Without passion, sex becomes routine and boring. With the assistance of advanced bedroom skills and love, a couple can continue to experience great passion and fulfillment. Instead of becoming less passionate over the years, a man who sees and touches his wife’s naked body can be more turned on than ever. Not only can he be excited by the pleasure of arousal and increasing sexual intensity, but he can also be aware of how much more love, warmth, passion, and sensual affection he will be able to experience as well as provide for her. This awareness elevates sex to an even higher level of passion and excitement.
When she feels his passion for her, she can rejoice in his continued desire to connect with her and provide her with pleasure. She also recognizes sex as an opportunity to share love in a way that nurtures him the most. Sex becomes a beautiful expression of her love for him and an opportunity to receive in the deepest fibers of her femininity his love for her.
After practicing advanced bedroom skills, he will be much more aware that he is not only loving her, but also is getting the love he needs. He will be turned on to her not just because he is horny, but because he loves her and wants to get close. Without depending on some fantasy woman to be turned on, he will truly know who he is loving.
Sex is great when it is shared in love and the love keeps growing. For a woman to grow in sexual fulfillment, she primarily needs to feel emotionally supported in the relationship, but it is also important for the man to skillfully understand her different sexual needs.
For a man to grow in sexual fulfillment, he primarily needs to feel successful in fulfilling his partner sexually. This requires that he practice new skills not only in the relationship, but also in bed.
For a woman to grow in sexual fulfillment, she primarily needs to feel emotionally supported in the relationship, but it is also important for the man to skillfully understand her different sexual needs.
How Sex Can Get Better
Sex can always get better, but anything else, it requires new information and opportunity to practice. Most men are never taught how to have sex. Once they can get turned on or can masturbate, they are somehow expected to be sexual experts. Sure, they know where to put it and how to have an orgasm in two minutes, but the art of giving a woman an orgasm is a different story altogether. How are men supposed to know what makes women happy when they are not women? For great sex, a man needs to understand a woman’s body and what turns her on.
How are men supposed to know what makes women happy when they are not women?
It is hard for men to find out what makes women really happy in bed because we are expected to already know. In most cases, a man actually thinks he does know. He mistakenly assumes that what makes him happy will make her happy. When a woman isn’t satisfied, he thinks something is wrong with her instead of with his techniques. He doesn’t understand that a woman’s needs are dramatically different from his in bed.
A man doesn’t instinctively understand that a woman’s sexual needs are dramatically different from his in bed. He mistakenly assumes that what makes him happy will make her happy.
Having Sex the First Time
I remember when I first had sex. My partner and I had talked about it and were going to go all the way. I was so excited. I immediately and instinctively began to run around the bases as quick as possible to score. First base, I kissed her. Second base, I felt her up. Third base, I entered her, and then I scored a home run with an orgasm.
Before I had reached my destination, I noticed that she was following another tactic. She didn’t go right to my erogenous zone. It was as though she was purposely striking out. She was moving her hands slowly up and down my body. Down my thighs and then back up to my chest. Up and down my arms and then up and down my chest and back. She was touching me everywhere I didn’t want to be touched. Since we were planning to go all the way, I reached down to her hand and put it between my legs. I said, “There!”
Women Slow Up While Men Speed Up
I didn’t understand at the time what she was doing. I thought she was trying to torture me. I didn’t care about being touched all over my body. I just wanted to be touched in one place. Later on, as I learned about a woman’s body, I discovered that she was doing to me what she would have liked me to do to her.
Men don’t instinctively know what women like, and even when they hear about it, they tend to forget. Every song and book about sex says the same thing. A woman likes a man with a slow hand. Yet once he gets excited, he speeds up. He assumes she wants it speeded up because he does. He doesn’t have a clue how much more exciting he can make it for her by restraining himself again and again.
A woman likes a man with a slow hand.
When he gets excited, he gives the kind of stimulation that he would like but not what she needs. To make sex great over time, a man needs to open his awareness to the different needs a woman has while a woman has to help her man be successful in fulfilling her sexually.
