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“Oh God Cal, you are such an idiot I swear. How do you even know she wants a permanent relationship? She could just be looking for something temporary, something for just now.”
Temporary.
I’ve told Kara the whole Sofia story and she is giving me her opinion, which so far doesn’t seem to be swinging in my favour.
“Well, in my experience things usually lead on to something else, although yeah, okay, not always but...” My voice trails off.
“But you like her, that’s what it is. You’re just afraid. You are afraid of making a mess of it and you think it’s easier to be alone and not try than to start something.”
“You still doing that relationship counselling course, Kara?”
“Maybe it will be a rebound thing,” she carries on, ignoring my comment.
I can hear the whirring in Kara’s mind as she looks at all of the angles, none of which are helping me feel any better. “A rebound for her, for both of you...is that what you’re actually scared of?”
I’m actually thinking that Kara is not exactly the best person to take relationship advice from, going by her previous history.
“I know I’m not the best person to give advice,” I don’t reply to this statement. “But you can either keep pushing people away or start connecting. Look what happened with us. We didn’t turn into this big romance did we? What happened, happened, and do we regret it? I don’t.”
“You left before anything, if it was going to happen, could happen.”
“I was right to leave. You didn’t give me a huge leaving speech. You didn’t beg me not to go because you had feelings for me. You just got angry because you thought I was letting someone else push me out of London.”
She’s right of course. Why do women always see these things clearly?
“Anyway,” I change the subject, “have you made any decisions yet? Are you thinking of coming back?”
“That’s not what we’re talking about. Stop trying to change the subject. But as of yet I haven’t made my mind up whether to come back or not. Anyway, it would be awkward I think, if I came back at the moment, especially as you have someone else living there.”
“Well I don’t think she intends to stay here permanently, she keeps talking about working abroad. And there you go...she’s moving abroad, why would I want to start something if she’s going to leave?”
“She hasn’t left yet. I can’t believe you are so hung up over this woman. The same woman you told me you thought was a complete trouble-maker and, in your words, heartache waiting to happen. I knew this was coming as soon as you first brought her up months ago. Men, so blatantly oblivious to what is actually going on, even though the signs are all there to read.”
“Well thanks for clueing me in then.”
This is a bit rich coming from someone who didn’t realise that Kendal wasn’t going to whisk her away on his white horse.
“Ah, Cal, it is good to hear from you. I miss our talks, I miss London life.”
“Well you’re not missing that much and you can come back any time, you know that. It’s only a temporary living arrangement with Sofia, she knows this. She knows you may come back.”
“I bet you money she doesn’t see it as temporary. She’s waiting on you making a move. Don’t worry, I’ll give you warning. I’ve been seriously thinking about coming back over the past few days, which was why I was glad to hear from you, but I doubt I’ll be back any time before the end of the year. I need to save some money and I’m working part-time in a bookstore. My life’s changed, it’s so quiet...I just hope I haven’t screwed up the opportunities I had while there.”
“London isn’t going anywhere, it’s only the people who change, the city will always be here for you.”
“Are you drinking, Cal?”
“I am actually. I’m in a pub in Notting Hill and it is Saturday night you know.”
“I thought so. I will let you go, but talk soon. Send me an email, phone calls cost a fortune.”
As soon as I hang up the phone rings again. Baxter. “About time, I’ve been phoning you for bloody ages. Look, forget meeting in the pub, get your arse down to mine. A couple of friends have turned up, single female friends. And you are going to be surprised, but you can thank me later. This should be a good night.”
It’s a choice between going home and dealing with an awkward atmosphere or a night of drinking, conversation and fun. As I’m only a five minute walk from Baxter’s house and now on my third Jack Daniels the no-brainer decision wins the day.