| |
Maybe I’m looking for a way to delay what seems to be inevitable. Inevitable means certain to happen, cannot be avoided, which means this – whatever it is – between Sofia and I is unavoidable. But it only seems inevitable, it only seems unavoidable. Leaving the bed the other night proved that. I don’t want to avoid it, I just want to delay it. I don’t want to jump into anything permanent at the moment. I don’t want to have to head down a road that I’ve been down many times before only to end up back where I am right now.
So why is Sofia living here?
Why is she sleeping in your bed?
You could have easily avoided having her here.
You are only avoiding it to a point.
You are setting everything up, but you want everything to be on your terms. Your rules.
You want to control the situation, but you can’t, that’s not the way life is. You don’t get to set the rules for everyone, and not everyone is going to stick to your timeframes.
And if you don’t make a move soon she will become distant and she will leave, and your life will return to the way it was.
Is that what you want?
Do you really want to be alone?
It’s still not too late to...to what? Be with her or avoid the pain that could come with being with her when things go wrong.
Have you been living a temporary life so long that you’re now comfortable with it? Temporary is supposed to evolve into something else, something long-term, permanent. Temporary isn’t supposed to last. You are supposed to build upon a temporary existence. Stay with temporary too long and it’s hard to find your way back to seeing what permanent actually means.
Choosing permanency always comes with some amount of risk. Stay too long with temporary and the risk disappears, you are simply choosing to forever chase the sun as it rises each day and moves to where the grass is greener. There is no risk involved in such a rigid schedule.
Life is temporary, but your existence within it doesn’t have to be.
Or maybe you just want to be alone.