How Sex Is Different for Men and Women
Sex is a very different experience for women and men. A man experiences pleasure primarily as a release of sexual tension. A woman experiences sex in an opposite way. For her, the great joys of sex correspond to a gradual buildup of tension. The more she can feel her desire for sex, the more fulfilling it is.
A man experiences pleasure primarily as a release of sexual tension. A woman’s pleasure corresponds to a gradual buildup of sexual tension.
For a man, sex instinctively is a testosterone drive toward the ultimate release of climax. When he becomes aroused, he automatically seeks release. His fulfillment in sex is mainly associated with the release of tension leading to and including the orgasm.
Biologically, in a man’s body there is actually an inner sac of semen already waiting and seeking release. Unlike a woman, whose fluids are generated through arousal, when a man is aroused, he is already seeking release. In a sense, he is trying to empty out while she is seeking to be filled up.
A man’s immediate desire to touch and be touched in his sensitive zones is a given. He does not need much help in getting excited. He needs help in releasing or letting go of his excitement. In a sense, he seeks to end his excitement, while a woman seeks to extend her excitement to feel more deeply her inner longing.
She relishes his ability to slowly build up her desire to be touched in her most sensitive zones. As one layer at a time is stripped away, she longs for the deeper layers of her sensual soul to be revealed. As much as he wants to immediately satisfy his desire for sexual stimulation, she hungers and loves to feel her desire increase.
Why Men Crave Release
When the man touches the softness of a woman’s bare breast, the smoothness of her inner thigh, or the warmth of her wet vagina, he begins to feel his own inner link to experiencing pleasure and love. Through touching her soft femininity, he can connect with his own softness and yet remain hard, focused, and masculine.
Sensuality is a part of his being, but he primarily experiences it through touching her body and feeling her pleasurable response. Many times after having great sex with my wife, I realize that I had forgotten how beautiful the trees are in our neighborhood. I go outside and breathe in the fresh air and feel alive again.
It is not that I didn’t feel alive in my work, but by connecting with my wife through great sex, I can reawaken and bring to life my more sensual feelings that are easily forgotten in the focused pursuit of achieving my goals at work. In a sense, great sex helps me to stop and smell the flowers.
The more a man in his daily life is disconnected from his feelings, the more he will crave sexual stimulation and release. The intense pleasure of release at every stage of the sexual unfolding allows him to connect momentarily with his feelings and open his heart. For him, sexual hunger is not only for the experience of pleasure, but also for the experience of love.
Although he may not be aware of it, his persistent sexual longing is really his soul seeking wholeness. The barren landscape of living only in his mind seeks union with the rich, sensuous, colorful, and sweet-smelling terrain of his heart.
A man’s persistent sexual longing is really his soul seeking wholeness. The barren landscape of living only in his mind seeks union with the rich, sensuous, colorful, and sweet-smelling terrain of his heart.
As his need to touch and be touched sexually is satisfied, his ability to feel automatically increases. As his feeling self is awakened, a tremendous energy is released. He can experience again his feelings of joy, love, and peace.
The Pleasure of Intercourse
Before intercourse, a man longs to enter a woman’s body. His penis, hard and erect, is fully focused and extended to make contact with her most feminine sacred chamber. When he moves into her, penetrating her vagina, his pleasure is greatly intensified. This pleasure results from the releasing of his sexual tension.
As his penis is momentarily held and massaged on all sides by her warm and wet vagina, his whole being is nourished. Suddenly, he is teleported out of the dry domain of his intellectual detachment into the moist caverns of sensitive and sensuous feeling.
During intercourse, a man is teleported out of the dry domain of his intellectual detachment into the moist caverns of sensitive and sensuous feeling.
A man’s penis is his most sensitive organ; when it is touched, all of him is touched, soothed, excited, and electrified with pleasure. The feelings of love and attachment that are so easily dismissed by his rational mind are suddenly awakened by the intensity of sexual fulfillment.
After entering her welcoming vagina, he feels the intense satisfaction of arriving at his goal. When his tension is released, he automatically experiences a wave of increased feeling.
After this momentary release of tension, he pulls back to experience the tension again and then plunges forward to release it. This back and forth pumping action increases the tension and thus increases the feeling that results from his release. In this way, the tension builds up until he experiences a final release.
