Beware that you don’t look down on any of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven, their angels are always in the presence of my heavenly Father.
Matthew 18:10
This is my second day in the hospital. My mind is awake, but my eyes are still closed, still in a coma.
The nurse arrives early to clean me up and change my fluid bags. I feel refreshed, but my head hurts. The doctors come in as well to monitor and examine me.
Once they leave, the angel stands beside my bed and asks if I am ready. I tell him about my head. He says my body may hurt, but my spirit will not feel pain.
My parents haven’t arrived yet, but they won’t miss me since my body is still here.
I tell him I am scared but ready. I ask if he can tell me where we are going. He says, “We are traveling to the root of the matter, where your faith was polluted.”
“Where my faith was polluted,” I have yet to learn what that means.
As my spirit rises from my body, I feel free as a bird as the angel takes my hand. I then looked, and we were standing in the first church my sister and I attended.
I wonder if this is a dream or if it is real.
It feels like I am getting ready to live through a Scrooge experience.
We went there during our early childhood for Sunday and vacation bible school. I was around seven, and Anita was eight years old. We walked to the church because it was in the neighborhood.
There I was, crying on a back pew away from everyone. I remember feeling so lonely there.
The kids wouldn’t play with me. I didn’t understand why they were so mean. They always teased me about my clothes, saying we were poor because we bought clothes from the thrift store. My sister wore the same clothes, but they never teased her.
The people who attended the church didn’t live in the neighborhood.
The neighborhood folks called them “uppity,” thinking they were better than those of us who lived here. Our parents heard the gossip but hoped we would be all right since the church was close to home.
No one in the neighborhood except our parents sent their children to that church.
The adults who attended the church were professionals, like doctors and lawyers. They tended to ignore us since our parents, considered blue-collar workers, were not as educated as they were and didn’t attend church with us.
My sister Anita was pretty and more outgoing than me. She broke through their barriers and had a great time there. I was angry that she never thought to include me, her little sister, in any of their activities.
During vacation bible school, we would go on field trips to the Statue of Liberty, movies, and carnivals, which was cool. But Anita and her friends would run away laughing, leaving me alone, and I’d have to find them. It was so frustrating.
Sunday was a rest day for our parents from working so hard during the week. But it was important to them that we attend church to learn Christian values. I always wished they were with us to protect me.
My sister made me promise never to tell our parents how I was being treated. If I did, she threatened to give me a beatdown, which she often did anyway.
Anita didn’t want to leave her friends. She knew that attending that church would be over if they knew how their child was being treated. Also, we both would get in trouble for not telling them sooner.
It always annoyed me when I thought about our childhood. Our parents would chastise us for fighting, saying sisters shouldn’t fight, but it didn’t faze Anita one bit.
She would fight for the simplest things, like a barrette in my hair that looked like one of hers; she would try to pull it off. It was a nightmare growing up with her.
When I was thirteen and Anita was fourteen, our parents let us decide if we wanted to continue attending church. I decided not to, but Anita continued because of her friends.
As the angel and I watch together, he asks me what I see. I tell him I see the pain and hurt of a lonely little girl. He tells me to look closer. As I look closer, I see what he wants me to see: him, my guardian angel.
He always knelt or stood beside me, especially when my heart was broken. He would whisper in my ear, consoling and encouraging me, letting me know everything would be all right.
Revisiting this time in my life has revealed the lessons I learned while attending that church. The songs we sang planted seeds of salvation in my heart. Songs like “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands” and “Jesus Loves Me.” One of the shortest scriptures in the bible, “Jesus wept,” became my prayer before I ate as a child.
Despite how I was treated, I developed a love for the Lord.
I realize the children couldn’t change their behavior because their parents taught them their ignorance.
Dealing with my sister has made me resilient. I have no problem dealing with competitive sharks within my business.
I see an appreciation for my childhood instead of anger and hurt.
The angel says it is time to leave because I need to rest. So we return to the hospital, where my spirit transitions back into my body.
All is calm. No emergency health incidents occurred while my spirit was separated from my body.
My mom is watching television, and my dad is doing some paperwork. My mom tells everyone who calls that all is well.
The angel sits in the room, watching me as he did the day before while I rest. Revisiting my past has been emotionally exhausting.