Over the next few weeks Linc continued his rehab as aggressively as he could, anxious to get out of the hospital. He also went to psychotherapy every other week, but he hadn’t asked Erica to go again. Erica didn’t admit she was grateful for that. She wasn’t sure she wanted to rehash the details of Linc’s captivity.
When she stopped by the hospital after church one Sunday, she found Linc sitting up in bed, freshly showered and shaved. Linc grinned when she stepped into the room.
With the stitches having been removed from his knees and his shoulder free of the sling, it was safe for him to shower. Though he had to use a shower chair, Linc was happy to tolerate it since it meant he could have the privacy he needed.
“You look so great,” Erica said, following the words with a long kiss.
“Jesus, Erica,” Linc whispered.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I liked it.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure I want you to kiss me like that again.”
Erica smiled as she sat down on his bed. Framing his face with her hands, she pressed her lips to his, this time allowing her tongue to push into his mouth. Clutching her shoulders, Linc moaned into her mouth.
“I want you so bad.” Linc panted for breath as he rested his forehead against hers. “I’ve waited so long to feel like this again.”
“I love you, Todd,” Erica whispered, stroking his smooth cheek as she kissed him again.
“Please touch me, Rikki.”
“What do you mean?”
Linc took her hand, guiding it under his hospital gown. Erica gasped when she reached his rigid erection. Slowly, she moved her hand up and down, making him moan softly.
“Oh God, Rikki, please don’t stop.”
Fear had Erica’s heart pounding, but she didn’t want to stop. It was the first time since he’d been home that he’d responded to her in such a way, and she didn’t want to discourage him. Instead, she kissed him again as she continued to stroke him.
“I feel that lightning.”
“Jesus, Rik, I want to feel myself inside you so bad right now. I mean it. I’ve never felt it this bad before.”
A throat cleared behind them. “Uh, you guys want me to wait outside?”
Erica jumped away from Linc and turned to see Gabriel standing in the doorway. Warmth flooded her cheeks at her brother-in-law’s wide grin.
“For Christ’s sake, Gabriel,” Linc snapped.
“Hey, be glad I got here first.” Gabriel shrugged. “Mom and Dad are on their way up.”
Sure enough, TJ and Meredith appeared in the doorway behind Gabriel as if on cue. If they thought it was strange that Gabriel was still standing outside the room, they didn’t say so. They swept into the room as if nothing was amiss.
“How long before you think they’ll let you out of here?” TJ asked.
“Doc says maybe another week or two,” Linc replied, his smile betraying his happiness.
“We’ve got a room all ready,” Meredith said.
“Mom, I’m married now.”
“Of course I mean for you and Erica.”
“I’m going home with Erica, to our apartment.”
“You’ll be an hour away from the hospital. Who’s going to help you while Erica goes back to work? You can’t live on love.”
“But we can live off you?”
“It won’t be permanent.”
“It won’t be at all. I’m not taking my wife home to live with my mom and dad.”
“You’re being unreasonable.”
“What do you think, Erica?” TJ interjected.
“I think you’re both right,” Erica admitted, looking at Linc. “I do plan to go back to work, and we’ll need some help. Maybe the answer is to get an apartment closer to your parents.”
TJ nodded. “That sounds like a great idea.”
“I like that much better,” Linc agreed.
“I suppose that would work,” Meredith said. “I don’t know if you can find a place so soon though.”
“I think if we pull together as a family it can happen,” TJ said. “Erica, why don’t you see if your sisters can help you get started tomorrow?”
“My sisters?” Erica repeated, frowning.
“He means Mary and Sarah,” Gabriel said. “I could help too. You could pick me up from school, and we could go tomorrow.”
“Sure,” Erica said, and Gabriel grinned at her, making him look even more like Linc.
“Great,” TJ said. “We’ll ask the girls at church tonight.”
“Speaking of church, we should be going,” Meredith said. “I have a few errands I need to run before the service tonight, and I still need to figure out what we’re having for dinner.”