How a Man Feels Love
A man is free to feel when he has achieved his goal. When his male side has done its work successfully, he swings over to his female side and fully feels. When he can satisfy his own desires and also fulfill his partner, he can relax and feel a greater sense of peace, love, and joy.
In a way, when he and his partner experience an orgasm, he feels he has completed his job and has been richly rewarded by her deeply felt appreciation and love for him.
By providing her orgasm first, a man opens a woman up to fully respond to his orgasm. After she has experienced her orgasm, she can best share the fullness of her love and receptivity. At the moment of his climax, he is able to fully join with her and receive the love she has for him. To whatever extent his partner loves him, at this precious moment, he is able to let it in the most.
To whatever extent his partner loves him, at the precious moment of orgasm, a man is able to receive her love the most.
Particularly when he knows she is fulfilled and appreciative of him, he can fully thrive in that moment. More than at any other time, he can let her love in and can feel the love deep in his heart and reaffirm his commitment to her.
As a man’s heart opens during orgasm, he is able to feel the depth of his love and reaffirm his commitment to her.
The Therapy of Great Sex
Any resentments building up in a man are easily washed away when he experiences great sex. There is no therapy better for a man than great sex. Sometimes therapy or counseling is needed to get to that place where a man and woman can experience great sex, but once a couple is there and they know how to keep getting there, for a man great sex keeps him going and keeps the magic of passionate love alive.
Without the regular experience of great sex, it is very easy for a man to forget how much he loves his partner. He may wish her well and be congenial or civil in the relationship, but he will not feel the deep connection that they felt in the beginning.
Without great sex, her little imperfections will begin to get bigger and bigger in his eyes. Unlike a woman, who needs to talk about feelings to feel more loving, a man can feel more loving through great sex.
Although good communication is essential in a relationship and will lead to great sex, when a woman in a relationship doesn’t experience great sex over time, she can easily harden under the weight of all her responsibilities. She feels responsible not only for herself, but also for her partner. She forgets her own sensual and sexual feminine desires. Without the romantic support of her loving companion, she doesn’t feel she has time for herself.
Why Women Relish Desire
The more a woman is focused throughout her day on caring for and giving to others, the less aware she is of herself and her own sensual desires. She may be in touch with other people’s feelings but out of touch with her own.
Just as a man forgets feelings, a woman forgets her sensual desires and longings. The practicalities of day-today survival and living take precedence over her deeper and more sensual desires. The more pressured or overwhelmed she is, the harder it is for her to relax and enjoy life’s simple pleasures.
Just as a man forgets feelings, a woman forgets her sensual desires and longings. The practicalities of day-to-day survival and living take precedence over her deeper and more sensual desires.
When a man focuses on a woman in a caring and attentive way, he frees her to experience herself again. When a woman feels temporarily relieved of her pressure to care for others, she can begin to feel her sexual desires. A man’s romantic attention to details designed to please her automatically begins to open her up.
By receiving the caring, nurturing, and sensuous support her female side craves, she begins to consciously feel her sexual yearnings. It is as though she doesn’t even know she wants this stimulation until she gets it. The act of skillfully giving a woman what she needs helps her to discover her needs, and then she begins to long for more.
For example, when a man touches a woman close to her erogenous zones and then pulls away, back and forth in a rhythmic manner, a woman can begin to feel her desire to be touched more intensely. A skillful man moves his touch in the direction that she will eventually want him to touch, and then just as he gets close, he pulls away. This has the effect of increasing her desire for him to touch her there. He teases her by giving a little and then taking it away.
As a man touches her body in the nonerogenous zones bordering the places where she is not usually touched, she automatically begins to feel her need to be touched in the erogenous zones.
During great sex, a woman’s desire gradually increases. In the beginning she may only feel a little or faint desire, but as that desire is fulfilled and tension is released, a greater desire follows. As desire continues to be fulfilled, a new and more intense desire is generated. In this way, through the gradual buildup and release of tension, she can feel her maximum desire for union and release it with an orgasm.
A secret of great sex is for the man to slowly tease a woman to increase her sexual desire. In the next chapter, we will explore the art of teasing.