
“I came to say goodbye.”
“You’re leaving me?”
Erica’s smile faded. “I’m not leaving for good. I’m just going to see my parents for a little while. Since they’ve been at work all week, I haven’t had a chance to see them, and I’d really like to.”
“But you’re coming back, right?”
“I’ll be at church tonight, and then I’ll come back here after. I promise.”
“Okay. I guess I’ll see you later.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
Resuming her bright smile, she turned to leave.
“Erica, are you worried?”
She stopped and faced him once again. “Not as worried as I was yesterday.”
“Why not?”
“I think that letter from Linc is a sign from God that he’ll be home soon.”
“You really think so?”
“We just have to have faith, little brother,” Erica said.
Faith was all they had left. Though she wouldn’t admit it to Gabe, there were days when she wondered if it would be enough.