“You guys go ahead,” Gabriel said. “I wanna talk to Linc a minute.”
“We’ll meet you at the car, but don’t be long,” TJ said.
While Gabriel stayed behind to talk to his brother, Erica walked their parents out. She got the distinct impression she knew what Gabriel wanted to talk about, and she didn’t want to be there for it.
Mary and Sarah were thrilled to help Erica find an apartment for her and Linc. They loved the idea of the whole family being closer together.
Having Linc’s siblings pitch in to help her find an apartment did make things easier. With their help, she could get a better idea what Linc might like while she concentrated on the more practical aspects like price, location and accessibility.
“This one is cute,” Sarah said.
Mary shook her head. “I don’t know about that kitchen. It’s really small.”
“That’s okay. It’s just the two of them.”
“It is for now, but they might want to have kids someday.”
“Then they can move. I mean, really. Who wants to have kids in an apartment?”
Leaving Mary and Sarah to debate the kitchen, Erica wandered through the rest of the apartment. It was a nice place, and she wasn’t bothered by how small it was considering that it wasn’t much bigger than the apartment she had now. Of course, that apartment was only supposed to be for one person.
Maybe she should be paying attention to the size. Linc was a big guy as it was, and he would need even more room with all of the equipment they would have.
Erica suddenly snickered. Size was important. Cory would laugh her ass off at that.
“What do you think, Erica?” Mary asked.
Damn, there was a question? Erica turned to face her sister-in-law, jumping when her cell phone rang from inside the depths of her purse. Still being new to cell phone ownership, she was always surprised every time it rang.
“Is that a cell phone?” Mary asked as Erica fished the phone from her purse.
“Yeah, my mom got it for me,” Erica said. “Hang on a sec and let me take this call. Hello?”
“Erica?” Linc’s shaky voice immediately put her on edge.
“What’s wrong?”
At the question, everyone in the model apartment grew silent. Though they kept their distance, all three of Linc’s siblings paid close to attention to her.
“Tough therapy day.”
“Which therapy?”
“With Dr. Beeman.”
“What happened?”
“I kind of lost it.”
“What does that mean?”
“I had a flashback right there in her office. It’s like I could feel it happening right then.”
“Feel what happening?”
“I started screaming and crawled in the corner,” Linc answered. “I felt like I couldn’t move. Jesus, Rik, it was so bad.”
“Todd, you’re okay now,” Erica said.
On hearing Linc’s name, his siblings moved closer to Erica, watching carefully.
“I’m not. I can still feel it.”
“What?”
“That pipe,” he whispered.
Erica’s eyes widened as her heart squeezed. That was the last thing she ever expected him to bring up in his therapy.
“No one is going to hurt you. That will never happen again.”
“It’s daylight.”
Erica frowned. “Um, yeah it is.”
“I’m supposed to protect you, remember?”
“We could modify that deal.”
“Rik, can you come please? I need to see you so bad.”
Erica hesitated. Though she wanted to see him, she doubted he wanted his family to see him when he was on the verge of breaking down.
“Please, Rikki, please.”
“We’ll go,” Mary whispered, confirming they could hear both sides of the conversation.
“I’ll be right there,” Erica said. “You have to calm down though. Just focus on where you are now.”
“Okay,” he said and hung up.
Erica hadn’t wanted him to hang up, and she didn’t want to let him down. She’d been trying to spare him any embarrassment when he realized she wasn’t alone.
“What is it, Erica? What’s going on?” Sarah demanded.
“Sounds like he’s pretty close to having a flashback,” Erica admitted.
“Like he’s remembering being tortured?”
“Like he’s reliving it as though it were happening to him right now.”
“Let’s go,” Mary said, already heading out of the apartment.
With Mary driving a little faster than she should have, they were able to make it to the hospital within minutes. Thank God they didn’t get pulled over.
“I think you guys should wait here for me,” Erica said as they entered the hospital lobby.
Mary and Sarah nodded. Gabriel looked as though he wanted to protest, but he stayed silent.
Though she understood their concern, Erica couldn’t let them see Linc until she knew how he was doing. There was no way she wanted them to hear him screaming as her friends had done the last time he had a breakdown, nor did she want to subject him to any more shame.
As she stepped off the elevator, she breathed a sigh of relief. No screams carried down the hall. When she entered the room, she found him sitting in bed, his eyes unfocused as he stared at something in the distance in front of him.
“Todd?”
It took him a moment to respond to her. Slowly, he turned his head, blinking at her before realization flashed in his eyes. “Damn it, Rik. I’m so sorry. I thought I could handle it.”
Stepping closer to him, Erica reached for his hand. “Handle what?”
“Handle talking about everything that happened.”
“And you couldn’t.”
“I wanted to. I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t be an issue for us when we were together.”
Erica furrowed her brow. “It’s not that simple.”
“I know, but I thought if I just got it out of the way she could help me get over it,” Linc admitted. “I’m such an idiot. I should’ve left it alone. I was fine yesterday.”
“You’re not an idiot.”
“When you were touching me yesterday it felt so good. I couldn’t stop feeling your hand on me, even after you were gone. I was so turned on and kind of relieved to feel that way again, you know?”
“I know what you mean.”
“I don’t think you do,” Linc said, his face beginning to turn a soft shade of red. “Every time I thought about it I got hard. I was so turned on and wanting you so bad I tried…”
“It’s okay,” Erica said quietly.
“I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stay hard. Then I started remembering being forced to do it and not being able to and them laughing at me. It scared me so bad. I don’t want it to be like that for us.”
“Maybe part of your problem last night was that you don’t have any privacy here. I mean, we did get caught yesterday.”
“I don’t know, maybe, but this is fucking embarrassing.”
“I know, but you don’t have to worry about me or what I’ll think.”
“Thank God I married you,” Linc said. “Sorry I had to pull you away from whatever you were doing to come down here and babysit my sorry ass.”
“Stop it. You know I don’t feel like that, but there is something I should tell you.”
“What?”
“Your sisters and brother are downstairs. I was out apartment hunting with them when you called.”
Worry clouded his face. “You didn’t tell them anything, did you?”
“I told them it sounded like you were having a flashback of being tortured,” Erica admitted, and Linc blanched. “I had to say something.”
“I know. I just hate all of this.”
“They’re really worried. I think they should come see you and see you’re okay.”
“Yeah, all right, fine.”
Giving him an encouraging smile, Erica leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead before leaving the room.
Linc’s siblings sat in a group of chairs in the lobby. As soon as Erica exited the elevator and made her way toward them, they all jumped to their feet.
“Is everything okay?” Mary asked.
Erica nodded. “Yes, you can come see him now.”
Mary and Sarah exchanged concerned glances, but Gabriel didn’t need to be told twice. Linc’s brother was already moving toward the elevator bank, but Erica and his sisters weren’t far behind.
As the four of them rode the elevator none of them spoke. Mary and Sarah stood close together, holding hands. It was almost as if they were more afraid of seeing Linc than he was of seeing them and facing their disappointment.
Gabriel bounced into his room like it was any other visit. “Hey, Linc.”
Taking a deep breath, Mary plastered a smile to her face before following her brother inside.
“Hey,” Linc said. “How’s it going?”
“It’s weird to see you with hair,” Mary said, her smile forced.
Gabriel sat on one side of the bed and Erica on the other. Though her posture still betrayed her tension, Mary sat in the chair beside the bed. Rather than moving closer, Sarah remained in the background watching Linc as if she expected him to break down at any moment.
“How’s the apartment search?” Linc asked.
“Not bad actually,” Erica answered. “We’ve seen some good ones today.”
“I’m gonna make sure we find a place close so I can come over whenever I want,” Gabriel said.
“What for?” Linc asked.
“I’d say so we could hang out and pick up girls, but I don’t wanna get you in trouble with Erica.”
“I’ve never been good at meeting girls. I might cramp your style.”
“Nah, I think you’ll be a chick magnet.”
Mary laughed. “I have to hear this.”
Gabriel rolled his eyes. “We’ll be hanging out by the pool and see some cute girls who happen to see us great looking guys.”
“So how does that make Linc a chick magnet?” Mary asked. “No offense, Linc, but you’re like the total opposite.”
“Hey,” Linc said.
“Because they’ll see the scars on his knees and start asking,” Gabriel said.
“So what?” Mary wasn’t making the connection.
“So, I’ll be like, ‘Yeah that’s my brother. He’s a Marine who got wounded in Iraq.’ I’m telling you, every girl we meet will eat that up,” Gabriel said.
“Is that all you’d say?” Linc asked.
Gabriel sobered his expression. “I swear.”
“You’re not actually thinking of helping him are you?” Erica pretended to be mad.
“Probably won’t work even if I do,” Linc said. “I’ve never been a chick magnet, as my sister was kind enough to point out.”
Gabriel shrugged. “You did okay. You got a hot wife.”
Erica blushed while Linc grinned at his brother. She had never taken compliments well and couldn’t get used to people calling her hot at all.
“How did you manage that?” Mary said.
“Lucky I guess.” It was Linc’s turn to be serious.
“No mushy love junk, unless it turns into a scene like yesterday.” Gabriel laughed and ducked out of the way as Linc took a swing at him.
Mary glanced down at her watch. “I hate to say it, but we should probably get going. I still need to drop all of you off and then pick up the kids from Mom’s and then make dinner.”
Erica waited for Linc to trade goodbyes with his siblings before taking her turn.
“Thanks for coming,” Linc said, his lips hovering close to hers.
Erica smiled. “I’ll always be here for you, Todd.”
There was no mistaking the gratitude in his eyes. Giving him one last kiss, Erica followed his siblings out of the room.
The moment they stepped into the elevator, Gabriel turned to glare at his sisters. “You didn’t have to treat him like a leper, Sarah.”
“I didn’t know what to say to him.”
“That’s lame.”
“Mom says he had it really bad over there and that he got raped.”
Erica’s insides turned cold. “She told you that?”
“Oh my God, Erica, is that true?” Mary gasped.
“Who cares if it’s true?” Gabriel snapped.
“It just makes me feel weird around him,” Sarah admitted. “Don’t you feel weird, Erica?”
“No, I don’t feel weird because I love him, and nothing will change that.”
“Linc could’ve died, Sarah,” Gabriel was nearly shouting. “Why don’t you think about that?”
“I do,” Sarah said softly.
“Mom shouldn’t have said anything,” Mary said.
“Don’t ever talk about this with Linc.” Erica tried to keep her voice even, tried not to let her anger on his behalf creep into her tone. “He doesn’t like to think about what happened over there.”
Though she issued the warning to all of them, it was really Mary and Sarah that Erica was worried about. There was no way Gabriel would do anything to make his brother feel any shame.
* * *
For the rest of the week, Erica continued the apartment search by herself. As much as she liked Linc’s sisters, she wasn’t ready to spend that much alone time with them. She could have asked her mom or her dad or any of her friends to come, but there was something satisfying about doing it on her own.
Within a few days, she found an apartment not far from Linc’s parents’ house. It was a cute two bedroom place with a kitchen and dining area combination and a decent sized living room. It was affordable, and best of all, there were no stairs that would be hard for Linc to climb on his bad knees. Erica signed the lease on Friday afternoon and planned to spend the following week moving.
“Sounds great, Rik,” Linc said when she called to share the good news.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m a little nervous.”
“About what?”
“About being alone,” Linc said softly. “It’s safe in here.”
“It’s just different. You’ll get used to it though.”
“You’re right. I’m an idiot. Of course it’s better than being in the hospital. I’ll be with you.”
Erica didn’t admit it, but she was nervous too. So much had changed since she and Linc were married, and she sometimes wondered if she was strong enough to help him get through it.
All she could do was have faith that God was going to help her.